Sad Grandmother
Nana3540
9 years ago
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Comments (7)
gmatx zone 6
9 years agoNana3540
9 years agoRelated Discussions
Grandmother Memories
Comments (12)Well I just don't know if it is my age that makes my memories so different than your "Grands that canning, cooked, etc." or it was their station in life, so I have been reticent to write (it is so different!). My mother's mother came from a lineage that delighted in family ties, and all the aunts, uncles, and cousins all talk amongst themselves saying, "Do you remember living on so-and-so street?", as though they spent all day long every day outside on that street playing together. Sounds great. She came from a huge family and there were always kids to play with, much unlike her husband. He also came from the upper crust of society, attending the local prep school here, and was a football player. An only child, his brother having succumb to disease early on. He loved chemistry class and ultimately became a chemist (I've written about him before when he died, you may remember). They only had two kids and so were able to dote on them pretty well and did so. They'll both tell you that had it good growing up. It would seem they lacked approval on the mom's part, but dad's quiet humor made it bearable. I loved to spend the night at their house and awaken to bacon and oatmeal cooking. Sis's oldest would loved to go into Gran's pantry and get out the bananas and peanut butter, feeling quite grown up as he did. We went to their house after church every Sunday and ate supper. They entertained all of our boyfriends and our friends we hung out with. The food was good and the laughter even better. Most of us remember Grandaddy the most as he had a vocabulary of grunts and would nod his head towards the door when it was time for Gran to quit talking and them to leave. My dad's mother never talked about her childhood. Couldn't tell you a thing about her. She had five children of her own and raised them by herself since her husband died of lung cancer by the time dad was in his midteens. Dad is the third oldest, so I imagine the little ones were really little. And I also think his dying keeps my dad from knowing just how to be a dad to older children, but I digress. She worked every job imaginable to keep them clothed, from school crossing guard, to swim instructor (she couldn't swim????!!!!), hospital dietician, etc. She worked so hard and slept so little, there is a story that ends with an unknown motorcycle in the garage. She would never drive a motorcycle. Never. Picture PeterPan collars trimmed in lace with cardigans. She loved to hold you in her arms and sweetly smile, saying, "just let me look at ya" and then would giggle her infectious giggle (my lil sis has it too) and hug you closer. She liked to have cookouts and picnics so that everyone could come to her house and hangout. Guess she had her big family later in life. But come we did. And had a great time. I guess my grand had time to spare and spent it keeping the family close to their hearts. That's the same as you guys. My son only has my mother and father. He knew Ed's mom pretty well, but wasn't really all that close and never knew Ed, Sr. It's sad for me to think Ed has lost both parents so young, but it's even worse to know my LF will not get to know them or enjoy them like we did....See MoreMy grandmother died ;(
Comments (26)Hi everyone, Thanks so much for your support, prayers and insipirational words. Kylie, her name was Sonmatie Ramkissoon. Strange name yes, its Indian. Her grandparents were actually from India. I think i got my love of gardening from her, she always loved that. I will miss her. thanks again everyone Siam ....See MoreNow I know what happened to my grandmother
Comments (17)...my participation here is more theoretical than specific to this situation, only because the topic of family secrets is so interesting to me. So what's to gain from sharing a family secret "like" this one here? Really, it's about the relationshp between father and daughter. A secret puts up walls due to the shame. So being able to say "I know your secret and I still love and accept you" is really really a powerfully healing thing to the person who holds the secret and potentially increases intimacy between two people. Also, the assumption that the secret holder has put it entirely in their past is often false. People hold on to shame for years and years, and often it nags daily, silently, and bleeds into areas that are not easily detected. Another way of seeing this, rather than simply "He's old, why bring it up now" is to say "He hasn't many years now, he deserves peace". OF course, we don't know in THIS situation what is best for him, so we cannot presume to say that he "should" or "shouldn't" be told. The other thing I know about humans is that we gravitate to status quo. It's familiar, it's comfortable, and the devil we know is more attractive than the devil we don't. To be fair, I choose to keep certain secrets too. I have one that I'll go to my deathbed with - however, I HAVE gone to therapy for it, and a bulk of the shame of it has been dealt with. Certainly makes life easier for me. Hopefully this dad has been able to do the same. However, if someone approached me lovingly with the information and asked me about it, I would likely be scared but relieved as well. It's just not my secret to tell, if that makes sense. Maybe dad feels some sense of loyalty to his mom....See MoreA sad, sad day
Comments (3)Wow, I'm really sorry that you had to deal with that. It sounds like you definitely need to move on to the "tough love" part of parenting with her. And I totally agree with Dana about what to say to her comment about the jewelry. If she had asked and not stolen it, it would be a completely different story (not that you would have said yes, but it would have shown respect for you.) I also agree with how to handle the younger ones....they do need to understand that this is unacceptable....and that it is about what she did, not what they did! This reinforces why I have taken a hard line with my 20 y/o SD -- who stole from me last summer (over and over!). I will not allow her in my house alone because she has shown that she cannot be trusted. Yours has too and you need to show her that these are the consequences for her behavior (don't know about yours, but my SD never had any consequences for her behavior.....her mother either accepted the obvious lies from her daughter, lied to us about it, or made it excuses for her. Like you, we have another younger child watching all of this and this is an important lesson for them too -- we cannot and will not tolerate disrespect, lying, stealing, etc.....and there will be consequences for breaking the rules (not just house rules, but the rules you need to live by in our society in order to be successful and have some integrity!). Good luck.....! (does she have a key....you may want to change the locks.....)...See Moresylviatexas1
9 years agoNana3540
9 years agoemma
9 years agokrissie55
9 years ago
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