Need advice on boundaries
jules0988
16 years ago
Featured Answer
Sort by:Oldest
Comments (40)
starbucjo
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agojules0988
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Thoughts about boundaries issues
Comments (5)Sketcher25 -- yes! thank you for adding that very important caveat. If Child Protective Services should be called, that is no time to remain silent. Pick up the phone! My own grandmother used to threaten to hit mothers--total strangers--whom she saw hitting their children. She was about 4' 10". It was embarrassing for me as a kid, but now in retrospect I admire her chutzpah. She never ended up hitting anyone, and it *always* stopped the beating....See MorePre-schooler testing boundaries - advice
Comments (63)I really appreciate everybody's input. It has been really valuable to me to read and help me work through this. I talked with her BFFs parents last night whose daughter is not at the school. Her BFFs mom picked up for me as I got stuck in traffic behind a wreck. She read her folder notes and was a bit shocked about the complaints such as wasted time during center time, not standing still in line, etc. Then her husband mentioned that it is not worth for your child to be feeling like she isn't good or picked on at this point in her life when you can do something about it since even though the teachers doesn't say it all the kids know who is the one they call bad and no point in harming her self esteem at this age. He also said he has never ever seen her act like anything but a normal 5 year old and they are around us a lot. They also have a strong willed daughter. He told me to listen to my instincts. I felt better to have talked to them and validate that I think it is a bit extreme. He also said he was sure the administrator wasn't used to talking to somebody who is well educated and researches everything and then contradicts her. They both know the person in question. It is funny because that is almost exactly word for word what I thought after talking to her yesterday morning about what the law actually says. Yesterday went good and later in the afternoon when I checked in to see how things were going they said if she wasn't asleep by a certain time then she'd get to read books and do puzzles. Seems like they decided to listen to me about what the state said after all. This morning was more like a normal drop off with one exception. My daughter said as soon as I parked and came to her side to help her out that "Mommy I have a tummy ache" and I asked if she needed to go and potty, the answer was no and I could feel it seemed more psychological than physical as she was dragging to go into school. Since late last week this has been going on about not wanting to go in vs. she used to run ahead of me and be all excited. I really feel for her as it can't be easy to process. I left her with that I think she is an awesome kid and I know she is the best and she reluctantly let me go. Then this morning I got a call from principal at the school we were hoping she would get into for Kindergarten - didn't make it into pre-K, saying they have an opening in the Spring in the pre-K class. I'm going in on Tuesday to meet with the principal. DH and I are going to discuss some more, but we are fairly certain we will switch. I don't want to deal with anymore threats of you can leave if you don't like it when discussing things as I feel it is unproductive and I feel bullied when it is said. The upside too is that if she already is a student then she can continue into the Kindergarten program and we don't have to worry about being on the waiting list. I also looked at their published schedule and they have story/naptime and at a much later time that seem to fit much better with an older childs need for a nap than the 1.5 hr earlier that they enforce at her current school which works for younger children. Their time is more in line with the time she actually falls asleep on the weekend than the time we tell her to go and take the nap (we try to stick to the same schedule as school). This just seems like a wonderful gift to me as I was worried about moving her through too many places and doesn't seem like it could have come at a better time. One of the boys on our street is also in this class and she plays with him and his older sister who is in 1st grade at the school. This post was edited by lyfia on Fri, Dec 13, 13 at 15:07...See MoreBoundary lines
Comments (35)Adverse possession only applies when you DO NOT give him permission to drive over your land, and he tries to claim that land as his own. If you give him permission to drive on YOUR land, adverse possession does not apply, he cannot claim that land as his own, and you can change your mind at any time. A neighbor asked if she could put her fence post on our property. I gave permission. She cannot take adverse possession of my property since I gave her permission to use it. The difference is, is she doing it without my consent, and for a continued time frame without my consent? That would constitute adverse possession. As far as easements are concerned, you'd have to grant him an Easement, which gives him the perpetual right to use that land for a specified purpose (drive his vehicle on that area). It is still your land, you still pay the taxes on it, but I believe after 20 years or so it by default becomes adverse possession, this may vary by state. Easements are very difficult to get out of, so once you grant it, don't plan on recinding it, it won't happen unless he violates the terms and you'd have to prove that. Given that he sounds like many other long term residents we've had to deal with, he seems to think he can dictate what you do on your property, trying to claim part of it as his own. The oldest survey, what we've been told by a neighbor with a similar situation, is going to be one that is deemed the most accurate from a legal standpoint. In this case, the two neighbors were comparing surveys, and my neighbor had the oldest on record - their attorney stated this one would have more credence in court as opposed to the other neighbors newer survey. However, on the flip side, most surveys, such as ourown, have verbiage indicating that it is good for one owner only, not all future owners, and most property markers are guaranteed for only so many years. Meaning that the earth shifts, and so do those property markers with it. Why does he think the marker is wrong? Does he have any documented proof to back up what he is saying? Sounds like he's blowing smoke. Too bad if he doesn't want an electric fence, it's your property to do with what you want, and I wouldn't give him 6 feet leeway....call City Hall, ask if there are any setback requirements for an electric fence. We have anal retentive neighbors who approach us and ask us what we are doing every time we go behind our garage - we have to exit our fence and encroach on their property, but we only have maybe a little over a foot from our garage face to the property line due to small lots. We have no other choice. The average person can't even fit in a space that small. We didn't build it, this is how it came, still it is our responsibility and right to maintain the back of our garage, so we have no choice but to step on our neighbors property to do so. That's the same for everyone on our block. The setbacks for garages was not much when they were built. This neighbor went around to all his neighbors when he purchased, and legally stated that he had to establish his property boundaries, forcing neighbors to remove plants if they were two inches over his propery line. No joke. I couldn't imagine being married to that guy. This is also the same neighbor who is at a higher elevation, and decided to use our fence as a "retaining wall" to level off their property, piling soil against our fence. Ummm, I don't think so buddy. So we had to tell him to remove it, at which point he asked if it was an ordinance. I said no, but I can have my attorney explain that in a letter if you'd like. Another neighbor, also a long time elderly resident, was upset because we put up a fence, and tried claiming some of our land as his own, he was ultimately harmless, but still he went on about it for a year straight until I had a long talk with his daughter. There are two other long term residents in the neighborhood who call my neighbors 4 1/2 foot fence a "wall" and they no longer talk because of the fence. Ridiculous. It's their property to do what they want with, and I don't understand this mentality that just because you've lived here longer than me, that gives you the right to tell me what I can do on my own property that I pay taxes on. This is the worst of the worst, doesn't mean we have terrible relations with our neighbors or that I'd recommend resorting to threats or anything, just be reasonable, but also stand your ground. We had this vision, as first time homeowners, that we'd be best friends with all our neighbors, we are very social, decent people. Well, today, we just want to have postive civil relations with neighbors, and we're satisfied if we get that. I don't think man was meant to live in such close proximity to others. Ask him to pay 1/2 for the cost of a new survey. If he disagrees, call the surveyor of your most recent, and ask him if the current survey applies, from a legal standpoint, to you as the new owner of that property. Read the verbiage on the survey. If he doesn't want to pay for 1/2 of a new survey, then your current survey will have to suffice. Until he can prove otherwise, that's what you go by. By the way, from a legal standpoint, the PROOF OF BURDEN is on him, not you....See MoreHow much hedging plants to plant vs. fence boundary alternative
Comments (14)And for a completely differing opinion....."Does just mulch look weird?", my answer would be not at all :-) There are all manner of mulches and some are better suited for some applications and locations than others and will have differing aesthetic qualities. Not all mulches will look "dead". I would also argue that nature does not necessarily cover all bare surfaces (other than rock) with plants. In many cases, the soil is covered by layer upon layer of discarded plant matter - fallen leaves and tree needles, dead annual vegetation, pieces of limbs and twigs, etc., forming a naturally occurring mulch that restricts or inhibits unwanted growth while nourishing existing plants I would also ague that some gardeners or homeowners do not want a solid, unbroken expanse of plant material. They prefer individual plants to be distinct and many even prefer that the plants never touch each other. And many groundcovers can be overly aggressive spreaders, requiring more time and attention to control than a typical mulch. Would I use mulch in place of a lawn? Generally, no. In that case groundcover plants might make more sense. Applied organic mulches - shredded bark, wood chips, leaves, certain seed or nut hulls, even compost or manures, etc. - are of huge benefit to a garden in that as they decompose over time, they release valuable plant nutrients and stimulate soil biology. They also help to retard weed growth, slow soil moisture evaporation and insulate both plants and soils against temperature swings. Groundcovers are just living mulches. But they are not the only solution nor necessarily the best. It all depends on one's preferences and application situation....See Moreeileenlamp
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agoskatemore
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agobesitosmios
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agojules0988
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agoallsfinehere
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agojules0988
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agomomj47
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agosorenbeeggabelle
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustanothermom
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agojules0988
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustanothermom
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agogingersnaps_59
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agoJonesy
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agoinozip
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agostaggerl
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agoJonesy
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agobigideaslittlefunds
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agosirens
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agostargazzer
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoflyingcarrot
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoblueheron
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoflowerfeeder
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agobullygirl
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoflowerfeeder
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agobullygirl
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoflowerfeeder
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agovicki546
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agobucyn
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agobucyn
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agosheilajoyce_gw
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoyoyobon_gw
14 years agolast modified: 9 years agocside123
14 years agolast modified: 9 years agoterinick
14 years agolast modified: 9 years agokitkat16
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agobulldinkie
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agovero12345
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agoMM_gw
9 years agolast modified: 9 years ago
Related Stories
LIFEGet the Family to Pitch In: A Mom’s Advice on Chores
Foster teamwork and a sense of ownership about housekeeping to lighten your load and even boost togetherness
Full StoryHEALTHY HOMEHow to Childproof Your Home: Expert Advice
Safety strategies, Part 1: Get the lowdown from the pros on which areas of the home need locks, lids, gates and more
Full StoryKITCHEN DESIGNKitchen of the Week: Pushing Boundaries in a San Francisco Victorian
If the roll-up garage door doesn’t clue you in, the blue cabinets and oversize molding will: This kitchen is no ordinary Victorian galley
Full StoryEXTERIORSWhere Front Yards Collide: Property Lines in Pictures
Some could be twins; others channel the Odd Couple. You may never look at property boundaries the same way again
Full StoryLIFE6 Tips for Teaching Your Kids to Be Good Neighbors
Everyone wins when your children learn to respect boundaries, get help when they need it and show others they care
Full StoryLIVING ROOMSDouble- and Triple-Sided Fireplaces Offer Countless Benefits
They can divide an open layout, blur indoor-outdoor boundaries, warm a modern look or just your toes. Is a mutisided fireplace for you?
Full StoryARCHITECTUREDesign Workshop: The Lowdown on Colossal Doors
Want to erase the boundary to the outdoors? Here’s what to know about materials, cost, energy efficiency and more
Full StoryLIFEThe Polite House: On Dogs at House Parties and Working With Relatives
Emily Post’s great-great-granddaughter gives advice on having dogs at parties and handling a family member’s offer to help with projects
Full StoryTHE ART OF ARCHITECTUREThe Architects Who Asked ‘What If?’
In designing their own homes, these Australian architects turned self-imposed limits into creative discoveries
Full StorySponsored
sandracarren_gmail_com