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frustrated memere

Posted by memere2 (My Page) on
Sat, Jul 14, 07 at 16:06

to make a long story short-my 17 year old daughter had destany 2 months ago. my daughter will be 18 at the end of the month.
the father of destany is a big fat loser who is 18, no job, gets into fights and when she and he fight, he holds her hostage or if he is in my home, he refuses to leave so we
ve have to call the police a few times.
he now has a protection order against him for 2 weeks but i know my daughter is secretly meeting him behind our backs.
i am so frustrated that she is putting his needs ahead of her baby's! destany is under our insurance because she lives here with us and the father has no insurance.
so my husbend and I are ready to drop the baby from our insurance so the father has to take care of the medical bills. We have to do the tough love thing and if she wants to go play house with him, fine but he is never allowed to step one foot on our property.
my daughter has one year of school left and my fear is she will move out and get into trouble with this guy and i fear for my GD as well..my daughter is a good mom and she loves us but..this guy is number one to her so what do we do?


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: frustrated memere

I doubt expecting the father to be responsible for the medical bills will do anything except produce a baby who never gets medical treatment. Honestly, if he's such a loser, why would you think this would compel him to be responsible for his baby?

As hard as it will be, for your daughter's and granddaughter's sake I would suck it up and keep the situation as is at least until your daughter graduates. If you are lucky she will come to her senses and dump the loser before then, and if she doesn't, at least she will have a reasonable education to help support herself and your GD when/if she does finally cut the knot.

Keep standing up for your daughter- hopefully she will get the message and want to stand up for herself in time.


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RE: frustrated memere

Tough love for a two month old!?

Anything you do to force him to care for/live with your daughter and granddaughter may well put their lives in danger, and he sounds very dangerous. Young men like this kill their children, you certainly don't want to give him any opportunity to be alone around your grandchild. I don't undestand why he hasn't been jailed yet for taking your daughter hostage. Are you all enabling him by not pressing charges. Nothing, nothing at all will change his behavior. The baby is just a notch on his belt.

I would suggest you do everything possible to keep your granddaughter away from her father, and explain to your daughter, in the most fearsome terms you can, how dangerous this young man is for her and her child. He could end up killing both of them.

Taking your grandchild off your insurance will only insure that she gets no medical care at all.

I wish you could challenge your daughter for custody, but that would most certainly drive her right into his arms, along with her daughter, and they would both be in terrible danger.

Good luck.


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RE: frustrated memere

Sadly, the 17yr old is no more ready to have a child, than the violent 18yr old. Neither of them are capable by the sounds of it of having a healthy relationship let alone raise a baby.

There must be a social service agency in your state, that can help you gain custody of your grandchild so she is protected until your daughter is older and keep the violent man away from her.

If he is doing things like holding her hostage, getting into fights, why aren't charges filed against him and let the police take him away when they are called. It does no good to call them and once the man leaves, do not follow through. You can file charges no matter what your daughter thinks or does. He's doing this in your home.

Your daughter is not rational at this point in her life. You must do what is right for her and her child.

Good luck and may you have the strength you need to get through this time.


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RE: frustrated memere

the baby is still under our insurance and will remain until she is no longer living with us.
the boyfriend is not allowed in our home or around us.
she is still seeing him and it will be a matter of time before they fight again and she'll be on her own to deal with this.
our grand daughter is very much protected by us and with us most of the time.


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RE: frustrated memere

Thanks for the update, and keep up the good work. This must be so hard for you. Don't hesitate to dump your frustrations here.


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RE: frustrated memere

Have you considered talking your daughter into putting the baby up for adoption where she will be in a more stable environment? Don;t you fear for the baby when they fight? Think of what it will be like as the years pass? This is no way for a baby to live and I certainly fear for the safety of her. I know you are taking good care of her but soon your dd will be out on her own and then what? Are you concerned about the future of this child?


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RE: frustrated memere

Your daughter sounds like my sister! I recently posted about a very similar situation with my sister!

http://ths.gardenweb.com/forums/load/step/msg0810014916137.html?9

I am going through the same emotions about my sister and her loser boyfriend and my niece. If you find anything that works to get your daughter away from this guy please share it with me! I am desperate to get my sister to wake up and get rid of her loser!


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