i am so sad after reading your post. i think you are right to be concerned about your grandson. and i hope i don't step on any toes in expressing my thoughts about your situation. first, it is very difficult to share your home with adult children returning to the nest, even for good reasons like their being unemployed. hard for you&your husband, hard for them, too. i understand your "biting your tongues at all costs" attitude, but here's my take on it: #1, it's YOUR house, and you need to have your house rules firmly delineated and followed, whatever they might be. #2, i know you don't want to overstep your bounds as a grandparent, but you are definitely NOT out of line to step in when you feel your grandson is being neglected. a one-year old, especially if he is normally active, takes a lot of watching (perhaps you need to buy some of those child-proof door knob things). and he needs lots interaction with people in order to develop properly. at this age, their attention span is short, so "time-outs" really do no good and become cruel and abusive, in my opinion. he has no real conception of what the time-out if for. simple re-direction will usually cure the problem and not let him sit there alone. #3, i fear your daughter and her husband are just not ready to deal with a young child. the methods they are using as stated in your second-to-last paragraph to "punish" their son are not good ones. he is just a baby. babies are aggravating, certainly, but your daughter & husband are so lucky that you and your husband are right there to lend a helping hand. #4, so with that last staement of mine, i think you ought to definitely get more involved with the baby. let your daughter know that you don't intend to be a busy-body, that she is the mother, but you certainly have a normal vested interest in that child's well-being, and therefore you are more than happy to give her a break and deal with the baby when she is busy/tired/needs time for herself. #5, it seems that your daughter & her husband are not interacting much except in negative ways with their child. this is so bad on so many levels. first, a baby needs to be cuddled (YOU know this, of course!!). and played with -- they learn through playing. building blocks, thick crayons, simple vehicles, soft toys, musical toys are all important! and reading to him is the best thing of all -- being held while looking books is so beneficial and wonderful. it rather sounds to me as tho your daughter might be somewhat clinically depressed by her situation (unemployment, an active baby, not much support from husband all join to make her life at the moment difficult for her). maybe she is not getting enough rest/sleep herself. maybe she is worried. this is an area where you might need to sit her down "for her own good" and discuss things. she may need help. sorry if this seems harsh or judgemental -- it is NOT meant to be. i'm on your side! #6, i advise you to keep fully involved, even more than you have been, and don't let your daughter continue to ride rough-shod over you when you feel you need to step in for your grandson's sake. HE is the most important person here. your involvement may be the best thing for him at this time. i hope things become better for all of you as soon as possible! hang in there!!!!!

We've returned from our weekend trip to visit Will and Ivy, and I'm trying to get rested up from three days of playing "trains, planes and automobiles" with Will...got to hold Ivy a lot, in between our playtime. Will is still adjusting to his baby sister...wants to touch her face, tickle her, and is somewhat rough with her, at times. I would really appreciate ideas on how to handle that situation...and so would my daughter. Wish we lived closer so I could see them more often...and give my daughter a hand with babysitting. She lives in a very nice neighborhood, though, with lots of mothers with young children and babies, and they are very supportive of each other. Will was the world's worst eater, starting right after he turned one, and we were so worried about him. His diet mainly consisted of spaghetti,chicken nuggets, bananas, sometimes a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and soy milk or juice. He finally started to eat more things last year and now will try a lot of different foods. One thing that worked for my daughter was to serve very small portions (sometimes on plastic "play dishes"). I think the bigger portions looked overwhelming to him, and it was easier to get him to eat, if it was just a small amount (which she would add to, if he seemed like he wanted more).

Re the question about pit bulls and rottweilers: Watch Animal Cops and Animal Precinct on the Animal Planet channel. The majority of dogs taken in because of owners not being to handle them are pits, with rotties second. The majority of dogs that the SPCAs on those shows have to euthanize are again, pits and rotties. Someone may be able to mention a collie or beagle that turned vicious and attacked, but it would be extremely unusual. Pit bull breeding is out of control - these dogs are sought for their aggressive behavior. I don't know if the same is true for rottweilers, but you couldn't pay me to have this breed around children or the elderly for any reason. Dogs are by nature aggressive and territorial. No amount of training can get rid of this instinct. It may never appear in overt behavior, but it's always there. I would never bring my children to a home with untrustworthy dogs, not even that of my parents. I would also not leave an older child alone with a dog unless that child had proven that he was the alpha creature in that relationship and was used to handling the dog. Here in California pit bulls have made virtually all the attacks reported over the past several years. That is, with the exception of the two presa canarios who killed a thirty-year old woman in San Francisco a few years ago.

flyingcarrot, I totally understand. I have 2 stories to tell you. I'll keep them as short as possible. Ten yrs ago DH and I had just married, and his defiant drug using 17 yr old son, who had dropped out of school in another state, came to live with us and my 14 yr old daughter. DS brought guns into my house without my knowledge (I found out at 3 am one night when I heard him shooting outside my bedroom window, when DH was away on business, and DS said "I could shoot you"). He brought drugs into my house, with DD living there. He was totally disrespectful in everything he did and said. DH and I disagreed so much about how to handle him that DH almost rented an apartment for himself and DS to live in. After months and months of arguing/discussing back and forth, DH and I agreed that the best approach was to put DS in an apartment and pay the rent on it for 6 months, to allow him to get a job and get on his feet. Well, he would get a job and get fired within a day. Smart-mouth. This continued so long that he couldn't get another job. So we took him back. On and on it goes. Finally, after more and more of his disrespect, drug episodes, job failures, wrecked cars, etc, the final straw was when he offered drugs to DD. I threw him out on the street. I told him he could sleep in his car. And he did. It was sink or swim. He absolutely hated me when I put him out. And DH was scared to death that his son would die on the streets. So he kept in close touch with him. And he probably gave him money or food that he didn't tell me about. DS hit bottom. Well, he's 27 now, and we are more proud of him than we are of my husband's lawyer son. For the past 3 years this troubled boy has had the same job where everyone adores him, he calls us regularly, is polite and caring, tells us he loves us, and quite often thanks us for "kicking him out" as he puts it. He says he doesn't know where he'd be if we hadn't kicked him out. This one turned out great. This story is about my cousin. She began using in her late teens. She's now in her 60's. Her parents have always supported her emotionally, as parents do, because how can they not, she's their daughter. They also have always been there when she relapsed again, as users can do, again, and again, and again. At the beginning you don't know if your child will be the one who recovers or doesn't, which makes it so hard. Over all these years, they have paid for her to go to rehab over 30 times. Her grown sons do not allow her to see her grandchildren, because their own childhoods were so awful. For many, many years now she has lived with her parents, who are now in their late 80's and just about broke because of her. And she abuses them. Her sister has seen her kick her dad, and when he falls, she says she's too tired to get up and help him up. She's been convicted of drug possession and prostitution, and within the last 3 years or so she was in prison. When she's home she stays clean for a short time and then "disappears" for a while. My aunt and uncle's lives have basically been ruined for the past 45 years. I guess my point is that, at least in my cousin's case, she learned early on that her parents would always be there to take advantage of no matter what. So she has always done whatever she wants. And they keep taking her back, and she keeps relapsing, costing them money, emotional pain and anguish, and more. It's too late for them, but what if 40 years ago, after the 2nd or 3rd (or whichever) relapse, they had been able to know she wasn't going to get better? They would have been able to make an educated decision about their lives, rather than to carry on with such a cruel hopeless hope. If they had only set a limit to the number of relapses they were willing to witness and pick up after. I'm a mother too, and I know the kind of love a mother has for her daughter. It can just tear you up. I can't be sure how I would handle such a situation if it were my daughter. I'm also a grandmother and I love my granddaughter so very very much. I do know this: I would not stand by and let my daughter do something that is hurtful to her. I pray I would have strength to at some point before my life or my granddaughter's life is too negatively affected, to say enough is enough, and that my daughter is going to have to get things right. I would probably sit her down and help her work out a timeline for accomplishing goals, and then enforce it. And have a consequence/ultimatum spelled for if it isn't met. You are so right to be focused on your grandson. Now that the baby girl is in our picture and she has stolen my heart too, she trumps DD for the time being. You know why? Because she's an innocent child. So I have found my voice to DD about alot of things concerning the baby. I speak up about the baby. I think we have to speak up about the important things, whether DD appreciates us for it, or hates us for it. And your daughter's recovery is every bit your grandson's story. It's important that she be held accountable. Your post touched my heart. You will be in my thoughts and prayers every day.