How to deal with grandparents on child safety issues

16 years ago

I need advice (particularly from grandparents!) on how to deal with grandparents who don't respect our wishes on child safety issues. My MIL and FIL put our 2 yo son in their car for a drive in the backseat without any child restraint (with him on my MIL's lap and the seatbelt over both of them). When my husband and I found out about this, we told them that this was not something we wanted them to do and that he should always be taken in a car with a proper child restaint (ours). They agreed they would do this (in fact, my husband and I were both very angry and my FIL gave me a present by way of an apology). Today they looked after my son again and I discovered that they had taken him out on a train (fine) but had come home in a taxi cab with no restraint, because he was running a bit behind schedule for a nap. I only discovered this when my son told me he had a ride in a taxi. My concern is that I cannot trust them with him (1) given their disregard for our clear wishes and (2) this is an important issue (i.e. not in the minor league of "I'd prefer him not to have sugar"). Also, given it has now happened twice, I am not confident that I can rely on any assurances they give that it won't happen again. My options are to (1) confront them about it and tell them we can't leave them with him again or (2) just limit access in circumstances where he could be unsafe (e.g. cars, near water etc) without making a big deal of it. Not sure what to do.

Comments (5)

pfllh
16 years ago
Most states have a child restraint law as does ours along with the safety belt law. I am a grandparent and the child's safety is a must.
I would discuss this with your husband as they are his parents. Do they babysit for you or were these circumstances where he was just staying with them?
Let your husband talk to them about the situations and the promise to correct the issue but then turn around and do it again. This is not a suggestion for them to consider but a requirement.
I bought the seat for my car whenever one of the granchildren was with me. It is distracting enough with a child unhappy in the car and ten fold if allowed to roam around.
If I'm doing something that causes a problem for one of my grandchildren, my daughters or SIL's tell me -- like me taking them to McDonalds as they considered it junk food.
Sorry and maybe it seems harsh but I would not let your child stay with them. A sealtbelt is not meant for 2 people as in the event of an accident, the person sitting on someone's lap would have that weight on them of the person holding them where severe injury will occur.
No reason is valid to explain away why chances are taken that are harmful.
Best of luck
Lynn
User
16 years ago
You need to sit down with your in-laws and have a non-confrontational, non-accusatory, non-threatening discussion.

Is your son fighting them when they try and put him in the car seat, is it too difficult to buckle him in or get him out? Do they feel it's not necessary on short trips. Find out what's going on and then work together to find a solution for all of you.

Do they have their own car seat and is it installed in their car? If not, get them a car seat and make sure it's correctly installed and they are comfortable using it. I bought one and keep it in my car, and know how to put my grandson in it, but it took some time to get comfortable with it. It's not something to take out and reinstall at each visit. When my children were born, in the mid '70's child safety seats were just starting to be used, I had one of the first ones, and they were nothing like the ones now. Don't expect them to install your seat. If you expect them to use yours, you must install it in their car when your son is visiting with them.

A cab is a whole other issue, and expecting them to carry and use a child safety seat is not reasonable, but he should have had the seatbelt on. Maybe they didn't know they could do that. My daughter had to take a cab recently, with her son, when they moved, and she buckled him into the middle of the back seat next to her. He loved it. Installing the car seat was out of the question.

Good luck.
Related Discussions
Magnovox 27ms343s Child Safety Lock
Q
Comments (3)
Not likly "child lock". Try turning the set on at the front button. May take 15 pushes to get it on. If this is the case, there is a "software" problem, which requires replacing IC002, which must match the MCU. Child lock is addressed thru the on screen menu display, which means that the set must be ON. Good luck, pw
...See More
Dealing With An Adult Child
Q
Comments (3)
What a sad, complicated mess. And I'm afraid it's well beyond the "set a good example" stage. Doing the right thing and setting a good example are still important -- but they're not nearly strong enough measures to 'fix' your son's broken sense of responsibility. I'd schedule a few long meetings with your wife, a counselor, and a family law attorney to sort things through. Questions you and your wife need to be able to answer (and agree on) include: Questions to work through with the counselor: - Do you want to assume permanant, total responsibility for this little girl? - Are you able to? Financially, healthwise, emotionally? - What other options are available, given that neither 'parent' sounds like a decent choice? - If you do want to raise your granddaughter, what type of involvement do you want your son to have? The child's mother? - What type of 'parental' involvement would be best for the little girl, given that both of her biological parents are immature and irresponsible? Questions to work through with the lawyer: - Legally, what is your current position? - How strong a case do you have for the type of custody arrangement you want? - What type of legally-relevant evidence or documentation exists that the parents are unfit? - If you were to file for child support from either/both biological parents and they chose to fight it by seeking custody, what would likely happen? - And assuming they're both in low-paying jobs, is the money you might be awarded even worth it? - Should you try to adopt your granddaughter? - What legal rights do the biological parents have now, given that you are the legal guardians? I'm sure there are many, many more questions. But with some work, you can organize them and begin to systematically tackle them so the situation won't seem so overwhelming. Good luck with this, and bless you for caring enough to do the right thing.
...See More
Checking crime rates and other safety issues?
Q
Comments (4)
1. When you say "neighborhood" do you literally mean some small neighborhood in a particular city, or do you mean a larger area, like a city or zip code area? If the former, you should probably be talking to the local police department for such focused statistics. If you're talking about the latter, there are all kinds of excellent sites on the web, such as the one in the link below, which breaks it down as small as by zip code. 2. As for environmental concerns, you should contact your local or State environmental organization. They should be able to tell you if there are any problem waste sites in your area, or maybe even if the zoning in a particular area ever allowed commercial or industrial use. But there is no way to guarantee that a particular home site is absolutely safe as there are many contaminated sites yet to be documented. Further, there is no way anyone can guarantee that the house was never used as a meth lab, or that there isn't a buried, leaking oil tank underground, etc. You can also get water analyses from your local water utility if you are on city water, or maybe from the local health department if you're not. Beyond that, your only recourse is to spend 1000's of dollars on water and soil testing. Here is a link that might be useful: City Data
...See More
How should I deal with a huge issue with a cabinet (just found)
Q
Comments (33)
Sue you made my mother crack up :) Yes, the canned food would be perfect behind the bed...we can haul it out every time I have to make soup for the little guy :oP Great idea you pest :oP PC I"m trying....LOL We'll see. lascatx...the question about squareness is an issue I'm concerned about. The granite and cabinet are both set level (I checked) and the granite does rest on the entire box so I don't currently see any gaping issues, but I do worry about the situation down below getting worse. I'm thinking that a fix much like Rm's is probably going to be our option, but if the cabinet isn't solid, that's just a bandage, and then, I do have another in the same situation, but it isn't showing wall board behind it yet. (Same tray shelves and pullouts) I will say, after this I really wish that Woodmode would have been able to do our kitchen. They couldn't do all of the custom pieces I needed (mostly our bay window) so we went Omega. I regret it, which is sad to say given the price of these stupid cabinets. My mother has been complaining about the plastic supports since she arrived LOL I think I'm going to reorder metal ones from an after market source. I like the idea of more than a piece of plastic holding up my dishes. I personally think the system is flawed. In a smaller cabinet, perhaps it might work, but when you pull the shelf out, it is front heavy if it's loaded. The two cabinets we have like this are about 50% of our storage, so being without them for a period of time is really an incovenience. Well we'll see. I'm honestly at the end of my rope on this remodel.
...See More
mom2jimmyboo_ankab
16 years ago
That would be reason enough for them not to have my child alone. There is no excuse to not use a car seat. I don't care if it is in a taxi you can still install a seat. If you can't then you don't go for a ride with the child. It is a major legal issue as well. If there is an accident they can be charged with a crime for allowing your child to ride without a car seat!
picklemom
16 years ago
I have to comment on this, although I am a mom of a young child and not a grandparent. I would be flaming L-I-V-I-D if anyone subjected my child to harm in this manner, especially of child restraints had already been discussed with them. The idea that expecting someone to carry a child restraint is unreasonable is pure baloney. It's unreasonable to 1) violate the law 2) subject a child to harm. OP, I don't know if you are still reading this, since your post is a little old. But seriously, the grandparents in question do not use sound judgment, and they cannot be trusted to follow the most fundamental safety rules.

Times have changed, and so has the distribution of information. Time for them to take advantage of the internet or grandparenting classes to learn how to take care of the grandson. And they MUST learn to respect your wishes as parents. They weren't even going to tell you about the cab ride. They are not trustworthy. I would limit contact with them immediately. I would not allow my child any alone time with them. And I would confront them about it to explain why. Maybe in the future you can trust them, but right now you have to ensure your own child's safety.

Oh, and I would call the cab company and complain about the driver who was complicit in breaking the law.
marry
16 years ago
In an emergency situation you at least put the child in a seat belt! That said......
I am the grandmother of a 20 month old little girl! I would not think of taking her in the car with out her carseat!!!When ever we have her(every week for either 2 or 4 days and nights)we take the carseat out of my daughters car and we use it! It is installed properly! We did buy one of our own a few weeks ago but I returned it because I didn't like the way that it buckled. Right now we are looking at the car/booster type seats, I figure buying one like that now makes more sense than just the regular carseat since she will be able to use it longer.

How to deal with grandparents on child safety issues

Comments (5)

pfllh

User

Related Discussions

mom2jimmyboo_ankab

picklemom

marry

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US