Iarsk, I hope you can manage to not take this personally. It is true, some people are just not interested in children. I'm one of them. We had 5 children in a less than 4 year span. For 20 years our life was completely devoted to them, the farm, the family. Truth is, we're just plain tired and want to do things ourselves now. Yes, we see all the 6 (so far) grandchildren. But we both breathe a sigh of relief when they are gone, and usually just fall into bed. I'm not much of a 'hands-on' grandma. I don't want to babysit, I don't offer advise, (but will give my best guess when asked.) Well, 2 of the grandchildren are just tiny, not old enough to 'play' with yet. The other 4 are like whirling dirvishes, never slow down for a moment. Their mother doesn't seem to mind that, but it's hard on us. I doubt your parents, neither dad nor his wife, are trying to be hurtful. Not all of us are meant to be caregivers for our entire lifespans. Some of us do the very best we can with utter attention and devotion to raise our own families, then we feel like we're done, and want to move on to other things in life. Just enjoy your babies. Appreciate every age and every stage. Maybe some day you, too, will want to be more removed from childrearing. You never know. j

hi, jbraz, I agree that you need legal advice on any out-of-state visit. With that said and based on the legal advice of an attorney, I would consider taking the boy to where the mom is if at all possible and have some supervised visitation with his mom, until you are assured his best interest is served in visiting her, I think that is the key, his best interest. You gotta make sure that the mom can offer a safe, nourishing environment during the visit and how can you possibly know this without being there yourself. I, too, am raising a 3 year old granddaughter. Her best interest would be to be with her mother, but her mother cannot financially and emotionally support her at this particular time, for a variety of reasons, so that weighed out heavily in the court's decision. Of course, our granddaughter's dad walked out 3 months before she was born, so we don't have that added factor. I try to facilitate visits with our daughter, phone calls, mailings, etc. You don't want to end up in the position of being the one "who kept him from seeing his mother." Do everything you can to facilitate his connection to his mother, have boundaries, but at the same time putting his safety, stability and well-being first and foremost, as I am sure you already do and I would tell his mother that you are doing what is in HIS best interest, not hers, not yours, but his. What does your son think about the visit? God Bless you for taking such good care of your grandson! This is purely from one Mimi to another......we got no manual either with this phase of our life....we just try to keep our granddaughter's best interest in mind whatever decision needs to be made, regardless. Brenda

From the Indiana Code: IC 31-17-5-2 Best interest of the child; in chambers interview of the child Sec. 2. (a) The court may grant visitation rights if the court determines that visitation rights are in the best interests of the child. (b) In determining the best interests of the child under this section, the court may consider whether a grandparent has had or has attempted to have meaningful contact with the child. (c) The court may interview the child in chambers to assist the court in determining the child's perception of whether visitation by a grandparent is in the best interests of the child. (d) The court may permit counsel to be present at the interview. If counsel is present: (1) a record may be made of the interview; and (2) the interview may be made part of the record for purposes of appeal. As added by P.L.1-1997, SEC.9. Amended by P.L.15-2004, SEC.3. IC 31-17-5-3 Petition Sec. 3. A proceeding for grandparent's visitation must be commenced by the filing of a petition entitled, "In Re the visitation of _________". The petition must: (1) be filed by a grandparent entitled to receive visitation rights under this chapter; (2) be verified; and (3) set forth the following: (A) The names and relationship of: (i) the petitioning grandparent or grandparents; (ii) each child with whom visitation is sought; and (iii) the custodial parent or guardian of each child. (B) The present address of each person named in clause (A). (C) The date of birth of each child with whom visitation is sought. (D) The status under section 1 of this chapter upon which the grandparent seeks visitation. (E) The relief sought. I'm in the very early stages of this process in NJ. Indiana has a portion of the code that is very wise: the child may be interviewed and asked if he/she wants to see the grandparents! New Jersey doesn't have that. You're fortunate in that your grandchildren are older and able to speak for themselves. Mine are only 3 and 5 and as my attorney advised me there's usually no history from a child wherein he/she might have expressed a meaningful desire to see the grandparents. In NJ, the court can order visitation even though the family is intact, which my daughter's is - it's just extremely dysfunctional, with abuse, big-time anger problems, gender identity issues, denial and depression all going on. The parents deal with problems with other family members not by addressing them but by telling the family member that they cannot see the grandchildren, i.e., if you don't do such-and-such because I demand it, you won't be able to see the children. Or, because you said such-and-such about my spouse you cannot see the grands. Lots of emotional abuse, brainwashing and isolating going on. My attorney has advised that we will proceed to focus on the dysfunctionality in pressing our case to be allowed visitation, i.e., the parents cannot make healthy reasoned decisions.

Hi to all, God Bless you. I hope I have the faith and courage you all do when the time comes. I have been lerking in the shadows for weeks now. Reading and hoping to see the magical answer to the question our 21 year old daughter threw at us last month. Our 3rd grandchild (second grandson)will be born in Septmenber. She has decided she doesn't want to raise him after he is born. She has had a tough life for a young adult. Cervical cancer was discovered the week before her 18th birthday. She has had several surgeries to remove the cancerous cells and has very little cervix left. They said sh'e never get pregnant (other female problems too) and if she did she'd never carry till term. She is determined to have a healthy baby boy, but doesn't feel she's ready to raise him and wants her father and I to take him immediately after he is born and raise as our son. A million warning lights flash in my head. 1) We are too old 43 and 44. 2) Our youngest child of 5 is 16 and very active in school and will go on to college in three years. We'll then have an empty nest and were looking forward to it. 3) Our oldest two are raising their children. 4) We like being grandparents. Can send the kids back when we get too tired. 5) What if she changes her mind after she grows up and wants him back? 6) I just got a wonderful new job last July. Don't know about raising a child and working full time. Adoption by a non-relative is out of the question. My youngest brother and SIL have not been able to conceve and are finally after 3 years getting their baby boy from Guatamola in August or September. My older brother and SIL had "help" conceiving and have two beautiful little girls. Our family is very close and I am unsure of what the opionion of others would be if daughter gave baby up. I haven't even begun to think of what my mother would say. I know I am rambling. I'm just so glad to have somewhere to bounce my fears and ideas off of. My husband is very supportive and will do what ever needs to done for the good of our grandson. P.S. Daughter just moved to Florida. We live in Michigan. Would love to hear from you all on how to prepare for this lifestyle change. Take Care.