Where's this rudeness coming from from new mommy daughter in law?
lincraw
21 years ago
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lincraw
21 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
HELP!!! New cat mommy advice? Anyone???
Comments (7)Sunshineboy, that is an adorable picture! 4 adult cats napping so close together like that is quite the sight. WG, that is very exciting. I don't have much advice to add, and I hope your cats adjust well to their new home (once they get there). Three outdoor males - those voles aren't going to stand a chance! :) I am a cat lover and owner for 20-odd years, and have 2 spayed, vaccinated females, both rescued as kittens. One is strictly indoors, the other has limited outdoor privileges. SHe usually goes outside for a few hours a day in nice weather, but is a "fair-weather" cat so she rarely goes out in the winter. She is a good huntress and eats most of what she catches, so I worm her every fall when her hunting activities wind down. Not sure if I should be doing it more frequently?? Somewhere I read that male cats wander in much larger territories than female cats, which tend to stay closer to home. This would hold true in my experience. My little female rarely wanders beyond the boundaries of the property, but I had a male for 19 years who was obsessed with prowling the neighborhood, even on the coldest winter nights (and managed to beat the odds and live a long life despite his outdoor activities). I must confess I worried SICK about that cat for over 18 years, but he died of old age on the kitchen floor. Cars and dogs/coyotes are amongst their greatest outdoor hazards. Hopefully your cats will have some street smarts! Are your new cats going to live in the barn? They will probably need an adjustment period in the barn to get used to their new home. How will they get in and out of the barn? My sister has 3 large Coon brothers who are indoor/outdoor and she has a cat door in her garage and they go in and out of the house at their choosing....See MoreAttn: ellendi & all. My daughter/Grammy issue from Patty's thread
Comments (40)I'm not saying it's all my SIL's doing. I'm wondering if that isn't the case because of his upbringing and the things he's said about working his parents. This was said during a private conversation with my SIL, that I can not discuss on an open board. Not at this time anyway. I'm sorry I cannot explain more. I doubt I'll ever know for sure where the better gramma comment came from. It doesn't matter where it originated, it anyway, it still hurt like, pardon my french, H E double hockey sticks! As for Patty's comments that were quoted, she said "could be" meaning she wasn't sure either. We're just discussing the possibilities here, trying to find answers, not accusing anyone. Up until this point, I've had no real concern about our SIL. Even now I can't say that I don't like him. I'm not happy with his reaction to my needing sleep while on vacation, though if I were to write up a pros and cons, I'm sure the pros would outweigh the cons by a long shot. Being married, with in laws, myself, I realize it's not always easy blending the ways of both families into one that works for all involved. My MIL was downright rude about the way I did things when I first married her oldest son. Being brought up on the Thumper Rule, I was shocked! It seemed to me that there wasn't a thing I did right and she pushed the issue with my hubby, which to me it seemed he sided with her. Looking back, I realize he was just being quiet, not wanting to take either side, where I was hoping for comfort. I'm sure he didn't understand why I was being so "sensitive" as his family does not hold anything back! From the outside it might look like they don't love each other. From the inside, where I've been for over 34 years now, I've learned that it's their way of keeping each other accountable. Not a bad thing, but boy did it take a while to understand that. I'm very much a "Thumper Rule" sore of person still and find it very hard to "step on someone's toes" so to speak and tell them I don't like what they are doing unless they ask outright. I like harmony and was blessed to live a very harmonious life throughout my whole childhood. Up until the move to big bad Omaha, during the mid sixties, I thought everyone loved each other. Family or not. My family life was still "perfect". Maybe that's why I don't know how to deal with my current situation. I don't believe a MIL should butt her nose into her children's marriages. It's a new and personal relationship that needs to grow on its own. There will be ups and downs, but it's not my place to push my way in and tell either of them how to live their married life. However, after being treated the way I was, I feel I do have the right to let my feelings be known so they know why we will not be staying at their home again and the reason's why. Personally, I'd like to tell the in laws or anyone else that happens to stay at their home, that our daughter did not learn that way of treating guests from me, but I will not do so unless they bring it up. LOL ellendi you are so right. I want to have a good relationship with both my daughter and her husband. I pray they have as great a marriage as her Dad and I have had and his parents, have in their second marriages. I do believe it's best to talk to our daughter alone the first time. After that, if we Skype while her husband is there and he brings it up, I'll discuss it. Otherwise, I don't feel I know him well enough yet to bring it up over Skype. Which is part of the problem. Neither of us know each other that well yet. The first time we visited he was on duty during the day. When he arrived home, both hubby and I noticed a vibe from him that we felt, he needed family time, so we'd head back to our hotel shortly after he arrived home. The second time when hubby and I stayed with them, our SIL was off duty for the week and we did lots of activities together. We spent Christmas day on the beach. I don't go into any water with fishes (don't ask LOL) so I sat on the beach, playing with the baby while they all boogie boarded. A couple days later, I volunteered to stay home so they could go snorkling without having to worry about the baby on the beach in the sun. The beach they were going to didn't have a good place for those that didn't come to snorkel. No shade. Hubby and I had baby duty, of course, and it became very tiring for us both. One would change her while the other ran down to the kitchen to make her bottle. Neither of us got much sleep that week and were exhausted when we got home agreeing next time we'd try and get a cottage on the beach or stay in a hotel suite. I don't know if this trip would have turned out better had my hubby been with me. His guess is they wouldn't have treated me the way they did. We'll never know. Now I'm just waiting for the time to pass so I know our daughter is away. She and the baby sleeps until around 9:30 Hawaii time, which is five hours behind where I live. It's not even seven am there....See MoreAny Mothers estranged from daughters by choice?
Comments (16)Not sure about the mental illness, but it's a great possibility. I have a BIL and SIL who are bipolar. One worse than the other. Another SIL is a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. She did things like your daughter does. She also had abortions and is divorced. I asked two woman once who had had abortion how they felt. If it was painful. They both said physically it was okay. Emotionally it was hell. Maybe your daughter feels like she doesn't deserve to be alive after having so many abortions and losing so many children. Maybe she's trying to destroy herself because of the emotional pain she is suffering because of her choices and then, when she's sober looks for hope, and then gets down again. Up and down! Up and down! Not getting into a long story but one that relates very well with your granddaughter's life. She should be in counselling NOW. My brother and his wife are raising their son's 2 sons because the mother is a drug addict who has caused so much emotional damage to the eldest since he was 4 (now 8). He had a counsellor from Children's Aid come over to the house and she did some "play counselling". It really helped him. He'd do well until the mother would call and say all kinds of stuff to him to turn him against my brother and SIL. They have now decided to cut all ties with her for the kids' sake and resume counselling. It was destroying them. They are dealing with the courts right now. It's not good for your granddaughter to be subjected to her mother's emotional outbursts and all the stuff that's going on. It will only destroy her too, so PLEASE get her into counselling now! Don't mean to sound unfeeling or whatever, but I don't think there's anything you can do now to help your daughter because she NEEDS to want to help herself. BUT.. what you CAN do is make sure your granddaughter doesn't suffer emotional damage because of her mother's actions. She needs to know and understand WHY her mother does the things that she does, and only a qualified professional knows just how much info a little mind can take at a time so as to not overwhelm them too much and cause more damage. Just my opinion. I wish you luck and strength as you go through this with your family. P.S. A friend of mine had a schizophrenic mother who did all kinds of things to her. My friend was 9 years old when she ran away, collecting pop bottles to get something to eat. After 3 days on the street, she'd go to the police. "They" would get the mother back on her meds, then my friend would go back (and her brother). Only this would happen over and over again. She ended up in a total of 40 foster homes. At 16, she was on her own. ONE foster mother gave my friend (aged 15)several books about schizophrenia and told her to read them all so that she could understand WHY her mother did the things that she did. It wasn't because she didn't love her. It was because she was mentally ill. My friend said that reading those books changed her whole world. She didn't hate her mother anymore. On her wedding day, she saw her brother for the first time in a very long time. My friend invited her mother to the wedding. When her brother asked her how she could invite her and still love her after everything that she did to them, my friend told her brother that it's called forgiving and understanding and she'd talk to him about it when he grows up! I have to say that my friend turned out very well. Never did drugs or hit the booze to numb the emotional pain of her childhood. It actually made her stronger. The brother, however, today, is bipolar and smokes drugs! The mother is now deceased, but my friend took care of her by arranging proper care when she was too sick to care for herself. She would also go pick her up to spend Christmas day with her husband and kids. By educating herself about why her mother did the things that she did, she didn't grow up with resentment, hatred, low self-esteem, feeling unloved, etc. She grew up knowing that her mother loved her in her own special way, the only way she could, and was mentally ill, and had "outbursts" when she was not on her meds, etc. Your granddaugther needs to know the same about her mother!...See MoreNEW: MAY FOTESS, ~~~"FOTESS MOMMIES"~~~
Comments (249)Beth....LOL!!! It is all about fun!!!!! Confusion makes it even more fun!!! Playing "FOTESS MOMMIES" and giving THANKS to Jeanne and Shirley this past month of May...........THANKS Jeanne and Shirley!!!! *Shirley...(brittneysgran)...SENT...Jeanne REC/Shirley REC *Nicole...(bluee19)...SENT....Shirley REC/Jeanne REC *Darrin...(cryptid)....SENT....Jeanne REC/ Shirley REC *Erica...(ericabraun)....SENT...... Jeanne REC/ Shirley REC *Peggy...(canfan)....SENT to Jeanne and Shirley...Shirley REC *Margo (smitties)...SENT....Jeanne REC/Shirley REC *Heidi (xiangirl)....SENT...Jeanne REC/Shirley REC *Katie (kchd)...SENT...Jeanne REC/Shirley REC *Faye (nottougly)....SENT....Jeanne REC/Shirley REC *Mandy (l1onnes)...SENT...Jeanne REC/Shirley REC *Beth (beth_b_kodiak)....SENT to Shirley and Shirley (LOL!) and Jeanne....Jeanne REC *Annie...(canyonwind)...SENT....Jeanne REC/Shirley REC Happy Wednesday! Annie...See Moreaileen
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