Where's this rudeness coming from from new mommy daughter in law?
lincraw
21 years ago
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lincraw
21 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
HELP!!! New cat mommy advice? Anyone???
Comments (7)Sunshineboy, that is an adorable picture! 4 adult cats napping so close together like that is quite the sight. WG, that is very exciting. I don't have much advice to add, and I hope your cats adjust well to their new home (once they get there). Three outdoor males - those voles aren't going to stand a chance! :) I am a cat lover and owner for 20-odd years, and have 2 spayed, vaccinated females, both rescued as kittens. One is strictly indoors, the other has limited outdoor privileges. SHe usually goes outside for a few hours a day in nice weather, but is a "fair-weather" cat so she rarely goes out in the winter. She is a good huntress and eats most of what she catches, so I worm her every fall when her hunting activities wind down. Not sure if I should be doing it more frequently?? Somewhere I read that male cats wander in much larger territories than female cats, which tend to stay closer to home. This would hold true in my experience. My little female rarely wanders beyond the boundaries of the property, but I had a male for 19 years who was obsessed with prowling the neighborhood, even on the coldest winter nights (and managed to beat the odds and live a long life despite his outdoor activities). I must confess I worried SICK about that cat for over 18 years, but he died of old age on the kitchen floor. Cars and dogs/coyotes are amongst their greatest outdoor hazards. Hopefully your cats will have some street smarts! Are your new cats going to live in the barn? They will probably need an adjustment period in the barn to get used to their new home. How will they get in and out of the barn? My sister has 3 large Coon brothers who are indoor/outdoor and she has a cat door in her garage and they go in and out of the house at their choosing....See MoreAttn: ellendi & all. My daughter/Grammy issue from Patty's thread
Comments (40)I'm not saying it's all my SIL's doing. I'm wondering if that isn't the case because of his upbringing and the things he's said about working his parents. This was said during a private conversation with my SIL, that I can not discuss on an open board. Not at this time anyway. I'm sorry I cannot explain more. I doubt I'll ever know for sure where the better gramma comment came from. It doesn't matter where it originated, it anyway, it still hurt like, pardon my french, H E double hockey sticks! As for Patty's comments that were quoted, she said "could be" meaning she wasn't sure either. We're just discussing the possibilities here, trying to find answers, not accusing anyone. Up until this point, I've had no real concern about our SIL. Even now I can't say that I don't like him. I'm not happy with his reaction to my needing sleep while on vacation, though if I were to write up a pros and cons, I'm sure the pros would outweigh the cons by a long shot. Being married, with in laws, myself, I realize it's not always easy blending the ways of both families into one that works for all involved. My MIL was downright rude about the way I did things when I first married her oldest son. Being brought up on the Thumper Rule, I was shocked! It seemed to me that there wasn't a thing I did right and she pushed the issue with my hubby, which to me it seemed he sided with her. Looking back, I realize he was just being quiet, not wanting to take either side, where I was hoping for comfort. I'm sure he didn't understand why I was being so "sensitive" as his family does not hold anything back! From the outside it might look like they don't love each other. From the inside, where I've been for over 34 years now, I've learned that it's their way of keeping each other accountable. Not a bad thing, but boy did it take a while to understand that. I'm very much a "Thumper Rule" sore of person still and find it very hard to "step on someone's toes" so to speak and tell them I don't like what they are doing unless they ask outright. I like harmony and was blessed to live a very harmonious life throughout my whole childhood. Up until the move to big bad Omaha, during the mid sixties, I thought everyone loved each other. Family or not. My family life was still "perfect". Maybe that's why I don't know how to deal with my current situation. I don't believe a MIL should butt her nose into her children's marriages. It's a new and personal relationship that needs to grow on its own. There will be ups and downs, but it's not my place to push my way in and tell either of them how to live their married life. However, after being treated the way I was, I feel I do have the right to let my feelings be known so they know why we will not be staying at their home again and the reason's why. Personally, I'd like to tell the in laws or anyone else that happens to stay at their home, that our daughter did not learn that way of treating guests from me, but I will not do so unless they bring it up. LOL ellendi you are so right. I want to have a good relationship with both my daughter and her husband. I pray they have as great a marriage as her Dad and I have had and his parents, have in their second marriages. I do believe it's best to talk to our daughter alone the first time. After that, if we Skype while her husband is there and he brings it up, I'll discuss it. Otherwise, I don't feel I know him well enough yet to bring it up over Skype. Which is part of the problem. Neither of us know each other that well yet. The first time we visited he was on duty during the day. When he arrived home, both hubby and I noticed a vibe from him that we felt, he needed family time, so we'd head back to our hotel shortly after he arrived home. The second time when hubby and I stayed with them, our SIL was off duty for the week and we did lots of activities together. We spent Christmas day on the beach. I don't go into any water with fishes (don't ask LOL) so I sat on the beach, playing with the baby while they all boogie boarded. A couple days later, I volunteered to stay home so they could go snorkling without having to worry about the baby on the beach in the sun. The beach they were going to didn't have a good place for those that didn't come to snorkel. No shade. Hubby and I had baby duty, of course, and it became very tiring for us both. One would change her while the other ran down to the kitchen to make her bottle. Neither of us got much sleep that week and were exhausted when we got home agreeing next time we'd try and get a cottage on the beach or stay in a hotel suite. I don't know if this trip would have turned out better had my hubby been with me. His guess is they wouldn't have treated me the way they did. We'll never know. Now I'm just waiting for the time to pass so I know our daughter is away. She and the baby sleeps until around 9:30 Hawaii time, which is five hours behind where I live. It's not even seven am there....See MoreNew and needing advice from other stepmoms
Comments (4)I'm so sorry for all of your recent losses. Truly, the timing for your SC's arrival was horrible, and I wish their father would have put his foot down and simply said "No - This is not the right time." But that's old news... Sadly, it's not unusual for Bio parents to undermine their 'replacement' steps... And that's unlikely to change unless somehow, the BioMom can be made to realize that having two good mothers is SOOOOO much better for her children than having one "good" one (her, of course!) and one that they dislike and disrespect. But that can be a difficult understanding to reach, and it would be virtually impossible for you to help her reach it. Any chance your husband could help? Or your MIL? The book 'Divorce Poison' is a wonderful resource you should definitely look into. It's all about handling Ex's who undermine you in destructive and damaging ways. About how to 'take the high road' without 'lying down' and silently taking the abuse. For example, you know BioMom's mad about failed marriage #2, so in a way, her blaming you for failed marriage #1 makes sense. It's not fair or accurate, but I'm sure you can understand her feelings. Well guess what -- so can the SC. All you have to do is explain it to them kindly, truthfully and respectfully. Everyone says hurtful things they don't mean sometimes -- it's not unforgivable. Let them know that their mother is hurting, and that's why some of the things she's saying aren't true. That everyone makes mistakes and that our goal is to forgive them. (Bring God into it if that's relevent for you and for them.) I can understand your pain at how SD trashed all of the lovely things you bought her. But try not to let that hurt you. Instead, simply let her live with the trashed stuff, and know that she is the one sleeping under that stiff comforter and having to wear those bleached-out clothes to school. If she asks for more stuff, the most natural answer in the world is that you won't be buying any more nice stuff until she has demonstrated she is responsible enough to take care of it. You're probably right that they will be back. And your sense that its not right for the kids to ping-pong back and forth according to whoever offers the best deal of the moment is right on target. But when they do indicate that they want to come back, I'd insist on some ground rules. Chores for everyone, respectful treatment, allowances, responsabilities -- you know what to do. Let them see the expectations and buy into them before they move back. FWIW, you sound like a wonderful person and a really good parent, and I'm betting this is something you can and will work through. 15 years from now, those SCs will be so glad you're in their lives. May it happen much sooner --...See MoreBlast from the past - 2000 'Get to know each other' thread
Comments (3)Wow....what an amazing list of people.... too many of them no longer with us or active here. It is nice to remember some of their names and their struggles that we shared. Thanks for the memories....See Moreaileen
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