I haven't seen the penstemon Palmeri growing wild. It probably is illegal to gather the seeds. I read that the plants generally live to be about five years old, and should not be completely deadheaded, when in a garden, so that they can reseed themselves. I'm saving a few seeds from mine this year. I could send you some. They haven't dried out yet--still on the plant. I do my planning by the height of the plant. I don't take the additional flower height into account. You could plant your beds with low growers all round and put your tall plants in the middle. I don't think purple flowers would be lost against your grey house. Purple and grey compliment each other. There is a new variety of Russian sage at HCG. It is purple with a blue tone--I bought one. The photograph in the catalog makes it look dark blue and they refer to it as being blue, but it isn't. I think it is called Petrova, something Russian sounding which begins with a P. I have a few of the plants on your list. I live in central New Mexico on a windswept mesa. The winds are a force to be reckoned with around here! I find that scabiosas, chyrsanthemums, snapdragons, petunias, dianthus, French marigolds and sages do well. If the plants are slightly crowded, they shade each other and the soil. Candytuft does okay. I have a nice forsythia shrub, and some artemisia. Hollyhocks do well, but rabbits ate all of mine this year. I have two types of honeysuckle. They were slow to get going, but they are doing well. I have about twenty roses of various types. The roses definitely need some shade during the heat of a summer day, or the flowers fry on the bush. Except for the old-fashioned shrub rose. That one is a champ. My dogs ate all of the daylilies I planted when I moved in, but I just planted a couple more--give it another go. I put chicken wire up this time. I have a groundcover Veronica Speedwell which is doing nicely beneath a tree, and a groundcover sedum (cannot remember which one) which is semi-shaded and doing okay. I planted a vibernum this spring, but it is struggling. I hope it survives. I recently tried osteospermum, a hybrid red Marguerite and Euryops. They are all doing well. Sunflowers, of course, do well but they get started late and bloom in fall. I can grow morning glory if I keep it well watered. I have a lovely catmint, which I am quite fond of. I've tried several lavender, only one survived and is doing well. It is a lavendula, again I've lost track of the name. I haven't had good luck with the multicolored Columbine. My yellow one gets some afternoon shade. It has been in bloom for three solid months! I have had zero success with lantana and spirea here. I've tried them a few times. I have three big stands of Maximillian sunflowers, a perennial. It is an invasive plant but stays somewhat contained if encircled with rocks. Otherwise, shovel pruning is in order to keep it in check. I moved to New Mexico five years ago. I considered myself a skillful gardener, but soon realized that this environment was nothing like what I was used to. It was a big learning experience! Lorna

Thanks for the kind words, joyful. Does Steve have any children? Other than relishing his good fortune, does he have either concerns or advice for today's college graduates or trade school graduates? No kids. What does that have to do with this discussion? I don't know where that "relishing his good fortune" bit comes from, either. I don't believe in luck or fate. I've worked for my success. I also know that a few decisions made differently would have changed my life greatly. But the same goes for everyone else. So far be it for me to try to lord it over anyone. And, FWIW, I am a long way from retirement -- a few decades, in fact. I have a long time to go (maybe the rest of my life) on this rollercoaster. Kids or not, I have plenty of concerns. I'm concerned that people are more worried about having "stuff" and getting more of it than they care about where it came from. That this dedication to "stuff" is stifling our ability to relate to the rest of the world -- the vast majority of which is not "agonizing" over the decision between a 40" and a 48" stove. That this is the "normal" we are showing our children. I'm concerned that people teach their kids that violence is a bad way to resolve conflicts ("Don't hit!"), yet it supposedly is okay when it comes to dealing with other societies and countries. That people seem to have forgotten that our soldiers from conflicts past sacrificed to keep us free, and that we are now surrendering those hard-fought rights to "leaders" who think that eavesdropping on everyone all the time will net a few more "bad guys" (definition theirs) and letting the government stick its nose into some of the most private decisions individuals and families can make. I'm concerned that our kids are entering a world in which the only constant is change -- their careers, their friendships, their committed relationships. It's sad and stressful to think that none of it is permanent. I'm concerned that our kids almost literally cannot think for themselves -- I'm talking basic life skills like adding up the cost of groceries if a calculator isn't around or not understanding that borrowing money you don't have is a lousy way to get ahead. As far as advice, I'd just urge kids to think. For themselves. Just because things have "always been this way" does not mean that they should stay "this" way. Things -- items, events, happiness, dinner on the table -- do not just appear magically; is what is being received worth what was paid for it? Just because someone (Madison Avenue, the Vice President, a saleswoman) says something does not make it true. And, at work, I would advise them to add value. My workgroup almost was outsourced to India last year, but management found we produced a higher-quality product at the same cost. We plain worked smarter. Learn something new, even for the sake of keeping the brain sharp. Many of the jobs I've had were the result of picking up some skill or knowledge that I, frankly, didn't think had any value at the time. And think seriously about doing work that cannot easily be done by a machine or by someone half a world away. My apologies that this ran so long.

I found out why his oldest daughter had been so difficult, and it wasn't because she was a spoiled "brat". She has a hard edge and that hard edge is thanks to Dad. On a Saturday this spring, I received a phone call from a woman. She told me she had been having an affair with my dh for several months (she lives out of town). He travels for business and she gave me details that fit and I knew she was telling me the truth. She told me they kept in touch by text-messaging. I didn't even know he knew how to text. Her parting shot was "I guarantee you there are others". She was very angry with him. He must have made her promises he didn't live up to. DH wasn't at home when she called. When he arrived home, I confronted him. He confessed. I got online and went through the text messages and found I couldn't see what was written but I could see the history. I saw another phone number from a different city that kept showing up and sure enough, it was another woman he was also carrying on with. Mind you, just weeks before this happened, I told my Mom that I was so lucky because I knew where he was every night (watching TV at home). I had no reason to believe he was misbehaving when he was out of town. I completely trusted him. Then came the realization that he had lied to me about the reason for his divorce from his first wife. Since he was in a "confessing" mood, I asked and he confirmed he was the guilty party in that situation, too. He begged me to stay with him and try to make our marriage work. I couldn't do it. I never even considered that we could make it work after he deceived me (from the very beginning) and then he betrayed me by cheating on me with multiple TOW's. We are no longer married. He's still trying to talk me into giving him another chance but there is just no way. I've gone through it all - shock, anger, self-pity, despair and now I am reaching acceptance that I did what I had to do to take care of ME by divorcing him. It is not about punishing him but it is about me having my OWN life, separate from him and his lies. I can say that I am very much enjoying being back in the driver's seat of my life. I have talked to his ex numerous times since then. She has been very supportive because she went through the exact same thing with him - over and over. He is a serial cheater and I think our ability to talk to one another helps us both. I think he is just a real wolf in sheep's skin and she thinks he is a great guy. She still loves him, but she did have two children with him and spent most of her life with him. I didn't. I also spoke to his oldest daughter. She cried on the phone. I felt very sorry for her. She has been hurt so badly by what he did to her Mom and to their family. She loves her Dad but she hates him, too and I think she was more aware of his cheating than her little sister. I asked both the ex and the oldest daughter why they didn't say anything to me about his infidelity with the ex (I had no idea) and they both replied that they assumed that I knew. As for the youngest adult daughter, she calls me frequently and we get together. She told me she didn't want to lose me as a friend and her Mom is very supportive of us being friends. I would never say anything bad about her Dad to her (or her sister). We just talk girl talk and I do love her. The points I am trying to make is never assume the wife knows. She is often the last to find out her husband is cheating. And never assume a man has told his spouse-to-be the truth about his past. Also, beware of the recently divorced man who pushes you into marriage. There are reasons for this. First of all, if he is recently divorced and looking for a serious relationship, he can't possibly be over his marriage and divorce. If he acts like he is, something is very wrong with the picture. If there is a hostile child (or adult child), the reason may not be BM. The reason may be that the child is in conflict (love-hate) with Dad because of something Dad did. The other reasons the man may want to push the marriage issue quickly is 1. Financial 2. To try to remedy his image or help him with a bad family/child situation 3. He is afraid to be alone. I learned a huge lesson. I can relate to Christie Brinkley when she says she will never marry again. Never is a long, long time, but if I ever marry again, it will not be to a recently divorced man and I will have a prenuptual agreement and I will keep my finances separate from his. In spite of what happened to me, I still believe in love and I still believe in marriage - with the right person. I hope my Mom is still alive for many years to come. If I meet someone and introduce her to him, I will LISTEN to what she has to say. I will never let a man rush me again. I'm technically not in a "step" situation any more but I'd like to continue to read and post. I may be able to offer a very different and hopefully helpful point of view.

kfrinkle, The latest rainfall projections for your area sure haven' gotten any better, and my part of Love County is straddling the line that divides the projected rainfall into the 3-6" category and the 6-9" category. Looks like the frogs are gonna be really happy and the gardeners much less so. Lisa, I imagine he is right. This year it seems like Norman floods at the drop of a hat. I imagine there will be lots of flash flooding and a lot of good old river flooding over the next few days. We had flash flooding overnight in part of our county (but not our part as most of that rain missed us too). Paula, It needs to be a big boat so it will carry a lot of potted tomatoes and peppers. All this rain has severely watered down the flavor of both tomatoes and plums. I suppose the tomatoes still taste better than grocery store tomatoes, but only just barely. Now that the peaches are breaking color and approaching the ripening stage, this big rainfall is going to come along and water down their flavor too. The rain hasn't hurt the quantity of produce we're harvesting but it sure has hurt the quality. As soon as they do the weather here on the noon news, it is back to the kitchen for me because I'm making plum jelly today. I probably should be outside building a plant ark and loading it up with 2 plants of each kind.... This morning, I heard on my county radio that a small amount of water (at that point, 1" deep) had just begun flowing across the Lake Murray spillway at Scenic Hwy 77. Hopefully that runoff from last night's very heavy rains north of us won't cause enough water to flow over the spillway that they have to close down the road. There's also a possibility that Lake Texoma may rise enough again to flow over the spillway again. The spillway is at 640 and the lake level currently is 637.70. It has taken it a couple of weeks to drop from the former high of 645.something and now it may go over the spillway for only the 5th time in its history. We weren't expecting the fifth time to occur so soon after the fourth time. We're expecting 3-6" in much of the area, with some areas getting 6-9". That much rain over a few days will fill up the lake quite a bit. It is funny. I thought it was mid-June and we were in the process of recovering from all the May rainfall. Suddenly, we're almost right back where we started, as if the two weeks of drying out never even happened. I feel sorry for anyone near the lake or river and especially folks downstream as they are about to have water damage and destruction all over again. On the bright side, all the rain made really nice-sized potatoes and lots of them which is wonderful since drought often causes smaller yields and smaller sized potatoes. Dawn