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Hope someone can help!

Posted by
Claudia
(wordwrkspr@aol.com) on
Sun, May 27, 01 at 14:24

I have a beautiful, smart 2 1/2 year old granddaughter named Taylor. She is a delight most of the time, and we have a special bond. When I'm at her house playing with her in her room and her mother comes into the room...she shouts..."Go Away, Mommy, I'm playing with Grammy" ..Sometimes she even gives her a little shove toward the door....Yesterday, when I picked Taylor up at her house to take her to dinner....I was having problems with her car seat and I went inside to ask mom to help. Taylor had the same type of reaction when she saw her mom and dad coming......she wanted "Grammy" to fix it...not her mom or dad. I know this hurts my daughter- in-law's feelings...and at other times, Taylor seems to have an excellent relationship with her mom and her dad....It's only when she has to leave me...or someone comes in when she and I are playing...I've tried the following: 1. ignoring it... but felt I should be saying something to her.... 2. getting angry and telling her not to talk that way to her mother (she cried uncontrollably and looked like I had hit her) 3. talked to her mom about it, and her mom admits it hurts her feelings a little, but doesn't seem know the best way to handle it....Any suggestions?


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Hope someone can help!

Perhaps it's time to back away a little and let Mommy and Daddy be the stars of her life. You don't have to play with her in her room. Tell her that you have come to visit BOTH her and her mother. Then sit in the den or what ever and talk to Mommy and Daddy while you play. You don't need to take her out to dinner either. Cool it for a few weeks. It won't hurt either of you. As it is you are much more fun than a mommy that has to do housework and stuff like that. She's too young to be able to handle more than one person at a time. Give her a month or so to mature a little more and see if it helps. You will always have a special relationship with her.

I don't mean ignore her. But try to see her in the context of being part of her entire family, not just on a one to one basis. She might just get the idea that she is the most important person there. She may be exactly that, but it is not a good idea for her to think that it is true.

If she tells her mother to go away, tell her that YOU want her there and then stop what ever you were doing. Leave the room if you have to. Of course she cries and looks as if you hit her. That's what little children do. They can be so pitiful that we give in even though we know it's not the best thing to do.

Good luck!! I know it's easy to give advice than to follow it.
aileen


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RE: Hope someone can help!

Talk to both parents and work out a solution. I agree with Ailene. Don't just play in her room all the time. Tell here you are here to play, but also visit. How often do you visit? Be firm with her and don't let her control you and her family. She is quite young so now it the time for the problem to be solved. Try not to take something over every time IF you do so. Take her for a walk and look at the flowers etc. I do wish you the best.
Marie


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RE: Hope someone can help!

Ahhhh.. I don't think it is anything to worry about.

One of my grandsons is 4 and does the exact same thing, and my daughter in law used to get upset over it. BUT.. It is normal in a good relationship I was told by a friend of mine who is an expert on kids.

It isn't anything that will remain for years. Their parents are #1 nomatter what they are feeling at the moment. Your relationship with your grandchildren, and their relationship as parents are 2 completely different relationships. It isn't one that you can control. It will only confuse the child. They will grow out of it.

I stopped worrying about it after I heard this, and my daughter in law laughs at it now. She thinks it's funny because, I have to do everything while I am there. It gives her a break. It will Pass soon enough. She will grow out of wanting "YOU" all the time, and go back to her normal self.

enjoy it while you have it!!!


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RE: Hope someone can help!

Yes, let her have her way. YOU are the product of her existence...she must know that! It is a special bond. When my son is @ grandma's he knows to ignore my rules (sweets etc) and looks to her (knowing she is "queen"). I don't worry about it. Let her make her own choices...if that is by looking up to, and spending time with grandma..so be it. Don't feel guilty. Be in awe of the time you can spend together...and hope she remembers it!

P


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A daughter-in-law's point of view...

Hi, please excuse my 'butting in' here at the grandparents' forum. I've had my 4 year old son tell me to get out of his room and leave him alone to play with grandma (my mother-in-law). I didn't get offended at all. I know he loves me more than anyone in the world but he doesn't get as much time with grandma as he does with me. Still, it doesn't hurt to gently remind a child what is appropriate behaviour and teach them about other peoples' feelings.


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RE: Hope someone can help!

Your DIL seems to be reasonable about it. I think it is great that you have the good relationship. But - you could gently remind the child that you don't like it when she is disrespectful to her Mommy and talk about empathy and caring for others. It is natural for children to do this. It doesn't meant here is anything wrong at home. Just that she really enjoys her time with you. After all - you aren't there to do all the "problem" stuff. You are just fun.

Enjoy!


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RE: Hope someone can help!

My daughter and grands lived with us for a while (now just the grands live here) anyway our granddaughter visited with her other grandparents a lot when she was little (overnight) and when they would bring her home she literally had a fit - made me feel like dirt, but I did understand that she had such a wonderful time there and they devoted every minute to her every whim, while "home" was just that - rules, bedtime, etc...she now goes and returns home happy and glad to be back and they still devote all their time to her. Enjoy your special time and remember to thank your DIL often for allowing you to have such special times...they grow so fast!!! You are creating a special bond which is wonderful.


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