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Grandparent not fair

Posted by megg245 (My Page) on
Wed, May 3, 06 at 9:27

My FIL lives in FL and is not really involved in my childrens lives. However, he does occassionally send them gifts. Recently my son turned 12 and received a small gift and $20 from his grandfather. My daughter who had a birthday (14) the month before received nothing from him. I guess he "forgot". Is it worth sending a letter mentioning my annoyance with him, or should I just let it go? Unfortuantely this is the only grandfather they have. My husband just brushes it off as if he is not surprised by it. But I just don't know what my kids think about grandpa, especially my daughter who now thinks she is forgotten.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Grandparent not fair

You say that your father-in-law 'is not really involved in' your children's lives. Do your children take an interest in their grandfather--I mean, is there at least communication? If not, then don't be too surprised that the grandparent mirrors the disinterest.

You say that your 'husband just brushes it off as if he is not surprised by it'. What does that mean? Do you know your father-in-law? Or have you just decided that the FIL is being insensitive. There could be many explanations why the grandfather sent a gift to one child and not to the other.

A fourteen year old is old enough to communicate with her grand. Is she encouraged to do that? Sometimes we get so wrapped up with our lives that we don't pay much attention to our grandparents.

I know that many grandparents feel that their grandchildren aren't interested in them and their spirits would certainly be lifted by receiving a letter, phone call, or receive some gesture of attention. I don't think that greeting cards are where it's at--no matter what merican greetings would have us think.

Sometimes grandparents don't say what they think or feel because they know the younger generation isn't interested. Hmm?


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RE: Grandparent not fair

megg245 Is it worth sending a letter mentioning my annoyance with him, or should I just let it go?
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Annoyance? How can you be annoyed when you don't know if he just forgot, didn't really have the extra cash, or if it's one of those male things? I personally would find it rude to send a letter because you expected something from him. That's why they are called gifts. Your son should send him a thank you letter, & you should send a thank you letter. Now there is no reason you can't say you, your husband, son & DAUGHTER all thought that was nice & very thoughtful. Hopefully he just forgot, if that's not the case then you've said nothing to offend him either. Just my opinion.


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RE: Grandparent not fair

I agree it isn't fair for one child to receive a gift and the other not. However, I think you should also take the high road here, have your son thank him, you and your husband thank him also, and write a little note about how your family is doing, including something that your daughter is doing also. Explain to your daughter that sometimes grandparents get forgetful, etc., which we do, and make sure she doesn't think it is her fault she didn't get anything. I think more contact by your grandkids and you should set the pattern here and see how it plays out.

Good luck! Brenda


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