Be grateful it is just your granddaughter, I have a husband like that :+) He was this way LONG before I married him (26 years ago) and I knew it, so I have no one to blame but myself. Try hiding some of her mess or the clothes that she lets sit in the laundry basket all day. When it is a vital item missing, and she needs it maybe taking care of her things will change. You can BET she didn't get this way over night and that she won't change overnight. Now, have you set her down and told her exactly what you expect from her while she lives under your roof? Does she believe she is your guest or have you let her know you are supplying her with free room and board AND expect her to do her fare share of the house or yard work? Why would anyone with maid service, a cook, laundry service, etc. help out with the work voluntarily?

When my Mum was pregnant for the first time and went into labor, she went to the hospital. The doctor said "when the apple is ripe it will fall from the tree. We don't pick ripe apples." and sent her home. She returned later the same day and delivered. She had 6 kids and tells us we were all late so she was pregnant more than 54 months of her life. With child #5, she was so late they induced her and she picked March 30th because she thought having an April Fool's day birthday would be awful(and the 30th would provide 2 days to get it done). Naturally, child #5 has always wished she had an AFD birthday. Our BIL and a nephew, who do have an AFD birthdays, love to tell her how it is the best birthday. Hope all is well with you and yours. When the apple is ripe, it will fall from the tree...

Hi Popi, I didn't talk about her entire day because I'm focused on one issue: getting rid of the whine. But I'll elaborate since you are concerned. I pick her up at 2:15 every day. We walk home 1/2 mile together and talk about her day. She does her homework while I straighten up in the room and help her. Then we do a game/puzzle or something. We read a lot of books together and go to the library every two weeks. Once a week we go to the farmer's market for a few hours and walk around and go in the pet shops and look at the animals. We play games with the neighbors, basketball, etc. and we go on walks around the neighborhood several times a week. She gets pretty much my undivided attention from 2:15-7:30 (her bedtime) She has a lot of free play time, and she gets A LOT of attention, both from me, and DH and her Bio-dad and her grandparents. I don't think being required to clean up after one's self is more responsibility than a six year old can handle. But I'm a first time mom, so I have a lot to learn! That's why I'm asking questions :)

Some people do not have the energy to deal with toddlers. I was with a friend with children the same age as your toddlers, and it is exhausting and all consuming. The two year old kept running to the stairs (even though the child could not do stairs) and the mom kept bringing the child to another area to play, but the child kept trying to go on back to the stairs. When the mom would pick the child up, the child would kick and scream and cry (AKA a major temper tantrum) returning again and again for the stairs. The mom was trying to visit with friends, and have a conversation, and the child made this impossible. At the same time, she was trying to keep and eye on her 3 year old who kept wandering off. Some people just do not enjoy babies and toddlers, and do not feel comfortable being responsible for someone else's toddlers. Friends would take turns watching each others toddler, while the other ran errands. After doing it a few times, it stopped, as the one child would scream for the entire 2 hours. No amount of distraction or toys helped. One of the friends said that the few hour break was not worth the price of having to return the favor and watch a child who cried so much. Toddlers take enormous energy, and you have to focus on them every minute. It is one thing when they are your children. It is another thing entirely when they belong to someone else. Trust her and try not to take it personally. Several years from now (5 or so) if they still leave your children out, then you may want to talk to them. But for now, don't force your toddlers on someone who is not willing. Perhaps you can do somethings with them bringing the toddlers, so that a relationship begins to develop, but you are there to help if your children cry or wander off. At some point, they may feel up to the challenge of an outing with one or both of your young children. This may have "nothing" to do with their step child versus your children, and have everything to do with the fact that some people are uncomfortable with babies and toddlers. Wait and see as your children become more self sufficient (around age 7-8) if they are included. If they are not, then I imagine it will be their loss. Many people simply do not have the energy to enjoy taking such young children out on outings. The others are right in that with the toddlers along, they would be unable to focus on the older grandchild. You yourself must know many parents who cannot even go out to dinner and actually enjoy it with toddlers. The child wants out of the high chair, and then is running around the restaurant, or will not go in the high chair and is crying if made to sit in a high chair. Or one of the parents is walking around outside with the toddler, while the other parent finishes eating., etc. Not a relaxing dinner out by any stretch of the imagination, for anyone. So again, try not to take it personally right now. Respect their discomfort being responsible for someone else's toddlers, and do not try and force them into something they are clearly uncomfortable with.