Have your kids sent their grandparents thank you notes for the gifts? Did they ever? Have the kids called to say thank you or otherwise acknowledged the gifts to the grandparents?

Have you taught your kids to send their grandparents birthday or holiday cards? And have they done so?

If yes, wonderful; good for you. If not, why would you expect the grandparents to continue sending gifts (of any amount) or cards if the kids haven't been taught common courtesy?

Without some kind of polite acknowledgement or thanks, the gift giver is left out and would find no joy or satisfaction in giving. I can imagine that it would become a fairly obligatory, feeling-less gesture.

If you've raised your children to say thank you via notes, calls, and otherwise expend a little effort to let their grandparents know that they appreciate whatever is done (regardless of amount), then I don't have any answer to your question other than the grandparents may be on a very limited budget or are otherwise simply cold.

Yes to your questions, they have either mailed, emailed or called to thank them.... However, the grandparents have never said thank you to them when they mail them gifts for birthdays or holidays. You have to ask, did you get the package?? They want respect, but yet don't give respect to others.

I so badly want to send MIL 5 dollars for her birthday that is coming up, just as a way to say see how that feels.. I definetely will not be spending big money as we have done in the past for her.

I think you answered it with your last 2 words. They are simply cold. Their budget is not the problem.

Be glad you don't have me for a grandparent. We stopped buying for our grandkids when they turned 18. That includes Christmas and birthdays. We do give them $100. when they graduated and some people thought that was cheap of us. My family never made a big thing out of special days.

I guess it's all in how you are raised. My family was big on birthdays and holidays. My grandparents were always buying us little things, nothing expensive, but little things that was always something we liked. We played games, things would happen and I would call my grandma just like I would call my mom. But the in laws have never tried to have that relationship because they are always right. They wear rose colored glasses and their world revolves around only them. My MIL is all about money, the more it cost the better it is to her, or the more you like her, but then she in return does this. I will not remind my kids to thank them this year. I'm done with them. If they want to stop birthdays they can say so, not insult them. They are the only living grandparents and our 2 kids are their only 2 grandchildren. I am also saddened by them not having a good relationship with them, I have such fond memories of my grandparents, lots of laughter and fun and my kids don't have those memories with these grandparents. Oh well. I'm done with them. Let them figure out why, if they even care.

Thanks for answering. Good for you for teaching your kids manners. Unfortunately, your assessment of our in-laws, from what you've told us, now seems accurate.

tmlc--I think the problem is that they aren't your side of the family. They are different people. They are your husband's side of the family. They were raised in a different family that didn't celebrate birthdays the way your family does. Maybe they save their money.
There's something else you haven't thought about. I am an estate planning attorney and you get to be as nasty to your in laws as you please. I have grandparents like that come in to my office and disinherit their only grandchildren. So if you feel pissed that they only got a $5 gift now--wait till you get the big surprise and find out the grandparents have left their money to their favorite college or the LA Philharmonic.

Good one, Marge! ROTFLMAO!

Like another poster stated, be glad I'm not the g'parent of your children. I have a 'passel' of g'kids, and now, gr-grands. Even tho I'm working, I just do not have the funds to send huge amt. of money for b'days. $5 is what they get (pre-schoolers get $3); once they are 16, they 'age out' and only get a card.

I much prefer spending more on Christmas gifts, but even those are not extreme. I simply can not do it, financially. Some say thank you in person; others never acknowledge any gift. The g'dau who has the children acts 'entitled', never says thank you, etc. I've started a savings acct for the oldest & will do so for the new born. Not large amts, but they'll have something when they turn 18. (tied up so no one can else access it).

I send to my grands what I feel I can afford - and some months that's a stretch. Regardless of what I do or do not send/give, they know I care about them. I'm sorry your children do not have this with their g'parents.

The nicest gifts are those we don't expect whether material or just someone doing something special for us. You have decided they are cheap because they don't send enough. From what you have stated, I doubt you know their finances. Sometimes life slaps us along the side of the head and says, "Surprise, here's a bill you weren't expecting or some means of income is gone!!" In our case, it's medical bills. Having to retire early to take care of my husband has changed a lot of things. We can't do as much as we used to but we certainly don't love our grandchildren less.
Our children are grown now and it's not the presents or money the grandparents sent them. It's the memories how they were loved. Not much of that came from my husband's parents as my children weren't raised catholic so they weren't quite as good as the other grandchildren that were.
Perhaps you need to step back and take another look. People are not necessarily what we want them to be, they are themselves. As said previously, maybe the giving of gifts is just not a big deal in the family.
Just be thankful your children are remembered regardless of the amount.
Lynn

I remember my sweet little grandmother would send us money for our birthdays. Always $2. It wasn't the amount, it was the thought and $2 was probably all she could manage. That $2 meant more to me than a million would have because I knew she loved us. We didn't see her much because she lived 2 states away.

I think maybe you need to first, take a deep look at yourself and then second teach your children that the world doesn't revolve around them and money isn't the "be all, end all."

MsJay, I also remember getting $2 from my grandma and I still think that it was so sweet of her to send it to me!

We used to send our grandchildren more. But we are on a fixed income now.. and instead of 20.00 for their birthdays.... we send 10.00. Do we love them the same? Of course. We just are having a hard time making ends meet now that we are retired. But we still celebrate with joy their birthdays and take pride in each grandchild and the special qualities they have and take time to keep in touch, even though they are far away, most of them.

I would be willing to bet many grandparents are having a harder time financially.

It's a lovely thing to love people where they are..and not get upset over small things. Be glad you have grandparents alive at all, to send anything at all. Its a gift, and life passes so quickly.

Just teach your children no matter what they get, to call their grandparents often, and get to know them, while they have time. And be thankful for whatever they are sent. This will serve them well all their lives. They will learn to be thankful in many areas, and to be compassionate, and thoughtful.

My parents also stop gift giving at age 18 for grandkids. Frankly, if your daughter is old enough to live on her own with her boyfriend, she sure shouldn't be expecting a birthday gift from grandma and grandpa.

Gift giving is getting out of control. My parents certainly have the means to give my kids stuff, but my kids do not NEED any more stuff! Instead they give them attention and their time (they color with them, read to them, baby-sit them while I run errands, etc... ) that is much more valuable to them and me then a another piece of junk toy.

Teach your kids to take the high road and appreciate G&G for what they bring to their lives, not the material stuff.

Guilty, guilty, guilty. My assets are going to a college. Grandkids were never even consider as heirs, their parents were, but we don't reward neglectful, verbally abusive kids.

My mother always sent her grandsons who lived out of state small thinking of you gifts on Halloween, Easter, valentine days, etc.. She wanted them to know her and remember her. They tend to forget who you are when you only see them every 2 or 3 years. I started doing the same for mine and one my grandsons call me Grandma (city I live in). I thought that was cute. It would be easter candy, a valentine, some candy hearts, coloring books, etc.. simply things as reminders that I loved them.

I think it's awesome if GP can even send a card to know they are thought of...I appreciated my IN-laws when they showed a small gesture as this(we lived OR-they PA) though when they were little-$5 is alot to someone small and were quite excited! Now...kids are mostly grown and the same GP's are gone and I miss that for them...The thought they were thinking of them. Try not to be to upset...

Money and feelings aren't always equal. I think there are other issues at hand.

I think most adults who think grandparents are weird have issues with their parents that haven't been dealt with, or the daughter in law expects to much and uses the children as pawns. My daughter in law left her children with her parents every Friday night and picked them up Sunday evening. She thought when she move to the our city that I would do the same thing. Ha, no way. I am sure she thought I was a very bad Grandparent. And I watched the children that are in my care. Her parents lived in the country and the kids ran wild at a very young age. One of them got lost and a search party had to be sent out. They always came home with bug bites all over them and that was from being in their home.

Whether these grandparents are having a hard time making ends meet or a rolling in dough, they don't owe it to the grandkids to pony up a certain amount. What's wrong with these kids that they feel so entitled to a significant gift? The grandparents acknowedged their birthdays and included a little token. And their response is "What is wrong with them?" Perhaps they should be relieved the the burden of receiving acknowledgements of any kind.