The 13 year old has questioned why they dont' mail him cards for holidays. My parents did before they died, but my inlaws have never done anything to try to build a relationship, and then they act surprised because the kids haven't wanted a lot to do with them. We don't live close, but my inlaws would rather drive 12 hours to their other child's house than 6 hours to our house. They act like we are suppose to always spend our vacation going to see them.

I so badly want to tell them that I am ashamed and disappointed in them. How dare they send 5 dollars, it was like a slap in the face to both of them. Both of them said what is wrong with them?

I think the hardest thing I am dealing with is IF my parents had of been alive, they always made a big deal out of special year birthdays, and even on their limited income, they would have done something special. Instead my inlaws did special by reducing the birthday money to 5 dollars. I would have never dreamed that they could have stooped so low. It would have been better if they had of just ignored it as they did the 21 year old last year, she got nothing last year from them.

We've been married almost 23 years and I've never understood them or liked them very much and now this. I have no desire to see them or talk to them anymore. I know petty petty, but why insult them on their birthdays?

Have you taught your kids to send their grandparents birthday or holiday cards? And have they done so?

If yes, wonderful; good for you. If not, why would you expect the grandparents to continue sending gifts (of any amount) or cards if the kids haven't been taught common courtesy?

Without some kind of polite acknowledgement or thanks, the gift giver is left out and would find no joy or satisfaction in giving. I can imagine that it would become a fairly obligatory, feeling-less gesture.

If you've raised your children to say thank you via notes, calls, and otherwise expend a little effort to let their grandparents know that they appreciate whatever is done (regardless of amount), then I don't have any answer to your question other than the grandparents may be on a very limited budget or are otherwise simply cold.

I so badly want to send MIL 5 dollars for her birthday that is coming up, just as a way to say see how that feels.. I definetely will not be spending big money as we have done in the past for her.

I think you answered it with your last 2 words. They are simply cold. Their budget is not the problem.

I much prefer spending more on Christmas gifts, but even those are not extreme. I simply can not do it, financially. Some say thank you in person; others never acknowledge any gift. The g'dau who has the children acts 'entitled', never says thank you, etc. I've started a savings acct for the oldest & will do so for the new born. Not large amts, but they'll have something when they turn 18. (tied up so no one can else access it).

I send to my grands what I feel I can afford - and some months that's a stretch. Regardless of what I do or do not send/give, they know I care about them. I'm sorry your children do not have this with their g'parents.

I think maybe you need to first, take a deep look at yourself and then second teach your children that the world doesn't revolve around them and money isn't the "be all, end all."

I would be willing to bet many grandparents are having a harder time financially.

It's a lovely thing to love people where they are..and not get upset over small things. Be glad you have grandparents alive at all, to send anything at all. Its a gift, and life passes so quickly.

Just teach your children no matter what they get, to call their grandparents often, and get to know them, while they have time. And be thankful for whatever they are sent. This will serve them well all their lives. They will learn to be thankful in many areas, and to be compassionate, and thoughtful.

Gift giving is getting out of control. My parents certainly have the means to give my kids stuff, but my kids do not NEED any more stuff! Instead they give them attention and their time (they color with them, read to them, baby-sit them while I run errands, etc... ) that is much more valuable to them and me then a another piece of junk toy.

Teach your kids to take the high road and appreciate G&G for what they bring to their lives, not the material stuff.