I hope things are are going better for your fanmily. This sort of situation can tear you apart.

Apple, I have experience with hypnosis, and it does work for bullying, but it's very dependent on the therapist. I went to a hypnotist to recover from my abusive first husband. It worked almost immediately. It helped me to realize and taught my conscious and subconscious mind that I was viewing him as an overbearing parent and myself as a vulnerable child. So, when my daughter became the target for bullies in middle school and high school, I took her to a hypnotist. My original hypnotist was now retired. I believe it would have worked, but the second therapist didn't use the same strategy. Instead she targeted my daughter's nightmares and introduced relaxation techniques. It did help, and the panic attacks stopped. My daughter's self esteem issues and social awkwardness persisted despite hypnosis, changing schools, AND counseling----LOTS of counseling. My daughter is now in college, and she is better, but not back to normal... Never will be, in my opinion. You MUST take action. Girl bullying is subtle but deadly. I witnessed it, and it is shocking to see... my daughter's words never even came close to describing how horribly hurtful it was. The teachers perpetuated it.... Believe me.... Teachers know which kids are popular, and which kids are targets, and they participate, too. What has worked better than everything is involving my daughter in outside activities with completely different kids. My daughter went on a high school study abroad program for spring break with a neighboring high school, and that was great. I sent her for month-long summer high school programs on college campuses, including one in England to get her out of the toxic environment and to help form new peer groups. I sent her to Saturday morning modeling classes, which also helped. I know you are thinking these things are expensive, but bullying can ruin or kill your child, and counseling is expensive, too. Don't tolerate it, and take action. I wish you and your daughter the best.

I dont see your "kick *ss" as being helpful because it is pretty clear Dad wont agree to this and all you are doing is making OP feel crummy becuase her options are limited. It is also IMHO unacceptable to use this type of language when recommending how to deal with children. kkny, Oh my GOD! You better go back and read this thread again, because I'M not the one who said that! That was a quote from ANOTHER poster. In my post, I was simply AGREEING with her, and validating her point! We are NOT our fathers, and neither one of us were even talking to you! And as far as your "IMHO" goes regarding language? Who cares! My parents did a great job of rasing us, as evidences by the fact that all of my siblings and I are financially secure, married, college degreed professionals, with families, lovely homes, and we all love each other and worship the ground our parents walk on. I'd say they got it right! And MySpace already DOES deny service for those who violate their TOS agreement, especially to teens. It's how they've managed to avoid the many lawsuits that have been filed against them! Their legal argument, which has prevailed in court thus far, is that someone has to register a COMPLAINT before they can investigate violations of the TOS agreements! MySpace is facing a whole slew of lawsuits right now on allegations they failed to protect minors, oh aside from one in Texas involving another minor who committed suicide after being raped by a Myspace predator. Oh no, MySpace doesn't pose any dangers for children! And I never said that PROFANITY in and of itself that violates MySpace and other TOS agreements necessarily either. It's the purpose and intent for which they are used! Even obscenities can be used in ways which are reasonably nonoffensive--as Howard Stern more or less demonstrated many long years ago. Why don't you try going back and reading the actual portions of the MySPace TOS and see if you can comprehend what actually says, and WHY neither the words "obscenity" or "profanity" are used. After doing so, if you're still having comprehensive problems, please let me know and I'll try to provide further clarification. If I'm still in the general mood, that is. Have you ever given some consideration to taking some adult literacy classes? I mean, how do you manage to communicate with anyone? Or DO you know better and are really the one here who's been "phrasing arguments to suit yourself?" Yeah, that's about what I thought. Oh, and in case you're also not aware, record companies have been filing lawsuits for BILLIONS of dollars for copyright infringement directly against CHILD as young as 12 for converting music into MP3s and distributing it for free on internet sites such as "Napster", who was also sued and settled the suit for somewhere around the neighborhood of $400 million and agreeing never to do it again! There are still internet sites that engage in this practice in countries currently not under US jurisdiction--but under international treaties, the record companies are hard at work going after them as well, while kids in this country are still posting their MP3, never imagining that one day, they might get slapped with a lawsuit too! And when and if that day comes, guess who's going to get to pay? So don't try telling me it's never going to happen--it already IS! As far as "limited options" go, almost EVRERYONE's options are limited! Otherwise instead of getting up to go to work in the morning, we'd all live in mansions, while cruising the world, and sunning at the beach! And just because her husband hasn't "stepped up to the plate" YET, don't go assuming he won't! I "chose my battles wisely" and ignored most things, but at one point, instigated by their psychotic mother's desire to get my husband back, their behavior became somewhat abusive. Before it even went that far, husband sat them both down and informed them in no uncertain terms that he never even knew he was capable of loving anyone as much as he loved me. That they would be starting their own lives soon, but him and I were FOREVER, so they better not even think of abusing "MY WIFE" again! It was a great speech, I was very proud of him! Oh, and 2 days after he PRIVATELY told his X what would happen if she ever tried pulling that crap again, she ran off over 1,000 miles away to escape his wrath! Oh, she came back, always does. She's so predictable. And as far as your snotty little insinuations regarding "intimidating" my SDs go? Yeah? I spent 2 hours on the phone with my youngest this morning, who's also coming over tonight for dinner with her BF, and his sister's been knocking herself out trying to get me to TALK to her again! She's currently banned from our home for attempting to con my husband into agreeing to "sneak" BM into HIS mother's funeral behind my back. That's when we got a lawyer to inform his X that if she tried showing up, not only would she be thrown out, but we would file legal action against her. He didn't talk to his daughter for quite a while after that either, and she's been sending me flowers and cards trying to apologize ever since. And I'll accept it--when I'm pretty sure I won't say anything to her I might regret later. And it's not like I'm even that mad at her. We always kept our problems with her mother PRIVATE, so I'm not even positive if she's aware of her mother's true agenda, which never had anything to do with them anyway. Only reason I'm even on this board is because my husband's out-of-town, working with her and her husband, in the business we helped them start! But that's business, and my God! The money's phenomenal! Which is also the REAL reason loser bum BM wants MY husband back, and also what I'm afraid of letting slip to SD that I might regret later. She's already in counseling and several different medications, but that's because her husband finally got tired of her mother MOOCHING off them, and threw her out on her sorry rear. Is this your real problem? Has your X moved on and is living a life of bliss with his new wife, and won't allow your bitterness to intrude on their happiness? Have they shut you out and won't listen to a single word you say, leaving you with the only "option" of taking out your frustrations on the SMs on this board instead? Tell me, how am I doing here?

Nikemama, with all due respect I think that using the term "emotional blackmail" is a bit much to describe the predictable behavior of a 13 year old kid in a blended family situation wherein his Dad moved away from where he lives along with his gaggle of new stepchildren. It's also not likely going to be a very productive way of viewing this situation. I ask you, what good do you really expect will come from you adopting that perspective on it? I do see where it can FEEL that way to you, and I think you're correct that he probably has enough awareness to see that by withdrawing himself or refusing visitation he can express his displeasure. But the key point here is that at his age it's likely he can't even fully understand or articulate WHAT that displeasure actually is. I know I sure couldn't at 13 or even 18, and I am a female (we tend to have more insight into our emotions) and a psychologically aware one at that (have always been very interested in the subject). If *I* did not have the insight and guts to be vulnerable to openly say---even to myself--- "I am hurt and angry that my Daddy went away and has a new family", I doubt this 13 year old boy could fully express or comprehend that. But it's true, nonetheless. Boys are taught that they have to be tough... there's not a lot of open acceptance of a boy older than a certain age "needing his Daddy", but it doesn't mean they don't. Then you add in a situation where the kid knows he has zero control over his Dad's choices to move away, etc. and he responds with the only way he knows how to have any control: over himself and his own reactions, and he also learns that he can't count on anyone to stick around so he better keep himself at a distance so that the sting of abandonment is less. But this is automatic, it's not fully conscious. This is because full consciousness of just how powerless he is over the changes happening around him ---which, by the way, have created very real geographical distance themselves--- and the perceived loss of a previously close connection is just too painful. Humans learn to adapt and to be self-protective as a way of getting on in an unpredictable and sometimes cruel world. And sometimes they over-learn self-defense and need to be shown alternatives. This is not rocket science and you also don't need to be Dr. Phil to understand this. (Though it does help if you're Pavlov.) As others have said ---including me--- it is wrong and unhealthy for SS to deal with his feelings by refusing visitation. And even more wrong for that refusal to be allowed by his parents and/or step-parents. I do believe that under a certain age the visitation should be more or less "forced" unless there are genuine reasons the kid should be kept away from the parent, which there aren't in your case. I believe this ultimately helps not only the kid but the parent and other blended family members to have a "stick to it" commitment to working thru problems, talking thru emotions, instead of just running from them. If the parents run from the problems and keep their distance, they are essentially training the kid to do the same, it's kind of a catch 22. So by my refusal to call your SS an "emotional blackmailer" I am in no way condoning the current status quo. Things MUST change, for sure. But everyone ---including and ESPECIALLY SS--- needs to learn how to understand what feelings are going on beneath the superficial surface of his outward behaviors. I can practically guarantee you that as soon as SS is told that it is genuinely okay for him to express his feelings and as soon as he learns a more creative/constructive way of doing so and the first time he does so without being censured or judged for it, his rough edges will start to soften and he will eventually come around and want more to do with the family. It won't happen overnight, but with enough consistency and positive encouragement, it will happen. People innately want to connect with others, especially family. Teens do go thru some years where they explore their own lives and friends and distance themselves from family because they also need to learn independence, but overall, people naturally want to have good close relationships. Nobody starts out wanting to distance themselves, it is a learned behavior that develops in response to a perception that they will not get their needs met or feelings understood any other way. If circumstances can be such that SS sees he doesn't have to withdraw to express himself, and that he is loved and welcomed unconditionally, there won't be any need for him to play "keep away". It's perfectly valid for you to explain to him that his distancing behavior HURTS others, and that it COMES OFF as emotional blackmail, and that this is the danger he will run into all his life with people if he keeps up that behavior and it will hurt HIMSELF most of all. But as a parental figure in this situation you just have to have more insight than that if you're really going to help him unlearn that behavior. Otherwise you're not helping, you're just judging (and rejecting and thus reinforcing the distancing behaviors) because it takes genuine empathy to provide genuine help.