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Relationship with Mil has changed:(

Posted by merle111 (My Page) on
Mon, Apr 9, 12 at 0:35

Before my husband and I had our first baby my relationship with my MIL was great! They live 7hrs away and I opened our home to my inlaws and they would stay for a few weeks multiple times per year. My husband was actually the one that wanted them to go home.. My mil and I would do things together and I always arranged for girl time with her and my mum too - it was great!! As soon as we annouced I was pregnant she would say things like 'oh you won't need me your mums just down the road' etc. I told her that I was always closer to my paternal grandparents because they lived out of state, they would stay a few times per year for at least 2 weeks so we got more quality time. Whereas my maternal grandparents lived down the road and it was only a few hours at a time with the whole family around so we did bond as much. Then she started making passive aggressive comments about me choosing to breastfeed implying it was gross. My husband and I decided we wouldn't have any visitors for the first 3 weeks after the birth because he works a lot and he had these 3 weeks off to bond. My husband explained this to her and she blamed me and said I just want my mum to be the closer grandma!!! That really hurt, I thought she knew me better. So I called her and invited her to stay for a week when the baby was 1 month old. She agreed but continued to say nasty things behind my back. I ignored it. When she came to stay she wouldn't listen to what I told her about the baby - sleep times etc. she said breastfeeding was selfish because she couldnt bond! It was horrible. My husband supports me 100%. 5 days into her stay she said she wanted to stay for another week and fil and sil (who has special needs, she's 30 although will always need a carer). My husband told her they'd have to stay at his aunts place because our place is small and he didn't want that many people in the house with a newborn... And also him too because he works so much. She blamed me again! I'm over it. I can't believe she's being like this. She can't see that I'm the one that pushes my husband to do things with his parents. When
my fil visited he had a go at me for being selfish!! While
my husband was at work of course. I lost it - I said that I'm done trying and if they can't see that I genuinely wanted a relationship with them then I'm going to give up. I asked them to leave. I called my husband crying and he called his father and told him to not bother coming back. Mil called me and said "you've got what you wanted now, he'll wake up one day and leave you". She then said my life is so much easier than hers was. Can someone please tell me from a grandparents perspective what happened???? I want to fix this but my husband doesnt want the drama!


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RE: Relationship with Mil has changed:(

You and your husband are the ones to make decisions, not your relatives or his. With my last one, she was so small but not premature, the Dr. no one could pick her up except myself and hubby. My sister in law was so nasty that hubby told her to go home . I agree with your hubby, vistors need to stay either at a hotel, or at other relatives. We did. That way they had their privacy, we had outs. Don't try to fix it. Just deal with it. You need your time and your rest with the baby. If you need suggestions talk to your Dr. the nurses at the office or the hospital. Do not be afraid to get outside profession help. Good luck and enjoy the little one.
M.


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