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jenn_gw

What would you do?

jenn
22 years ago

My husband's daugher (in her mid-30's) has 2 children, a toddler and a newborn. She NEVER calls or comes to visit unless she needs something, has a problem, or is invited to dinner. When her dad has often asked why she does that, she answers "well the phone works both ways!" or "well you never come over either!" (the truth: we don't just drop by unannounced, but we always go over when invited). It seems that no amount of attention is ever enough, and she complains frequently about what others do or don't do, etc.

I'm at the point where I want to ask her directly "why don't you ever come over unless there's something to get or unless you're invited for dinner? There must be a reason why someone doesn't visit their parent(s) unless they want something...". But I know she will get very defensive, cry, then leave.

She does want to spend time with us, so that doesn't seem to be a problem. It's just that she doesn't seem to be interested in coming to just visit, but doesn't hesitate when there's something to get out of it.

I'm tired of the behavior and sassy attitude... yet it's my nature to ignore it in order to have a friendly relationship. Things get very tense when she doesn't like something we say and then ignores us for weeks... until she wants something again. I want very much to have a friendly relationship with her, but this is turning me off. She will NOT take any amount of correction/confrontation no matter how mild. Her dad and I both walk on eggshells so as to not upset her (sick, I know!!).

I think it's terribly rude and hurtful to visit parents only to get something, then act put out (time and time again) when confronted on it.

What would you do?

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