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Posted by maggiemater (My Page) on
Tue, Jan 20, 04 at 18:08

My sons wife just told him that he isn't the father of his son. She was pregnant before they married and lead him to think it was his child, even gave him his entire name. She told him she didn't put his name on the birth certificate.
Even though he didn't father this child who is now 5, he is his daddy. She has been having affairs and is now leaving him. We have been so upset. This child is so loved by all of us, and can't stand the thought of not being able to see him as often as we would like. She is moving to another state, although its only about 45 min. away it feels like a very long way.
I just needed someone to talk to.

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: grandchildren

I don't know how people can be so cruel. Don't they think before they do things like this. Apparently not, or you wouldn't be going through this right now. I am so sorry this had to happen to you. ((maggiemater)).

RE: grandchildren

I feel so really badly for you and your son. I hope, though, that you knew a little ahead of time----like you saw some of this coming.

A few years ago a family member had a stroke. There had always been some question about his daughter, age 30s. She thought she was his daughter. Very long mixed-up story, but a few days before he died, her mother told her that he was NOT her father. Horrible, horrible situation. But, we all knew what kind of woman this girl's mother is----so we weren't totally shocked.

Maybe your ex-daughter-in-law will let you see the grandchild. It's a bad situation. My prayers and best wishes are with you. And I'm not sure if your son has any legal way to do anything----maybe he should consult with an attorney and see.

RE: grandchildren

It is a shame parents can't put the children first and do what is best for the child. This does not sound best for him. She could be lying, son should get a paternity test. As far as the little boy is concerned your son IS his dad and you are his family...sometimes love is thicker than blood. You must be very hurt. I hope your situation works out for the good.

RE: grandchildren

Thanks so much. Please keep us in your prayers.
I had my doubts when the child was about 2, but by then he was in our hearts and I wouldn't trade that for anything.It is clear that he is bi- racial. He started getting some color to him when he was 2. We thought my sons name was on the birth certificate so we didn't worry about losing him. She had us all fooled.My son thinks she is going to add his name to the certificate, she asked him if he was sure he wanted to be added. He told he did. I wish she would, then he would file for custody(sp)because she isn't a fit mother.

RE: grandchildren

Maggie, this is a horrible situation to be in and I am so sorry for you.
In Louisiana, if a man's name is on the birth certificate for 6 months or longer, the child is considered the LEGAL father and LEGALLY responsible for that child whether he is the biological father or not. Now, if the biological father would come forth and fight the issue, that could pose a problem. If this law holds true in your state also, he may have some legal ground to stand on since he has been supporting the child.
I'm so sorry for this situation for you.
Please keep us posted.
BTW, I was here a long time ago. Just happened to check you all out tonight.

RE: grandchildren

Since your son has been supporting this child, and has considered it his own, he might have some parental rights.

I heard of a case where a woman had done something like your daughter in law and the husband did *not* want to have the child in his life anymore upon finding out his true paternity. The courts made him continue to provide support since he was the only father the boy had known.

I would recommend that your son consult an attorney experienced in such matters. I'm sorry about the situation, and hope that things work out somehow.


RE: grandchildren

If they're legally married, I do believe that your son has some rights, to the child, blood related, or not. If she gave birth, while she was legally married, to your son, the law recognizes the baby, as his child. I would think, that it's neither an advantage, or a disadvantage, to your son, that there is no name, on the certificate, if there's a question of paternity. She should be the one, to have to prove otherwise, that he isn't the father, if she wants to avoid a paternity case, in court. Otherwise, you and your son, can retain an attorney and plead, for parental rights and/or custody.
It's when there is no legal marriage, that the man can lose out, nearly all together. It's well worth getting some advice, by a family lawyer, who is strong on paternity resolution.
My son believes that he and a girlfriend, at the time, had a baby, (at least I think the baby is his). Then, the ex-girlfriend got another guy, to agree, to sign over rights to paternity, so she could give him away. By the time my son had gotten hold of the information, it was impossible, financially, for my son, to fight it. This was enough years ago, that there wasn't the fight and resources, that are available to men, these days.
In my heart, I have another grandson. I had him one afternoon, when she needed someone to watch the boy, when he was 2 months old. I saw the similarities but there's no way, that I can ever trace him...he was adopted by a lawyer, in a closed adoption and that was all we ever heard, after the fact.

I despise it, when the men lose out, when they want to be there and the mother shuts them out! The law should bend over backwards, to defend these men. Get references and find one, with a great reputation.
Becky~~~ in Washington State

RE: grandchildren

Becky, that is such a sad story. I'm so sorry.

RE: grandchildren

How truly awful for you.

Desiderata is right. If the baby was born when your son and the baby's mother were married, he is legally the father, birth certificate or not. For hundreds of years, that was the law, period. Recently, it has become possible for the presumption that it's the husband's baby to be contested, but if it isn't done in court, your son has the right to share custory and the responsibility to pay support.

Definitely see a divorce attorney in your own state, though. I don't practice in that area and don't keep up with the laws.

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