I am only a mere Aunt, but would like some advice on how I may be able to councel my mother, who is a first time grandparent, and my sister, who is a first time mother. The baby is now almost 2. I'm afraid that my sister and my mother are not understanding each other in regards to what the term "interfering" means.

I have to give an example. My sister is a waitress, single mom and I watch the baby on Monday evenings while she is at work. I brought her over to grandmas so we could get a change of environment and visit and play. Toward the end of the evening, the baby suddenly developed a fever and wouldn't eat or drink. My mother had some levftover childrens Tylonol from when they lived with her, but she said that we needed to call my sister before giving her anything. So we did. My sister comes over, gives the baby medicine (which she threw up) and takes her home.

Well, the next day my mother calls to check on the baby. My sister says she still isnt eating, but was taking her to the beach. "What?", my mother asks. She tells her that it probably isn't a good idea to take her to the beach cause she's still sick. My sister freaks out and tells her that she can't do anything good enough for my mother and that she's interfering, then hangs up on her.

How can these guys learn to communicate? My mother has good advice. She was offering it like she would offer to any other friend. I mean, if I were to tell someone it's not a good idea to drive on a flat tire, I dont think they would bite my head off. I also understand that my sister needs to feel like she's raising her child according to her methods, but she's also being very selfish. I am worried about where this might lead, because my mother is beginning to feel punished. And I can't say that she's necessarily wrong, except that my sister doesn't understand that she is punishing her by not visiting when they fight.

Any advice?

I wish that there were some way to peacibly broach the subject with my sister, but from the minor probes I've done it wouldn't be too welcome. I'll just have to "hope for the best".

I just spoke with my mother about it again and she says that my sister is probably just been feeling the stress of doing everything on her own. When she lived with my mother she had someone to help change diapers and everything, now she has to do them all herself. But I will definately share with her that she needs to learn how to let "Mom be Mom". I guess it's hard to switch from mom role to grandma role - I mean your child is your child no matter how old they are.

My sister really is a good mom. She does try to do what's right. I am thinking that because she is a single parent that it doesn't SEEM like she has someone "on her side". And the baby is one of the happiest people I know. She kind-of reminds me of the Dali Llama - full of wisdom and laughter. LOL! I'll have to find the proud Auntie forum and post pictures.

Thanks again!

So...has the communication improved since January?