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No good deed goes unpunished!
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Posted by jankin (My Page) on Sun, Jan 29, 06 at 10:15
My middle daughter (45) married again - she had divorced her first husband - he was an alcoholic and sadly died of cirrhosis after the divorce (he had know he was dying but didnt tell anyone) They had 2 children - a girl now 18 and a boy now 15.
The second husband moved in while husband no.1 was still alive. Only this year did both my gchildren tell me that no.2 had been hitting the little boy (then 10) and no.1 had asked social workers to investigate. The children were told to say nothing.
No 2 comes from another country - he has managed to get my daughter to remortgage the house (which was paid for) to buy 2 properties in his country (supposedly for a holiday investment scheme) - now his family live in the houses.
My daughter had a lovely baby boy (now 2). Husband 2 will not go out to work - he is supposed to have a uni.degree which could be converted to UK standards if he passed some basic exams in English 0 although he has been here for over 10 years he refuses to do this.
OK so none of this is my business.
But every year since he moved in - the eldest gchaildren have left home temporarily because of his behaviour. My grandson has told me that he will kill him if he touches him again. Sometimes my daughter asks us to have him 'while things cool down'. He came to us before Christmas and again a couple of weeks ago. He is a lovely boy - studious, a loner, still grieving for his father.
He went back last week when my daughter decided to stay home for a while to try to sort things out.
Now - we are the baddies - she wont speak to us or allow the kids to apeak to us. It seems so unfair. She didnt even say thankyou or sorry.
How can I put this behind me (me 68 dh70)? Now I'm questioning everyone my daughter had told us about no.1 and feel so guilty.
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Follow-Up Postings:
RE: No good deed goes unpunished!
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| Sometimes you just have to detach yourself. My DD and I went through basically the same thing. My grandaughter is 5. I haven't seen her in two years. In that time there was a lot of grandma bashing. My DD calls every once in awhile and speaks of my grandaughter but I don't talk to the grandaughter. Part of me realizes that we will never have a relationship so why bother. Another part of me doesn't want to put hope of seeing grandma in my grandaughter. There is no perfect answer here. Sometimes you just have to walk away. I have and it is easier than you think. Yes, I still think about her, hope she's ok, and trust that some of the good values I instilled in her mother are still there somewhere. Just a little background, my DD and the baby moved in with us after a seperation from her husband. They lived with us for two years. In that time my DD ran up over 6k in bills that we had to pay.Our name. She had a hard time finding a job and when she did she then wanted to play and let mom take care of the baby. In that time baby and grandma got very close. Only grandma could do it. Once my DD met a man, off she went. Left us with the bills and disapeared.Left that man who told us about the grandma bashing. That baby wanted grandma so mom had to make up something. No phone calls, nothing for two years. Out of the blue, she called a few months ago, whining about her awful life. I believe she made her own bed. |
RE: No good deed goes unpunished!
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I'm in a similar nightmare now. My husband & I have pretty much raised our granddaughter since she was 5 weeks old. She is now four & 1/2 years old. My daughter is a lair, thief, & has been turning aggressive for some time. About a month ago she attacked me after calling me filthy names. The father of the kids got tired of the aggression, the drinking the pills, the stealing (7600 dollars out of his account) & the lying, he found another woman & ran for Florida. For seven weeks I baby sat for her son along with raising her daughter. The boy is large, he smells bad all the time, he has no manners, (blows nose on his clothes) he's three & 1/2 years old, not potty trained, has the biggest, worse smelling poopy. Talking to this child is like talking to drift wood. Not only is my daughter lazy but there is something terribly wrong with this child. He weights in at fifty some pounds & I am only 97 pounds. (He wears me out lifting him) My mother & I got together & got an appointment to have him evaluated. Mom took her cause I had my granddaughter & she lied to my Mom & said they SAID nothing was wrong with him. A few weeks later I get a phone call from them saying she & the boy missed the 2 hour evaluation. (Pull my hair out) I was only supposed to watch him for a day, which turned into seven weeks & she still wasn't even looking. (slit wrists) I have been taxiing her to work, stores, everywhere. (run cold water over bleeding wrists) This night I ask her why she wasn't looking for a sitter? Suddenly I'm a bad grandparent, we'd had a prior fight about her rent, I told her she needed to pay her own rent, she makes enough money, where was all her money going? She sure wasn't paying for a sitter, or food during the day, or gas & I didn't ask her to. I just wanted her to help herself. She went bonkers trying to spin it like I'm the bad grandparent, (this is a girl who we had in college, bought a new T-bird for she had everything I wish I'd had when I was a kid. She meets the father drops out of school, totals out the T-bird & turns up pregnant) Proceeds to dump the baby on me, which I took her, then gets pregnant again & wasn't happy when I informed her she wasn't dumping that one on me.) Anyway she is spoiled & thinks we owe her a living, she doesn't learn from her mistakes but faults others for them. I told her she was no longer welcome at our house after she attacked me. She comes takes my baby & now says we will never see her again. What a joy my daughter has turned out to be. I still see my granddaughter at my mothers, & she told me her mother locked her in the garage in the dark. She cries that she wants to come home with me & Papa, she cries for me all the time. She said Nana you got to do something, you got to try. (She talks like an old lady sometimes, I love it) So I called Child protective services. That was like 3 weeks ago, & I'm still waiting, in the mean time she has been evicted, & is due in court for a DUI. The girl lost her license years ago, has a DUI & is now driving a friends van.
It's a crazy world & I keep thinking with time she will have enough rope & hang herself (I mean that in legal terms of keeps getting in trouble) & I will be able to bring my granddaughter back home to the only stability she has ever known. Her court date for the DUI is Tuesday. Thanks for letting me vent. |
RE: No good deed goes unpunished!
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| my daughter just married a man that stole my credit card and he is moving her to gorgia, she has a 6 yr old daughter that is very close to me. he is 40 and she is 27. he has been mmarried 3 x and i have talked to his x and she told me he has a bad drinking problem and has stolen 10,000 or more from his dad and other people.i am very scared for my daughter and grandaughter.will u all pray for them.ty |
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