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How do I make new friends without seeming...

Posted by
Trish
(dcamp@aol.com) on
Fri, Mar 26, 99 at 18:13

Hi!
I have an upcoming H.S. reunion this summer. I would like to make some new friends. I knew ALOT of people from H.S. , but was never really close to many of them. How can I make some new friends with these people without seeming too "weird". I want some new people to hang out with and to call etc..
I am happily married to a wonderful man. Our lives arent' so hectic anymore.
Any suggestions?


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: How do I make new friends without seeming...

I don't know how you do it - but when I went to my 20th HS reunion I found I wasn't particularly interested in re-uniting with the people I hung out with in HS. I was rather weird back then.... However, the evening goes so fast and everyone is trying to "touch base" with so many different people that making a new friend would have been very difficult indeed. I should say, my graduating class was 1200 - about 600 were at the union and probably 1/3 of them were spouses so you spent a lot of time going around looking at people's name tags and trying to figure out if you even knew each other at all back then. I took my husband with me and was fairly self-conscious that he was bored to death. He got stuck sitting next to a friend's rather dry husband. I would have had more fun if I'd gone on my own and didn't have to worry about hubby. Mingling might have been a bit easier. Just go and have a good time and take down some phone numbers of people who think you'd like get to know better and follow up later.


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RE: How do I make new friends without seeming...

After my last high school reunion I found I didn't have much in common with those people anymore. It's wonderful to meet new friends who you can call and do things with but I find it's hard to do too - one suggestion might be to focus on a hobby or two and join or start a group with similar interests.


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RE: How do I make new friends without seeming...

Hubby and I are in the same boat, we will be attending at least my 20th reunion next year, however we don't have any desire to strike up new friendships with old classmates. I hope that doesn't sound rude, it's just that those people were a part of my past, an important part granted, but I don't want to go back. I have two friends that are still fairly close from that time, and we have even grown apart quite a bit. It's hard to make close friendships when an adult, especially when working, both out of the house and inside it. There are few people at the office that end up being 'close' friends. I don't mean for it to sound sad, but hubby and I don't really have anyone to call to do something with except his brother and girlfriend. It just doesn't work for he and I to get together with my friends and significants, and we are each others best friend. Plus we just don't have a lot of extra time (no kids yet either!) I agree that you should find some kind of organization to get involved in. I used to take tole painting classes and had a nice group of women to get together with once or twice a week. Up until December I had an aerobics class that was more than just an exercise class, we all became friends and went out together and still do an occasional pot luck (there is one tonight actually). I don't even really have a 'best' girlfriend, I have two or three girlfriends, but no one I can tell everything too. I have always missed that. Because I was raised by an older mother (she was 42 when she had me) I was always around older people more than ones my own age. I still today have better relationships with older women. I will read the responses you get with interest.


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RE: How do I make new friends without seeming...

Hi:

Are you finding it difficult making friends in your area? Why would you need to go back to make friends.?

I am trying to understand that.
can you explain it from your view.
Carole


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RE: How do I make new friends without seeming...

I know how you feel. My husband + I have relocated several times in the last 10 years and I still feel my only real friends are back in my old hometown (Chicago). Working at home doesn't help, either. We have joined some clubs and taken group dance lessons, but friendships are hard to get started and even harder to keep going. Seems like when you're trying to make friends, others view you as "pushy" or "overly-friendly" (read: weird).
Hey - if you live near Vancouver (Washington) or Portland (Oregon) - look me up!


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RE: How do I make new friends without seeming...

I've always thought it'd be fun to go back to a high school reunion because I've lived so far from my hometown, but I'm not sure there'd be anyone I'd really want to talk to--ha. It's hard for me to make close friends, too--finding someone you click with. I'm in 2 mom's groups and then meet with 2 other moms (I guess we're our own little group)--so that helps. I've tried to start a regular Moms Night Out-but the interest of the other ladies isn't there, I guess. It would just be nice to get together--minus the kids once in a while to get back to ME--does anyone else feel that way? Am I getting way off the subject?


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RE: How do I make new friends without seeming...

I went to my 30th Hi School reunion, and I agree with most of the above comments, they have all changed, and many moved away! Actually, we recently moved, 20 min from where we had lived, to a new area, much closer to DH's work. I have become active in our church women's guild, and met many lovely people. I also volunteer for things, these are excellant ways to make new friends. I am aslo going to join a garden club here, I have a sister on the other side of this city, and she has asked me to join this club, I will do it, and give it a try! The more you get out there, the more people you will meet to fulfill your life. Good Luck, I wouldn't look back, but forward!


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RE: How do I make new friends without seeming...

Just be upfront. I got some name cards made out with my name/phone number and e-mail address them. Tell the people you'd like to make some friends, that you want to go to lunch. That's what I did and worked fine.


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RE: How do I make new friends without seeming...

Many, many moons ago, as a high school senior, I read Dale Carnegie's book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People. "I mastered the "Win friends" quickly, but don't think I was successful in "Influencing People." It is a worthwhile book,tho. (Had our children read it as they reached "that" age.) Find some organizations that need volunteers, If you have any spare time, and do what you can--church, women's groups, hospital volunteer in the Gift Shop. Didn't mean to sound preachy, or "Dr. Philish." AnnieIL


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RE: How do I make new friends without seeming...

I had 2 best friends at work for the past 13 years. We were as close as sisters, I could tell them anything, our kids were the same age, etc. In the past 9 months, both have quit. Even though I still see them and talk to them on the phone, it's not the same and I feel very lonley. However, I know that these types of friendships can't be forced - either you "click" with someone or you don't.


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