Everything I've seen/heard about this is not to cancel credit cards. Cancelling them does affect your credit scores. That said, at one point I had 3 separate credit cards issued by the same bank. I use only one and pay the balance in full every month. I have received letters from the bank requesting that I either use the cards or said cards would be cancelled effective 30 days of the receipt of said letter. I didn't use them, and those accounts have been cancelled. DH hates credit cards and prefers to pay cash for purchases. I did check with the 3 credit bureaus regarding whether the cancellation by the bank for lack of use of those two cards would affect our credit scores. All three claimed that it would not, and I did manage to obtain fax confirmation of that assurance. I did pull reports at 90 days after their cancellation, and our scores hadn't changed. Unless the card company contacts you about cancelling for lack of use, I wouldn't cancel.

With respect to whether or not the counselor could testify in court...who was the identified patient? If it was your sister, she could give her permission to/release the counselor from the required confidentiality agreement; however, if your XBIL was the identified patient, he would have to grant that permission, and I doubt he would. If your niece is the identified patient, well...she is legally still a minor, therefore the parent(s) would have to grant permission for the records to be released. Since legally they still have joint custody & it was a "family" session, I would imagine your XBIL would have to agree...again, I doubt he would do that. The counselor could get herself into a world of hurt (meaning your XBIL could bring an ethics complaint against her) if she were to testify in court without his permission. The only time a therapist is compelled to testify or bring a record is under a court order from a judge. A subpoena won't do...a therapist can get their hind-end sued if they do that...the law varies some from state to state but there is an entire body of case law on this and generally the state legislatures are aware of the various court decisions from state to state and take these rulings into account when drafting legislation. For example, there was a famous case in California that resulted in the "Tarasoff" rule and virtually every state in the union addresses this issue in the law, i.e., if a client makes a threat of physical harm against an identifiable person, the therapist is bound by law to warn that person of the potential threat of harm. It is known as "duty to warn." There is similar case law that has been codifed with respect to records and confidentiality...if the counselor in your case testifies without an order from the court, she may be opening herself up to substantial liability. She really should check with folks at her state licensing board before she does anything....she could testify for your sister, get sued by your XBIL and ultimately end up hurting your sister's and your niece's position. By the way, I would worry about a counselor who is unable to maintain professional distance and cries in the session. It is possible to be fully empathic with respect for someone's pain while still managing to not feel that pain as your own...professional boundaries are incredibly important therapeutically in the counseling process...her tears would be a red flag to me... Hopefully, KKNY is correct in her response, that at 17 y/o, a judge would simply listen to and respect your niece's wishes in the matter. Good luck to them.

I know when you're right in the midst of it, every day must seem like an eternity, but really, the fact that your DH is willing to go to counseling with you suggests that he wants your family to work out and be happy. Yes, I got that the affair was with his ex. Ouch and ouch again! But, I will say (and not to excuse it AT ALL, I would have been a BANSHEE if my DH did that!!) that when people are in the divorce process, things are messy, messy, messy. And despite all the best advice to not get involved with a recently divorced person, and to not get involved with a new romance when you are recently divorced...the heart sometimes makes these choices for us! And even when the new partners are head over heels, there are sometimes these tendrils from the old relationship that cling...especially when there are kids. I would ask--does your DH seem like he knows that what he did was hurtful to you? Has he learned by the outcome of the lies? Again, not to excuse his deceitfulness, but sometimes people panic and say what they WISH was true, hoping not to hurt the person they love. I think when you guys go to the counselor, that you should lay it on the line really early that you are worried about how the relationship between your son and your husband will affect your little boy. You said your husband admitted that he never built a relationship with your son. The fact that he admits it is good--he is capable of looking at the problem. The sad fact is, that happens! Especially when the bioparent is racked with guilt. The question is, does your DH feel bad about that? Is he motivated to improve the environment that your little boy lives in? Can the counselor help him see the effect his closed-off heart is having on a little person who looks up to him? I've seen a lot of families where things don't "jell" until an "ours" baby comes along. That might make a huge difference...all of a sudden, your DH will be related by blood connection to your son through his new child. Of course, you will want to make it clear that your son will NOT be the odd man out in the family! That this will not be acceptable in any shape, size or form. Hopefully the counselor can help you get some communication going on that. And hopefully you have a good sense of your own power in the dynamic...that you can compromise, but that doesn't equal sucking up treatment that you think is wrong. Eggshells belong in the compost heap. I really am a strong believer in stepfamilies...but the birth pains can be intense. To an extent I experienced some of what you are going through; it broke my heart at first that my DH didn't love my kids as much as he loved his own. Even though if I was honest with myself, I was the same way! But through the years of us consciously trying to do what was best for the kids, barriers of genetics fell, and like a broken bone, our family is stronger for the growing. Gradually, my DH became the "softy" with my kids, and they are all very devoted to each other now. Wishing the best for you and your little guy and SKs and the new little family member on the way.

Well, she has shown you over and over again who she really is. She can not be trusted to not cheat on you. I would not want to be married to someone I could not trust. Forgive one time, yes, ok. But many times she has cheated on you. You have gone to counseling and it did not work. It is time to end the marriage and move on. Do not stay together for the children. Don't make them the scapegoat for doing nothing. End your misery (and the children's too I'm sure), get a divorce and start anew. NancyLouise