A very big Thank You for the tips on record keeping. I will try to start one tonight. 'Till now I've just noted Dr appts. on calendar. I wish she did eat just $20-25 a week. She eats everything in sight. I have to make DH's next day lunch before we eat dinner or there's nothing left. I've really gone through my freezer just trying to make it to the end of the month for my retirement check to get deposited so I can buy more groceries!! Once we catch up on all of the behind bills and pay off S-son's cell phone,sattelite, etc., (He put everything in her name) we will have a little extra to spend on her from her check. She was so spastic about the warrant for the heating oil bill that we took $$ out of our savings and paid it before court day. That will be the first thing to come out of her retirement check. S-son called yesterday to say he had finally gotten a job. I'm doing the happy dance now! Hope it lasts. This has really taken the wind out of his sails because his Dad made it plain that there was NO MONEY. He's had to figure out how to come up with his own party $$s. She is talking about selling her house to get out from under the payments. 2 possible issues with that. 1) With the economy I'm not sure we can get enough to pay off the loans. 2) That house was built by her Daddy and NOTHING has EVER been thrown away! I'm dreading trying to clean out the house and multiple sheds/buildings. All and all, things are settling down a little. Stress level has dropped a notch. All of you have been my life raft. Can't thank you enough. Oh yeah, DH's Mom (Aunt's sister) has called and gone by the house repeatedly to try and get anything she can sell out of it. She knew everything that was going on and has already been there and carted off everything of value she could fit into her car before we found out how bad off Aunt was. (Such a sleeze bag.) In case you are wondering where we have been- DH was in a horrific accident on the job early last year and almost died. We spent many days in intensive care, had a long hospital stay as well as return trips for emergencies that kept popping up, and a very long recovery at home where he was practically bed ridden wnth me giving him daily very strong antibiotic IVs thru Pic line straight to his heart. When we finally got him on his feet and able to go check on Aunt- all of the family vultures had done an awful lot of damage financially as well as helping themselves to antique quilts, dishes, etc. S-son doing the most damage in the $$ dept. Let's just say I'm so grateful to God that I had the upbringing that I had. Poor DH is a Saint to have turned out as well as he did to have come from that family. Thanks for letting me vent here. It soooo helps my stress level to get it out. Betty

Gina in FL wrote: Dunno about other states, but if you live in NJ and die, they have a 3 year "look back" and will consider all gifts part of your estate and tax you accordingly. ===== My MIL is in NJ and gifted each of her kids 10K for 2006. She plans to do the same every year as she was left extremely wealthy after FIL died and has a huge tax burden. Are you saying if she does this three years in a row, the estate will have to pay taxes on the gifts if she dies in NJ? She did tell me that NJ is notorious for getting more than their fair share of the estate pie. I'm wondering if she's not aware of the look back taxation. I have other questions, but so not to hijack, I started a thread about being the recipient of such gifts.

I'm all for education being a "full time job". But what happens when parents aren't capable (OR WILLING, like mine!) to make that happen? How do you imbue kids with the resources to "adapt, improvise, overcome"? Personally, I think that is the more important question. Mericifully, I learned from the 'rents to "live lean". I can "squeeze a dollar 'til it hollers" with the best of them. I think it's important to give allowances. My parents never did that. Aside from occasional baby-sitting gigs, in a very rural town there were no jobs available. If I wanted to go to the movies I had to ASK for the money and justify the popcorn. IT SUCKED. I determined that once I had a job I'd never "go beggin'" again. How my practical parents missed the importance of an allowance escapes to to this day. Work=gain. Pure and simple. I was never able to hold a job until I was 18 (there were no jobs in my town and my work/study job the first one I have had!). Use of the family car was purely discretionary. MY use of it was predicated on my GPA. Straight As earned a sizeable insurance break... and use of the car! I may not have paid for the insurance increase, but I damn sure EARNED the "break". A speeding ticket or ticket for a moving violation would have grounded me for between 60-90 days. A car was NOT a "god given right" when I began driving, it was a priviledge, subject to parental vagaries, lol. My parents did a CRUMMY job of imparting to me the most fundamental aspects of establishing a "budget". They did it wonderfully themselves and I was a good "study", but they failed woefully when it came to actually TALKING about money and its management. Talking about money was like talking about sex... everything was cloaked in time-honored "mystery". A total fu**kin' waste of time! A HS student who works should pay "room and board". Put the money in an account for them (identify this as "savings" while stressing the importance of rationing a paycheck!). Talking about money and how to use it for your greater benefit is crucially important. Money is a TOOL, something we all have to use. Learning how to use it effectively begins with "baby steps"... savings, budgets, forestalling immediate gratification. The sooner kids learn that it costs money to live, work, and how to provide for that, the better off they will be in long run. They need to be informed that you have to take care of the BASICS before you can begin to "blow money". Savings. Basic budget. Fun money. I'm 47, with no kids. I've paid every note I've assumed before the term was up. I've never bounced a check. I work in the "trades"; work ethic was part and parcel of the way I was raised. But it would have been a lot less stressful had I been given the basic outline before I was 18. For me, it was as though I was dropped into the "deep end"; needlessly frightening and stressful. Years later I've only just become comfortable with the notion that I can actually SPEND money on something other than basic necessities. You shouldn't have to be honest, hard-working, and in your 40s to feel comfortable with your finances. This feeling was an option for me 20+ yrs. ago, but I was too afraid of money then!

Just an update> Whilst my husband was away i gathered as much information as i could just incase. When he got back he seemed really nervous and agitated, i don't know if that meant anything. I didn't really want to talk about his trip as i was still reeling from the fact that he went away and left us no emergency contact. He proceeded to tell me that he got his diving certificate whilst he was down there. I told him that i thought it was very irresponsible of him to not tell us he was going away till the last minute and not leave an emergency number. His reply to that..ou're going to have to accept me as i am and that includes me not wanting to leave an emergency number if he didn't want to.WOW. Thought i'd let things ride to see what happened. We have lived platonically since then. About 2 weeks ago he started to change his attitude. He became very respectful, helpful and considerate. He actually thanked me for shopping for his Mom's birthday, something he's never done before in 26 years. I started to think there might be some hope that we could work this mess out if this was going to be the NEW him. I was abit skeptical as previously when we've hd bad times he changes for a little while then everything goes back to the old ways. I was really starting to appreciate the NEW him. I could even bring up things that were bothering me without the fear of him getting upset and cold shouldering me. A few days ago he asked if i would bring him a cup of tea up to the bedroom, so i said sure. When i get up there he asks me to get into bed with him.\I knew where this was going but i thought we needed to sort some things out before i wanted to get intimate with him again. It has been on my mind recently that something might have happened down in the Dominican. So i said, if we're going to try to repair our damaged relationship there was some things that needed to be discussed.Iasked him if he had slept with anybody whilst in the Dominican. He refused to answer. So i said i'll take that as a yes then. He still didn't say anything but he turned into an angry man not the sweet kind one he'd been for the last two weeks. He said what do you expect you haven't touched me in 5 months.I said that i had a right to know if he had been with anybody else in order to protect myself. H accused me of rejecting him and sabotaging his efforts to mend the relationship. Was i wrong, i don't think so. I feel like he was only making an effort bacause he had an agenda, which robbed me of any hope.