Actually, KitchenRedo--your scenario isn't always the case. I'm in the midst of settling my mom's estate. In my state, you just have to file the will with the probate office, then, it's up to the executor to follow the will's instructions. While I did consult my attorney, it was for my peace of mind--he didn't do a thing but tell me I had everything covered. There was no court appearance at all (I only had to go to the county store at the mall to file the will). The will can specify that the executor not be required to file a bond. All in all, I've found it's a very simple procedure. One thing you didn't mention, though--is that the executor/executrix has to file for a federal tax ID #. Now that, I imagine--being a federal requirement--is probably true across the board. As to the question posed by the original poster. Seems to mme, part of the problem is the appointing of 4 executrixes. That's just unweildy, and excessive, IMO. I don't know how you could possibly 'fix' that, if it's how your mom left her will, but I can certainly see that there's probably no real way for you to make effective decisions with 4 cooks stirring the broth. There are 4 of us siblings, too, but mom left me (oldest) as executrix. I made sure I spoke with each of my siblings privately and found out what they wanted most to remember mom--and I made sure the most important things were divided fairly. Actually, all were very cooperative, and really tried to help me, and not be grabby. If your mother didn't want her things auctioned or sold, you really need to honor her wishes. As to how you're going to work out the rest, not knowing you personally, it's hard to really offer too much in the way of advice. I will just add this. I hope you do find a way to work through this. One of the really helpful things, after mom died, was while it was rough having to clear out her apt. in just a couple of weeks, it was so very comforting to get together, and share our memories of mom, as we shared her precious possessions. Precious because of the memories, not because of their monetary value. We did that last Dec. But just this past weekend, one of my nieces came by to go through a few of the things I'd been saving for her--she'd been away at college when we were handling stuff at the apt. And that was another wonderful walk down memory lane. Your mom is right--all those little things she left behind are ribbons tied to memories of her life and love. If at all possible, find a way to share that wonderful legacy. Good luck.

Momcat, if you go to Google, advanced search, you would choose the search terms estate planning with your state after estate planning, like I did for estate planning NJ. It gives you a lot of information to start the search. Also on that page is a link to other states, look in the middle column under Regional Resources. What she may need is a special needs trust, so have her look into that and the different types to get familiar with them before her 1st meeting so she won't feel so lost. She should also start making lists of what she knows about each of them, any history of what each came into the marriage with is a good place to start. She will also need to find out banking information, especially if the wife had an account with her son as a joint owner or power of attorney. It's possible that she did and the son is managing it. Since she's been sick for a lot of the marriage, it's my guess the son took care of this years ago to make sure that if something happened to his mom, he would already have access to it. I just reread your 1st few lines, and wonder if what you said would be taken into consideration: My SIL father remarried after being widowed. They were both in their 70's and he wouldn't let her drop a dime of her own money after they were married. They have been married 10 years now but for the last 7 years she has been ill, so he has paid for 24 hour home nursing for his wife so they can continue to live in the new condo she just had to have. My SIL says that he has spent most of his savings on this home care and worries if there will be funds to take care of him if need be. Both were in their 70's when they married, so they both most likely had their own stuff... Did they both have a house that they sold? Does she know who contributed what to the condo when they bought it? From what was written, it sounds like the husband used his money from the sale of his house to buy the condo, and used just about all of his income & savings to care for the wife. I'm not sure if I am reading this right, but is the SIL looking to have the wife's family take over all of the wife's care and not lay claim to any money from the condo as she wants to use the funds for her father's care and not the wifes? I can see how she would be nervous about not having enough money to care for her father, but the wife would be well cared for since the father paid for everything, which could have allowed the wife to stash a lot of money. It may not be legal but I think many people remove items when cleaning out a house of a parent or relative who has moved into a nursing home. My cousin, brother and I had to clean out our aunt's home, filled with over 30 years of accumulated things, last year. She had a coin collection, lots of silver, some antique furniture plus a great deal of junk. In this case we agreed on the property division. In the OP's case it sounds like the SIL may not know exactly what was taken. After my aunt died, my cousin who was the executor had to give an accounting to the attorney. We (relatives) agreed that the things didn't have any value when in reality they must have been worth at least $10,000. We were happy with the division of property so why add more money to the estate so that the attorney could get more since he was receiving 5% of the total value. In this case, it sounds like the OP's SIL may be looking for ways to recoup some of the money that her father has spent during these years. I'm reading that she is trying to find more money for her dad and when the relatives took the stuff, things happened so fast, she never thought to not let them just take stuff. She may need to use the taken items as leverage, I don't know. Surely if they were the wifes before the marriage, if they were getting a divorce, most couples walk away with what they brought in. In this case, since both parents need care, it may be a different story and the items may have a value. If someone has a trust, only if they have inserted language entitling the trustee to be paid a fee (assuming it's an individual and not a court-appointed professional trustee), will the trustee be able to be paid a fee. Otherwise, it's merely reimbursement for expenses, the same as someone with power of attorney. This is one reason why I don't happen to believe that revocable trusts (what most know as 'living trusts') are necessarily a great idea for people, unless your attorney carefully explains the disadvantages to them, rather than just snowing people with the specific advantages they can offer. My dad had a revocable trust. I've had about 6 attorneys read it, each one said there was no need to even use this. There were other ways to protect the assets without getting so involved. I do not recommend anyone to go with the 1st attorney they interview, but to speak to a few to find out the different ways that this could be done to make sure the right way is picked. If I knew then what I know now, this is what I would have insisted my dad do, instead of going with the 1st person. What she does now will have an effect on everything until their estates are settled. If there is anything left over, you want to make sure it goes to the person the deceased wanted it to go to.

happilady...here is the link to the other pictures..They are still running on another thread.. The outside, I would have to post seperately. http://ths.gardenweb.com/forums/load/decor/msg0819051629720.html?35 dd50 > DH is in the Design Field (Art Director)..I am fortunate that he loves to build things.. he calls it 'Happy Therapy' !! mystybear> Thank you for the lovely compliments. zoey...I chose not to have the little 'shoe' moulding. DH was not happy with that decision, because he says it shows 'gaps' between the floor and the moulding. (only slightly)...I just didn't want them..from past experience. The floors are easier to clean, and the little moulding would always get beat up when using the vacuum..Just my thing! As far as the color..yes it's all the same. BM China White.

I went through a similar situation a few years ago and my experience was exactly as others have written. There is simply not a market for the kinds of furniture and collectibles that our parents collected. When I was closing my parents' home, I had the luxury of time as there was no financial pressure to sell their home. I went through everything meticulously and sorted through items to make sure that nothing that was truly of sentimental importance or high monetary value was overlooked. It is really hard to separate our feelings about our parents' stuff from the practical reality of how to deal with it. My mother was extremely emotionally connected with her stuff and so disposing of it felt like I was somehow getting rid of her. In terms of practical advice, for peace of mind go through the items carefully and perhaps hire an appraiser. I had some sense of what vintage and antique stuff was worth but I still checked every mark on tchotchkes and checked internet values. But be sure that you are checking the prices for items actually sold. Just recently I was remodeling and had to get rid of stuff that I wasn't going to be using. I live in a metropolitan area and there was simply no or little interest in the "brown" furniture. I was offered about $250 for a large Victorian china cabinet with ornate detailing and double bowed glass. In the end I felt lucky that a neighbor's brother needed furniture and carted it all away. As others have posted, how much is your time worth? There might be some pieces in the glass collection that are worth selling. If I were you, I would check pricing on the glass collection to make sure there are no hidden treasures. Select a few that give you pleasure and display those in your home. You could box up the rest of the stuff - take pictures and make a spreadsheet of what is in each box. You could then store the boxes so that you are under less pressure to go through them right now. Selling on EBAY or ETSY is time consuming and requires a commitment. You insure items shipped for breakage. If the person claims something broke during shipping they will need to provide pictures. You would have pictures of the intact item. So if you are willing to put in the effort, you could do it. So it's not impossible - but again is it worth it to spend the hours necessary to take good pictures; list; pack and ship. However, I think that most people wind up donating to a charity if no one in the circle of friends and wants the stuff.