Maureen there was recently a news story about an adoptee in her late 70's or early 80's who found her birthmother who was nearly 100. And the mother was happy to meet her child, who was conceived by rape. So just because someone is elderly doesn't mean they might not want to know what became of their child. I think lots of us have fantasies of the "what if I'd have had a different family" but I think that is completely different than the reality adoptees live with of truly not knowing where they came from. Hopefully the move to open adoptions will be helpful in that regard. I think wonderful people can adopt, but I long for a world where every woman who wants to keep her child will receive the help she needs to get through whatever it is that prevents her from parenting her child..whether it's simply being too young (she won't be too young forever) or too poor (with what it costs to adopt, a woman and child could live pretty well for a while) or has an unfortunate life that limits her options (let's provide some support and help). A child belongs with her mother/family. Giving up your baby can be a permanent solution that you quickly regret, to a temporary tough situation. If you have children, then just try to imagine him/her being raised by others. It's hard to imagine until you've been there. Here is a link that might be useful: 100 year old birthmother

I've only posted a little about my dad and Sm. Basically I have not heard from my dad (who works 15 minutes from me and lives an hour from me) Ina year and a half. He is too busy helping exboyfriend of my youngest halfbrother who now is HIVpositive to actually think about his 5 children he created. He is 'mad' at me because I asked my stepdad to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. Although I told my dad my plans since my sdad raised me -- included him and sm in all events: rehearsal dinner, they both received flowers with the parents and grandma's, Sm was escorted down the aisle with the parents. We did everything to include them except my sdad was with me and did the speech, father daughter dance, ect. My Sm came up to me at the reception and told me that she thought I needed to dance with my dad, I said 'sure where is he!' she said I don't know but you should go find him and tell him you want to dance. (why couldn't he ask ME to dance, afterall I was the bride and I was a bit busy to search down my dad in the smoking area of the patio). Then she tells me close to the end how hurt my dad is that I didn't include him, then goes on to tell me how there are two sides to a story and that I should ask him his side so I could understand why he wasn't around. (I think I know why, the birthdate of his fourth child precedes his divorce with my mom) but who's keeping score on a 25 yr divorce?? Apparently he is. Then in the video of the ceremony, she wouldn't even look at me coming down the aisle, she kept her back to me the entire time. Then at the reception, she apparently was telling my DH's aunts and uncles (whom they sat with at dinner) how my dad was forced out of our lives and that he Loves his kids blah blah... Not only did they tell me this the next day at breakfast but she was sitting right next to the camera!! Then I hear from friends and co workers how she was introducing herself as the 'black sheep of the family'. Inserting herself ... Meaning, I already had her as a friend on fb a couple of years ago and I deleted her when she was taking my family pictures from my page, cropping out whomever she didn't want in them and then putting them in her albums on FB. Also, apparently she copied pics from all three of our pics and then printed them, put them in frames at her house (my sister told me this last time she went over). She as met my brother once at my wedding. Never met him before nor has she seen him since ... She is a friend of his on fb. She tells him on ALL of his status updates 'we love you so much! We miss you!' He is kind of weirded out by it but isn't sure what to do other than delete it after a few days... Sorry to hijack. Had to explain. She puts herself in the middle of our family constantly but my dad doesn't even TRY to have a relationship with us. I have tried many times but he never calls, always says 'I called you and left a message' apparently all of our phones delete his calls and his messages. My sister was 'missing' one night. She was OK in the end but we were all a little freaked by it at the time. So I texted him ' heard from? Just trying to locate her?' he wrote back 'nope let me know if she turns up' and he is in law enforcement. So is my sister. For neighboring towns and I felt like he could have 'called around'. He said he didn't think about that a the time. He is pitiful and his wife just drives me nuts all the time. She threw a tempertrum about my baby shower and bridal shower because SHE wanted to help host. Well we are not close. They have been marred for 10 years, maybe 11. And for most of it, I have not known her. Her own son won't have anything to do with her for the same reasons. What really annoys me is when she will text us and remind us of our father's bday 'don't forget your dad on his bday or fathers day. I know he didn't raise you but still your dad.' well lady! He isn't my dad he walked out on me and never looked back until I was an adult and he didn't have to take care of me. Why dont you remind HIM of MY bday because I think he might have forgotten the date... Since it's been 13 years since he wished me a happy bday and it was 10 yrs before that!! That's what I mean. Inserting.

chemocurl, where can I get that dog that's snickering? I absolutely love it. You can just save it from my post...with Firefox, I would just right click on the pic, and choose "save image as" and go from there.

Chubster, I am going to assume that you are attracted to southern colonial/historic types of architecture. I get your vision. You like classic design. I built a William E. Poole Southern colonial home from a stock plan on a 20 acre site. It turned out beautifully. Sadly, I no longer own the forever home. We ended up making a lot of minor changes to the plan in order to improve it. I think we did a pretty good job. Still, I ended up making a number of compromises. In retrospect, I would hire an architect because there is no way a stock plan is going to give me what I want in a home. You have experience, too. I get that you don't want to make the same mistake twice. I suggest you take a look at the Mitchell Ginn homes for some inspiration http://mitchginn.com/ We live in the same small town and he custom designed my current home for someone else. Mitch is not an architect, rather he's a designer. While that's not a good thing, his plans are reviewed by a friend of mine who is a licensed architect. He tries to fix what doesn't work. I think the plans are better than most online plans. I think some of his stock plans might suit your taste. Like you, I hate complicated roof lines. I see dollar signs. Every exterior corner costs extra money. Porches are rooms that don't have walls. They look great but cost a lot of money. There are never enough linen closets. Laundry rooms are never where you want them. I have to have a walk-in pantry. No one has ever built a kitchen or master bathroom that satisfies my needs. You get the idea. While I love the exterior, I really see some livability issues with this plan. I think you can do better. I know you don't need to spend $20,000 on a custom plan. But, you do need to spend more than $1,600 to get exactly what you want and need. Please take a leap of faith and have a consultation conversation with our favorite resident architect, Doug, aka ARG, ArchitectRunnerGuy. He has designed some really incredible homes for folks at this site. He has solved a lot of design dilemmas. Just do a search and you will be able to review a bunch of his designs. He's pretty good at this remote designing and he doesn't waste your time. He doesn't just design one style of house, either. I bet you would be impressed with what he could do for you.