I think an update is in order ...long overdue. Thank you for your well wishes rose friends :-) I am doing so well weight wise - have lost 110 pounds and I am getting in better shape every month, by running, biking, swimming and weight training. I have had no complications from the surgery what so ever (Yet?) - I take my vitamin supplements and I eat very healthy - smaller portions than before. I just do not tolerate sugar - it makes me really sick (metabolic dumping syndrome - heart races - I sweat and get nausea - so I stay clear of foods with too much sugar). But loosing weight has also made me regain myself or discower new sides of myself. I have had to work hard on healing years of sexual and physical abuse as a boy - since I have become more in touch with my feelings - my core self - and it has been rough and not always pretty as roses in may. I was assaulted and it retraumatized me and gave me anxiety problems and the court case was tiresome ...to have him sent to jail. For a while I coped by drinking way too much - so I had to bite the dust and admit - that I had to quit drinking - that it was no way to cope with emotions running up and down ... it has taken and still take some therapy ...but I feel better and stronger and more grounded. I am looking for a bigger house ... so I am in between gardens - At least I will be able to keep my rented allotment gardens I use for cutting roses, propagation and veggies/herbs. It is spring so I work my butt off preparing the soil, building raised beds - but it is nice. Most new roses I buy this year I will grow in pots - so I can take them with me to the new house and garden (When I find one I can afford) and I hope that the garden will not be too shaded ...since it will limit the number of roses I can grow. I really look forward to the spring flush - 8 weeks and the roses will start blooming and 10 weeks - peak bloom! Ahh ... (hope the weather behaves the 3-4 weeks they peak!). I do the last pruning and weed these days ... I have not blogged about roses and gardening ... I have had to prioritize and work on the issues I mentioned. Roselvr: Yes - it is important to find a good surgeon that specializes in WLS surgery. And yes there is a risk of complications - but the chances of of improwing life quality is much better - and far out-weighs the risk of complications - most of which can be managed. But all surgery has risks of complications ... Doug - How blessed I was - to be able to meet you in Iowa. I often think of you and your wife and hope you are doing well - and that your rabbits do not eat all your roses. Hugs! Ingrid: If you have read this far - you probably understand why I have not posted much - but just read and lurked here on the forums the last year. The reason you have not seen pictures of me as a big guy - was that I was very good at avoiding camera lenses :-) I will post a before and after picture - this summer. Alida - Sure I remember you! I hope you and Gerbe are doing well - even though I must say that rose does not repeat well - I still love the scent of the flowers.

Ilene, It is so nice to see you back posting and I am relieved that your DD is now feeling a little better. I hope that she heals well from the surgery and is able to lose the weight she needs to lose for the sake of her health. It certainly sounds like the surgery was very complicated for the medical staff and very hard on her, and I am shocked that the hospital didn't have a pain medicine pump that allowed her to push the button to give herself more pain medication as needed. That's what I had when I had my cancer surgery in 1999. It was a morphine drip, and I could push the button every so often to get more as needed. There was some sort of regulator on it so you couldn't push too often and cause yourself to overdose. I wish your daughter had been given that option because I liked being able to have "more" pain medication as needed, or "none" if I was feeling OK without it. To me, it seems like the nursing staff was very cold and callous and not very understanding, and I would have reported their lack of compassion to the hospital management. Perhaps your DD was a difficult patient, but they still ought to be able to deal with a difficult patient in a caring and concerned manner. I've always had great nurses--for myself and for family memners and I am sorry she did not experience that same kind of nursing care. As for the pharmacy, well....God bless the person behind the counter who cared enough to make a difference for you. I imagine your daughter was exhausted by the time y'all got home. I felt pretty exhausted on her behalf just reading your account of what y'all went through to get her there. I understand that bariatric surgery certainly is not an "easy way out" because the people I know who've had it have had to deal with many issues, including digestion problems, getting sick if they eat more than an ounce or two at a time, etc. Sometimes it is hard to get enough vitamins and minerals too because your food intake is so limited. My sister considered bariatric bypass but ultimately chose lap-band surgery because the lap-band could be adjusted as needed. Did it work for her? Oh, yes, she lost a lot of weight--111 lbs. I think--and she looked terrific (healthy, but not a starved, skinny "stick"). Her main side effect was that her formerly lush, thick hair started falling out due to lowered protein intake. After she had lost the weight she wanted, her hair gradually did regrow to its former lush, thick state. I'd like to tell you that my sis maintained the weight loss, but she didn't. She worked for the physician who did the lap-band surgery, so as long as she worked for him, she maintained her lap band (it has to be refilled with saline periodically and adjusted as needed) and kept her weight stable. Once she had a major disagreement with him and stopped working for him, though, she wouldn't go back to him for lap band maintenance and now she's gained back quite a lot (but not all) of the weight she lost. So, in one sense, I think bariatric surgery is "better" than lap band because you can't "undo" it and revert back to your bad habits. I truly hope your DD loses the weight and improves her health because, as you point out, the consequences for her are serious and life-threatening if she does not. As for your weight loss plan, I am so happy you are going to lose the weight and improve your health. I wish you well in your efforts. I am always trying to lose 10-20 lbs. myself and, sometimes, I have great success with losing the weight, but keeping it off is harder. : ) So, I certainly sympathize with you and DD. I think we all could eat healthier and exercise more than we do. And, Ilene, just think of how much fun you'll have buying new clothes as you lose the weight! How's that for motivation? Hang in there and keep us updated on how it all goes. We're all gardeners here, but we're people too and we all know that life is (shock! gasp!) about much more than gardening. Dawn

Thanks all for a lot of good advice. I shared this thread with my friend. She is also getting additional feedback from others including professional advice from her doctor. Like some of you commented, Baraiatric surgery today seems quite different than a few years ago. I also asked our family doctor who is quite conservative and his opinion was that it depends on co-morbities like diabetes, high cholesterol etc. For many people this is resolved. However, it is but a tool and lifestyle changes are key. Unlike procedures like Lap band which has issues like slippage, vomiting etc., and more drastic procedures like gastric bypass where there is serious issues with not being able to absorb enough vitamins and such, the specific procedure that she is looking at is sleeve gastrectomy that leaves the intestines intact. She will need to take calcium everyday. A chewable vitamin is good as eating very less food initially is very stressful for the body. But once the sutures are healed, she can eat normal food for most part.. Just less of it and more protein. A very hard decision but she has a good support group among friends and family.

Thanks, Ann, for your thoughts. I agree - I definitely don't want to be the buttinsky stepmother! But as the one responsible for the food in the house, I am just trying to "get it right" and at least attempt to instill some appreciation for or knowledge of decent nutrition. As for speaking with a nutritionist, my thought had been to suggest it so that *I* know how to feed a growing boy, not to use it as an "I told you so" opportunity. But no matter how I present it, chances are it will be seen as a negative thing, at least by my step-son. I do make pretty healthy meals and I make sure to include things my step-son likes to eat. I do serve at least two veggies and fruit at every meal, and we sometimes eat non-meat meals, although step-son lets me know he doesn't appreciate meals without meat. ;) I cook a lot and know where I can cut corners and do so when it makes sense. But I also don't want to be so stingy on calories that I short change a growing boy. That is part of my challenge. Regarding relationship-dynamics, I'm working on that with DH and step-son, however, not the inlaws. We're friendly and they're nice folks, but MIL knows what she knows and won't be convinced otherwise. I've learned it's not worth my blood pressure or time to educate or convince her of something because she can't be swayed. If having weight loss surgery didn't convince her of the need to eat right, nothing will. On top of that, DH and step-son have both asked her to stop giving step-son junk food "to go" every time she sees him (she gives him cans of ravioli, boxes of Little Debbie cakes, bags of candy, etc. to take home because she knows I don't buy that kind of stuff), but she won't stop buying him junk. The bottom line here is I can only do so much. I will continue to make healthy meals, stock the fruit bowl and be a role model for healthy eating habits. But I'm not going to nag or keep bringing this up, as it'll get me nowhere and quite possibly make things difficult amongst us. Despite this particular problem area, step-son and I actually have a pretty good relationship. He's a good kid, hard worker and straight A student. I guess I just feel more pressure than your average step-mom because he lives with us full time - he eats with us every night, not just on the weekends. Kimberly