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Guests and who will be there

Posted by aleighjc (My Page) on
Tue, Dec 23, 08 at 16:00

Whenever I host something , if it is just a small group of people I usually let everyone know who will be there. With that said, we had someone invite us to lunch somewhere and we met them there. I was surprised because two other couples and their children were also there. Well again that couple invited us over for Christmas day brunch, and I overheard a friend mention she will be at X house on Christmas day for brunch. I don't know, it just seems odd to me to not let others know who will be there? It wouldnt change my answer if I am going or not. I'm glad I found out since she has a younger daughter and I was bringing some small gifts for the person that invited us - for her young children. I'm concerned who else might be there with young children so I'm just going to ask, so I can pick up a few more gifts if I need to. What is your take on not knowing who will be there? I guess with the lunch I just figured it would be a more one on one thing, then with two other couples (and five additional children) it was a bit chaotic and hard to actually talk to anyone. Do you let people know who will be there if you invite someone out or to your home?

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: Guests and who will be there

No....I have a friend who when invited to my home for a party has said things like "will it be a big party"...I feel like saying "Does it matter"... were invited, the rest of the guest list should be of no importance to you.
Hovever I have been to parties where the hostess will say things like "We want you to meet the "soandsos" they are new in town."
But there are several reasons not to relate the guest list ti everyone....suppose someone can't come and another family is invited? Would not be nice to have someone know that and possibly say..."I didn't know YOU were coming? I thought the Jones' were going to be there."
None of your business who's coming...accept or decline....and that's that!
Linda C

RE: Guests and who will be there

I don't know, I think it's okay if you accept FIRST and THEN ask in some tactful way that doesn't make it seem like you are trying to decide if it's a good enough event to be worth it. Some people are shy and need to know what to anticipate; some might want to share a ride; others just are thinking about what to wear. I would also want to be very careful not to mention the event to anyone who is not invited.

RE: Guests and who will be there

I give a general indication of what kind of gathering it is, when I call for the invite.

For my part, I think it IS my business to know what kind of event I'm invited to,
so I can decide if I want to go.

RE: Guests and who will be there

I agree that you should accept first, and then it's ok to ask. I sometimes ask (after) and sometimes don't. But here's an example of a time I wish I had. We were invited to brunch at a friend's house who usually has about 20-30 people at her parties. When she invited us she said it would be a smaller gathering than normal. We accepted and I didn't ask anymore questions. Turned out it was only one other couple, making six of us.

It would have been nice to know that and know who the other couple was for two reasons. Firstly I volunteered to bring something and assumed there would be a larger group than six so I ended up making too much. Second, the other couple lives about two minutes from us, and the hosts live 30 minutes away so we should have ridden together. Neither is that big a deal really, so who cares. But I'll remember to ask in the future, how many are coming (when bringing a dish) and who's coming in a situation where riding together might be an option.

RE: Guests and who will be there

When we are having any type of dinner, cocktail, brunch party, we are always specific about the nature of the party and the number of guests. IF we are haveing an open house which we have done Christmas Eve, for 30 years, every one attending knows there will be a variety of people and children there.

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