| I'd actually give the mom a partial pass. A "starting over" shower is what family does when something like this happens. Your family is who is supposed to help you re-establish your life and get back on your feet. (My family once hosted a "shower" when my aunt lost her home in a fire.) Typically, I'd be irritated by the gift card request, but they are not extravagant shops. She's not looking at Pottery Barn, it's Target. This may be an attempt to let people know that she's not looking for fine china, just necessities. (It may also be a way to force deadbeat daughter to purchase needed items and discourage gifts of $) The execution was tacky, but I think there may have been good intentions behind it. I also wonder at the invitation list. I'd keep this to close family and friends. You aren't trying to hit your third cousin up for a gravy boat, but you want this woman's support system to come together to help her start over. (And possibly create some sort of visible gesture of support like hey, look at all of these people who love you and are willing to help you out, you can get through this, now quit sleeping on my dang couch) I think under the circumstances, the no family rule doesn't apply. This is actually more of an only family situation. I'm still throwing penalty flags for the invitation to the extended in-laws 250 miles away and the gift card request though. And I'm definitely thinking that the daughter needs to grow up, get a job and get on with things. I had a flood at my old apartment (lost a car, not my home) and I understand that it can shake you. But you don't get to hide under the covers for the rest of your life afterwards. That was a bit of a rant, but I think that dish towels were exactly the right gesture. This woman is clearly struggling, and a $10 gesture to let her know that people 250 miles away care about her and are pulling for her to get her life back on track may be what she needs to get her act together. Well worth it. Etiquette or no. | 
