Well, when she comes over you could sit on the couch that way she couldn't lie on it! If your husband is there at the time have him sit next to you. Just have your conversations with her while you sit on the couch. If you don't like her company she may leave sooner this way too!

Can you talk to your brother about it? Maybe he can mention something to her.

Lori

They are family. If you don't want shoes on the table, just tell them. Some people allow it and some don't. They won't know if you don't tell them.

Goodness, if family can't say to family, "please don't put your shoes on my coffee table", then what can we say? And they can't read your mind.

I hope you have a spare chair in the living room, not around the coffee table. Make sure you sit down first in the room, that way if she does sit by you on the couch at least she won't be lying there. Perhaps you can start dusting the coffee table and ask her to remove her feet so you can get to the dust :o)

You will probably have to tell her about her feet. If she doesn't somehow pick up on some hints.

Billy,
I would flat out tell her that feet do not belong on the coffee table! And if she's so tired that she needs to lie down when she comes over, she should take a nap at home first.

If she "very seldom" comes to visit as you said in your post, I would just let it go. But if you feel you must say something because it drives you crazy, then by all means tell her politely that it "drives me crazy"! :)

Try and chill a bit. How important is this in your life? It must be that she feels comfortable in your home....not a bad thing. It's not like her feet are on the dining room table which has been set with your best china. If this is a huge thing to you then maybe you need to spend some time thinking about why that is.

My SIL was just diagnosed with skin cancer....very treatable and we aren't worried but it does put life into perspective!

I have to agree with Sharon (Chase). Life is just too short.

Ann.

Yea, life is too short to have respect for other people and their things. (Did your sarcasm meters go off the chart?)

Sorry Alice but when things count more than people......as I say life is so short. We each get to choose what we worry about. Feet on the coffee table is not somrthing I would do but it is also not something that I would fret about.

Is she kind, does she make your brother in law happy, do you enjoy her company? We all have our "rough spots"

By the way I don't think I have a sarcasm meter and I don't want one......

I asked a simple question Chase. If feet on YOUR coffee table don't bother YOU, then that is your choice, but for the life of me why do you try to impose your opinions on other people. If you did not have a tip or suggestion on how to let this lady know that her feet on MY coffe table bother ME, then why bother. There is no need to try to psycho analyse my feelings towards her or what kind of relationship we have- that is something I will not divulge on an internet site, this is an entertaining forum afterall and since I do entertain this couple from time to time, I thought I could ask a simple question. By the way, those who gave suggestions as per my question, thank you very much. My husband and I spoke about this issue and we came up with a simple solution: when my brother in law and his wife come over, I will seat in the middle of my couch and my husband will seat on the loveseat - that way there is no way for her to use our couches as beds. If she puts her feet on my coffee table, then I will politely ask her to remove them, simple. Again, those who encouraged me to take this approach, I thank you.

Sorry Billy that you took offense, none was intended. I thought you were looking for opinions and provided mine.

I agree that the sister-in-law is acting rudely. Clearly not a lot of class.

However, I agree with chase on 2 things. First, - the fact that the SIL doesn't know any better isn't worth getting crazed about (to me). It's rude; I'd probably ask her once nicely not to do it, and if she doesn't "get it", then I'd put up with it for the short and few times she's there for the sake of family harmony. You sound like a wise woman, chase. Best wishes for your sister-in-law's continued health.

Second, I thought that Billy asked for opinions. Perhaps she only wanted people to respond who agree with her and to hear that the SIL should be told flat out to get her dirty feet off the table. Billy, I would guess that this issue isn't the only difficulty in your relationship with your sister-in-law. (No, I'm not psychoanalyzing, just opining).

I don't see anything judgemental or mean or pushy in either of chase's posts - - in my opinion Billy's very harsh and defensive response to her was uncalled for even if she disagreed. Oh well.

Suzieque, I think you should re-read my first post because I think you missed the point. Clearly, I was NOT asking for people's opinions on how they feel about my husband's sister in law behavior. I am not sure where you and Chase got the idea that I was asking for opinions on her behavior. Also, I was not asking for opinions on how I should feel about it. You are assuming too much when you state that I was looking for responses that only agreed with my feelings. Now, that is uncalled for and judgemental.

I was asking the folks here for help on how to let her know that putting her bare feet on my coffee table and using my couch as a bed is not allowed in my house. It was a very simple question. Some people got it and gave me some really useful tips.

No, I don't think that my post to Chase was uncalled for even though I know she was trying to be helpful and meant no offense. But twice Chase responded with basically the same lines: that I should not worry about it, that she would not be fretting about it, that life is too short, ect, ect. I am not sure how else to convey to you, Chase and the others who responded in a similar fashion that all I did was to ask a question hoping for some suggestions, not lectures on how I should feel. Oh well...

It's getting chilly in here...

Billy,
I am glad that you have worked out a hopeful solution to your problem. I hope it works out for you and fixes the porblem easily.

I would sooner just tell a guest not to come over again than tell them that I don't like the position they sit in. I would feel like an absolute psychotic dictator. Come to think of it I am sometimes kind of a dictator but even I can't care what position someone sprawls out in.

Wow! This thread sure took a turn since the last time I checked in.

Billy, you sure don't have any problem expressing your feelings here (granted, we're not in front of you). But just take that same approach.

Be short, direct and to the point - feet off the table.

Probably, if you address the feet on the table thing, the reclining thing will take care of itself.

A seating arrangement antecdote:
Two other couples came to my house, when DH was with DD at the playground. One of the men sat in DH's recliner. (all other seats full). DH gets back from playground, and without a word, the man got out of DH's recliner and perched himself on the fireplace hearth. Since they are close friends, I questioned the behavior. The men all said, it is an unspoken rule that another man does not sit in the man of the house's recliner, if the man of the house is home. They said all men know this 'rule'.

So I have observed when other men come over. And it's uncanny. They don't say a word, they simply silently, automatically relocate when DH comes in the room so he can have his recliner.

Isn't that funny? I guess that's something in the handbook all men get when they join the "men's club".

TREKaren,
I have always followed such "rules". Dad's seat was his if he's in the room. His spot is always on the edge of couch, so there is an end table to set his drink, with the best view of the TV. When we kids were young, whomever was the oldest got the front seat. (A respect thing) I bet if you think about, there are a lot of little "rules" like these that you, family and friends follow without another thought. Just like you don't drink the last DR Pepper in our friend's father's fridge. ANYTHING and everything else is fair game. It's a respect thing...all these "rules" I mean.

Does she have a bad back? I do, and sometimes other people's sofas are unbearable for me to sit on so I practically lie down to get relief.

I'm afraid I'm with a lot of others.....
Things to be driven "nuts" over are world hunger, man's inhumanity to man, terrorism, global warming, loss of old growth forests, the spread of AIDS.....and many other things.
Feet on your coffee table just aren't important.
If you find the fact that your SIL does this drives you crazy....perhaps it's time to examine why this bugs you so......is it the act....or your sister in law?

Linda C

Hi,
I use my coffee table alot for an eating table and no way would I have someone sticking their shoes or feet there.Yes I do clean but the image is just gross. And I would tell them so. Just like I have to remind smokers ( over and over) that it is not allowed in my house.
Sometimes you may have to remind the idiots more then once.
And yes, life is to short. So why put up with others ruling your lives and making you miserable?
Annette

I have a repore with my immediate family and I would say "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND GET YOUR FRIGGIN FEET OF MY COFFEE TABLE THAT I JUST PAID 400.00 FOR!!! Then wed laugh theyd put there feet down and then onto the next issue..like whos in my gravy pot with a fork grabbing meatballs before I serve dinner. Id just tell them...as for global warming terrorist and all that other good stuff the topic was about Billy and her dealing with the coffe table issue im sure if she had a choice to cure world hunger or entertain her SIL and her rude ways she cure the world! No offense ladies but its getting knee deep in here LOL

I can't figure Billy. She sure doesn't seem to have any problem expressing herself and the only way I know to tell someone that something offends you is to open your mouth and say it. Does the cat suddenly get her tongue when her SIL arrives?

BTW, in my house the coffee table is designed to be comfortable enough for my family's feet--and 6 year old tea parties, and the Trivial Pursuit game. Houses are for people.

Teeker, maybe Billy feels the way you probably would if someone put their feet on your dining room table. Not trying to get argumentative (it does get a bit aggressive on these forums sometimes), but I understand that everybody has different priorities (I'm a feet on the coffee table kind of girl myself). I want people to be comfortable in my house, too, but I'm trying to understand people have different priorities about their things and that they feel their belongings are sometimes disrespected or disregarded. Of course, people won't know your feelings about something like putting their feet on the coffee table unless you tell them. Different strokes, y'know?

Lori

No one in my family or in my circle of friends, would ever think of putting their feet on my living room coffee table. I think I would be quite surprised and not very happy if someone did.

My living room is nicely put together, however, it is very casual and comfortable. No one, not even my neice and nephew would think to put their feet on the table.

I think that's because they see the way it is used. To serve hors 'd'oerves, coffee, dessert, wine, etc. It is used as any dining room table (as another poster pointed out) and therefore not a place for feet.

On the other hand, I have a rustic bench in my den that DH use for dinners in front of the TV. But, because of the nature of the room, and the rustic nature of the bench, DH and I use the bench as a footstool as well (when there's no food on it!).
Our guests take our lead and do the same as well although we don't use this room often for entertaining.

I think that the OP asked a simple question, and aside from all of the issues in the world that may be of greater significance, this is an issue she wants to resolve.

OP, I am like you. I have a hard time with stuff like this. I never want to make someone uncomfortable or embarrassed and find it difficult to admonish them, especially those that I am not very close to. Try putting some nibbles on the table near where she's sitting and ask if she can move her feet over to the floor to make way for the food.

As for her lounging on the couch, not sure what to tell you.
If she likes to take off her shoes and curl up, she's signalling that she's comfortable in your home. If she's taking up the couch and causing others to have to squish onto other seating, then I'd just ask her if she mind sitting up so you can squeeze in next to her.

If she's actually laying (gr?) down, that's a bit much and I'd do the 'can you squish over' thing.

Again, my mind is on not embarassing someone, no matter how much of a clod they are.

Hope this helps,
Sue

I couldn't say whether the OP's sister-in-law is rude, but judging by the OP's responses to other posters, she could sure use a few hours of charm school. It's not possible to control the direction a thread might take. This is a forum and that means discussion - sometimes people discuss things you'd rather not talk about. Tough noogies!

I want my house to feel friendly and I hope my friends and family feel welcome and comfortable. I have nice and new expensive furniture. So what! When you visit me, go ahead and put your feet up on the coffee table, sit back, take a sip of your coffee or wine and let's have a nice chat.

akaDenise, I like your style! :-)

Denise...you go girl!!!

I couldn't agree with you more Denise.

Ann.

Did this need to be in the furniture forum? I think maybe you need the Dear Abby forum.

Check it out....this is the Entertainment forum....and it certainly has been! LOL!
Linda C

lord, i just found this site and boy is this a doozy of a thread! thanks to *all* of you for pulling no punches and sticking to your guns--the discussion was great, even though some feathers got ruffled! and by the way, special thanks to chase, ann t, denise etc. for your beautiful souls--you'd be welcome at my house anytime.

At my sons house you take your shoes off at the front door!!

Tell her you are training the kids, if you have any, to keep off the coffee table w/their feet and if she could help you, you would so appreciate it. ;)

I did not read all the posted messages..but why don't you just ask her to come in the kitchen and sit with you.unless you have a coffee table in there too.Just trying to help!