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friend argues with girlfriend

Posted by FreeClayInMyGarden (My Page) on
Tue, Apr 15, 14 at 17:22

I am not sure where this question should go, but I thought that this forum would be appropriate, given the nature of what is typically discussed here.
I have a friend, in fact, my very best friend, who constantly argues with his girlfriend, regardless of the situation. Whether we are having dinner, drinks or just "hanging out" she is constantly interrupting the flow of our discussions with snippy remarks, which would elicit a response from anyone to whom they were directed. These remarks are javelined toward him for no apparent reason.- He is also guilty of being too sharp with her at times, but it seems his reasons are more justified, as when she is clearly in the wrong, and he is genuinely attempting to help her, albeit in his own less-than-tender way.- I think that when he does this, she thinks that he is being insulting. (I have come to realize that he is monotonal in his "assistance", when given, and I can deal with it quite easily, as I have known him for so long that, despite this misgiving, we get along great, never entering into the kind of banter exchanges that he and his girlfriend often will.) So I think that she hurls insults and corrections at him to try to "get back" at him when she finds a chink in his armor. These events are always inappropriate as they are not the kind of corrections that need to be made, and there is an obvious difference between the purpose of the "correction" that each gives the other.
As I mentioned, these interactions, when initiated by her, typically come while the rest of us are enjoying our selves, and when they do come, they serve to halt that enjoyment, as they may last for minutes at a time while she tries desperately to make her case.
My wife and I are at a point in our lives where we are able to express our appreciation for our friends and family by entertaining often. This best friend of mine, and his girlfriend, who is incredibly sweet and thoughtful toward my wife and me, will forever be welcome in my home, but I am embarrassed sometimes by their behavior.

Whether the two belong together is not a question that I am trying to answer, as I would not second guess his choice of companion. Instead I would like input regarding how to make them stop behaving like this in front of everyone. How do you tell your friend and his girlfriend that you would appreciate having them over without hearing them bicker the entire time and not come off as rude? Isn't that like telling your friend to not chew with their mouth open? What business is it of mine to correct another's etiquette?
I have tried to imply to him that I do not appreciate being subject to their arguments by giving them the "are you finished" attitude when one tries to revive the interrupted conversation, but nothing helps. I have even offered him counsel on how to be more gentle toward her, as I can see that it hurts her when he is so blunt. He thanked me for my honesty and friendship, but telling him that I don't appreciate it when they make these displays around our other friends would sound a bit to me like I am saying something totally chauvinist like: "control your woman", which is something that I didn't even like to type.
Maybe I am making a mountain out of a mole hill and no one else cares if they want to carry on in that way, but I don't think that is the case.
Sorry for such a long post, but I am having trouble finding guiding information on this topic, and I have gained some valuable insight by reading these forums in the past, and I hope to again.

Thank you.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: friend argues with girlfriend

I'd just tell him that you are happy to see him alone or even his girlfriend alone, but not together. Simply pass on invitations, but always explain that you are uncomfortable with their behavior.

In other words, complaining won't get you anywhere, but your actions will prove more effective,


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RE: friend argues with girlfriend

It is your business because they are doing it in your home. You do not like their behavior so put a stop to it or don't invite them over anymore. If you are as friendly with him as you say you are, then tell him in language he will understand. Tell him in the way that he talks to his girlfriend. Be blunt. Don't sugar coat it. It doesn't come off as "control your woman" talk. It is "your constant arguing is sucking all the fun out of the room", STOP IT or else. NancyLouise


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RE: friend argues with girlfriend

I agree with NancyLouise it is your responsibility to tell him. I think he will understand if he doesn't so be it.
Mary


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