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Caught Off Guard

Posted by charro (My Page) on
Wed, Apr 23, 08 at 17:11

I am having some things repaired around my home by the husband of an acquaintance, whose clothes shop I purchase from occasionally. The work is being finished up, and he mentioned this past weekend that he might bring his wife by to visit me while he was cleaning up. I did not have a problem with this and even bought refreshments to serve. They were a no show, and he did not call until the next day to tell me that he was sorry that he could not make it. It would have been nice to hear from him the same day but no big deal.

Yesterday, early evening, I got a call from him asking if he could pick up some of his supplies. He said he would be by shortly. Two and a half hours later, he shows with his wife. I'm tired, I am just getting over a major case of the flu and of course, I have not had dinner yet because I was waiting for him to come and get his things so that I could relax. I asked if they would like to step inside for a minute. Inside meaning "come sit down, and we'll chat". The wife then asked before she even stepped inside for a complete tour of my home. I politely declined telling her that I would prefer the house to be in perfect order before I give tours. I also added that I was a bit tired and not feeling 100%. They did leave and now I am afraid that I offended them. I don't ever ask to see someone's entire home unless they offer to show me first.

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: Caught Off Guard

I wouldn't worry too much about it.

People that are that clueless about being some place when they said they would be. Or showing up hours late are not exactly the kind of people that would be upset if someone said they were not feeling well and wanted a clean house before they did a tour.

And I hate to say it, but if you did offend them (which I truly don't think you did) so what? It's not going to damage the acquaintance.

They might be the kind of people that think it's rude not to ask to see someones house.

RE: Caught Off Guard

I agree. Bet they never gave it a second thought. I think, based on what you say, they may be bit oblivious to basic etiquette.

She probably thought she was flattering you with a request for a tour and perhaps was more interested because her husband did the work.

Don't give it another thought. I'm sure they haven't.

As an aside, I have never understood this "home tour" mentality. Always a little shocked when I go to someone's home for the first time and they want to give me "the tour" . What is that about?

Exception being an open house event for people who have bought or renovated a new home.

RE: Caught Off Guard

I think it all depends on how you said it!

RE: Caught Off Guard

If you're worried that you've upset them, esp. the wife, whose clothes shop you patronize, then at some point, invite her over and see the house "at its best". Probably she wants to see her husband's handiwork. Maybe he did some particular job in your house that he wants her to see.

I'm one who likes touring other people's houses, mainly because I like to see how they've decorated so if someone wants to show off their house, count me in on the ooohing and ahhhing. As chase says, this normally happens at an event for people who have bought or renovated a new home.

But I also think it's the home owner's right to not offer a tour, or to decline if they are asked for one. I think the difference here is that I'm assuming she wants to see her husband's work, which is why I suggest inviting her back at a later date.

RE: Caught Off Guard

Thanks everyone. I am going to invite her back.

RE: Caught Off Guard

Once was out for the evening with my MIL and one of her friends. My husband was away for the weekend, and by the time they were dropping me off, it was after 11. This friend of MIL's -- who was someone I didn't even know well, demanded a tour of the house. I was pretty 'mousy' back then and rarely stood up for myself--but I wasn't about to give the woman a tour at that hour of the night. Personally, I thought it was rude of HER to ask.

I don't think you did anything wrong, and honestly, I doubt I'd invite her for a 'tour' unless you and she usually socialize anyway. Nice if you do, but you certainly shouldn't feel obligated to cave to someone who is that rude.

RE: Caught Off Guard


I agree. Why do people do tours? I am only in my 30's. But, my entire life I always liked going to the homes that had bedrooms on one floor or in a private part of the house.

I don't like the newer styles where there is a master close to the entertaining area.

I keep my home open to all. I don't mind when friends are here and they have kids they put down in our bedrooms. I never think twice about that.

But, when people come by I never would suggest touring them through our home.

Just my opinion.

RE: Caught Off Guard

I guess I was just afraid of hurting someone's feelings. I have a bad habit of questioning myself even though I was polite.

I don't have a problem with showing someone my home when I invite them over, and everything is in order. I don't volunteer "showings" but if they ask, it's alright with me.

I do take issue to people who drop-in unannounced who expect you to give guided tours.

RE: Caught Off Guard

Rest easy. Your house. Your castle. Your call. Anyone with a brain would understand or, even if they didn't, (to hell with 'em if they didn't!) would acquiesce instantly. You're fine.

RE: Caught Off Guard

I have a problem with people who drop in unannounced for any reason. Ever get one of the calls, "we dropped by but you weren't home"? My reply, "were we supposed to stay home in case you dropped by unannounced"? OR, we knocked but you didn't answer the door. Yeh, I was in the shower!
Give me a break.

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