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Guest damage?

Posted by maryil (My Page) on
Thu, Jul 31, 08 at 14:28

Please advise me. This is not a "disaster", but I thought the best forum to post this question on. I would appreciate your opinion. While we were out of town for an extended stay, our neighbors/friends asked us if their relatives (family with two young children) could stay at our house during their visit. Our friends did not have enough bedrooms to accomadate them. We told them yes, of course they could stay. She emailed me and said the family really enjoyed staying at our home and the kids loved using the hot tub, etc. She said she checked the house and they had done up the bed sheets/towels, etc. When we came home, we noticed that our cream colored bedspread and shams had a lot of large yellow stains all over it, including one that was a shoe print. I mentioned it to my friend, saying I didn't want to tell her, but I hoped to find out what it might be, so I could tell the cleaners. She replied that they would stop by and take a look at it, and that her husband was good at telling what stains were. I then got an email from her saying that they have loaned out many things that came back damaged, and that they had never said anything to the people. She also said that it is indeed better never to be a lender or a borrower. She said they would clean it, and replace it, if necessary. I replied that wasn't necessary, we would take it to the cleaners, and I was sorry I mentioned it. I now feel bad that I mentioned it. Did I do the wrong thing, what should I have done? Thank you in advance.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Guest damage?

"Did I do the wrong thing,..."
Yes! You loaned out the use of your house to strangers, with kids, no less! What were you thinking?

"...what should I have done?"

Next time, (and there WILL be a next time) say NO to such a brazen request. Your house is your castle; not anyone else's playground.


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RE: Guest damage?

Well, had I been your neighbour, I would have said something llike "OMG! I'm SOOOOOOOOO sorry," asked to look at the stained item and then taken it away to be cleaned or replaced, whichever worked, and no snide remarks. If I borrow a thing, it goes back in equal or better condition to how I received it. Your neighbour is out of line IMO. Don't lend her anything ever again.


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RE: Guest damage?

Certainly accidents happen and children misbehave. I don't think it's out of line to ask what these stains might be so that they can be cleaned properly.

I also thing that the neighbor should have apologized and offered to have the items cleaned/replaced without additional comment. After all they were responsible for their guests.

Clean the items and call it a lesson learned. Don't loan your house or other items to your neighbor, obviously they don't appreciate your generosity.


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RE: Guest damage?

"She also said that it is indeed better never to be a lender or a borrower."

Peculiar conclusion since she was the one borrowing! Defensive and ungrateful. And probably cheap or they would have offered you monetary compensation for lodging or put their friends in a hotel. Okay, that was mean...but REALLY!

A case in point that no good deed goes unpunished.


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RE: Guest damage?

I appreciate everyone's comments, as you are all "spot on". I think what bothered me the most, is that she never said she was sorry it happened. She made me feel I was at fault, asking what it might be. I was hoping she would have asked her husbands relatives what was on the bedspread. We just redecorated our home, and this was a new bedspread, matches the window treatment, and is no longer available. I might add, my husband and I would never ask them to host relatives, as they do not "share" their things. Oh well...it is indeed, a lesson learned. I just didn't want to have such a bad feeling, after what I thought, we did them a favor. Thanks for everyone's input. Let this be a lesson to everyone here...thanks again, mary


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RE: Guest damage?

Not to beat a dead horse, but I wanted to add something about the spots. They were very large, about 8" in diameter,and about six or seven of them, all over the bedspread. One on the pillow sham in the upper left side, as it sat propped up against the headboard. Also, there was one perfectly shaped, small (child size) shoe print in the same yellow color. So odd, I still can't imagine what it might have been, and how it didn't get on the carpet, or nightstands, etc (or maybe they cleaned that up?) Just hope it comes out. Thanks again for your feedback! You guys are great....mary


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RE: Guest damage?

Not to beat a dead horse, but I wanted to add something about the spots. They were very large, about 8" in diameter,and about six or seven of them, all over the bedspread. One on the pillow sham in the upper left side, as it sat propped up against the headboard. Also, there was one perfectly shaped, small (child size) shoe print in the same yellow color. So odd, I still can't imagine what it might have been, and how it didn't get on the carpet, or nightstands, etc (or maybe they cleaned that up?) Just hope it comes out. Thanks again for your feedback! You guys are great....mary


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RE: Guest damage?

So these "friends" don't share their things but had the nerve to ask you to loan out your home to people you don't even know? And then they are unpleasant about some damage? They should pay for the cleaning and even replacement if needed and they should tell you they are sorry.

Unbelievable!


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RE: Guest damage?

Mouth open here. I share the sentiments of the other posters. your neighbor is a clod and is totally ungracious and ungrateful. This person is not your friend, nor is her husband. I cannot IMAGINE having the audacity to ask a neighbor if friends/relatives could stay in her home and then upon finding out that said visitors had damaged something, have her reaction.
Had that been me, I would have been mortified and immediately offered to take the item to the cleaner, and paid for it. Then again, it would not have been me. I'd be cool, polite and distant with this neighbor.


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RE: Guest damage?

Thank you all, for your comments. I appreciate them and agree. mary


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RE: Guest damage?

Take the items to the cleaner, and then tell (don't ask) your neighbor to reimburse you. If, according to the cleaners, the spots can't be removed, then tell your neighbors that the bedding was ruined, and is no longer available, and that since it matched the curtains, they would have to be replaced as well.

I tend to be blunt and would say something like, "I was trying to be helpful, and you come back at me and tell me I shouldn't have allowed you to borrow my house. That said, you are still responsible for replacing/repairing this damage, and I accept your apology."


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RE: Guest damage?

Agree with the above! That neighbor is an excellent example of chutzpah! LOL


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RE: Guest damage?

Well, I'm definitely on the same page. Your neighbor is a pig.

Wanted to ask though--since it's been a while since you posted this--was the problem resolved? Did you get the spread cleaned? Did the spots come out? Did you get the neighbor to ante-up? Hope the answers are all 'yes'.


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RE: Guest damage?

Thank you, everyone, for letting me "vent" about this. I am sorry if I am such a whiner. I had the bedspread and shams dry cleaned, showing them the spots, so they could treat them. The spots are still there, but faded somewhat. The spread is the same on both sides, thankfully, so I have it on the bed with the "good" side up. I am planning on soaking the spots with a paste of "oxy-clean", then washing, to see if that will work. My neighbor/friend, asked to take it to the cleaners, but I had already taken it in. She said to let her know what the cost was and if it came out. I told her not to worry, that I felt bad even telling her about it. It hasn't been brought up since, and we talk several times a week. I read somewhere "Don't let a little dispute ruin a great relationship", and I am going that route. My daughter & husband said I should never had mentioned it, and with my friends response, I wish I hadn't. Her response really surprised me, and it has altered the way I perceive her. We are still friends, but I don't feel quite the same. There was a lesson here, and I have learned from that. I appreciate everyone's comments, and hopefully we've all learned a little something from this. It's so great to have this forum, thank you! mary


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RE: Guest damage?

Mary:
You have nothing to feel guilty about, and your husband and daughter are wrong. You had every right to say something about the damage. I'm like you, I would feel guilty about saying something (maybe it's my Catholic upbringing!!), even though I was right to do so.
Now you know what your 'friend' is made of. Certainly not someone you can count on if the chips are down. As far as this great relationship goes, you've got the short end of the stick on that one. You sound like a very nice person; anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend. I hope you find a new friend who deserves your friendship.


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RE: Guest damage?

Cearab, I had to laugh when I read your response "maybe it's my Catholic upbringing"! I too am Catholic, and think you are right about that! I think that most of us feel, that we would like to know if there was any damage, would apologize, and make it right. Funny how some people respond to things. Thank you for your kind words also, I think we all try to be good people and friends. It might be the fact that these people have no children and tend to be a little "self-absorbed". When you have kids, that all changes, you do not think of yourself first. Certainly changes your outlook on things. Thanks again everyone...you guys are all great!


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RE: Guest damage?

Funny, I would think that parents would be less likely to note what damage little darlings do, and those of us self-absorbed people without children might focus more on on our "things."

In any event, your neighbor had a lot of nerve, pushing responsibility off on you for helping her out, and her response was wrong. The first thing out of her mouth should have been an apology and an offer to make things right. Perhaps this caught her off guard, but it does not reflect well on her, so now you know.


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RE: Guest damage?

I'm concerned that you have a daughter and a husband who evidently think that when people borrow your house they are entitled to damage stuff. In our neighborhood when you do a big favor they send flowers or at least some gift. I think you need to chat with your daughter at least so that in her life she doesn't feel the need to please people that much. I would never let strangers use my house while I was gone. I guess you are lucky they didn't wreck your good china.


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RE: Guest damage?

Just have to add my 2 cents worth here. Your "friend" has some nerve to use you as a doormat, then you feel guilty??

Friends respect friends. This woman is a mere acquaintance, that's all. For you to feel guilty for doing her a favor doesn't make her a friend.

Kinda like investing in the stock market-unless you are prepared for the loss, don't invest in it. So much for the bedspread.


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RE: Guest damage?

If the spread is discontinued, try looking on Ebay or Overstock.com. Keep an eye out on those sites, or search for it by the brand name. If you can remember the pattern that will be even better. Just because it's discontinued doesn't mean it's gone forever.

Someone out there still has one waiting for you.


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RE: Guest damage?

Your neighbors are pushy to begin with. Consider yourself lucky this is the only damage.


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RE: Guest damage?

You were very gracious to your neighbor, but hopefully you learned your lesson! People will never been as respective of your home as you are, especially when you aren't there.

Your neighbor has a lot of nerve to respond to you like that. You shuold never EVER do anything for her again


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RE: Guest damage?

You sound so much like my daughter it makes me sad for you. She is always "sorry" for everything whether its her fault or not. I think its a self esteem issue. Why in the world would you feel bad about mentioning this issue?? If you keep allowing yourself to be walked on, these types of things will continue in your life. I would highly recommend you self asses your own reaction to this event because you have every right to be mad, not apologetic. Demand respect from your friends and your family and stop apologizing for everything you feel.


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RE: Guest damage?

Just do it. Tell them they must leave.


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RE: Guest damage?

??? This thread is 2 years old. Surely OP has resolved her problem and "paid her stupid tax" by now. In case you don't listen to Dave Ramsey, thats the price you pay for doing something stupid, like letting total strangers use your house while you're away.


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