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You might be a redneck if.........

Posted by kathyanddave (My Page) on
Fri, May 11, 07 at 18:41

Last night I had a Pampered Chef party at my house and during it I had to take out the trash. Not wanting to take it clear to the trash can by the barn, I just set it on the deck. After the party, before bed my husband went out to smoke, and decided it was to far to walk to the trash can so he just set the bag back inside the house until morning so that the animals wouldn't get into it and spread it all over the yard. We went to bed and the next morning while DH was sitting on the couch putting on his boots to go to work (5:00am) He starts hollering at me "Come up here quick, there is a possum under the kitchen table" I was like "Are you serious????" so I get up and sure enough, there he was sitting under the table. He must have already been inside the trash bag when DH brought it in. Then we decide to open the back door and I poked him with a broom expecting him to run away from me and out the door. No, he runs right at me, so of course I drop the broom and jump on the couch screaming (as anyone would do) and the possum then goes behind the entertainment center and settles down in the wires. After about 30 minutes of trying to get him out we decide to call Animal Control (which doesn't open until 8:00 am FYI) but of course with our luck the phones automatically roll over to the police dept. After the police dispach lady stopped laughing she said that she'd send over a couple of cops. About 10 minutes later 2 cops (with their brooms) came over and 45 minutes later they finally got the possum to run out of the house. By this time the kids and I are all sitting on the couch in our pjs watching the show, and my DH and I are late to work. Moral of the story is NEVER EVER be to lazy to take the trash out. I hope everyone got a good laugh at my expense, the girls at my work, and my family sure did.

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: You might be a redneck if.........

OMG, how funny! As a fundamentaly lazy person, I would have done the same thing with the garbage!

Once a couple of years ago, the three dogs had a possum surrounded in the back yard. DH (city boy) was yelling at me for help (from inside the back door), so I rushed past to call off the hounds. Megan, our obedient girl, went to the back door when I tugged her away from the fray, and DH let her in (hiding behind the door the whole time, I am sure). So what happens next? Mr. Possum, noticing that the snapping canine teeth are gone and replaced by vulnerable human fleshy legs, runs straight for me! Casey the Brave (who loves his mama) snapped his jaws on that possum neck and "killed" the thing. Once he was "dead", I could get the boys back into the house, safe with their dad. I tromped around to get a shovel out of the garage, only to see the "dead" possum ambling for the back fence on my return.

I sure learned the meaning of "triangulate" that night!

RE: You might be a redneck if.........

Brother had a problem possum, dragging garbage out of the can. He found it in the can one day and beat it to death with a baseball bat. Dug a hole, threw the possum in and cover it up - burried it.

The next morning he got up for work and the hole was open, where the dead possum had undug itself.

RE: You might be a redneck if.........

OMG! I almost lost my coffee laughing! HILARIOUS, all 3!

RE: You might be a redneck if.........

No possum story but here's mine. After realizing that a mouse was feasting in my pantry while I slept, I set out to capture him and let him go in a field. I cleared out the pantry and set glue traps on each shelf. 6am the next morning I walk out to kitchen for coffee and hear a clicking from the pantry. Open the door and there's a mouse stuck to a glue trap by his tail and one leg and pulling the trap across the shelf trying to get away. So I pick up trap and all, set it out on the back porch while I go in to get dressed. My plan was to dress, drive the mouse on the trap to a field then somehow get him off the glue (wearing welding gloves of course) and then release him.
Long story short - the cat beat me to it. When I went out to the porch, Mr. Kitty sat there licking his paws with the most satisfied look on his face. After that I went back to the old fashioned snap traps.

RE: You might be a redneck if.........

We have a long haired tabby that patrols our place. We see him every couple of days or so. I use those sticky traps around to try and keep the population down. My daughter mentioned to me the other day that the cat was walking funny. I just got around to checking him out since I noticed that he apparently had a small tree limb protruding from his under belly. He had a sticky trap stuck to his tummy, who knows for how long, and was "collecting" all kinds of yard debris and carrying that along with him. Had a heck of time getting that trap off him. No mouse, luckily. Must have eaten that before laying down on the trap. Dumb cat.

RE: You might be a redneck if.........

lol I can emphasize with you. We were trapped in the house by skunks one time. Husband leaves for work at 2 am and he went out the door and immediately came back in.. Whats wrong I asked and he said, skunk on the front walk.. He went to the back door and... you guessed it.. came back in.. Skunk on the back porch. We were going to send him out the side door and he got almost to the car... Skunk in front of car. They still tease him about that at work and that has been about 7 yrs ago. lol

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