I was so surprised to receive copies of emails supposedly responding to my post on gardenweb. Whoa, I thought, I haven't been there in ages. So I checked it out and here it is...imagine my surprise to see folks responding to something I posted 3 years ago! Helen, that is baffling about the virus warning. I've been on and off that site the past 3 years, and know many others who faithfully use that site and never had a problem. Perhaps your anti-virus program is set to a super sensitivity level that would pick up on something quite innocuous. But I am sure no expert on that. Haven't heard of Fitday.

eDiets is successful. My understanding is it gives you a balanced diet. I use weight watchers. Same idea. I also use the posting here for motivation and friendship. Whatever you choose - try to find something you can live with. Look for flexibility, choice and balanced eating - especially if you have a lot to lose or want to relearn your living habits. Everyone is different. Anyone else care to share? McPeg

I guess the difference for me is that I don't think of being somebody's peer or equal as being disrespectful... Probably a lot of that comes from my mom who didn't have any problem with that. She's one of those moms who some people may have a problem with because she's a real *friend* to me (and I her) and a lot of people disagree with that style of parenting. But the upshot is we have no problems with one another, love each other very dearly, and would each do whatever we could for each other. If that's problematic in some people's eyes, that's their right to view it that way, but she and I have no issues. Definitely when I was living under her roof before I went off to college, I followed her rules and understood she was in charge. And she is still in charge about several things, namely when I ever have to ask her for anything I understand that because I am asking something of her, it's her prerogative to grant or deny my requests. When I visit her house I try to do things and put things, etc. how and where she wants them... I wouldn't tell her what to do or anything like that, but I do feel free to express my opinion about certain things and even lecture her on occasion (to quit smoking) or give her advice on things (i.e. diet and exercise) which I happen to know more about than she does. And vice versa, because there are many things she knows more about than I do, and she also has plenty of opinions about my life. That's fine, because we both know it comes out of caring and we both know we are free as independent adults to take or leave each other's opinions/advice. But I guess the understanding between my mom and I is that now I am an adult in my own right, and we both embrace the positive sides of that which means we can have conversations more or less as "equals" or "peers" about adult issues. There is no need to revert to any statement of a hierarchy because neither one of us is disrespecting each other. That's because we naturally have mutual respect for each other. I respect who she is a s a person and as a mom and think she did a good job raising me; and she respects the woman I've become. I can see, though, where if either of us was disrespecting each other it may be instinctual to seek to clarify who is "on top" of a hierarchy. And in some cases I'm sure that one party or the other has to be reminded of where they stand, so to speak. A mom telling her grown son that he better remember to respect his mother when he rudely calls her a "b!tch", or a grown son telling his mother that her meddling in his marriage is disrespectful to he and his new wife. So I can see where there would be some occasions where people need to be reminded of certain boundaries that they shouldn't cross, due to the limits of their authority. But I guess in my thinking that comes more from when one party seeks to be MORE significant or dominant over a given situation than another, not when they view themselves as an equal adult. And primarily where one or both parties has not REALLY learned what respect actually means. In general I don't see too many problems erupt when people see themselves as equals, it's when one or more see themselves as *superior* that a problem starts. To me and my way of thinking "equal" is like "similar", which is akin to "like-minded", "friendly", "having things in common to connect over", and "in harmony". I can't think of anyone in my life whom I'd be offended by them viewing themselves as a peer to me. I don't find that inherently disrespectful... and I guess that's because my mom doesn't. If she did, I guess we'd have a problem, but instead we have a wonderful relationship. Another plus side to being "peers" with my mom is that I happen to find her one of the most fun and delightful people simply to spend time with. How many moms can brag that their kid actually finds them cool and loves spending time with them... not just for a hot meal but for wonderful conversation and most importantly some great laughs?

Our rule has always been that as soon as an adult starts having children, we buy only for their children. My oldest SD has 3 children, who we spoil the hell out of. Her younger sister isn't married, and wouldn't care if we didn't get her anything, but I just wouldn't feel it would be fair if all the presents and money went to her older sister's family just because she's the one with kids. So I spend the same amount of money on my youngest SD that I spend on her sister's 3 children, and as I do go overboard on them, well, this year she got an HD camcorder to go along with the plasma TV we bought her last year. But the truth is we don't have anyone else to buy for because the rest of our family has all agreed to stop exchanging gifts completely. A lot of them really couldn't afford it, but felt so obligated, they literally went into debt rather than show up empty handed. We also had to confess that most of us had dreaded having to open all those gifts, knowing we'd have to fight back the urge to blurt out "What were you thinking?" My honest recommendation is that you should have the grandchildren who live with you open their presents from you privately, when the rest of the family isn't there. We always did this with the kids at midnight on Christmas eve rather than have them open their big presents in front of everyone else Christmas day, which frankly, would probably have made the other kids there jealous.