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SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

Posted by Marci_PA (My Page) on
Mon, Apr 12, 04 at 8:20


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

Good one, Marci!

[[[[[[[[[[[[[NH SUZANNE]]]]]]]]]]]]]]], my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this distressing time.

Got about 4 meetings today and so much to do that I sat back and laughed at my electronic calendar. No possible way I can get this completed, but I march on.....

Make this a good day!!
D


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RE: SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

(((((((((((((HUGS NHSUZANNE))))))))))

It's spring beak here for the little ones, but the older ones are back to school today!

The deck should be finished in about 4 more days and then the heavy landscaping starts. The yard is already bulldozed and trenches for new sprinklers are dug.

The weather here is breaking all records---75 yesterday. We had a wonderful 1/2 hour bike ride. Hope this weather trend continues for the rest of the week!


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RE: SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

Hi all!

((((((((NHSuzanne)))))))) no words of advice here, just lots of love and hugs!!!

Good weekend--just too quick!!! Ran into MIL and lump of BIL Friday night at dinner. I tell ya--strange peeps indeed! LOL!!!

Just getting ready to leave and have dinner ant mom and dad's.

Hope all is well--

Hugs,

Maddie


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RE: SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

Had a good 40 minute bike ride with the family after dinner last night. The weather here has been really nice.

The deckers poured cement in the footings yesterday, so the deck is progressing.

I don't know what happened to the landscapers. They haven't been here in a week. I'm going to call them today. They bulldozed the front and back yard and left!

Late this afternoon, the interior paint estimator is coming. I am hoping to get rid of the dark colors in some rooms and I want to exchange the wallpaper for paint in the kitchen and one kids' room. I hope the price doesn't give me a heart attack!

I have been spring de-cluttering, getting rid of lots of stuff, small furniture, and paper. My house is a regular stop for the Salvation Army now! lol. It's nice to get rid of things! Clean Sweep has inspired me. I've been Ti-Vo-ing it.

Diet-wise, I have been staying within limits. I have been tracking on FitDay.com---it's an easy way to diary food. I may need to get more sleep to lose weight though, so I started going to bed 1/2 hour earlier last night.

Marci! Love the gif!

DeeMarie~How'd the schedule go yesterday?

Maddie: I saw these sunglasses and it reminded me of you! Where do you sell yours---the weekend market? I hope your business is growing fast enough to get you out of your current job situation. When you don't have to drive to that place any more, I'll be thrilled!

Jen~ How are the girls? Is Erica still having surgery and if so, when? You must be exhausted. Take care of yourself. (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

Raeanne----CHECK IN!

Joanne~ I hope things are okay with you. I think about you often.

JOHN!!!!!! What happened with the job opportunity across from the gym??????????????????

Gotta fly!

Here is a link that might be useful: Rhinestone sunglasses


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RE: SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

I'm here, just buried under in work work and housework. We are hosting a winetasting party this weekend (I know - it's not legal on any woe). Trying to get the house in order - it is the first time I am having a party and letting someone else take charge - it is a huge lesson for me. I worry way too much! DD#1 and her 2 friends (that want to become event planners) are taking care of all the details.

BJ - My landscaper is due tomorrow and I will only believe it when I see him with his backhoe!!! What you are experiencing is the norm around here. The bday party sounded great. I posted a huge post Sunday and lost it - but I wanted you to wish DD a great bday from me.

Doing laundry, cleaned out refrig, pantry and closet. I have to go run errands later this afternoon.

I will try to check in later and say hello to everyone.


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RE: SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

NHSuzanne - I'm sorry about the anxiety and distress with DS#2. I hope you can work it through. Sometimes things work out well.

Jen, I'm thinking of you and Erica, too, and come back to see what I can find out.

It doesn't seem like I've seen Patti for awhile.

Amy


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RE: SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

Hi All,

Thanks for asking about the girls. Erica seems to be much better. Last week and so far this week, she has ate really good and acted a lot better. Today is her last dose of antibiotic, so we will see what happens now. We are scheduled to see the ENT doctor on April 28. Hopefully, we wont need him.

BJ, those glasses are you!

Better run. I just e-mailed updated pictures out of the girls.

Jen


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RE: SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

Jen - lovely picture of the girls - they look like little princesses. I will keep my fingers crossed for Erica.

NH Suzanne - I forgot to extend a hug to you. What a tough thing to be dealing with. Sending lots of love and light to you, DH and both DS.


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RE: SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

Jen~ Got the pics! SOOOOOOOO cute! Raeanne's right---they DO look like a couple of princesses! Thanks for taking the time to send photos---we love them!

Raeanne- I was doing laundry today too. Fabric softner is my way of letting the chicks at DH's college know that my hubby is taken. Single guys NEVER smell like Bounce or Snuggle! lol! :) However, he has NO clue!


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RE: SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

Good Morning All from rainy and flooding NH!
Another seige of flooding rain is upon us!

Jen, glad to hear that Erica is doing better. Good luck at the doctor on the 28th..........if you have to go at all.

Thanks for the hugs and well wishes. I told DH and he was totally fine and not surprised. He is going to visit him today and see what he can do to help. He's a good father.
He asked me why I waited so long to tell him! I did such anxiety over telling him but he's okay and knows what to do. I have to keep reminding myself that everthing is perfect the way it is.

Meanwhile, back at the farm...........Sweet Pea had her chiropractic adjustment. The vet found she had a rib out of place on both sides, a vertabrae out and something at her poll needed adjusting. She was a really good patient even though she was totally unsure about what he was doing to her. What he found explains a few things that I have found with her to be not right so I am hoping to ride her tomorrow to see if it has made a difference.

Raeanne, the wine tasting party sounds like fun. Are you tasting any particular type or region of wine? I want all the details.

Speaking of landscaping..............I need to do some since we built a big retaining wall last fall. I have to try to find goat proof plants! The babies eat everything including the paint off the house! I hope this ends soon with them. It's supposed to eventually stop. Good thing they are cute.

I have to run have another busy day at work.


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RE: SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

NHSuzanne~ Sounds like things will work themselves out with DH and DS#2. ((((((((((Good thoughts are with you guys.))))))))) I found this article on GoatWorld. Looks like Mullein, Wild Sage Grass, and Nightshade varieties are pretty goat resistant, but the guy says they aren't a landscaper's dream! The article was an okay read though.

Hey, EVERYONE! I need some opinions on this matter I'm discussing with my DH:

SORRY THIS IS SO LONG!

Currently, DH leaves the house at 8:30am and gets back from college at around 3:30. 3 of the 4 kids are in school until 3:30 also each weekday. After he gets home, he studies in his office upstairs (door closed) until 6:15 (dinner). We eat a family dinner with the kids and we all talk for an hour, then he studies until 10pm in his office. He and I meet at 10pm and we spend a 1/2 hour or hour together and then go to bed. He puts the younger kids to bed at 7:30/8pm on Mon and Wed, when I take my older DD to gymnastics. He spends a total of 2, sometimes 3 hours with us outside his study time on weekends.

So, with all of that info, here's my question:

He wants to start having his day hours unaccounted for. In other words, from 8:30 until 6 (he chose these times), he would not tell me where he was (he says maybe he'd be at a study group, maybe at a school student club, maybe having a beer, maybe he'd get a hair cut, or maybe he'd come home right after school-it'd be his choice, unless there was some family-planned important activity). His point is that he doesn't want to have to tell me when or where he's going to be until 6, when he will eat dinner with us. He says, of course, that I would have the same freedom, but the difference is that I'd be with the 4 kids - home or where ever until 6. (I would have to come home at 3:30 as usual to get the kids to do their homework. On Thursday, I get home around 5:30 due to my older DD's horse lessons). He says he'd mostly tell me where he'd be, unless I seemed to be judgemental about his time, then he wouldn't want to tell me. Here's my side: I like having him in the house, even if he's holed up in his office. The kids and I at least know he's "here" from 3:30 on, but I am sure that is not a very valid point on my part! The other issue is that I'm with 4 kids and he'd be alone and solo; that seems like a big difference to me as far as spending "free" time outside of school. But...only reason I can come up with for feeling that way is that I'm feeling jealous of his "alone" time, since I get VERY little of that. He says most guys work until 6 anyway and when he works for a practice, he'll be working that late anyway, so it's normal for a guy to get home at 6pm.

I can certainly see his distaste in the ball and chain and accountability to the ole wife unit (my words!), but I need something better than that to get me to move off my position of feeling insecure (and jealous) about this! lol!

Our discussion has been halted twice due to the emotion around it. I need SUPER honest opinions regarding this. Please, please mull it over and ask any menfolk (DHs, DBs, etc) what they think as well. TIA for anything you can offer! Lurkers, feel free to chime in---I need all the opnions I can get!

Our next discussion session is Thursday night.

Here is a link that might be useful: GoatWorld


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RE: SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

NH Suzanne - We are sampling some fine champagne first. There will be 4 wines, not necessarily from the same region and not the same type - I do remember there will be a pinot noir and a pinot grigio. I don't have the list with me. Along with all the wines will be a little lesson and food pairings. We will then have a grappa with coffee and Eisewein with dessert (creme brulee). My DD did the invitations, menu and wine and food cards. A friend from a restaurant she used to work at is doing the cooking and another friend that works for a wine importer is doing the wine. I am sure it will be fun.

BJ, BJ, BJ - ((((((BIG HUG))))) - I have to really think on that one. But my gut reaction was that your DH may be a little envious of the carefree lifestyle of most college students - just a hunch. I will get back to you on more of my thoughts, when I sort them.


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RE: SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

BJ: (((((((((HUGS Hugs)))))))Your situation really has me thinking this morning...My biggest question is why he feels that he needs to do this and when you are in a relationship be that either marriage or commited...you should want to clue the other person in to what you are up to. How BIG of him to "let" you have the same freedom that he wants. I think that this is a really sore subject for me since my DEX was the same way. He wanted his space to do the things that he wanted to do yet...I still had all the same responsibilities and he had none. He would come home and "need his space" to unwind. He didn't want me asking him how his day was...he wanted to be alone...too bad for him that now he really is alone and has found out that life like that is really lonely.

I have to agree with Raeanne in that it sounds like he is seeing the younger college kids with the "perfect life". No commitments other than school. Unfortunately for him he IS married and that lifestyle is not an option for him.

Also, your reason for wanting him around is very valid unless you are feeling like you don't trust him and having him around is a way of knowing where he is at. When you say your next discussion session is Thursday night. Does that mean you are going to a therapist for the conversation or is it just a time that you and DH have set aside for this issue? Perhaps a third party could help you sort through this. I so admire you because you a such a caring and giving person and I can read the hurt in words over this issue. I don't know if I have given you any advice...perhaps maybe food for thought.

NHSuzanne: (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) I am glad that things went well when you spoke with DH about his DS. It is a tough tough issue to deal with and hopefully someone can get through to DS about his addiction issues. But we all know that he has to want to help himself first and it could be years before he gets to that point. A lot of times the only thing we can do is pray that they will find their way sooner than later.

DeeMarie, Besh and Maddie: You guys are awesome LOSERS! Keep up the good work.

Jen: I am so glad that Erica is doing better. I am debating about having DS's tonsil out this summer...his are HUGE but for some reason and perhaps someone can help me here ...but what are the dangers of having it done when they are older. He is 20.

Patti: Please check in again and let us know how you are doing!

I am still WAITING for financial info from my boss about the company...ugghh...MY other quandry is that she has not given me my annual raise this year and I am SO uncomfortable approaching her on it. I have all the confidence in the world until it comes to this...any suggestions??

Marci: I have finished another Jodi Book...shoud I send it your way?

Amy: It was great to look at those pictures again. You have such an incredible talent!

Gretchen


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RE: SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

Hello again,

BJ, I have to agree with Gretchen although I am still giving it much thought but right away I am thinking how selfish. I am trying to imagine where the thought even came from. It's not about "accountability" in a marriage to me it's about being there for one another and participating. If my DH said that to me I would be very angry and upset and yes, I would probably feel threatened in some way. It seems strange to me that he suddenly wants to be unaccountable! Really strange. I also think that the discussion should go on as long as it takes to be resolved in some way although you are wise to put it aside until you can get your emotions under control! I am trying to see DH's point of view but frankly, as I said, I think this whole idea of his selfish and unacceptable especially since you are never relieved of the children or seem to get down time yourself. Well, those are my initial thoughts and I will think on it more because it's ludicrious. In the meantime, HUGS

Gretchen, is an annual raise part of your employment arrangement? If so, just go in and ask her. If not, ask her anyway! I don't know why we humans feel like we shouldn't ask for what we deserve. . Why is that? I will get back to you when I figure it out! LOL An old woman said to me once......"you don't ask, you don't know"!


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//RE: SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

Hello again,

BJ, someone just sent me this thought you would especially enjoy it!

Here is a link that might be useful: Peephenge


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RE: SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

Hi guys,

Thanks for the preliminaries. I am really trying to be unbiased on this, but it's hard!

He IS envious of college kids' carefree, no strings life. Each time we attend a college get-together, he mentions that.

I trust him with his own time and am not worried about him being inappropriate with other people, so a tryst is not an issue here.

Our discussion Thursday is just between us, no counselor. We're usually able, after attending many counseling session over the past 2 years, to get these things worked out---fortunately. Sometimes, though, it takes a few nights of conversations. We use this formula:

A prediscussion, where we let the other person know the topic we want to talk about, so they can be prepared. We set a date 2 days from that day to talk. It helps us analyze our feelings toward the topic.

When we meet, we establish the topic and write it down, so we stick with it! One of our problems used to be adding other issues into the mix---no more!

Then we reveal our emotional attachments, insecurities, and fears about the topic.

Then we respond to each other's response to the above, just to help them understand that WE understand the hot, underlying issues. We don't interrupt each other while we are stating our feelings and wants regarding the topic. During the discussion, we remain sensitive to our partner's trigger times and remain aware that either of us can stop the discussion at any time and we can begin again in 2 days.

And lastly, we stay realistic, knowing that it may take more than one session to solve the problem.

This formula has worked really well for us. We very seldom have any simmering issues building resentment under the surface of our relationship. It's nice to be able to bring things out in the open, even if they are controversial. it's not always a comfortable conversation, but afterward, we are both relieved about the openess and ability to talk.

__________________

It's raining cat and dogs here! The freeways are messy, but not too bad, as it appears people are giving themselves extra time to complete their commutes.

I am still on track with eating, however, my sleep has been restless as of late---I wonder why???---lol.

I am helping a friend get hay today after I get the older kids off to school.

Then I am heading over to photograph my friend who is preggers with twins. Her 36th week is next week and she is about to have the babies, so we want to get a photo of her body, while it's heavy with love! I am bring a beautiful, full length burgundy stretchy dress for her to wear. I also am loading up my big Malabar wicker chair for her to stand by or sit in, along with a sheer cabana net to hang from a tree and drape around the scene for background. It ought to be fun and my kids will play with hers while we work on getting something pleasing.

Then it's off to the market (more veggies and fruit) and then to the barn for older DD's gaming lessons.

Hope you all are getting through the week with no worries! Friday's coming!!!!!!

Thanks for the insight to my issues with DH. I welcome any additions to the discussions.


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RE: ///SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

NHSuzanne: Peephenge made me SO hungry for peeps!!!!!!!!! Very funny---THANKS!


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RE: SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

Hi Everyone,

I am trying to keep up with the reading, but no time to post. I am on vacation next week so I will update you all then.

((((HUGS)))) all around. BJ, I love the picture theme. I wish I had something like that of my pregnancies. What a wonderful thing to do.

Love, Besh


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RE: SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

BJ - I love your approach to your discussions with DH. It is so smart of you to not discuss this in the heat of the moment, I couldn't do that. I would be bursting at the seams to let him have it with both barrels LOL. As long as trust isn't an issue, then you just have to find out why he feels the need to be unaccountable for his day. I really have no words of wisdom, but I do know that I would be upset if my DH suggested this to me. I hope tonights discussion helps. You are a good friend to do the photo - what a great idea.

I have a CAT scan this afternoon and have to start drinking a lot of fluids soon - unfortunately I have a lot of running around to do as well. I had some sharp radiating pains at the top of my stomach, before I went on vacation. The Dr. suggested a CAT scan, but the pains have been gone for a quite a while - I figure I may as well still have the scan done.

I will check in later.


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RE: SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

BJ, good luck in your discussions with DH. In the end, it's got to be what's right for both of you in the kind of relationship you have. I don't ever remember a time when I knew exactly where my husband was going to be unless he was working in the neighborhood, but I never have an address or a phone number!!! He does not keep his phone on, so I cannot get in touch with him during the day. In the beginning, it frustrated me, but that's the nature of his business. I say what I need to in the morning and in the evening. That's our relationship, though. He calls me at the office if there is something important going on, but I can count on one hand when it happened. I think it would be nice for you to have an understanding that if you absolutely need him, you will call him---not just for the "I need a quart of milk". There must be a good reason why he feels this need, but I can't think of a reason why I would not want my husband to know where I am during the day... Sorry I can't be of more help.

[[[[[[[[[[[[RAEANNE]]]]]]]]]]]]] hope your tests come out OK.

My DH had a complete physical last week (I insisted and made an appointmennt for him, because he passed a bunch of kidney stones on the vacation last month). Anywho, his doctor called the other day to say the blood work was back and he wants to see him to discuss it. I am a nervous wreck. The appointment is Monday at 6:30pm. DH is not concerned and said that if it was bad news, the doctor would have wanted to see him immediately....I'm not so sure. You guys know what a worry wart I am, so please try to talk me down. LOL!!! Anyone know if this HIPPA stuff is why the docs want to see you in person to discuss lab results? My friend said it may be because they can bill for another visit. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......

Anxiously yours,
D


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RE: SS Support - Mon. 4/12 thru Wed. 4/14

Good Morning All,

DeeMarie, my first inclination is that there is probably nothing unusual going on. Maybe his doctor wants to discuss his findings and make recommendations of some kind. I hate to think that a doctor would be so unethical as to have him in just to charge for a visit. Of course, it wouldn't surprise me either I just hate to think about it. Try not to worry, I am sure everything is okay and besides worrying about it won't change it.

Raeanne, I hope nothing shows up on the CAT. My sister had a scan of some sort, a CAT I think, yesterday. They found a large mass of some sort around her uterus. The radiologist said he couldn't tell if it was a fybroid tumor and that she has to have some other kind of scan next week. Needless to say she is a nervous wreck. She has been having all kinds of pain in her abdomen, back and sides, and they havent'been able to find anything with normal exams. Say a prayer that it's just a benign thing that will be easy to take care of. I would be frightened myself but just the thought of it. Anyone else have such a thing?

A friend of mine is about to be a grandmother! I haven't heard yet but her daughter was in labor yesterday afternoon. She married this guy over 20 years ago and adopted his daughter from a previous marriage. Several years into the marriage he divorced her and sued her for child support!! Can you imagine the audacity? Anyway, she's about to start being called grandma! Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I can't imagine but it could happen anytime! LOL

Besh, good to hear from you. I think you are going to have grand weather next week!

BJ, I hope your talk with DH went well. Let us know. It's a good method. DH and I learned something similar in our therapy this year. It's so hard not to throw other issues into the mix and takes practice! Amazing. The art of communication.

It's Friday!!!!!!!!!


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