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girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Posted by daisychain01 (My Page) on
Sat, Jul 7, 12 at 9:36

My 8 yr old DD has just moved bedrooms and it is a disaster. Her old room was not much bigger than a closet, but we had it decorated so beautifully.

My style is linen and subtle colours. When we went to Walmart yesterday to buy some bamboo blinds for another room, she found some polyester pillows in jewel tone turquoise and purple that make my stomach turn. Help! I think I can talk her down from the pillows, but I've got to have something better to offer. Anyone have pics of a spectacular girls room I could use for inspiration?

We can change headboard fabric, duvet cover/sheets, curtains, paint colour, etc.

I'm leaning towards an all-white palette and then getting some colourful pillows (just not polyester, eyelash fabric - please!!!).


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Sorry, but it is HER bedroom. I feel very strongly that kids get to.decorate therir own space however they want. I know, I know, it is your house, but do you want a dtr happy in her own room, or are you going to start locking horns over every detail in her life throughout her preteens and teen years? Let her explore the world under your guidance...but not interference...and make some of her own decisions in matters that are helpful to her, even if you dislike her choices because they clash with your taste in decorating. It isn't permanent.

If she asks for tattoos, though, No means No!


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Just out of curiosity, what harm does it do to give her creative control in her own room? At 8, she is just hitting that age when girls lose confidence in their right to make their own choices.

I realize that you didn't ask your own mother, so who invited me! Please feel free to tell me to mind my own beeswax...
But you might be surprised to watch her taste evolve if she gets to make her own choices...?

A close friend of mine who is an architect has a daughter who now, at 32, has exquisite taste. But when this child was small, all she wanted was pink tulle with sequins and purple and chartreuse striped tights. Her extremely restrained mother gritted her teeth and let her go with it, and seeing the two of them walking down the street, mother in cream, gray, and black with perfectly bobbed hair, and daughter in some completely insane get-up that she chose herself, was a real treat.

And they have one of the best relationships I know.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

What I would have given at 8 to be able to decorate my own room. But I shared with my sisters so my mother made the choices to avoid an all out war.

One option is to browse various sites together (use some keywords like "kids comforter sets," "cute duvet covers") and see which ones you both like together. But in the end she is the one that has to sleep there. You can always close the door!


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

The only thing I said no to was all black walls. Most of my DD's choices were subdued though. Although once my oldest DD strung Christmas lights around her ceiling with DH.
My DD's were not as opiniated as hers.
I say let her go for it. She will always remember this experience. You will have a very happy daughter, all for the price of bedding and pillows.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Maybe you can just embrace her colors until she tires of them? There are some pretty cute things available that you might be able to tolerate?


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

One of the worst disagreements I ever had with my mother was over the decoration of my bedroom. When I was 13 my parents built a big new house. I was so excited to choose the colors, etc. for my new bedroom. In our old house I had been sharing a room with my sister and later moved into a bland guest room.

Imagine my disappointment when I walked into my new bedroom and found that my mother had already decorated the entire thing with NO input from me. The walls were pink, there were three layers of curtains in a fabric with ballerinas on it, pink and blue bedspreads and ballerina pictures on the wall. I was 13 for gawd's sake, not 3!

I cried and carried on and my mother was furious with me for being an ungrateful little brat. I had to live with that room until I left home when I was college age. It still comes up in conversation from time to time and I am 65 and she is 95!

I think you should let your daughter take the lead in decorating her room. If she chooses shocking pink for the walls, you can gently guide her to a less shocking shade, but let her have the color she wants.

You two will butt heads many times over the years. Save your fights for things that really matter.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Dedtired, I had the very same experience! I was 13, we moved,and my mom made purple poodle curtains and bedspread with pinky- purple walls for my room. I was so embarassed for years!


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Hmmm, should have known what I was walking into. Now I'll try to defend my myself, so bear with.

I am not a "do it my way" mother. Example: my DD has gorgeous blonde very curly hair. People stop us in the street to exclaim over it. She, of course, hates it and straightens it to within an inch of its life every morning with product and a brush. It pains me to see these gorgeous locks covered in product and pulled tight, but I don't say a word. Second example: She has taken to wearing her older sister's padded bra under her summer clothes - I don't say a word.

However, I'm also a teacher and I know things, including style, don't develop in a vacuum. Kids love to read those Disney books based on the movies. I don't ever discourage them from reading anything, but I make sure to introduce them to quality literature and make sure that it is the most available reading material. I equate Walmart with those books.

If we had been in an upscale linen shop and she had seen some pillows, she may have loved them just as much and I'd be starting a thread about my DD wanting $200 pillows. We just happened to be in Walmart.

I love the idea to browse websites together. In my mind, that will allow her to see a variety of styles and choose something she likes. Who knows, maybe it will be Walmart style (can you use Walmart and style in the same sentence?), but dear gawd, I hope not (even if that makes me a bad mom).

I can even live with the Walmart pillows in the right setting. Basically, I need help making this work so that we can both be happy.

I know a little while ago someone posted a link to a site with many kids bedrooms. I can't seem to find it now (good old GW search function). Did anyone save this?


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Is the colors you don't like or the fact that they came from Walmart? Maybe you can find some pillows that are similar but a higher quality so you can both be happy.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Try this!

Here is a link that might be useful: preteen girls bedrooms


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Children see colors differently than adults.

Experts tell us that babies respond to bright colors. It will take years for your daughter to acquire the sophistication to appreciate your "subtle colors". Let her take her own journey and make the changes in her own time.

She will learn, in her own time.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Your daughter will develop taste by what is going on in the REST of your house.
Both my DD's are now on their own. I see bits and pieces of what they grew up with (ie MY taste) throughout their apartments. Plants, throws on couches, etc.
One DD dresses the way I like, my oldest DD (and she is a graduate of Fashion Institute of Technology) dresses a bit "out there" for my taste. But, so what?
Ded and Sherr, I feel for you. Can't believe you were not able to change it as you matured.
If you have not read Randy Pausch's book The Last Lecture, please do so. One of the most poignant chapters was how he felt he deveolped into the man he was because of his parents. In particular, they allowed him to decorate his room the way he wanted. He drew rocket ships, a pretend elevator etc. His parents have his room the way he decorated it to this day.
I get where you are coming from. I sometimes wish I had a do over in some of the things I did raising my girls, so I guess I would like you to learn from our mistakes. We are talking about a room that you can close the door. A whole other thread can be devoted to all the clothing on the floor of a teenage bedroom! Just wait for five years from now.
So although it is great that you allow her to straighten her hair (been there and still am with one DD)etc. you still do not get my vote in not allowing your daughter to decorate within reason. (For example, when my oldest was decorating her bedroom, she picked a throw from West Elm that looked great. She bought it,(her money)and I didn't say anything. It is scratchy! So maybe in terms of those things you can offer guidence, but not in color or pattern selection.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

If you take a look at some of the stories on the blog Cote de Texas -- her daughter went through the same kind of decor stage -- and yes indeed -- it WAS a stage. LOL!! :)

So basically, take a big deep breath, and create a true decor budget with your daughter. An excellent learning experience to let her create her own room (and live with the circumstances! LOL!)!

Take LOTS of Before-and-After photos so she can remember it too! :)


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

I think looking at nanny2a's link to "preteen girls bedrooms" says it all. She's just normal for her age. I'd show her this link and you'll get an idea of what she really wants and let her choose. Let her be happy. How many adult women don't evolve and get out of this stage? She will, too.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Set the parameters for a neutral background palette and let her get the pillows. Better to do it on the cheap at Walmart, because who knows how long an eight year old will like purple.

When my nieces were allowed to switch rooms and each had her own I agreed to paint them. One had been pepto-bismol pink with a blue stencil (hideous and poorly done by ex BIL) and a horrible sponge painted room was the other.

Anyway, one niece picked purple (mostly because her mother had bought a sage and pink bedspread my niece felt was forced on her) and the other one chose a pale blue because her "hated" the bright pink of her room. So we worked out a lavender that didn't look horrendous with the bedspread, which my niece called "moldy", and the blue wasn't bad at all.

A couple years later, my niece who hated the "mold-green" color of her bedspread painted her room...green. Then the other niece wanted her room painted ...bright pink.

So, she's eight. Her taste is probably pretty tacky. Look at how horrible Barbie's clothes got when the target age got younger. She will look at the rest of your house and it will have an influence, don't worry.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

If I were picking a battle it wouldn't be over the bedroom. I'd be much more concerned about an 8-year-old wearing a padded bra.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

I brought 10-15 paint swatches in the color they wanted to my kids rather than letting them see the storeful, so if she wants purple you can pick something brighter than you would have chosen so she'll be happy but not neon. I agree with the posters above, while you can have some guidelines, let her have some freedom. If you let her look at some inspiration pictures she might get an idea of the whole direction better, and help her learn how to achieve a look.

I have boys but I have been told by friends that girls ruin bedding and even furniture with makeup, nail polish and nail polish remover. I don't know how good that all white room would look after a short while.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Another place to look is Rate-My-Space in the kids room (if you can stand to muddle your way thru it).

Be thankful she likes Walmart stuff - she will probably want to change it every year :).

My 10 year old GD "decorated" her room with lime green walls, pink and black leopard bedding, mixture of lime and hot pink sheers on her windows. She has since gone with lime green and turquoise bedding with some pink mixed in. All she knows is she likes bright colors. It's kind of hard to tell with all the clothing, toys, video games, DVD's, and hamsters scattered around the room. Thank goodness for cheap bed-in-a bag and Walmart and Target. She gets excited over a cheap, gaudy, shedding new pillow for Christmas.

If I had been helping her, I would probably have found lots of inspiration pictures, showed her that by going with a softer green or a creamy white, she could use lots more color combinations - I would have made it a learning/teaching experience. Let your daughter have fun with her room.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Other than you, your daughter and her friends, who will see the room? If she's not structurally trying to change the room, not trying to bring in questionable decor (ie bong posters and gothic decor) and not trying to break the bank decorating it, then let her do what she wants. Guide her as a parent by explaining your thoughts and opinions, but let her develop her individuality through creative expression. If she really wants the Walmart decor, then ask her if you can give suggestions to decorate around it. And yes, Walmart and decor CAN be used in the same sentence. I am not a Walmart fan and don't like to go there for many reasons, but millions of people do everyday. It might not be the decor you envision, but it's the reality for many.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

I guess I look at it this way. When my daughter was born, I had great fun decorating her nursery the way that I wanted. We moved within a year and I decorated THAT room with pale pink and white wide stripes, quilts, white furniture - kind of a pottery barn look. I lOVED IT! When she was three, we moved again. We moved into a wonderful house that had a little girls room already tastely decorated with pink walls divided by a wide wallpaper border with cats and dogs in hot air balloons, with lavender near the ceiling. I sewed small flowers onto sheers to hang on the window and was glad to be DONE. Yeah, this room gave me a break and I didn't need to redecorate. Now my little girl is 10 and she LOVES the loud colors and polyester pillows at Walmart as well as the zebra stripes. She wants her babyish room redone, and I don't really blame her. I told her that the summer before she goes to middle school (in one year) we will redo her room together. Now she is busy cutting out photos, making lists and drawing room designs. It's awesome to see her so excited and I don't care what she chooses. We are enjoying planning and looking forward to this together and our RELATIONSHIP is more important to me than how she chooses to decorate HER room. My 2 boys have decorated their rooms too. My 19 year old has all black walls except one by his door, that all of his friends have signed over the years with a sharpie marker. My 14 year old chose bright turquoise colors. He loves bright things and cool unique things in his room. He had a broken chair given to him and he repaired it and it is his "gaming" chair. His walls are covered with race cars and greek mythology posters. I figure the time goes by SO FAST and I want them to have great memories of their room. I wouldn't want anyone to decorate MY bedroom for me. Plus, I got to do their rooms when they were little. I had my fun. I want to give them the freedom to do this. If they're invested, they'll take better care of their rooms anyway.
When I was about 8, my mom insisted that my aunt come over and transfer my plain white walls to walls covered in butterfly wallpaper because that's what SHE wanted. I hated those butterflies. I still don't like butterflies to this day.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

What about this style?


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Perhaps you could compromise on bedding and window treatments some place like Pottery Barn. If the kid stuff doesn't appeal to her, I'll bet that something in the teen section will. Let her pick her bedding and window treatments, and you choose the paint color so you don't have to live with four walls of something dreadful. LOL Go crazy on the accessories. Make it a mother/daughter project. Have fun!

When spending that much money, my kids never had total freedom in their rooms, either. Imo, that's the kind of freedom you look forward to when you grow up. :)


Good luck!

Here is a link that might be useful: More Pottery Barn Teen Girls Bedding


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Another tip would be to choose outrageous sheets with a more subdued conforter or quilt. (Pottery Barn Teens)


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

I kind of agree with everyone else. I think she should be allowed to decorate her room the way she wants. Now that doesn't mean you can't have some say but it is her room. My DD is 8 and when we changed her nursery to a big girl room she picked a very bright hot pink, and I hated it. DH told me that it should be her decision. I finally gave in although I was able to talk her into going one color up on the color-strip so it wasn't so pepto looking. It's a busy room for sure and I like very subtle soft colors but truth be told I do like it and it is her style. Besides, they won't be little for long


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

It must feel like we are piling on, but it's clear that we all remember a seminal moment when our decorative choices were redirected. No matter how gently or kindly that redirection is accomplished, it's still someone telling you as a child that your taste is wrong or bad. I think at the early age of eight, it's more important to build confidence by supporting her decision-making rather than trying to guide her style development. What better way to do that than by allowing her to experiment with an inexpensive choice that is easily discarded when her tastes change? Also, please don't make excuses for her choices to others. That can be very hurtful if overheard by your daughter.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Well, I can tell you how I worked with my DD when she was around 10 (she's 11 now). I found about 5 pictures of bedding from Company Store, PB Teen, etc. -- all of which I thought fit HER taste but also that wouldn't made me cringe every time I was in her room. She picked one that has lots of color. I asked which color she'd like to pull from the quilt to use as a wall color. She said purple, so I chose a lilac color that worked perfectly with the bedding, asked her if she liked it, and she did. For an area rug, I pretty much picked it out but consulted her, like "oh, this is pretty, right? And it has the purples and greens from your quilt" and fortunately she agreed. She happens to be a low-key kid and she also happens to have pretty good taste most of the time. However, since that time she has accumulated several really tacky pillows from places like Target and while I roll my eyes at them, they don't bother me. She even has one that is a huge ice cream sandwich. Who cares; they're pillows!

She also has all sorts of wacky things hanging from her ceiling, like paper birds and a paper chandelier. Eh, who cares. It's her room and she's creative.

As a result of all of the above, my DD's room is a reflection of HER, and I think it's pretty cute too!


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

I'm not a parent, so please don't take any of my suggestions at parenting advice. I will defer to the wisdom of those that have or are raising children. I recall in my childhood that I loved bold colors and probably considered soft subtle colors "for babies". I also remember wanting my room to be "mine", not to look just like the spaces my mother decorated. I suspect at 8 years old, you could have a conversation with your daughter about the quality of items: how good quality fabrics feel better to lounge on, etc. I like the idea of trying to find items that won't make you feel like vomiting, but will make your daughter feel like she's really involved in decorating. Perhaps you can find some bedding from sites like PBTeen, The Land of Nod, etc that suit your child's desire for bold colors, but has some taste and quality.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

I haven't read any of the replies, but since it's a Walmart pillow it can't cost all that much, so let her have it and see if she likes it. Then offer suggestions on other colors to get her opinion.

The only thing I ever put my foot down on, was paint color.

Have you shown your daughter the bedrooms on Potterybarnteens.com? They're beautiful and she might find a color combo you both would like better.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

I agree with above posters, and especially pricklypearcactus.
But,
If you do have that conversation, please stress also that not everyone has the budget options your family may enjoy, nor does every family value the same thing when it comes to comfort vs expense.

My time on the playground as a child would have been better had my mother reminded me not to talk about these things with others who may think you are a snob or show off.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Sigh. I can see from how I titled my post that you may have gotten the wrong idea, but if you actually take the time to read what I've written, you should see that I am NOT trying to impose my decorating style on my DD. I am willing to go with what she wants - I just want her to figure out what she wants rather than go with the first pillows that she saw (which happen to be hideous). I am FINE with letting her do it her style. All I want is suggestions on how/where to help her find her style of room she wants. I do not care if she wants bold colours, however I don't think I'm stifling her sense of self if I lead her towards rooms done (IMO) tastefully in bold style.

I do have a teenager who does leave everything all over the floor. She has just moved up to our third floor and decorated it completely in Bohemian style. Also, not my thing, but she chose it and had a plan that, although not my style, was completely appealing in a decorating sense.

I had another thread where I asked for a suggestion for a grey green colour for this room. Even though my DD had asked me to chose it while she was away and had specified a grey green, I got the same "let her choose" response. BTW she loves the colour.

Oh well, I can see how I could go on with this, but I know once a thread has headed in this direction, there is no turning it around. On behalf of mothers everywhere, I apologize to those of you whose lives were ruined by their need to decorate for you rather than with you. However, I reiterate that I am decorating with her not for her.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Daisy, a number of people offered suggestions for how you could work with your daughter.

My room was never the issue growing up. I actually felt lucky to have built in drawers and a vanity ... not to mention the largest closet (the only walk-in) in the house. My beef was the ongoing clothes battle. My mom was a seamstress and we always fought over patterns, fabric, and dress length.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Well, here are a couple of links for inspiration:
http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/categories/departments/childrens_ikea/tools/childrens_ikea_rooms_ideas/#/20121_chrs02a_01
http://www.pbteen.com/shop/teen-rooms/girls-bedroom-furniture/?cm_re=126I-_-LeftColumn-_-GirlsRooms
http://www.bhg.com/rooms/kids-rooms/girls/
http://www.digsdigs.com/15-cool-ideas-for-pink-girls-bedrooms/
http://ideasforabedroom.com/girls-bedrooms/


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

All I can say is my mother let me decorate my room any way I wished as that was what her mother did for her...mind you this was in the 70s so my room went bright yellow. I ended up coloring the paint myself because I couldn't get it deep enough. As luck would have it mother found fabric that exactly matched my walls and I ended up with matching curtains...a green shag rug...a plaid curtain with shocking pink in it....I covered an industrial shelf with contact paper with white, yellow, lime green, deep purple, and of course yellow. Did I mention my bed was removed and my mattress went on the floor?!? I think that freedom and the joy my mother took in helping me achieve my insanity...good taste or not...led me to my continued craziness and passion for decorating and style.

Thanks, Mom....wish you were still here to enjoy it with me....


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Daisy...I know what you're going through!! My two girls are each in their own bedroom for the first time. They are 8 and 9. My 8 year old and I are on the same page with how her room should look...thank goodness. She actually wants Damask fabric for her curtains. My oldest has a completely different style than mine. She's in love with animal prints. I mean black and white zebra print and yep those exact same horrid pillows from Walmart. So, I agreed to the black/white sheets, hot pink zebra print comforter and one tiny pillow (in black...all from WalMart). I picked the wall color that I'm just now taking a small break from finishing and will make her curtains and bedskirt in white fabric. I figured she will be ready to change her room in a year and being that the WM stuff is so cheap I'll be ok with upgrading in the near future. I will say that my child was so darn tickled with that loveliness she claimed that was the best night sleep she ever had. It just about killed me to bring that stuff home, but to see her reaction and continued happiness with her choice makes it worth it. I'm even excited to see how this room looks in a few days when I get it all finished and decorated. Anyway, whatever you choose I hope you have fun working on her room. AND, if she's really partial to those fabulous WM pillows...just let her get them.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Sorry, daisy. We must have gotten the wrong impression when you said in your op that your taste runs to linen and subtle colors, and the pillows she liked made your stomach turn. And that YOU were leaning to an all white palette with colorful pillows. I hope you are successful in talking her down with something better to offer.

There are lots of good suggestions here. I hope you and your dtr have fun shopping. Turquoise and purple are all the rage these days, so at least your dtr is very au currant.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Daisy chain, not meaning to be rude, but calling it like I see it...you're cleopatra...the queen of denial. Please reread your first post here and you'll see that everything you wrote was all about imposing your style on your daughter... I can talk her down...I want to do white...her choice is a disaster....

Hopefully this will help you truly give her space to go her own way...be it Walmart or purple or zebra.

I remember sage advice from way back about children and their personal style...so long as they can grow it out or dye it back or wash it off or change it, go with it....


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Sorry, Daisy. Good luck with your decorating project... Please come back and let us know how it goes.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

I also vote to check out Pottery Barn Teen. I let my 3 kids choose their duvet covers from there. Lots of variety to choose from. They are good quality and the price is good too. Maybe you will both be happy with a compromise! Tami


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Choose your battles...carefully.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

". On behalf of mothers everywhere, I apologize to those of you whose lives were ruined by their need to decorate for you rather than with you."

If you don't like the answers you get, don't take it out on the people in here. If you are being that touchy with her, I think she has more to worry about than an ugly pillow.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

IN the big scope of life, this is inconsequential. Let her do her room as she wants but you can still say no to say an overpriced rug or comforter etc. I try NOT to say no too much to my girls. My mother was here visiting recently and we talked about how she felt she said no too much to myself and siblings. Without being mean, tell her this choice stays for a while. Most likely around 12 she will want to redo. I too choose my battles and help them find their way in life. This is an easy way to build confidence, esp as you reaffirm that she makes good choices after approving it.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Good grief, all this childhood decorating angst!

Daisy, I read your post with interest and it seems to me that you are more interested in educating your daughter and helping her find her own style than imposing your taste on her room. Obviously, she is eight and is attracted by the gaudiest stuff she sees--- and wanting the first pillows she happens to see is not indicative of her taste, but of her impulsiveness and desire to have a new room NOW!

Set a timetable for the project, so you will have plenty of opportunity to clip pictures from magazines, save Houzz photos, and go shopping (making sure to stay out of Walmart and Target).

People who counsel you to allow her to decorate the room herself would nonetheless have limits in their own homes. As an example... I am pretty certain nobody would let a child use a swastica motif in his or her bedroom, even if that meant denying the child's creativity. It's your house, so YOU get to decide the parameters of acceptability. Within those parameters you will allow her plenty of choice and expression, and it wont be a ticky tacky room full of junk that you are ashamed of and that she'll soon tire of for precisely those reasons. Good luck and have fun with this project! I hope you share photos of the finished product...it might be interesting for people to see a room that a kid doesn't want or need to change every six to twelve months :-)


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Swastica motif? Good grief is right.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

When I'm looking for inspiration, I will do a search in google images, "girls (or kids) bedroom images". Also there's Pinterest, the BH&G site, the HGTV site where people post pictures of their rooms (can't remember the name), the ikea website has some fun ideas. The list really could go on.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Just have to say that as I continue to work on my 9 year old DD's room, I'm actually liking her "ticky tacky" choices. Funny how I was so worried I would be "ashamed" to allow guests into her room and now I can't wait to show it off. Who the heck cares if she wants to change it in a year or so?? I don't because I'm guilty of wanting to change things around constantly myself. Anyway, I really am learning that I don't need to have total control over every single space in my house. I love that my children have a sense of style and allowing them some freedom in their own space has been eye opening. BTW, my DD's and I have spent alot of time searching Houzz and Pottery Barn, but nothing spoke to my child like that stuff at WM. Get over the snobbishness and let the kids have some "ticky tacky" throw pillows (swastica motiff excluded).


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Just wanted to add on that with my 8 yo DD, she really enjoys going through catalogs and magazines and clipping pics of things she likes. We keep a scrapbook of sorts and then when we want to do a project, we take a look at the book for inspiration. Maybe those pillows could be found online and the picture printed out and added to a page for inspiration?

I like the idea of setting a timeline for the project so she knows it doesn't all have to be done in one trip to WalMart. :)


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Daisychain, I'm so sorry if we got your back up.

Please check back in and let us know how the project is going. I feel certain that no one meant to imply that you aren't great with your daughter. Apparently, you hit a nerve with a lot of people - so do consider their reactions to be personal to them, but not at you...


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

bronwynsmom,

Please don't apologize for me. I'm capable of doing that on my own, if I feel it's necessary.

I was being personal with daisychain and meant to be. She asked for help. I don't know daisychain from Adam so the only way I know to help is to share my experiences, and reflect back to her the words she said so she could understand what I heard and then decide for herself if that was really what she meant to say and an accurate representation of her feelings and choices about the situation. If accurate, then she can choose whether to change her approach or not. If not an accurate representation, then she is free to ignore and dismiss those words.

In my experience, people can get upset when someone calls them on the things they are in denial about or not aware of. That doesn't mean it's being done to be cruel or hurtful. It can help the person become more aware of themselves and their situation. It can help them find a path to resolution of the situation and it can help them to grow. That is a good thing, even if the process is not always pleasant.

I think daisychain came here stressed about the situation with her daughter's room, concerned about the outcome and looking for support for her situation. She did not expect to find such strong support for her daughter's POV. Just because she didn't get the help she expected doesn't mean she didn't get help. Whether she agrees with the posts here or not, I'm sure she was given stuff to think about and time to reflect on the situation, and I suspect she will be approaching the situation with a much clearer view on what is important to her and her daughter and their relationship. As a result, I suspect she will be handling it in much better alignment with her ultimate aims as a mother.

So many times people have said that how one decorates themselves and their spaces is a mirror to their soul. The reverse would seem to be true...in the process of designing and decorating our spaces, we learn much about ourselves.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Annie, of course you are right, and I didn't mean to put words in your mouth. My intent was to encourage Daisychain to return to the conversation.
But that wasn't my call to make, so thanks for speaking up. I love reading your always smart and thoughtful contributions here.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Hi! I hear your problem except I only have boys. :)

This is what you could try. I would teach her how not to buy the first thing she sees but to look at many options. Remind her gently that this room will stay as it is for awhile and that she needs to plan accordingly. Let her know if could be that pillow she saw, but at least she will have made an insightful choice.

Google with your daughter several things like "Bright girls bedroom" or "bright preteen bedroom" or things like that. Look at the photos bar on google and it will give you a million pictures. Have her choose the look that she is most drawn to. If you click on pic it will take you to the website where the room is. Usually you can find out the name of the comforter or even ask the person details about the room.

I think it's good not to give in to our first impulses. But who knows, maybe the Walmart pillow will grow on you and meanwhile she'll like something else. HA!


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Bronwynsmom, I always enjoy your comments as well...so often you see things in a clear and creative way that I completely miss. It helps me develop my eye for detail. Thanks.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

"In my experience, people can get upset when someone calls them on the things they are in denial about or not aware of. That doesn't mean it's being done to be cruel or hurtful. It can help the person become more aware of themselves and their situation. It can help them find a path to resolution of the situation and it can help them to grow. That is a good thing, even if the process is not always pleasant."

Just saying....this isn't therapy, it's just an internet forum, and we're just talking about a girls' room. :-)


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

For heaven's sake , it's a pillow! It is from Wal-mart, so it can't be expensive. Sometimes, the pure joy a child receives from picking out something she/he loves (or thinks she loves in the moment) outweighs a parent's sensibilities. Been there, done that with DS and his paint choice.

I also agree with whomever said allowing an eight year old to wear a padded bra is a much bigger issue. Decorating...not so much.

Well-said, Annie.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

For heaven's sake , it's a pillow! It is from Wal-mart, so it can't be expensive. Sometimes, the pure joy a child receives from picking out something she/he loves (or thinks she loves in the moment) outweighs a parent's sensibilities. Been there, done that with DS and his paint choice.

I also agree with whomever said allowing an eight year old to wear a padded bra is a much bigger issue. Decorating...not so much.

Well-said, Annie.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Daisychain, as a mother of a daughter and grandmother of 3 girls, I do hope you let her get that pillow. This is just the beginning of your DD beginning to make her own choices, some of which will be good and some not so good, as she will find out. That pillow may last her through college, you never know.

My good friend in middle thru high school was the oldest of 3 girls with a brother sandwiched in the family as well. They shared a large bedroom with 3 twin beds. Their room was like walking into a 3-ring circus as all 3 had different styles and color choices going on. But it all worked when you went into their space...you knew where you were. Just enjoy the experience of helping and guiding her thru the room make-over and what works with 'her' pillow choice. Maybe it will be a brightly colored quilt you can use later somewhere else. Whatever it is, let her feel like she has contributed to it and you will both be happy and satisfied in the end.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

kswl, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar......but sometimes it's not!
;)


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

"Denial?" LOL. This thread is embarrassing to read.

It sounds like a lot of people might be very sensitive and defensive about their own overindulgent, praise-circle, everybody's-an-artist "parenting" style, and feel threatened to hear about a mother who is actually willing to act like the adult in the household. Perhaps some folks could scrimp a bit on their decorating budgets to see "Avenue Q" and learn how children who were abused this way feel about their upbringing when they reach adulthood.

If the OP hasn't departed already--and she certainly should have--she might visit House of Turquoise with her daughter. The palette is often quite bright but many of the rooms are good.

Here is a link that might be useful: House of Turquoise


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I can remember my mom telling my sister, who wanted to put stick up cork tiles over her Brunschwig wallpaper(she still has questionable taste...)

Sister: "It's MY room!"

Mother: "Yeah, technically it's not--it's mine, I am letting you live in it for free, though."


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LOL! I love your mom. You should write a book.


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"This thread is embarrassing to read." - marcolo

I couldn't agree more, sheesh!

Daisychain asked for DECORATING HELP and instead, she received a plethora of armchair Psychologist's opinions.

What ever happened to allowing parents to raise their own children and butting out of other people's personal business?

For those few who did try to help Daisy with her REAL request, KUDOS! Your decorating choices are beautiful!


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I still say the 8-year-old wearing a padded bra is the real issue here. Maybe a "ticky tacky" bedroom would be a good compromise ... at least for a couple years.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

The younger daughter is probably just imitating her older sister in wearing the bra.

I don't have children of my own, but have worked with children of young ages up to early youth through the years. It seems there are always some (especially girls!) who cannot wait to be older. Ten going on twenty.

As for her room, I think I would get some magazines or decorating books, or print off some pix from blogs, design sites, etc. and try to help guide her toward finding the style she is looking for. She may be drawn to the bright colors and bling - if so, sorry, but remember that it probably won't last long. She'll soon be wanting to redecorate!

tina


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I agree with Tina. I stil remember the day when I had found some padding and I was about 9 or 10. I wore them around the house. One day our washer clogged and the repairman came out, and guess what the problem was? My bra pad! lol.

It's absolutely NO different than little girls wearing their mother's high heels.

Daisy, if you're still reading this, I'm so sorry it got side tracked questioning your morals. It never should have gone in this direction in the first place.


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Oh the drama.

It's not the same as wearing mama's heels.

Here is a link that might be useful: padded bikini top for 7-year-old draws parents' ire


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Daisy, do forgive us for digressing and thinking back to the days of our own design dilemmas with daughters!


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I can't believe some of the responses in this thread.

There's no way I'm going to let my kids decorate three of the four bedrooms in this house with no direction from me.
That's not how we spend money here.

And I guess it's probably really shocking to read that I don't allow young kids to have sole decision making power about which clothes to buy, either. :)


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Marcolo:

(OT but I think the original poster is long gone anyway).

I do think about writing some of these things down, but most of the stories need Context (such as this post) to give them resonance.

The thing about my mother (and some other women in her family) is that they were at once brilliant, and incapable. My mother sometimes failed to recognize herself in old pictures and once introduced herself to her own sister, who had changed her hair color.

She lacked much introspection (I think she thought that was a sin), and so many of the funniest, most biting things she said were said in complete seriousness.

One of my friends first met my mother in the ICU after surgery where she fired off one jaundiced observation and sarcastic comment after another but when I said something in kind she looked at my friend and said "I hate when he talks like that Mary, I think sarcasm is the lowest form of humor"

Finally my friend understood.

The day was topped off by a cryptic phone message from my father. "Your mother died after you left, but she's fine now"


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I'm thinking book and movie.


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RE: girls bedrm - major conflict - HELP!

Wow, just headed out to the lake for a couple of weeks and missed all the excitement.

Apologies, for not addressing each of the comments above, but I really appreciated the suggestions on how to work with her to find a style she likes and the links and pictures. They were really helpful.

We looked at many, many, many pics of rooms together and found that:

1). she likes bright colours (esp. pink)

2). she loves stripes and big florals

3). she is absolutely nuts about curtains surrounding the bed

I found 3 coordinating fuschia and white fabrics from a seller on ebay from which I can make curtains, duvet cover, and headboard cover (possibly bedskirt too). And, best of all, the fuschia and turquoise pillows from Walmart will fit right in. YES!!!

The only thing I don't think I can do is the curtains around the bed, but I might be able to rig up some sort of princess canopy or just one of those white mosquito screen things (but we've had them before and they always end up getting pulled down).

I'm going to try to add pics of the fabrics, but I've never done this before so I'm going to do it in the next post just in case I end up deleting this.

Thanks again, everyone, for the suggestions. I can hardly wait for the fabric to arrive. It is great to do a project when we are both on board rather than one of us being dragged into it.


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Hmmm, can't seem to do it.

Here is a link to one of the fabrics. It is a suzani, but she sees it as a floral - same diff as she says. The other is a fuschia and white chevron and then a small scale fuschia and white geometric.

Here is a link that might be useful: pink and white suzani


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I am very late to the party but I am throwing in my two cents anyway.

When we bought our current home we added on 2br and a ba, and totally gutted 2br and a BA. These are all upstairs, our MBR is downstairs. Everyone got a neutral room with offwhite walls and sisal carpet. I don't want ugly, discordant rooms and I don't want to spend thousands of dollars on ugly things.

However, I asked each of my three kids to select themes for their rooms. One daughter chose horses and one chose seashells, my son wanted his international license plates and aeronautical maps. We had a great deal of fun searching for things within those themes. Not everything they chose is exactly my taste, and that is fine. They love their rooms and are very proud of them. So am I.


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I really like that fabric. See, when you choose such lovely fabrics you can really class up those darn WM pillows!! Really hope you post more pics of things you choose and the finished product.


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Daisychain - OT - Get your daughter Lorraine Massey's book "Curly Girl" and teach her to love her curls. Once she learns how to care for them, she might like them better. This would be the best gift for her self esteem and self image that you can give. Room decor can change on a whim, but a natural curly girl lives with her locks forever.


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but a natural curly girl lives with her locks forever...

OT...I used to have hair that was almost completely straight...just a slight wave...until I went through the change. Now I have curls and have had to learn to deal with them. Gal I worked with also had straight hair until her first pregnancy and curls she got!


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daisychain, if you can make all of that, you can make the bed hangings too. I made them for our bed at the old house (sorry no pics) by making a frame out of pvc pipe and hanging it off the ceiling using decorative hooks. Then just made the gathered drapes like normal, except the rod pocket had to be much larger to clear the pipe. (I think the idea was from christopher lowell).

there are also other ways of making bed canopies that aren't exactly canopies, but close.... google "diy bed canopies" for lots of ideas


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mntnredux, I've seen pics of your public rooms and I can imagine the bedrms are just as lovely. Sounds like a nice background that would be easy to change as your kids tastes change as well.

bleigh, it is lovely, isn't it. Maybe louder than I would have picked, but I think that's what makes it so wonderful. I will happily post pics. I just got a message from the ebay seller that they can't ship for a week and another week to get here, but hopefully, I can get it done before school starts and I have to go back to work.

Dilly, I will definitely look for that. It breaks my heart that she doesn't love her curls. Both her grandma's have curls, but she is the only descendent that ended up with them. Everyone else is jealous. The upside is that she brushes it out herself at least twice a day and it is never tangled. I think if I were in charge of it, it would be a big knotted mess. It is also exceedingly thick and when there are lice scares at the school, it makes me crazy.

Thank you for the ideas Annie. I might make that a winter vacation project. I love the picture you posted -it makes me wish for 10ft ceilings.


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Oh pal! ( excuse me daisy)......
"Your mother died after you left, but she's fine now"
A book, a book....please!


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