Stuck in a rut

9 years ago

In my efforts to lessen clutter the past few years, I think I've gone so far that I've forgotten everything doesn't have to be so utilitarian, that sometimes it's okay for something to just look pretty.

I used to very much enjoy creating vignettes. I kind of hate that word, though. But I used to love doing a little something in a corner chair with a carefully placed throw, a stack of books, a candle or lamp, maybe even a vintage ashtray and a collectible tea cup and saucer.

But it started bugging me that everything had to be just so. I think it started when I remarried a few years ago, and we decided to live in my home. Before, it was just me and a couple cats. But when my husband moved in, I realized it was futile to keep a stack of coffee table books, pretty magazines, and a throw artfully arranged, much less a tea cup and ashtray that wasn't meant to be used, just seen.

So now I'm questioning everything to the point that I'm wondering why I even bother with decor. I can't even seem to enjoy a nice cabinet that houses my Mom's china and curio items. I keep nagging myself about it being useless and in the way. But I love it. I couldn't bring myself to get rid of them. I think the de-cluttering craze has ruined me.

My home isn't sparse, it was never meant to be. It tends to be English or country estate in style, which means a lot of layers and textures. My inspirations are the work of Scott Meacham Wood, Ralph Lauren, particularly photographs I've seen of his den, and the home of Dick Ridge and Rod Denault, which was featured on New York Social Diary.

I just wondered if anyone else ever fell into this sort of state. I don't know what can be said about it. I guess I just needed to vent. I realize you all don't know me, and I don't know you, but it helped to write it down and put it out there.

Here is a link that might be useful: Some of my favorite of Scott Meacham Wood

This post was edited by Em11 on Mon, Jan 19, 15 at 17:50

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Comments (7)

bbstx
9 years ago
How about some William Morris quotes to help you

-Have nothing in your homes that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful

-Beauty, which is what is meant by art, using the word in its widest sense, is, I contend, no mere accident to human life, which people can take or leave as they choose, but a positive necessity of life.

The point is, even amongst those things that serve a utilitarian function, the human spirit needs beauty. If you think it is beautiful, and it makes you smile, then the object has served its highest function.
Annie Deighnaugh
9 years ago
All things in moderation.

I know of some folks who think decor stuff is nothing but frivolous and useless, but there's plenty of evidence on how our environment impacts our mood and our behavior.

I don't know if you are of an age to remember the Vietnam peace talks, but they spent literally months arguing over the shape of the peace table as how and where people sit is so important from a power point of view. Studies show that paint colors can have energizing or relaxing impacts on the people in there.

Think about how even 40,000 years ago, over 1,000 generations back, however crude life was, man was decorating their cave homes with paintings....

So perhaps you are just riding a pendulum from more to less cluttered, but that need not mean there can't be significant style in minimalism as well...the same design principles apply. Perhaps you just need to simplify and embrace a whole new style.
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Em11
Original Author
9 years ago
"Have nothing in your homes that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful"

That's some good stuff, BBSTX. I need to keep that in front of me lately.

Annie, you're right about decor impacting mood. That's another thing I need to remember. Perhaps I'm thinking too much, and also fighting influences that are all about the trends lately, as opposed to ongoing style. I'm aware that my look is not all over HGTV, but at the same time, I have updated things, wall colors, trim colors, flooring, etc, to keep it from being dated. However, there is still an element that says only grays, blues, and neutrals are current.

I think moderation is indeed the key. I'll meditate on that a while.
Em11
Original Author
9 years ago
Oh, I do sort of remember the Vietnam peace talks. Not firsthand, but my husband does. I was still in grammar school then, but I remember a bit about it. Table shapes are something that is often discussed in office decor too, which is a former career of mine. It's much better to discuss with a potential client at a round table or conversational area, than to converse from across a desk.
blfenton
9 years ago
When your new husband moved in did he bring any of his favourite things with him? Are you trying to include him in the house by getting rid of some of your family things?

I love vignettes - I even like the word - because I think they have the ability to tell the story about a person.

Having things especially family things handed down or loved, is not useless. My mother just downsized and got rid of everything, literally everything. If it wasn't for her children and granddaughters she would have thrown away family heirlooms. This all to say, that her new place is just a shell without a story or a history or a life. There's no heartbeat left in her place. To me it's just sad. She said it was all just junk and just useless but it isn't.

When you look at your things think of them as your story and create vignettes with them. Does your husband have anything that you can add to the vignettes so as to indicate a new story?

I don't have a lot of things but what I do have I love. It all means something to me. A couple of things came from Home Sense because I loved the colours and combined with something of my mom's tells a story about me. I have some of my MIL's things and combined with other items tells a story of DH and me.

I only take and keep things that I love and like. You say you love your things - keep them because it means they are not useless.
rubyclaire
9 years ago
I love the first William Morris quote...it could apply to life in general. Thanks for posting!

Everyone says de-cluttering/downsizing can be liberating but it is also daunting and frustrating. Em, I hope you find the balance of useful and beautiful :)
Em11
Original Author
9 years ago
"her new place is just a shell without a story or a history or a life. There's no heartbeat left in her place. To me it's just sad."

Thank you, BLfenton. That struck a chord with me, and I can relate.

Incorporating my husband into the house and wanting him to feel like it is his and not just mine has been a goal. He moved across country to be with me. I used to travel with my work all the time, and we had a mutual friend that introduced us when I was in his area, and we sort of stuck. Neither of us has any children, so it's just us. I'm 49, he's 60. One thing I find myself thinking about is who will want all our things when we die, but I know its too early for me to be thinking that way.