I am not in your age group, however, I can guarantee you that it is a common feeling amongst older women. Heck, younger women too!

I would advise you to seek a doctor to see if you have a problem that could be fixed medically but you said pretty plainly, "I know I no longer want to be sexual."

This is a decision that has the potential of ruining your marriage since you are on such opposite ends. However, since your husband has already tried to exert his power and control over you to coerce you into having sex - I would say he's already ruined your marriage. How can you respect or trust a man who would try to do that?

Vicki...I am so sorry. I think you should first explain the situation to your doctor. I'm thinking it could be hormone related and perhaps your doctor can prescribe something to help your libido.

His emotional blackmail is appalling.....he'll buy the house if you give in to his demands. He is acting like a toddler...I want what I want when I want it...instead of a loving, understanding spouse helping you to work through this. Sorry, but shame on him!

I think you and he will need marriage counseling even if you regain your sexual desire. Because of the way he has behaved, I would think it would be difficult to just forgive and forget and carry on as before.

I sincerely hope you seek medical help and counseling and can get some answers in order to have a happy home life again. Do keep us posted and let us know how things are going. Wishing you the best...

I am sorry for both of you. What he is "asking" and that is being polite, is for sex...not an attempt at saving your marriage. As has already been stated very well, your husband wants what he wants and it would appear that what you want or need is not a consideration.

You are both POLES apart. Professional counseling and an MD appt for BOTH of you . Your husband needs to see his MD and express his feelings as he is expressing them to you and also see a psychologist as his apparent inconsiderate demands are a deep-seated sign that he needs assistance in expressing his needs and exploring the relationship that you have shared all these years.

At this point a new home purchase would be the last thing on the list of needs. I sure hope you two can find a mutual path /resolution. What a stressful time for you . I hope you will check back. This forum has been a great source of info and comfort for many of us. c

Others have given you good advice about what the larger problem may be, as far as his demands and behavior and your feelings. You and I are almost the same age. I recently started using Estrace cream for -- ahem -- vagina atrophy, which every woman our age and even younger has. It is part and parcel of menopause. I've noticed that not only does it restore my lady parts, it also increases sex drive.

His behavior sounds so bizarre. Any chance it is an early sign of dementia? I'm not saying that in a joking way. Best of luck to the two of you. I hope you can find a middle ground.

Ditto what mtnrdredux said.

Others have said very well what I would say, too, so I won't repeat it, but once again I am just so impressed by the graceful and thoughtful replies on this forum. Bravo.

I think this is not unlike many marital issues. You both will likely have to give up some ground to find a compromise acceptable to you both. Reaching that compromise, as stated above, will likely require doctor's visits to rule anything physical out and probably marital counselling. Like Trail, I am sorry for both of you, sorry that you both have to go through with this and if your relationship is important enough to the both of you, I hope you 2 can reach a compromise that is acceptable to you both. This thing called life certainly has it is peaks and valleys, huh!?

I find it interesting that everyone here assumes a decrease in libido is something that needs to be medically fixed. I would ask how attentive is your husband? How LOVED/cherished/adored do you feel? I would guess not much. He sounds very selfish. Oral sex is a one way street--all about HIM. I do not fault you AT ALL for not being interested in that act. Libido is tied to energy level. I would bet if you are not also experiencing fatigue you are feeling emotionally disconnected from your spouse. Sex with out emotional intimacy is rape. Those episodes do not feed the libido. I also disagree he is being harmed by being less sexual. That is the expectations of a sex crazed society speaking, not REALITY. The dance of marriage is finding a balance between needs. I would bet if your emotional needs were met the two of you could easily find a way to meet your physical needs in a way that is win win for both.

How about sending him to the doctor for meds that will put his anxiety and libido more in order with his age?!

Is he taking "enhancer" meds now?

Diminished sex drive is normal as we age and it flows with our hormones...all the hormones, not just the sex ones. However, the need for human contact and intimacy doesn't diminish. But disparate desires for sex can happen in couples of any age for many different reasons.

I agree with the others that medical and marital counseling would be appropriate for both of you. I'm sensing something from both....making a blanket decision that that part of my life is over seems like something has happened that's really turned you off...perhaps physical or emotional or both...or it's been unsatisfying for a long time and you're "tired of the nonsense." But his threats and attempts to "purchase" your behavior with a house is also problematic. He may feel age catching up with him and the need to prove his virility. Or from what you've said, he may simply not want to give up on one of life's pleasures and feel your sentiment is threatening that, making him more demanding.

Whatever the case may be, you both deserve better and you can achieve that with some help.

Arcy,

To be clear, my specific point was that a unilateral decision to stop being sexual, at all, forever, does harm one's partner. In fact, I believe it is grounds for dissolution of a marriage. It is each person's responsibility to work toward a mutually satisfying sex life, whatever that may mean.

As far as "selfish acts", well, so is a foot massage. Or breakfast in bed. Or going to the game because he wants to, and going to the opera because she wants to. No? Selfish acts are not a problem, in fact the more of them the better, as long as both parties take turns being selfish and selfless.

There's isn't anything else I can add to the excellent responses you've had. Just know that you're not alone, many women worry about the same thing. As Annie wrote "diminished sex drive is normal as we age" . I hope you and your husband can get the medical and marital counseling that you need.

I think mountain gave you some great advice. I also hope that your husband's actions/attitude (not that I'm condoning his actions!) are because he is frustrated. I do agree that a thorough medical exam for the both of you is a good idea. After that you can determine if counseling is necessary.

tina

Thank you all for the comments. No, my husband is not on any sex enhancing drugs. I want to address "selfish acts." A foot massage or breakfast in bed is totally different from giving oral sex. I feel that if someone finds oral sex distasteful (pardon the pun) then it should be left out of the marriage. Yes, I performed this for many years. Never enjoyed it but did it for him. I no longer want to do this. Plain and simple! We went to counseling last year as we thought it would help our marriage. My husband insisted that we use a Christian therapist and I was fine with this. We counseled through LivingStone. I was very disappointed in the entire experience. The one thing that my husband made sure to remember from the counseling is that a wife is suppose to fulfill her wifely duties. In her defense she would have liked for us to both go to a counselor separately for further counseling. She didn't tell us this until we had spent a lot of money. She said she couldn't counsel us separately because she had counseled us together. My husband promised the counselor that he would do so. I said I couldn't promise but I would consider it. Neither of us sought additional counseling.

((( Hugs ))) This can't be easy on either of you and it seems like you've both come to some sort of stand off which may explain your husbands response as he sounds desperate, but I also think completely removing sex in a relationship isn't fair either unless both want that so that may be what he is rebelling against in a desperate attempt. Since we don't know your husband and won't get his side of it we can only guess, but I'm making an assumption that it has been going on for a while now.

I think you've gotten excellent advice already as in maybe see somebody to discuss this as I do think you'll need to come to some sort of compromise in this department if your marriage is going to survive. I think once it start being a shore as in your husband expects it with you not having your heart in it I think it probably becomes less satisfying for both of you and that is probably frustrating your husband too as he may not realize that the physical part isn't enough and making him want it more as he thinks that is all that is missing and thus becoming even more desperate. Of course I'm just speculating, but knowing that it is often hard for guys to put their feelings into things it could be very possible.

How about you do you feel emotionally connected to your husband or if not do you think you can get back to feeling that? Assuming medically things can be fixed or are fine I know emotionally it can be really hard on women to want sex if they don't feel that connection. Are there other areas in your marriage that isn't working for either of you or is this the only area?

I'm a little stunned that so many of you seem to be excusing her husband's sexual blackmail.

I find it appalling.

kellyeng - I would find it appalling if this was the first choice of trying to resolve the issue and I certainly don't find it a good way to try to resolve anything - actually find it extremely childish, but not all people necessarily knows how to act or handle some things and to me it sounds like a desperate attempt.

I'm making an assumption that this isn't the norm for him as I would not have stayed married to somebody that handled all conflicts this way. I don't like to judge without knowing both sides of the story.

Vickij - I do agree we should not have to do things in a marriage that we just can't stand doing and instead work together to come to a compromise that both can be happy with. Is your husband unwilling to compromise at all on that part? Is there something your husband absolutely dislikes and disgusts him (not talking just sex here) that you could use as an analogy to explain why you don't want to do that part at least. I don't think it is fair to demand somebody do something they think is disgusting no matter what it is.

If everything is working in your marriage but this (not sure it is based on your counseling attempt) then how would you feel if he used another woman to satisfy his sexual needs? Would you be ok with that or would that be upsetting to you? I actually know a couple that has this arrangement although I don't think it is the norm, but according to her it works for them, but their background is very different as to the why they do it than yours.

I don't have anything to add in terms of advice. I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry you are going through this experience. I would find this behavior completely intolerable but I assume you have been married for quite a while and this kind of behavior isn't new for your DH. I'm appalled that you have to deal with this but even more appalled if you've had this kind of treatment from DH for many years. HUGS to you!

Connection and communication seems to be lacking in the relationship. It's like your whole marriage is shut down. I think sex is a symptom of the problem. While I don't agree with him blackmailing you for sex, I can't imagine this is the biggest issue in your marriage.

One thing I do know... You have landed in a safe place to explore what is really going on. The people here are good.

Sex with out emotional intimacy is rape

I found this statement to be very severe. Both men and women can and do have satisfying sex without emotional intimacy.

And regardless of how much one loves and feels connected to their partner there are physical changes that occur as we age that can limit sexual desire. Ideally both partner's libido would diminish in the same way at the same time, but I doubt that happens often. I don't see anything wrong with consulting a physician to see if there is anything that can help.

I also agree that this seems to be a symptom of a larger problem in the marriage.

I do agree with this: The dance of marriage is finding a balance between needs. I would bet if your emotional needs were met the two of you could easily find a way to meet your physical needs in a way that is win win for both.

Except for the "easily" part.

There are two positives here, one your DH is healthy and able to have sex at 70 and two he is still attracted to you.
Is he not interested in any other form of sex besides oral?

Ah, that's the problem with counselors. You may have to try a few before you find one that meshes with you and your needs. If he won't go for more counseling, then perhaps you should go on your own.

The religious aspect is another consideration. Some xtians feel a wife's role is to submit to her husband's desires, that he is the master of the household...love, honor and obey. Other religions forbid any kind of sexual interaction that isn't associated directly with conception, some even exclude anything but the missionary position. More contemporary interpretations allow that even within a marriage, if a woman says no, it means no and a wife can be raped by her husband...that the marriage certificate is not a blanket authority for sex on demand. And then, of course, was Jimmy Carter's famous admission that he lusted in his heart....

FWIW, I do not recommend religious counseling. Running and ducking now but my sister, who has the same requirement for counsel, has lived in a broken marriage for her entire life. It's the saddest situation ever. Maybe it's just her particular religion but she is now a broken human being who blames her DH for breathing.

If you are constantly badgered to have sex, I can start to get to why you don't want to. I agree there is probably some sort of middle ground you can achieve.

I'll add my own 2 cents re: religious counseling. The priest counseled my mother regarding her tubal ligation after giving birth to me in an emergency C-section 50 years ago. My mother promptly told him he was not paying our bills and had no right to say what was right for our family!

"The one thing that my husband made sure to remember from the counseling is that a wife is suppose to fulfill her wifely duties. " I'm falling off my chair a little here...I thought this sentiment went away 100 years ago along with "lay back and think of England."

This may be precisely why he insisted on Christian couseling.....he knew this would be the view on the subject.

You tried his Christian counseling...now it is his turn to try secular counseling.

You do not like performing oral sex...he must knows this, but you have still accommodated him for years. Now it is his time to accomodate YOU a little.

I hope you will seek a non-sectarian counselor and that he will agree to go with you. I think it is the only way you will be able to resolve this and reach a compromise that works for you both. No, he should not have to live the rest of his life without sex, but you should also not have to perform acts against your will. There is a disconnect here, but I think a good counselor can put you two on the right track. It seems you have invested many years in this marriage....do what you can to make it work...and if it doesn't, you can walk away knowing you gave it all you got.

I'm with arcy 100% on this.
I also believe that arcy meant that sex without emotional intimacy _in a marriage_ is rape,

Seriously, though, equating oral sex with a foot massage, breakfast in bed or going to a game or the opera?
Yeah, those things have a lot in common - must be why so many young people don't think it's such a big deal.

Since when did oral sex become an expectation in a relationship anyway?
If your partner wants to gift it, that's different but to think that you're entitled to it because you're married is repulsive.

I'm very glad you found this outlet to discuss this matter, and am very impressed by the thoughtful, considerate, and helpful replies. I'm going to make a couple of inconsiderate and non-helpful comments, based on my personal, very jaundiced view of men and marriage:

The economic blackmail thing? A house in exchange for sex? that's pretty much exactly the definition of marriage, and has been forever.

Second comment? This situation is why I'm so happy NOT to be married anymore.

Well, that and picking up smelly dirty socks off the floor.

Seriously, I hope you work this out.

I am trying to be even-handed and open-minded. I, like, most of you, read the post and thought "oh my god, what a jerk". But that is not helpful to the poster who had been married to this man for many years and, I will presume, loves him. I notice, especially on online forums, people sometimes totally demonize another person and that is usually not particularly helpful.

One poster said that oral sex as a "selfish act", and I think that is hard to disagree with. My list of other "selfish acts" was to say that there is nothing wrong per se with a "selfish act". I tried to illustrate that by pointing out all of the selfish and selfless things one does in a marriage. Every day.

I also said that "It is each person's responsibility to work toward a mutually satisfying sex life, whatever that may mean." That means neither party should engage in any act they do not find satisfying (that is what mutual means). But is also means you need to be working toward figuring out a way to satisfy your partner that IS agreeable to you.

I think it is totally fine for a partner to say "I really don't like to do x". But I do not think it is fine for a partner to say "I do not feel sexual anymore, and so I am not interested in satisfying any of your sexual needs in any way anymore".

Back to the original poster. Based on your story about the counselling, it sounds to me like your resent your husband for a lot more than sex. We all really feel for you and want to help, but I think you should just call up a counsellor and go see someone for an hour or two. Just for yourself. I think you need to think about what it is you want, and I don't mean sex.

Joanie,

"lay back and think of England."

LOL

Thanks for the levity!

If my husband told me he wouldn't buy a house if I didn't do what he wanted sexually, I'd have the house--- because I'd get it in divorce court.

I don't think there is any excuse for saying such a thing. I wouldn't want to have sex ever again either if I had to have it with a person who continually tried to make me do something that I didn't like (which sounds like it has been going on for years). Maybe you'd feel differently about sex if your husband focused on how he could please you (and how the both of you could enjoy it) rather than on what you could do for him? Is it the idea of sex in the abstract that turns you off, or the idea of sex with your husband?

I don't think all sex w/o emotional intimacy is rape, but I think someone trying to use any type of force to compel sex (including financial blackmail) pretty much is a definition of rape.

" I feel like my sexual desires are diminishing and my husband cannot understand what is happening. We have had a very sexual relationship thru the years but I now feel that this is a part of my past".

I have not read all the responses, but is there any chance that your sudden decision to put sex in the past after having such an active sex life has left your husband confused, scared that the marriage is failing, and unsure of how to 'fix' things? I am not excusing his demands, but they may come from a desire for something other than power. He may just not know how to approach you when it seems you want nothing to do with him (at least not in bed).

I think as we get older (we are younger than you and your husband, but not by much), some of us become more assertive and that can be intimidating for many men. Now, they do need to get over it, but a little gentleness on both sides is good. I agree that non-religious counseling is a good idea.

I hope this all works out for you.

Wifely duties include giving your husband a BJ when he demands it? Does he reciprocate? I meam, if you want half an hour of necking before you do it, would he say ok...or does he just whip it out and say `ok baby'? Lets get real here...this is abuse, plain and simple IMHO. There is no respect for you!

You`ve serviced him for years and it sounds to me that you`ve gotten little to no pleasure over the years. No wonder you say youre done with sex! Now he wont agree to buying a house you love unless you get on your knees??

Its time for new counselling, and some VERY frank talk. A healthy sex life is imperative to a marriage. Doesnt matter how often or how infrequently sex occurs
But it MUST be mutually respectful. Your relationship sounds very lopsided in tjat aspect, and Id be willing to bet its uneven in other areas. Is he the primary/sole wage earner?

Insist on new counselling, and if he says no, then tell him no. Wifely duties! OMG. I`m pretty sure sodomy is frowned on in most conservative thinking (sodomy is anything other than penile/vaginal penetration, including digital, oral or anal, by the way).

Apologies if Ive offended...this is just so appalling to me how youre being treated. I send you sisterhood hugs. You deserve to be respected, and valued in your intimate relations. Dont give up on sex, insist on equality and fulfillment! When he makes it right for you, you`ll reciprocate.

Ditto what Mtnrdredux said. As a Christian, I can attest to the fact that the bible is clear about what is expected in a healthy marriage. It is unfortunate that your husband is clinging to the submissive part of the formula, and not his responsibilities to love his wife and God loves the church. Someone that loves their partner puts his/her needs and desires ahead of their own, something you have done for years. If both spouses put each other first, it is a win/win situation. Loving someone means putting them first. He is not putting you first when he puts constant pressure on you to do something he knows you do not want to do. It would be great if he could hear this from a neutral party.
I'm sorry you're hurting but I'm so glad you came here. I hope you can listen to everyone's advise and take what is useful and discard the rest. Everyone here has given such thoughtful answers and truly want to be helpful.

I wonder how it would feel to be the husband and have a wife who states she's done with sex. I think most men would be resentful and angry. It wasn't part of the bargain. I'm trying to look at both sides of the picture and we've only heard a small part of one side.
Serious counseling where he would feel safe to express his feelings would be beneficial. But, from my point of view, you're being rigid and so he's responding in anger. There are ways to work these things out. It's never good to dig your heels in an absolute stance. We all need to be flexible in relationships. I've been married for 55 years, during one period my husband was incontinent for 12 months due to a surgical procedure. During that time we had no sex as he felt dirty and disgusted with the situation of wearing pads etc. I just rolled with it and made him feel loved until he healed. Today we're sexually active and in our 70s. I think you should reconsider and sit down and ask him if he's angry. Then get to a therapist.

To me it doesnâÂÂt sound like you really love or respect him anymore and not necessarily because of the sex issue. The non-sex may or may not be a side effect of the above. YouâÂÂve had a good run with your husband so maybe itâÂÂs time for a divorce. I think its great when people can stay happily married their entire lives but I do sometimes wonder if we are really cutout for a lifetime with one person.

IâÂÂm lucky in that I have a pretty good marriage but I have been around long enough to know that sometimes people need to go their separate ways and live life how they want to.

edited to add : Also, if the op does not want to be force fed anatomy but the husband wants to force feed anatomy, what on earth could counsel do to help that? Is she suddenly going to like it? I think not! Free him up to find a place to hmmm do because he needs to enjoy life as well how he wants to.

This post was edited by jterrilynn on Sat, Dec 7, 13 at 16:54

Jterrilynn, my support for counseling was based on the fact that the OP gave no indication that she did not enjoy their active sex life in the past. Now, she did certainly hold back on details that would clarify why she no longer has any interest in continuing with that, but if it is other things getting in the way, counseling could help. It could help her make a decision one way or the other on the marriage as well. Bottom line, this is all just opinion and free advice-no need for her to buy into anything any of us have said.

I still wish the OP well and hope she is able to work things out in whatever way is best for her.

Lots of comments above about what you might do.

What would or should your husband do?

What is your take on your husband, and what his course of action would be if you flat out said, honey, sorry, but you have really hurt my feelings and made me feel like a call girl instead of a loved and cherished wife and life partner. Would he "get it"?

If he can understand how you feel, then there is empathy and that means that your can both decide to work through this if that is what you both want to do.

If on the other hand he doesn't care how his behavior makes you feel, then that itself is a (THE) problem.

Cyn I hope you do not think I was addressing you personally because thatâÂÂs not the case. The OP specifically said that she gave oral all those years in the past and never ever liked too. She now no longer wants too. He does! Sometimes people have a good run but change on what they are willing to give against their will, sometimes itâÂÂs better to just move on. ThereâÂÂs no shame in it.

Regardless of how everyone feels about what they want and don't want, someone, no matter how nice and understanding they become, is not going to get what they want.
Whether or not they can deal with that permanently is the question.

Sexual desire can diminish for many reasons - including physical illness. Please, please have a thorough physical exam to rule out any serious physical problems that could be causing a decrease in your libido.

"Sex with out emotional intimacy is rape."

I couldn't disagree with this more. Sex against one of the participants' wills is rape. Sex without emotional intimacy is just a different kind of sex.

I am curious to know why you finally decided to "stand your ground," as it were? Did your husband know you never liked oral sex, or did you pretend you either liked it or didn't mind? If he did not know how distasteful you found it, I guess that's why he's confused and angry.

People's sexual appetites change over the years, not just in frequency but also the nature of the relationship. At some times of life one partner is bound to be more interested than the other, or more relaxed, or depressed, or exhausted from work and kids, or maybe one becomes overweight and is too self conscious to be seen--- there are as many reasons as there are people, and all that is part of the natural history of any relationship.

But, I'm sorry your husband has resorted to extortion to get what he wants. If you simply capitulate that clearly marks you as subordinate. A negotiated truce through a therapist is probably the best outcome if you want to preserve the marriage. Sometimes people subconsciously decide they have just had enough, and draw a line that is almost guaranteed to end the relationship. Speaking with a therapist alone might help you gain insight into why you have decided to change --- to your husband's frustration---the rules of the game so they FINALLY reflect your wishes as well as his.

What great, thoughtful responses to this very sensitive topic!

I can relate to the loss of libido--frankly, we're about a decade younger than the OP and her husband but at 56 YO, I too have come through menopause with a decided lack of interest in sexual activity. There isn't anything physically 'wrong' with me, and my husband is as he always has been a very considerate and giving partner. But truthfully, I don't really care any more about sex and the thought of never having it again wouldn't bother me one bit.

However. My husband is still interested, to say the least :). In fact he is more ardent than ever now that birth control isn't an issue, and now that our lives are a bit less stressed and child centered.

Then too I do believe that most men experience sexual desire as much more of a physical *need* for release than most women do.
In our marriage, both of us are very strong, independent people and as I've often said, the ties that bind us are loose--and unbreakable. We have our own jobs, hobbies and friends in addition to the family life we have built together. Our sexual partnership is for only us. Nobody else can be part of it, nobody else can or will know that part of our marriage. So at this season of my life, our sex life is what helps cement our bond, while it keeps our connection strong.

And now to I'm sure no one's surprise I must address the problem the OP wanted to discuss; having a partner tell you that unless you do X, Y or Z sexually you won't be getting something you want badly. This quote says so much:

"But, I'm sorry your husband has resorted to extortion to get what he wants. If you simply capitulate that clearly marks you as subordinate."

Once again, living in a relationship in which a woman does not have her own resources means the risk of becoming subordinate is huge. I cannot imagine being dependent on anyone to the level of him even being able to think what the husband expressed.

Regardless of where the thought is coming from, I agree it is extortion and it is despicable. How very sad too, living in a marriage in which a husband has the power and financial authority to do this. I would never, never, never live like that.

I"m sure there are many levels of complexity that can't be shared in an online forum. The the OP, I truly hope you can find your way to a compromise that leaves each of you feeling respected and loved, even if it isn't in the house you want or doing the sex acts he does.

Ann

Jterrilynn, no, I didn't think you were writing in response to me in particular at all! No worries. Your post just made me think I should explain my thinking more.

I did forget that the OP said she never enjoyed oral sex and I also wonder if her DH was aware of that. Sounds like better communication is in order for them.

No worries Cyn! I was just concerned you thought I was aiming at you :)

Running, I think itâÂÂs despicable as well. I read this thread to husband last night and he laughed, not because it was funny but because he could not believe a husband would hold cohabiting housing choices over a womanâÂÂs head for oral sexâ¦and think he could get away with it. Husbands thought was the same as mine, they tried counseling and she still did not like or want to do oral and husband does so maybe itâÂÂs time to part. We donâÂÂt know the whole story so we will give the benefit of doubt to husband and assume he deserves to have a sex life and be happy too. I donâÂÂt even see a compromise unless it would be something like, Ok IâÂÂll do it once a week on Fridays at 9:30 pm for three minutes but I wonâÂÂt swallow. I donâÂÂt see that as a solution.

Hi Vickij, I was just going through the conversations pages and came across this one. Hopefully some of the feedback you got her was helpful. If you are inclined to post again would you let us know how things are going? Best of luck to you, it sounds very difficult and I wish you the best.

Men and women are different. And have different needs. Sounds like your both doing the sane thing but getting frustrated with the other party for doing it. He’s giving you an ultimatum to gain an outcome that matters a-lot to him. Childish, and def not love (love does not demand its own way). But frankly you have stonewalled him as well. You have said “NO” and thats it. You have made it clear that you will not give him something that he clearly cares about alot, and something he can’t “honorably” get anywhere else. And you have done so in order to gain an outcome that is favorable to you, even at his cost. If He denied you affection, (or something else that feels like lifeblood to you) it’s probably not a stretch to imagine that you might respond the same way he did. Having said that, what he did is still wrong. I make no excuse for his behavior, but I would remind you that he is a person just as you are. With hopes, and desires. Wants and needs, just like you. And sexually speaking, if he wants to be a man of honor and a good husband to you, he has only one person in the entire world who he can go to to seek fulfillment in those areas. If he is like most men he’s being bombarded with temptations from every angle multiple times a day by the world around him, and frankly, many of the women of that world who show more of themselves to the public than they do to their own husbands. (Not a rant, just saying. It happens way too much ladies). Don’t excuse his behavior, but remember that he is human, and let it remind you to show him grace. Much good advice has been given in this post, (and some really awful advice as well, frankly) hopefully you can sift through and separate the good from the bad. Praying for you both.