I feel the same way. Nothing has been harder for me than paring down.. it's not just the decision making, it's the emotions tied into it.

Personally, I think *my* problem is that I have identified too much of my life around "stuff". I know who gave me what, where I bought that, how I used this in the last house..

I SURE hope that freeing part comes on the other end, because this part stinks.

Take photos of what you think you really love. Then let them go.

Would your mother (grandmother) want you using a stained item that is the incorrect size? I bet she would want you having things that you use and are proud to use.

ML

Believe me, once you let these items go you'll never give them a second thought. I would wager you don't think of them now except at times like this when you're considering letting them go. If they really aren't giving you joy (i.e. you aren't using them), donate them and allow someone else to put them to good use. I speak from experience:)

Do you feel that if you just donated them they wouldn't end up in the hands of someone who would value them? I've felt that way about some things...it was so well crafted and made with such care that I hated the thought of it ending up in a rag bag.

Maybe place an ad on Craigslist in the antiques section-and give it to someone who would appreciate it for what it is, hand crafted and loved. Perhaps a crafter who can repurpose stained items into something new to be loved?

Thank you. I feel better now about the one particular tablecloth that was giving me problems when I sat down to type.

Usually I just need to get away from it and refresh my perspective a little bit. But I'm feeling so much crush and pressure because I have little time and little space, and I get overwhelmed and anxious because I can't distance myself.

I went through what you are describing several years ago. We had a number of job related moves and were always packed up and moved by professional movers. Because I was working and not paying for the move, it was easy to not go through things and discard. I also was storing things for young adult children who didn't have extra space. After a time my huge unfinished basement was so full of boxes I was embarrassed to have service people go down there. It was clean, but just packed and we lived in a huge house. It actually felt like I was carrying around a heavy weight, but in a mental sense. It wasn't something other people could do for me or pressure me to do (ask my DH). I just had to get to the point where not doing it was more painful than doing it. I had to just start small and keep on it. If I thought about how much I had to do and how long it was going to take, I would get overwhelmed and not be able to do anything. It probably took me two years (not full time) to go through it and decide where things needed to go. It was such a great feeling once I got a good start that it made continuing easier.

You might not be emotionally ready to let go of the linens for whatever reason. Can you pack them up, label and get back to them at a later date and start with something that you are ready to let go of? And don't be too hard on yourself!

We just finished cleaning out my parents' house of 35+ years of "stuff". Mom was/is a shopaholic and Dad was/is a hoarder. My oldest has made us promise to never do that to him, something he'll never have to worry about. Being my parents' daughter has made me the opposite. Purging is fun and I'm doing some right now. LOL :D

Like dawn8b I've had to clean out several homes through the years and it gets old sorting out things that other people "just had to keep".

First step, ask yourself if the item is something you use or enjoy on a regular basis, has great monetary value or that holds deep sentimental value (something with an important story behind it and good enough quality that you'd be proud to show or share it with others). If not, then get rid of it. I have a defined amount of storage space that I'm willing to fill. I try to keep it orderly and organized. Once the shelves are filled or items start to block the walking area it's time to sort & purge. Pesky1 makes a good point to think of how others will benefit from items that you can donate.

Second step....if you're having a hard time disposing of an item then mentally separate yourself from it. Here's how it works for me..... Someday I will die and someone will be challenged with the task of going through my things. I imagine it will be my daughter or possibly one of my sons, maybe my husband. Then I ask, is the item at hand something they will want or that I feel demands their time to try to dispose of? If the answer is no, then I get rid of it. If I'm not willing to call them up right now and help sort for a week why should I expect them to do it for a week after I'm gone.

At some point you may throw away something you want back, but that'll be one very small percent compared to the rest of the items you'll be so glad you got rid of.

Hilltop, your post is very helpful to me as I have a hard time getting rid of "sentimental" items. I still have my childhood Easter basket and baby shoes+ for example. But we have a huge storage area so there is room but we don't have children who "might" want the stuff.
I keep thinking when I am an old woman (I'm 48 now), I might really enjoy seeing these remnants from my past, who knows? I don't know how to declutter my storage room!
I want to throw stuff out, but what if I want it someday?

Can you take some of the fabric from the sentimental item, that you no longer use, and make it into something else? Cover something like a picture frame or box, line something, make it into a pillow cover or an apron? If the whole sentimental item is stored away you're not enjoying it but if you can take part of it and use it somewhere then you can enjoy it and experience the sentimental feelings every time you see it.

A friend lost weight and no longer fit a beautiful wool sweater she bought on a trip to Scotland. Instead of it languishing in her closet, she had it made into a decorative pillow that she can see and enjoy daily.

As to things you value being relegated to a rag-bag, just think of flyleft or one of us finding them. She always finds the most incredible things at her Goodwill, thanks to people like you passing them on to be re-discovered.

The thrift store will be very happy when they make their next stop at my house. As I packed up Xmas stuff I put items I didn't use or I'm just bored with into the give-away box (but I'm not sentimental about any of my decorations so it was easy for me). I added other non-Xmas items as I re-organized the storage areas when I put the Xmas keepers away. Also, my little niece & nephew are visiting so the house is full of little toys, books, and kid-related mess that is inspiring me to clean out any of my additional clutter.

I find once I get started on purging it inspires me to keep going to another room or another closet or another junk drawer. I'm happy if someone else can get some use of out something that is taking up both physical and emotional space.

All good thoughts and ideas.

Partly I have purging fatigue, having been trying to "do" my mother's stuff for some time, and still not done, and needing to do my own now.

I, too, Bee, used to think that when I became an old lady I would love the memories evoked by these things. But suddenly life is seeming very short (I just turned 60.) I may never be an old lady, or I may be a vital, working, exercsing lady for another 10 years or more, like I am now. And I'll likely have to move to an even smaller place at some point.

I'm very hung up on trying to process or create a story or make a cohesive whole out of the narrative that emerges from these items -- to mine them for meaning. But meaning is not coming NOW. These things are not talking NOW. But I'm in a smaller place NOW.

(I saw _The Life of PI_ last night. The book really enthralled me, and the movie was pretty darn good, too. PI knew how to weave a tale.)

I was surprised to discover that my mother had a collection of butterfly broaches (and stationery and etc). I love sparkly things so I planned to put these pins in a frame with maybe some of the stationery or hankies or whatever. I never knew about these pins. IN some respects, she had a whole 'nother life. So I just put them aside for now. But there's so much stuff; I can see myself never getting to that project. I have boxes and boxes of already-framed wall art to deal with.

I feel like I have to wait for a new generation of babies to give away some of these things like never-worn hand knit tiny things. I hope my young relative get busy soon.

How different our lives would have been if we had spent all this energy on something besides acquisition. Particularly in my case, because I move frequently, and each time you move you have to put more energy/money/time into the stuff.

FWIW regarding the baby items...

A few years ago I smocked and sewed, what I thought was, a darling little dress for my niece's baby. I could tell immediately from her expression that that baby would never wear the dress. Taste and styles change and, had I been her and received an outdated item, I probably wouldn't use it either.

Until DH's retirement we had always moved frequently and would take those opportunities to declutter. Then I had to clean out my parent's home which motivated me to declutter further. I try and do it regularly as I never want my kids to have to deal with what I did. My MIL has done a great job of cleaning out; and it will be very manageable when the time comes.

My baby things were hand knit by the baby-to-be's great-great-grandmother, who was a very gifted knitter. I feel it's my duty to steward them into the next generation. They don't look like they've been used yet -- maybe for a photo, but that's it. They are timeless and gorgeous and perfect and I am certainly not going to be the one to decide they have to be thrown away.

I would rather have had the gift of your hand smocked dress any day than some China made thing from Kohl's which I could purchase myself (for 50% off! until midnight! with Kohl's cash back!). It is easier to dress babies in machine wash, throw away things, but a lucky baby gets to have a supplemental luxurious thing or two which actually lasts till it is outgrown.

DH and I just made a huge move, sold our home in Virginia and moved to South Carolina to be near DD2 and her family. We were downsizing, and I had a hard time getting him to understand that........ He moved ahead of me, and I sold, gave away and threw away so much stuff. When he came back to help me with the packing, there were some things he 'just couldn't part with'... "i May need it, etc". Well, in the 10 days I have been in our new, much much smaller rental, he has made three trips to Goodwill, and we have another few boxes in the works. PLUS, we donated 10 boxes of hardback books to the local county library. I had begged him, at home, to donate, but NO...... and now, he sees for himself, how little room we have here and he has finally been willing to let go. Still barely have a path in the tiny garage, but we are getting there.

I agree with the other posters, if you LOVE it, it has sentimental value, find a place for it. BUt use it, don't just pack your treasures away. How respectful is it to great great grandma's trinkets (or whatever) if you just hide it away?

My mother hand quilted scores of quilts. My sister was determined to "keep them in the family". Now, several years later, she's looking for anyone to give them to. Everyone in the family has what they want. They are taking up space in a storage unit costing a monthly fee. It's a process she's had to go through but I've no doubt she will experience a sense of freedom when they are gone.

Speaking of purging, any thoughts on Candy Spelling and all that she accumulated and eliminated when she "downsized"? IE, is that a sign of a personality disorder or just what the ultra wealthy do?

Strange, isn't it? I saw a few moments of the show, where Spelling expressed interest in a truly pedestrian picture of cherries. Having lost my ability to be charmed and taken by the latest thing on the shelves of homegoods, I now wonder how people manage to retain the fascination. My sense of gottahaveit just up and left the building.

And some people can really sell well. I bet that certain people would be getting money for those handmade quilts. They have the knack of making things seem desireable.

jamies, you wrote: "My baby things were hand knit by the baby-to-be's great-great-grandmother, who was a very gifted knitter. I feel it's my duty to steward them into the next generation.".

Is a baby soon to be born? If so, give the items to that mother right away.

Chances are the great-great grandmother who knitted these items made them because she had the talent. Not because she thought she was making something for a great-great grandchild to use. If her own grandchildren didn't use them why would a great-great? Give these precious baby items to a women's shelter where they might be used before they fall apart.

ML

JennaVA, I have just gone through the same experience with my DH!! He still had his 4th grade football uniform, which *I* have moved 4 or 5 times already, and that stuff NEEDED to go! We still moved more than we have room for, but I keep trying!

Nancy

My 56 yo husband still has: his cub scout uniform, a baseball uniform from his childhood, his letter jacket from high school, his high school practice trumpet, a bowling ball (I've known him 20+ years and he has never been bowling in that time but maybe he'll start next week), and his manager jacket from a softball league when he was in his 20's. Even worse than all of those items is the thousands and thousands of sports collectible cards & items. They fill, and I am not exaggerating, they fill at least one bedroom closet (floor to ceiling) in addition to under beds and every nook and cranny in his office.

We moved into this house when we married so packing up & moving the stuff has never been an issue. Having to find ways to store all that stuff makes me a little crazy. It also makes me ruthless in paring down my own stuff.

Instead of saving the whole dress that holds special memories for me, I have a piece of the trim from it. It's still sitting in a drawer waiting for me to find a way to display it or use it so I'm almost as guilty as he is in holding onto stuff that I don't see or use. Sadly, I don't have a picture of me wearing the dress or I could easily get rid of it. I guess that will be my new year's resolution - to find a way to display or use it or get rid of it.

Wrong thread for me, I guess. I just asked over in discussions if anyone else is looking to add knife rests to their DR place settings!

Oh, but don't you need some individual crystal salts and shell-flower placecard holders? I'll throw in the gold demitasse spoons.

Love salt cellars and tiny spoons, have silver place card holders and enameled silver demitasse spoons!

I have several dozen crystal salt cellars- Grandmother must have entertained royally- but don't I need tiny spoons to go with them? It doesn't really matter, I'm not that formal but they are pretty if only I could think of another function for them.

Oh, jamies, your post couldn't have come at a better time.

I have accumulated "things" from both sets of my grandparents, from one set of great-grandparents and from my parents. I have clothing from the 20's, I think, made of a linen type fabric..petticoats and blouses with the great big (mutton?) sleeves? I have hand sewn tablecloths with inserts and pillowcases and linens with hand made tatting. I have a huge collection of fine crystal pitchers, bowls and stemware. My wicker bassinette (70 yrs old). We have 5 sets of sterling flatware...Do you get the picture? I am being smothered by these things. Our very large storage areas as well as our walk-in closets are overcrowded with boxes.
What's the answer? I seem to have an attachment to all of these things that I cannot get over. I'm not really sure of all that we're storing for those that have passed away but know that some of these things could be quite valuable. I'd hate to be the one that donates something to a charity and reads that this discarded item is found to be a long-lost rare treasure worth oodles of money.

So, between feelings of sentiment and fear of getting rid of something worth lots of money...I'm stuck not doing anything.

How can I get over this?

To those who cannot part with things, watch Hoarders. It seriously helps, not only with motivation, but with the process of how to proceed.

Oddly, I think a lot of it has to do with respect. (Not true hoarding-- that is an illness.) When you keep too much, are you respecting yourself? Things take up time, space, and energy (mental energy, too). If the item is broken, stained, or without purpose, is that good energy to be around? Are you respecting others, by having more than you can or will use? If the item deserves respect, give it. Frame it, display it, remake it into something, but don't hoard it away.

Two thoughts: Surround yourself only with what is beautiful or needed (Morris) and bless others (Fly Lady).

I am waiting for my children to need these things.

The 11th commandment: "Though shalt not throw away thy forbears' stuff."

We're the grateful recipients of wonderful china, furniture, rugs, crystal, etc. In many situations this is a tough call. How long do you wait for your kids to get over their Pottery Barn taste and want your stuff? No answer here....

I love love Goodwill.

I always have a box on the go.

I never feel bad about giving something away, as I imagine how pleased someone will be to use it.

I only feel bad about things that are ruined, since their only home it truly the trash, and that is sad.

But giving things a new life by sending them to Goodwill? Makes my day.

monablair,
First you should decide, are you feeling overwhelmed by the items just because it's a new year and many of us get the itch to clear things out and in a few weeks you'll be over it OR does having all these items really weigh heavy on your mind all year?

I'm like mtnrdredux, I get giddy with excitement when I know the thrift store truck is coming by to take stuff off my hands. If someone else can use stuff that is clogging up my life, then I'm happy.

What if you died tomorrow (heaven forbid)? What would become of the stuff? Wouldn't you rather deal with it now instead of some family member throwing it out because they don't have the sentimental attachment and might miss the value? I don't mean to add additional stress to you, worrying about that scenario, but it is something to consider.

Since there are many sentimental items in your collection, I would review everything and decide what few items I needed to keep so that I could use or display them - not just store them for another 20 years.

I'd announce to the rest of the family that I am planning to get rid of things so if they want anything now is the time to speak up and request it. (In a perfect world there wouldn't be any overlap of desire for items. But it's not a perfect world so you'll need a plan for if more than one person wants the same item.) If the items are important to a family member then let them find the way to store them.

Some of the items could be offered to a museum or historical society. Things that might have real monetary value could be appraised and sold.

I'm not a very sentimental person nor do I come from a family heavy with silver & valuables, so it's easy for me to make suggestions. I'm sure it's not an easy task to get rid of these things. But, really, why continue to hold onto them if it brings you mental stress?

Another thought might be to get help with this project either in the form of a friend/family member or a professional organizer.

Mona, I got busy and did not see the rest of the posts.
I'm still at it. You?

It's not really getting easier, but it's getting done.

As long as I keep remembering that I'm gonna die, I can do it. Because when I'm dead nobody is going to respect this stuff. That makes me the best person for the job of "disposition". With that attitude, I can do it.

As long as I keep remembering that I'm gonna die, I can do it

Oh gosh, jamies! That has me laughing-very funny. I think the same to myself all the time when I am trying to declutter...or at least thinking about trying!