My own wedding day was on January 15th in snowy Michigan, many years ago. We had what's called an Afternoon Tea Reception in the ballroom overlooking a pine tree covered, snowy golf course. Not a lot of tea served, though (LOL)! More like tables and tables of appetizers, finger foods, tapas, champagne, wine with a pianist playing Cole Porter. Anyhoo, our female guests wore mainly cocktail-type dresses, although nothing sparkly. More along the line of pretty dresses in more daytime colors such as royal blue, green, red, lavender, etc. Some wore dressy pants with heels, an elegant blouse with nice jewelry. One of my aunts, I remember, was not up to a dress on such a chilly day and instead wore a pair of dressy black slacks, black kitten heels, an ivory silk blouse with a beautiful necklace and earrings. She stayed warm and still looked great and totally appropriate. As the bride, I was happy to see each of our guests, but I did appreciate that they thought enough of us and the specialness of our wedding day to dress up for it.
Lynn

Just reread my post and noticed that the most important part of it was accidentally deleted. Sorry. I'm still getting used to this IPad! Anyhoo, I love the idea of your dressy black slacks with a jewel tone dressy silk blouse that, perhaps, goes with a special necklace you own already.

Can you add a jacket to the dress that you have?
If you go the pants route, I would look for a two piece top. A silky soft blazer with a matching shell.
To me just wearing a blouse and slacks don't seem dressy enough. Although I don't like glitter, the tops with glitter do bump things up a notch.
Since you are going shopping anyway, look for a simple black dress. You might get lucky.
I know how you feel about dress up clothing. Lately though I have been very lucky at Nordstrom's. They have a small selection in my size but I have bought my last three dresses there.
I usually don't wear dresses so when there is an occasion, I like to wear one.

If you do so, I would wear whatever you wear to church for Christmas. Dressy church clothes would be what I would expect. Basically dressy business attire. So yes dress pants would be acceptable.

I think ellendi is on the right track. A pretty blouse, topped by a dressy jacket or sweater or wrap. That third piece, in addition to the pants and shirt, really adds something to an outfit.

Accessories matter, as well. If you can carry a dressier handbag, and add some bling with earrings or a necklace, it will help dress up the outfit.

Basically, if you could wear the outfit to work at the average office, it wouldn't be dressy enough. So add a jacket/wrap and some jewelry to bump the outfit up a notch or two.

I prefer dresses for a wedding. If your shoes are black, you can get black hose and be fine with a dress on top or a skirt and blouse with a jacket to stay warm.

But a dressy pants outfit can work too. I agree that you need a fancy blouse and a completer piece like a jacket. And amp up the jewelry and the purse.

Or amp up the jacket with an embellished version like this one and go luxe but subdued on the blouse.

If you are large on top, you might treat yourself to a professional bra fitting. It is amazing what the right bra can do for improving the fit of clothing and something like 85% of women are in the wrong size. (I know a lot about sewing...Mom used to teach sewing bras and I thought I was in the right size..wrong! My 36D is really a 34F! And what a difference the right sized minimizer bra can make on how my blouses fit!)

I understand and agree with what you all are saying but it's not what I want to hear :). I'm glad you think I can wear the pants. I am going to try to find a dressy blouse. Could I get by with just pearls, I wonder? And a sincere smile?

My goal is to look presentable with as little effort as possible. I realize that sounds really selfish. I have invested too much energy in other people and I am stepping back. I'm trying not to fret over things that don't matter, but I do want my outfit to show respect for the occasion.

I am not a blingy person at all. I did get a new purse in England last year that I haven't used yet, a blue herringbone tweed with leather handles - definitely old fashioned but not dressy.

Maureen, you need to put the effort into yourself. No fair saying you are doing for others and have no time for yourself. You can't really take care of anyone if you aren't taking care of yourself. You won't get away playing the Marter card on this forum.

Your response is so interesting to me. I have just the opposite reaction. I take buying outfits and getting dolled up as doing for *me*, not other people. I love getting dressed up and use things like weddings as an excuse to do so. I never pamper myself with manis or pedis except as a treat or a special occasion. And when I'm dressed nicely, I feel better about myself. It lifts my spirits. And conversely, if I feel like I'm dressed in an old fashioned or dowdy way or underdressed, it's a real downer for me.

At least maybe buy a dressy scarf or a fancy necklace to wear...something to make it special.

Maureen - I am not sure what you have been going through, but I am sorry you are feeling so worn out. Treat yourself to a bit of a dress-up day, have your hair done, do your make-up, etc. and I think it will actually make you feel better - really! You will look nice for the wedding and you will feel good that you made the effort.

I do think pants are fine, but as others said, not your usual everyday business attire. Something dressier and some nice glitzy accents. At weddings I have attended the last few years, there have been many women in pants. Many.

Enjoy the wedding!

You can get by with just a blouse if it is really, really dressy. I'm thinking like a lace blouse. The thing is, pants instantly make your outfit more casual, so the top has to be extra special to compensate.

But what about a lovely white silky blouse? The important thing is that the fabric be soft and flowy. Maybe even chiffon sleeves. Then add a big wrap in a soft color, like pink or pale blue. Or a bold color, like purple or cobalt blue. The wrap will add style and dress things up a lot.

Or a black velvet jacket, maybe a soft one that's open down the front. Then put a jewel-tone shell under it. Or soft pink or lilac.

Pearls would be lovely. In fact, you could go out and buy several strands of good-looking fake pearls to dress up your outfit.

The good thing is that right now, the stores are full of holiday clothes, so you should be able to find some basic pieces, like a dressy blouse and a velvet jacket that will work for the wedding, and for future dressy occasions as well.

In terms of a bag to carry, think small. A metallic clutch will dress things up. A black satin bag. Something with embroidery or beading. If your style is very tailored and non-fussy, this is an easy way to add some sparkle to your outfit, without feeling as if you are dressing as an impostor.

Here's a simple velvet blazer from Target--it's the fabric that makes it dressy. It also comes in black, but it's the holidays and it's a wedding, so maybe some color so you aren't all in black?

Annie- As long as I'm dressed appropriately, I feel fine. I am more affected by my surroundings, not what I look like. Everyone's different! I know several people who have great taste in clothes, always look great, etc, but give little thought to furnishing their houses. I am bothered by flat wall paint.

Tina- actually things are going pretty good for me right now. I've just been thinking recently about where I've been spending my energy. Actually, I would love to stop dying my hair because I hate going to the hairdresser, even though I get compliments on her work and she is a wonderful person. She's been giving me all these extra treatments and attention ( as a thank you, long story) but I just had to tell her to stop because I really don't enjoy it.

Camlan, thank you. That gives me some idea of what to look for in a blouse. I do have a old, but vintage-looking , large, black, linen/cotton scarf with a border of giant pink roses around

I have very little in common with these inlaws and I've only gotten more eccentric over these 22 years. I get along well with them because I get along with everyone.

I think I'm being the opposite of a martyr. I've decided what I am willing to do - and will do just that.

"Your only goal in life is to be true to yourself", found in a fortune cookie 20+ years ago(I keep it under my driver's license). I've learned to live by those words, and have 5 adult children to contend with. I sometimes have to make them understand it's more about my feelings than theirs.

Maureen, wear what YOU want to wear. You will be fine. Pearls are always classic and in style. I know exactly what you arg saying. Besides, as my SIL reminded me several years ago, no one will really be looking at you. ;)
That is to say, if you are comfortable, you will be relaxed and enjoy yourself more. I agree, you sound very un-martyr-like. Good for you!

Thanks patty cakes.

Cyn - I appreciate that. I've played the martyr before so I know the definition.