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sixtyohno

Changes. Where and when do you stop?

sixtyohno
9 years ago

I originally put this on the decorating site, thinking it replied to the OP, but the discussion changed to pops of color, so I deleted it. I am interested in what GWs think,
Years ago I read an article in the New Yorker that said that people shut down various tastes at all different ages and are not open to trying anything new. That includes music, types of books, colors, styles, types of clothing, travel, political leaning etc. They go to the same resort every year, or re paint with the same color, or have the same routines over and over. One is satisfied and doesn't need to look further. This is not a negative. It implies comfort and satisfaction, but one might be missing something good. One can shut down to new in a area at 18 or at 88. It is personal and fine.
My music ended with the Beatles. I am not interested in listening to most of what came after them. Sometimes I hear something by accident and I like it, but that's rare and I rarely pursue it. The same with classical music. I listen to Beethoven, but never ever John Adams. I still mostly read what I call contemporary literature and except for loving mauve for a brief time in the 70s my colors are pretty much the same, except that green entered about 25 years ago.
I do really love the digital age. Some people I know would not go near the internet except to get occasional info or shop. Luckily I am not one of them. They would never dream of reading an eBook, or heaven forbid looking at YouTube, or reading the news on line. They have stopped and they are satisfied with their choices.
I think some people including me, are happy with what they have. My house, furniture and decorations please me. I do replace when things wear out. I change out photos and I add pillows and souvenirs when we travel. i recovered chairs in a new color. I collect Japanese lusterware vases and teapots so that expands. I do wear leggings, which were not available years ago and I stopped straightening my hair 40 years ago. But the basic look is the same.
If someone buys new furniture and it makes them happy, that's fine. Change wall colors. At sometime it stops. Soon for some people, much later for others. All good.
What do you think?

Comments (25)

  • funnygirl
    9 years ago

    I hope I never stop. I hope I can always be excited to try a new wall color, a new recipe, a new travel destination, a new fashion/make up trend, learn a new craft, etc. My mother and MIL "stopped" very early on but I don't see myself following in their footsteps. We're at an age when many are downsizing but we enjoy our spacious home and all that goes with it. It's hard for me to see myself stopping for a very long time, probably when it becomes physically challenging to make changes.

  • graywings123
    9 years ago

    Interesting topic. I think it is very much a negative to shut down and not be open to trying something new. It is the exploration of the new that keeps the mind alive.

    I have someone in my life who could be the poster child for how not to grow old. Her fear of change has left her frozen in place with very little in life to enjoy.

    I used to like to listen to some oldies stations on the radio. And every once in a while, an old song comes along that is nice to listen to. But an everyday diet of it? No thanks.

  • mtnrdredux_gw
    9 years ago

    I think there is something primally human about striving, about wanting. I can see where satisfaction with status quo should be a good thing, but I also see it, sometimes as a sort of shutting down process. It's easy to buy a gift for someone who is 20, 30, 40, 50.... Then it can get harder. People who are 80 never seem to have any wants. I think that is bad, somehow, in a way i can't quite put my finger on.

    I think I'd make a bad Buddhist.

  • ellendi
    9 years ago

    Very interesting. I don't want to use the word stop, exactly. But, there comes a time when you can just let things go.

    I would love to redecorate my living room. But, with the addition of a dog (a pass along from my oldest DD) it has taken a back burner. Just not a priority right now.

    I do like to stay current with my hair and clothing. My SIL hasn't changed her hair for at least 30 years. She once said,"I like my hair." No need to go further with that discussion! Everyone has their own filters and how they view themselves.

    Although I like most foods, there are a few cuisines that I could live without. So, maybe on my own I wouldn't seek out something new, but I would join in with others if that is what was chosen.

    Definetly to each his/her own. Where it becomes a problem is when it involves others. I never want to be so rigid that people have to work around me.

  • cyn427 (z. 7, N. VA)
    9 years ago

    I think it is more a function of feeling that you don't need so much "stuff" as you get older. Keeping the home and garden looking good is great and I try to do that (need to have the exterior painted this spring, for instance). I have asked DH and kids (grown-ups now) not to give me any more stuff. We have enough, although I do occasionally see something that makes my heart sing and buy it. I prefer to share experiences at this point whether it is a big trip we do together or little outings or dinner/lunch/brunch or just hanging out at home. I am only 62 (only!) and things have not been my focus for many years. I think that is actually a good thing, mtn. It is for me at least as I strive to let go of that desire to have more. We have so much already. I am not a huge fan of excess consumerism. Ha! Trying to be a good Buddhist! ;)

  • Fun2BHere
    9 years ago

    I'm open to trying new things. However, I find that I don't always like those new things. For example, rap and hiphop are not something I wish to hear, mostly because of the lyrics. However, there are occasional songs that I like. Techno club stuff drives me batty. I absolutely hate the monotony of it. If I enter a store with it playing, I immediately leave.

    I'm having trouble finding new authors to read as my favorites die or stop writing. So many new authors cannot construct a plot or craft well-written prose. I can't understand how they get published.

    My decor has some long-standing elements like the furnishings and area rugs. I do change up pillows and lamp shades and other accessories to keep the look somewhat updated. I just had the living room furniture reupholstered and I changed the look of the sofas. I couldn't remove the skirt altogether, but I chose a waterfall skirt with no fringe and changed from a fat rolled arm to a slimmer English rolled arm. I also chose more casual fabrics. The room looks a little less fussy as a result.

    I love gadgets so I'll probably always want to try the newest ones. On the other hand, I hate that our personal privacy is being stripped away, so I will not participate in sites like Facebook. There's some thought that "anonymous" forums like these will eventually disappear which would leave me without access to any social media.

    My religious and political beliefs haven't changed much over the years, but I'm certainly open to new ideas if they make sense to me.

    The one area where I've become somewhat stagnant is travel. I love the idea of travelling, but I have some physical constraints that make it problematic. I'm guessing that I won't ever leave North America again, unless someone wants to fly me in their personal jet.

  • mtnrdredux_gw
    9 years ago

    Cyn,

    I agree wanting less "things" is probably good, which is why I was trying to word it carefully. I think not "wanting" is bad. Not wanting to do, or experience is bad IMHO. But i think wanting less "things" is good, all the way around.

    Though probably not to the extreme of never finding ANY "thing" (and here now I do mean an object) that "makes (one's) heart sing" again.

    Not sure I made any sense at all...

  • sweet_tea_
    9 years ago

    I think for me, some areas of my life I'm pretty much content in and I don't really look for anything new to try, not that I'm opposed to new, I'm just happy with what I have or am doing. Decorating, clothing, hairstyles come to mind. I think when I hit about 30 I knew for sure who I was and what I liked. However, I love to try new things, new foods, new music, new places to travel. I'm up for anything! I do get bored with the same old thing in that regard. So I'm not very consistent I guess. :)

  • ellendi
    9 years ago

    Mtn, I understand completely what you are trying to say.

    I have a cousin who is fourteen years older than I am. I like how she is always out there interested in something. It might be the theatre, a new art exhibit, a trip on her bucket list, or even taking the time to select new paint colors for her house.

    Then, I look at others who have nothing else to discuss but their latest health ailment and next trip to the doctor. This is NOT who I want to become.

  • luckygal
    9 years ago

    Everyone has a different tolerance for change. I've always been a bit rebellious and like to try new ideas and adventures. However now that I am getting older there are some things that are not worth the effort for me. I now realize that change for change sake only is not necessary for my happiness. There are many adventures yet in store for me (us) but I don't have to continuously reinvent the wheel.

    How this translates into my home decor is that once I find a wall color I like I don't have to repaint unless the walls need it. I still make frequent changes in accessories but don't rearrange the furniture as often as I did when I was younger as it requires a lot of physical effort and not something that I 'need' to do to be satisfied with my home.

    I was widowed years ago and recently met a wonderful man so we are in the process of combining households which has been very interesting. Requires compromise and creativity but is easier than it might have been years ago when I was less mellow!

    I hope never to stop making changes in my life. Right now I am learning to enjoy (or at least tolerate!) different styles of music as my partner and I have different taste in music. Going to a jazz club tonight for the first time in about 50 years so should be interesting! We are constantly planning, and doing, interesting adventures and will continue as long as we are physically able.

    Mtnrdredux, while it may seem that that 80 year old doesn't have any wants, it may also be that they are able to buy whatever they do want and are tired of getting inappropriate gifts! I've asked my sons to gift my favorite charity rather than try to find the perfect gift for me. Works much better for me and I can always find the 'perfect' gift for myself from myself!

    There is no right or wrong in this altho the best scenario IMO is for people of any age to, at least occasionally, step outside their comfort zone and try something new. You never know where that might lead!

  • Annie Deighnaugh
    9 years ago

    Do we shut down as we age? Or is it that our priorities change, and things that were once important and worthy of our attention, are no longer. We shift to intangibles like time...spent with friends and loved ones...

  • tishtoshnm Zone 6/NM
    9 years ago

    My hope for myself as I get older is the wisdom to recognize what new things/experiences will add value to my life and which ones are a waste of my time. There are some things I know, like which colors I prefer and why and which ones are flattering on me, etc. I also already understand what cuts of clothing work for me. When some of those fundamentals change (weight or say letting my hair go gray), then I can re-evaluate that.

    Foods I am more than happy to experiment with and plants, there are so many varieties that there is no way I will ever get my fill of trying new things.

  • jab65
    9 years ago

    Right on with that comment, Annie. People, adventures, time spent w/people I care about are priorities today. Just to interject a little different slant here: Life is really all about change. People move, they pass away, children marry, have babies, perhaps divorce, our bodies don't work the same, our energy flags. These aren't necessarily "bad" things. Part of life is adapting and making the best of any situation and practicing the art of contentment. Didn't mean to preach, since I'm not 100% successful with this either.

  • Bumblebeez SC Zone 7
    9 years ago

    Do we shut down as we age? Or is it that our priorities change, and things that were once important and worthy of our attention, are no longer. We shift to intangibles like time...spent with friends and loved ones...

    I so agree with that! For me, people have become much more important, not more stuff. Even experiences have dulled somewhat except that I continue to find great joy in the changing of seasons and the beauty in nature. My blooming crab apple each spring, the late winter bulbs.....

  • User
    9 years ago

    The acquisitive phase of life that takes up those middle years is driven by need, obviously, but the method and extent to which one acquires is also driven by personality, background and circumstance. Some people seem never to be satisfied, and others may switch gears to spiritual or political pursuits when they have acquired their definition of enough. I know a fair number of people who have at some point in their forties or fifties "dropped out" to live in an ashram in India, or a on a remote ranch in Montana and even one person who is now a wanted criminal for trying to foment rebellion in his South American homeland. And some individuals who never had to make an effort to acquire anything have basically drifted from one NGO to another all their adult life until they settled on raising emu in Florida or growing herbs in Vermont or some other esoteric occupation/ lifestyle funded by their families.

    With respect to interior design, I def think that most people's ideals are formed when they are young and impressionable, which explains why you see a couple in their forties buy a home they've saved for and then decorate it in a ten year old style or trend that was fashionable when they first aspired to own that type of house. And most people do hold fast to the music that defined their coming of age years, from puberty through college as that's when they have the time and interest to listen to a lot of music and see bands.

    If one gets to a ripe old age and still has basic needs unmet, either physical or emotional, that is a terrible state of affairs.

  • violetwest
    9 years ago

    Death and taxes . . . and change are the only constants in life. How we handle change is a critical factor in our well being. And it's hard.

    Younger people are always trying new things, because everything is new. As we get older and more sure of who we are and our tastes, there's less need for that.

    I think most people have a mix of tolerances. For instance, sixtyohno, what struck me about your post was that your musical taste stayed with the Beatles . . . but you love the Internet. So -- you're not interested in music much. That doesn't mean you are intolerant of change, just that your interests lie elsewhere.

    Just for the record, I grew up with classic rock but only listen to that about 10% of the time now -- I mostly listen to soundtracks, alternative rock, and, yes -- electronic dance music!

    As for decor, I do think one's taste are strongly influenced by how, when, and where you grow up. But circumstances change. I've had to change all my colors and stuff because I moved into a house that didn't have white walls, like I'd been living with for 30 years. So -- change! disconcerting, true, but also stimulating.

  • Annie Deighnaugh
    9 years ago

    My decor tastes have changed significantly over the years and certainly, considering I grew up in a bright yellow room with matching drapes, purple, shocking pink and lime green accents to go with my "flower power" poster, it's a good thing!

    My tastes have definitely turned more traditional but still quite eclectic. I still love color, but a much more toned down and sophisticated palette. My rooms express comfort and relaxation far more than energy these days. Just as, unless I'm cleaning the house and need the help when I turn on the Beatles or 60s oldies or even swing music, I listen to new age stuff that lowers my bp a few notches.

    I think it's a lot to do with stage of life...my tolerance for a lot of things has waned significantly...super sweet things, violent tv programs, chaos in general. I prefer a lower level of stimulus, and that shows up in my decor as well.

  • Holly- Kay
    9 years ago

    Such an interesting topic.

    I have always loved traditional furniture and still do. All the furniture that I have now will remain until we have to or want to down size. I wouldn't give up high quality furnishings to go with lesser quality. However I do plan on new window treatments and I will reupholster some furniture at least once. I am also planning on adding some items as I find the right replacements. Over all I am happy with our interior.

    I am not very interested in music unless it's classical (my mother played piano). WTBS, several years ago I heard a song by Mayer Hawthorne and loved the sound so much that I downloaded an album of his. I do love Christmas music and add at least one download each year.

    As far as technology, I love it. I always want the newest iPad or electronic gadget. My DH used to tease me saying I was the only woman he knows whose two favorite stores are Talbots and Circuit City. CC closed our location years ago so the Apple Store and on line sources of electronics still excites me. I also have to do all the electronic installmentsin our home as DH is technologically challenged.

    I still want a new house because I know our energy and strength is waning each year and I would love to have a one story. I don't want to downsize in terms of size just in terms of floor levels.

    I am most comfortable in my own bed so traveling isn't something I have a grand desire to do though I am not against either.

  • juliekcmo
    9 years ago

    Holly K.

    Think about a travel trailer...you take your own comfortable bed with you. (we are saving up for one!)

    This is a very interesting topic.

    We downsized last year from the home where we raised our kids to a "no mow, no snow" house, that is newer, but actually the same size as our old house. A better layout for adult kids, as there are 3 full baths, offering more privacy. And we will be able to have single level living (with potential for a caregiver living space) once we are really old.

    Some of our friends thought our moving was so daring and bold...it did require us to be open to change.

    And the home is newer and more open, so fewer things. We got rid of a lot, which I found very freeing.

    As to decor and clothes and technology. In my opinion, keeping current with things that are a part of you interacting with the world, especially like phones and computers, are essential to being a person who is engaged and informed.

    Keeping "current" with fashion and decorating is more toward the hobby/special interest end of the spectrum. Though to be sure, ones appearance may fall more to the being engaged in the world end(in particular if one is working it can be quite important to keep up to date, or at least to blend in/look appropriate).

    And there are some occupations where home entertainment is part of the job. In that case I do think that keeping up current decor is important.

    Aside from that, I think that generally as I get older, I am more confident to say I want to do this, and I really don't want to do that. (For example, want to have my hair look really up to date; won't wear high heels anymore). (Want to have gray walls, No Chevrons Please!)

    But I really enjoy knowing what is new/stylish/on trend,even if I won't buy into the style. Enough to read the magazines when I get my hair done, and some online mags, and weekend newspapers.

  • outsideplaying_gw
    9 years ago

    Very interesting to read the responses. I think in some ways we do like routine, but I for one have always been somewhat adventurous and as someone else admitted, rebellious, and 'don't want to miss a thing', as the song lyrics go.

    DH and I both grew up around music, but he is much more stuck listening to music of the 60's than I am. I don't know why that is, but his playlist is much shorter than mine by far. I am so eclectic, from popular rock (60's to now), country, classics (Bach rocks and Mendelssohn died way too young) and others like Dave Matthews, Amos Lee, Sheryl Crow, etc, I have it all on my playlist and a variety of favorites on satellite radio.

    I enjoy keeping up with whatever is trending so I can talk with our grandkids about what they like and what they are interested in at school. We have interesting conversations. We keep up technologically, but that is part of my job and profession too, so no great surprise there really. DH is the same and enjoys it even though he is retired.

    Travel to new places is a mutual decision and generally based on some outside-based activity we both enjoy and have an interest in seeing with museums or other similar attractions in the mix.

    We're happy with our current home but will likely downsize our property, but probably not so much the size of the house eventually and move closer to our DD in town on a smaller lot. It will be hard to decide on which plants to take with me and which to leave. I am a plant collector. But it will be fun to build or remodel a new place. It's really just Program Management! Exciting stuff!

  • Holly- Kay
    9 years ago

    Julie, we actually have a travel trailer but the mattress is horrible. I also hate the cramped feel. As far as aesthetics, all I can say is YUCK! It's only seven years old so not outdated so no sense in buying new. I just can't get into the t.t. deal though DH uses it a lot.

  • patty_cakes
    9 years ago

    Mtn'dux, I remember when I fell into the 'decorating trap eons ago~i'll refer to it as the Christopher Lowell era, since it was my favorite show on the tube. If I was looking for something, and it didn't 'make my heart sing', I could walk away without giving the item a second thought or even a glance. How often my 'friends of like mind' and myself used those words! I was on several decorating boards, met up with several of the members, and felt fortunate to 'know' someone who appeared on the CL show, not once, but twice, and was featured in Romantic Home magazine~those were the days. Decorating was fun because it was a relatively 'new' trend, with not only tv programs, but decorating magazines and books up the ying yang! I looked forward to tweaking, changing things up, using colors, trying different styles, and most of all, leaving behind the safety net of furniture which was ONLY stained, never painted.

    Fast forward, and I like to think i'm in the contended phase, but for all I know, it could very well be ageism, not wanting to spend the money, or sheer laziness since I would have to think about what I would do differently.

    I've asked my best friend of 50+ years who bought her house about the same time I built mine if or when she *might* change her decorating. Her answer is always the same, 'why, I'm still happy with it'. I've asked other women also, and seem to get the same response or as one said, 'if I move'. It doesn't seem to be of importance since contentedness is where it's at, and even after almost 7 years, my heart still sings.

  • kittymoonbeam
    9 years ago

    I believe for some people, the emphasis is on mastering a discipline or pursuing an idea. You can spend years refining a garden or home or collection or skill. That doesn't make you stuck. Sometimes it's hard to see the small changes.

    I do think some people stagnate while others are quietly going forward with whatever gives them joy.

  • lucillle
    9 years ago

    I think there is a difference between being happy with what one has yet being open to a future feeling of wanting to try new stuff, and being immediately herded into change by comparing what one has to some magazine cover and changing for the sake of change, in order to be trendy.

  • funnygirl
    9 years ago

    I agree, Lucille. For instance I sew for our home...window treatments, pillows, bedding. The changes I make have nothing to do with keeping up with anyone or not being satisfied with what I have. It has everything to do with acting on my creative ideas. My DIY projects combined with bargain hunting tendencies equal very budget friendly transformations and satisfy my creative side. No doubt the day will come when the idea of jumping in the car, running out for paint or fabric, slapping the paint on the walls and whipping up new WT's will be physically more than I can handle. Then I'll have to find another way to fill the creative need. Suggestions?:)