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runninginplace

Where'd My Holiday Spirit Go?!

runninginplace
9 years ago

Well at least the hostessing part...for various reasons my group for Xmas is now 15 people, when I originally planned for 10. All family except for daughter's BF and the extras are in-laws, for whom I just am not feeling the holiday love :(. Basically they invited themselves and I can't shake my resentment. I think part of it is because this year I ended up doing both Thanksgiving and now Christmas which is a lot of work. The extras mean that logistics change; 10 people fit nicely at our DR table. 15 people are crammed in and frankly, only 14 will fit even doing that so either granny or me is gonna be standing...guess who will end up without a chair at dinner?! The alcoholic sister tippled through Thanksgiving from a bottle in her car then drove off after we tried to get her to let someone drive home. The young adult bratty only child niece is famous for showing up, eating then bailing out for better parties after scarfing down a nice dinner. Oh and she's bringing her hipster boyfriend so I'm envisioning two Judgy McJudgersons snickering in the corner. I've got one vegan and one celiac eater to accomodate. Sigh, I'm feeling like SUCH a grinch.

Guess I'm just looking for some suck-it-up and be happy virtual smacks, so please remind me that I am blessed with a family who want to hang out together, and grown children who still live close, and a husband who will pitch in to do all that work, and health to create the holiday and...all that good stuff.

Ann

Comments (41)

  • ellendi
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    So sorry. To recap, the in-laws are the only ones that were not invited and invited themselves? The others would have been invited anyway and are inconsiderate, inappropriate or rude. Very scary about the one who drinks and drives. That needs to be addressed somehow.

    Could you turn this dinner into a buffet, with seating at a table for those who need it? I would make it clear that certain people need specific seating. The rest can eat off a coffee table etc. This might be something to think about in the future.
    For now, do you have a card table or can you borrow one?

    I have to be honest that the older I get, the more uninterested I am in the holidays. Too many things to do do in a short amount of time. I handed Christmas over to my SIL but my oldest realized that she always got sick from her cooking. We all looked at each other and realized that we all got stomachaches. I thought it was because I over indulged. So, it started back at my house.

    Try to get through this holiday with the thought that you need to be more prepared to be in control for next year. It is very nice of you to have the in laws. They may not have anywhere else to go. Are they other wise nice? Can you in list them to help you where needed? The fact that is it all on your shoulders doesn't seem fair to me.

    Keep venting if you need to. That is what we are here for!

  • Annie Deighnaugh
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Whenever we had a holiday dinner with too many people who wouldn't fit, we always set up a 2nd table somewhere else...used to be the kids table. Perhaps you should do the same. That way, both tables will be more comfortably seated, and most likely the in-laws and such will gravitate to one table and you'll be at the other so you won't have to spend as much time with them.

    And I hope that you request people bring things with them...I always do, esp now that I'm laid up with the broken ankle. This way, I'm providing the venue, the entree and dessert and everyone is bringing everything else...saves me so much time and effort, so if I were inclined to feel resentful, I'd feel less so. I think people are happy to contribute as well...it makes it more holiday for them too. And I send the leftovers back home with them too so it helps my diet!

    My perspective on holidays has changed a whole lot since DH and I have no immediate family left. I now embrace everyone I do have left and am delighted to have a house full of people.

    Don't know if this click with you, but I'll include it in case it does.

    Here is a link that might be useful: Coping with family drama & holidays

  • hhireno
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Oh, Ann, I hear you. I dread much of the whole xmas season. The same old, same old (I guess some people call that 'the traditions') and the unreleastic expectations (especially in the face of 'the traditions', if it's always happened a certain way, because they insist on it, why do they think the outcome will be different this year?). The bad food. The exchange of gift cards. The videotaping of 5 adults opening their gift cards. The petulant adult who didn't get enough gifts (that is not me). The bored adult who pretends to be pleased by a gift card to a chain restaurant she doesn't use (that is me).

    You're allowed to vent here. You already know the good stuff about your family, you pointed it out, but that doesn't mean you can't also feel the frustration. Sometimes airing it in a safe place helps to release its hold on you.

    Do something nice for yourself this week. A coffee with a friend, a mani/pedi, hide in the bathtub reading, whatever you need to do to recharge to face the holiday meal.

    Against all odds, may your holiday meal be merry and bright.

  • Holly- Kay
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I have a case of the Bah Humbugs because Christmas ISN'T at my house this year. When everyone is at my house I don't have to worry about my pupsters but since we are going to DD's house they will be home alone. My DH will be hounding me to leave because of this. We have to do it at DD's because my DMIL is no longer ambulatory and it is easier to get her there than to transport to our house.

    It is seriously annoying when others invite themselves. I would do a buffet style dinner that is easy to make. A spiral sliced ham, scalloped potatoes and a few other vegetable dishes. I agree with Annie, I would ask everyone to bring something!

    I am wishing you a wonderful Christmas! Enjoy your family and know that the day will be over quickly.

  • outsideplaying_gw
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    So sorry, Ann. Not much to add to the excellent advice already given. Just take a deep breath and hope for the best, not the worst. Let everyone know you need that chair at the table. I agree, not everyone needs to sit down together at the table. The younger ones might actually enjoy having some space away from the older people at a card table nearby or in another room.

    Who cares as long as the food is good and plentiful. And oh, by the way, it's Christmas, so let's all have a good time and try to enjoy family, even if we are a little bit quirky and crazy and some of us don't even like each other. Thankfully, that's not my family, but I do know that's the hand some are dealt.

    Hhireno, you said it best with your closing statement. May your holiday be merry and bright. Keep smiling!

  • awm03
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Family gatherings can be so overrated, depending on the family members. At least Judgy & her BF will leave early, so look on the bright side. I think since you're expecting a larger than usual number of guests you should make it a pot luck affair. Don't tire yourself out before the party begins or else you'll be even more irritable -- let go of some of the prep work by calling for pot luck. Great ideas about not trying to fit everyone around one table and to serve buffet style.

    Here's hoping everyone is in a festive, friendly mood and that you'll be pleasantly surprised with a wonderful Christmas day.

    Our holiday spirit has taken a back seat since we found out yesterday our son's home loan was approved, and he will be closing on his new home tomorrow. All we can think of is getting their house scrubbed clean, patched, and painted, and helping them move in. I've had the best time exchanging emails with my DIL about paint colors. She is so excited, and we are just as excited for them. This Christmas stuff is getting in the way of more important things!

    Well, off to the hardware store to get cleaning supplies and more painter's tape.

    This post was edited by awm03 on Mon, Dec 22, 14 at 11:30

  • runninginplace
    Original Author
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Thanks everyone! Your helpful suggestions and empathy about holiday stress really have lifted my spirits.

    EXCELLENT advice re. buffet instead of sit down, that makes complete sense. I do have a holiday buffet party system down because I host often, and so setting up the DR table with the food and having everyone eat on the patio is not only easier but smoother since I can organize that with my eyes closed.

    Also excellent advice to let others bring things so I believe I'll forego making homemade key lime pie this year and ask for desserts. I am getting a bit challenged/excited about cooking (within limits) for the vegan and celiac restrictees; found a vegan/gluten free chocolate mousse recipe that's pretty simple and even a vegan variation of mashed potatoes.

    So the menu will be some quality Costco boneless steaks that I'll make my BILs grill,and some of my summer-caught lobster stash for *only* me, my favorite sister and niece since none of us eat red meat. That with a big mixed salad that I'll serve pre-dressed, the potatoes which are make-ahead and just need to be rewarmed, steamed green beans with almonds and Ina Garten's garlic bread. I already have some easy appetizers around (cheese/crackers, a bean/veggie dip I'll make today) and desserts will be the guests' responsibility.

    I should have known if I put it out here...your kindness and warmth would bring me back to the spirit of the day :). Thank you all.

  • Delilah66
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I can't even read the replies before suggesting this: Send an email with your menu or call key people who can get the message out. Invite those who need a special food item to bring it and "..we'll fit it into the cooking schedule...." What will you lose? The opportunity to host both Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners next year.

  • Bumblebeez SC Zone 7
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I am feeling annoyed that I am doing all the cooking but if I didn't the food would be inedible. A dear friend is coming and once I asked her to bring a dessert to a very casual, small group. We discussed brownies from a box. not great, but ok. I would have ice cream. She bought the box but showed up with brownies from Dollar General. Never got around to making the box brownies. I was floored. This was the only dessert. She is as sweet a person as can be but a little clueless about such things. She is bringing a carton of eggnog, Dad will love it.
    No one coming is capable of making anything and they would all op for something similar- cheapest, grossest thing possible if I gave them a choice. But I will have the grilled steaks, seafood, everything all handmade.

  • joaniepoanie
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Running......for your vegan and possibly celiac guests.....Target carries Gardein products. Today I picked up a Holiday Roast.....it looks like turkey breast and is stuffed
    with cranberry and wild rice.

    My son and his GF are vegan and it's always a challenge for me. I was happy to see that Target carries a wider selection of Gardein than the regular grocery store. I found a scalloped potatoes recipe that just uses cheese so I will make a separate portion for them with Daiya cheeses. Veggies are the easiest part of course. For dessert I usually just have some no dairy ice cream on hand...but I will look for the vegan chocolate mousse recipe.

    I don't enjoy cooking all that much anyway so I just can't seem to wrap my brain around making two entirely separate meals. Some family members will try the vegan stuff, some won't.

    We've pretty much always celebrated Christmas with just our family unless my parents flew in once in awhile. About 20 years ago my DB and his family ( all our kids are roughly the same ages) moved about an hour away and we decided they would do TG, we would do Easter, but that we would each stay home and just be with our own families Christmas Day. It has made for a more relaxing holiday not having to host a crowd after the frenzied morning of breakfast and opening gifts....especially when they were younger.

  • bpath
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    We do a big family Christmas Eve, and we've always had to have two tables...at least. One in the dining room, of course, and when it's time to eat I set up the folding banquet table in the living room and toss on the cloth, napkins, silverware, candles, and simple centerpiece I had on a tray nearby, all while people are lined up at the buffet. They are amazed to come back in the LR to find it transformed into another dining room! I've also had to set up a card table or two (pushed together) in the foyer.

    I've tried to do a buffet, eat at the coffee table or wherever kind of dinner, and no one will have any part of it. I tried to do more of a cocktail party, but no, they have to have their roast pork etc. One year we did tenderloin sandwiches, and after they ate that they asked where's the roast? This year, when people asked what can they bring, I suggested THE potatoes, THE vegetable, THE rolls, THE salad, already cooked if needed, in THEIR serving dish. The only thing I'm cooking is the pork and a turkey breast. And I have Saran Wrap so they can bring home their own leftovers.

    We are usually a group in the 20s! It's madness, I know.

    The house is NOT ready, but I'm not really worrying about it. But worst of all, I don't have the Host to share before dinner! My DH will be so hurt if I don't come up with this, it's a tradition he brought to our family. I need a miracle!

  • ratherbesewing
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    My instructions to the family members who don't cook...bring some wine!

  • arcy_gw
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I am FLOORED at all the "they won't" let me type comments. Umm DOORMAT comes to mind. The hostess decides the menu--love the idea of putting it out there--early, invite who ever to bring what ever and if it is inedible--people WON'T. LET IT GO, LET IT GO!! I find it INSANE one would even consider "accommodating" special diets. You are not a restaurant. This is your home and if they can't eat what you serve--then they won't!! The idea that everyone who is coming to a party is slave to one person's personal dietary issues I find INSANE. If you have a vegetable, potatoes the usual variety people will find SOMETHING. Let this be THEIR PROBLEM, not yours. They made a choice to live a lifestyle--let them live it and guess what that OFTEN means they make choices!! Years ago when DD#1 showed signs of being a PICKY eater I found advise that saved her a$$. Always have bread on the table. Always allow them to fill their plate, keep introducing new foods--eventually they will feel safe enough to try. Today she eats what ever is served or knows how to POLITELY not.

    I find the idea that those that invited themselves sit at the extra table in the breezeway--very fitting. Life is too short for all this angst, especially at Christmas.

  • lucillle
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I accomodate to a degree, have a diabetic son. Other than that, no.
    I'm looking forward to the gathering this year, will have a brunch buffet as their visit will be early.
    If I ever had a guest that drank too much I'd take their keys, period. If they got loud about it, I'd tell them I was going to call the local PD to hang onto their keys and I'd do it (I live in a small town, the PD is friendly and accommodating).
    I think part of preserving the Christmas spirit is planning. If you really don't have it in you to host the giant dinner for everyone, don't do it. Set yourself up for success, not failure.
    This year, for instance, I did not host Thanksgiving, it was at my younger son's house and it was wonderful. A covered dish buffet, everyone enjoyed themselves.

  • ellendi
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Joanie, other products to try are the Quorn products.These are soy free. Trader Joe's makes a quinoa burger. Then, there are products by Amy's.
    When one of my daughter's was vegan for a while, that was the hardest. Now she is vegetarian, but gluten free.

  • bpath
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I'm a hostess, my responsibility is to make my guests comfortable. I make turkey breast for my relative who does not eat pork for cultural and religious reasons. I make pork for my relatives whose cultural tradition calls for it. I am careful with nuts for the 2 who are allergic, and it is life-threatening. We used to be careful with seeds for the 2 with severe diverticulitis. I make rice pudding because it's tradition, not because everyone loves it (they don't). This is not a dinner party where I can pick and choose who comes. Well, I can a little bit, but there are limits.

    But, when the generation before me is gone, the traditions will likely shift. For now, we celebrate that generation by following traditions. It is our gift to them.

    It's Christmas! We do it with love and joy!

  • runninginplace
    Original Author
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    "I'm a hostess, my responsibility is to make my guests comfortable...It's Christmas! We do it with love and joy!"

    Arcy, the spirit above is what I'm trying to cultivate as well. So I'll make vegan/gluten free mousse because it will make *me* happy to have something that those folks can eat for dessert. I'll skip the croutons on the salad so my niece doesn't have to worry about a celiac outbreak after her holiday meal.

    My thin bright line is keeping that spirit. So for example, I may not go out and fight the holiday crowds to buy more salad greens since the box I bought an hour ago at Costco is already slimy (grrr, will be returning that after Xmas!). I may or may not make my homemade key lime pie; depends on how much energy I have tomorrow. So I'll accomodate and fuss until I start to feel resentful, then I"ll call it a (holi)day and move on.

    I really did need the kick start from everyone after initially posting and I'm truly grateful for this crowd of wise people! Actually looking forward to my holiday gathering now and so glad for getting my mind right, as my grandmother used to say.

    Ann

  • awm03
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Good, Ann, hope you have a nice time. And if things start to get testy, detach a bit and pretend you're a writer. Make mental notes for a humorous short story of all the funny, bizarre comments and behaviors at a family Christmas gathering. You might end up more amused than irritated!

  • suero
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    To put you in a holidaze mood, things could be worse. Check out the 12 days of Carolyn Hax’s holiday horrors.

    Here is a link that might be useful: Hootenanny

  • kswl2
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Accommodating different diets is a pain in the neck, but would you rather they not attend the holiday celebration? If you want your vegetarian or vegan family members or those with gluten allergies or lactose intolerance to come home for the holidays, you accommodate their needs to every extent and their preferences to some extent.

    How rude would it be to invite people to dinner and have perhaps only one or two items out of six or seven that they could eat?

    "I'm a hostess, my responsibility is to make my guests comfortable...." This is the right attitude. The "take it or leave it" attitude is a person who really doesn't want guests, and sooner or later won't have any!

  • party_music50
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    FWIW, I had a get-together last year with co-worker friends... one was bringing his GF who I know has celiac disease. I was so worried about making her sick that I made *everything* gluten-free. When she was leaving she thanked and hugged me -- she said her own family doesn't even bother making sure to serve something that she can eat. (I checked with my friend the following day to confirm that she was well. :)

  • ellendi
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    It's just that is does get a bit overwhelming when there are many diets to consider. From diabetics to the vegetarians to the gluten free, there is no way around having to make extra dishes added on to the usual ones.

    In a perfect world, those on special diets would offer to bring an entree dish to share. And, maybe these recipes all be good enough to keep and use ourselves. The hardest part is not just finding a recipe,but knowing if it is good. (My vegetarian gluten-free stuffing for Thanksgiving was awful)

  • awm03
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    We got home late last night after the first round of cleaning DS's new home. It is filthy. The 80-year-old who owned it couldn't clean it well, which is understandable. It doesn't look like it's had a thorough cleaning in in the last 20 years. Going back today to vacuum top to bottom, wash more walls and woodwork, give the carpets a pass with the carpet steamer, and hope I'll have enough energy left to clean the oven. At least we got two bedrooms/closets washed and the walls & ceilings primed.

    Anyway, I woke up this morning vaguely remembering I still don't have Christmas Eve food -- Christmas Eve is our big celebration, and Christmas day is reserved for presents, church, a nice brunch, and recovering from Christmas Eve celebrations. I have champagne, chocolates, and lots of Christmas cookies for tonight. Maybe that will be enough, lol?!

  • party_music50
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    yes, ellendi, I hear what you're saying and totally agree! especially that individuals with special dietary needs should always offer to bring something they can eat!

    In situations where I have a mix (diabetics, celiacs, low-fat, etc), rather than make 'special' dishes for an individual, I try to mix-n-match so that everyone can eat at least half of the items I prepare. I have served 'new' dishes at larger gatherings, but I review the recipes carefully beforehand so I'm fairly certain I know what the results will be. I might even do a test-run just to be sure -- lots of experience cooking, baking, and eating definitely helps with all of that.

  • Annie Deighnaugh
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I do try to accommodate guests for a dinner when I know they have issues...celiac, vegetarian, the most challenging was no Vit K for a cousin on coumadin. I'm also very careful to have alcohol free dishes for when recovering alcoholics are visiting.

    But for the holiday with family, since I'm having everyone bring something, I figure they'll bring something they can eat. The vegetarians will be bringing a vegetarian entree. One youngster eats nothing but lettuce, so his Mom always brings a salad. Go figure.

  • lucillle
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    "It's just that is does get a bit overwhelming when there are many diets to consider. "
    It can be, and I think one has to decide what warrants consideration.
    I make accommodations for my son, who is a diabetic. If there were (there aren't right now) others with health issues I would accommodate them.
    But preferences? Sunny side up instead of scrambled? A new preference for not eating bacon, well maybe once in a while, because the eater thinks pigs are intelligent?
    Those people haven't stopped visiting, there is always something for them, and they are close enough to where they would be perfectly comfortable frying an egg.
    No one has ever left my home hungry.

    "This is the right attitude"
    I've always seen the KT as a place to share. I do think an effort to be a good host is important, what exactly a good host is, is subject to interpretation.

  • Sueb20
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I'm having the opposite problem -- not enough company! Usually our Christmas is fairly quiet anyway, but this year even more so. My dad comes every year but it is a 2-hour drive and we are expecting terrible rain and wind today and into tomorrow morning, and he won't drive in bad weather (he's almost 80). I wish he had come this morning because it hasn't started raining yet, but he still works and he "has" to work today. He's a bit too dedicated to this job...and doesn't do well with schedule changes at his age.

    Anyway, so my kids' only grandparent won't be here and I am an only child so he's my only family. I know I sound like a whiner. I should have hired a driver for him or something!

    DH's sister and husband will be here for tomorrow afternoon, and tomorrow night we'll go to my best friend's house for dessert -- she has a big family, so we'll share her family for a while!

    We have had a difficult time recently with our oldest DS (22), so I am thankful that for this week anyway, we have some peace with him...and thankful also that younger DS is home from a very successful first semester of college...and my youngest (13) is still young enough to have woken up early this morning singing "it's Christmas Eve! it's Christmas Eve!"

  • runninginplace
    Original Author
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Checking in-as of today I have:

    Made several pounds of healthy bean dip (diced peppers, tomatoes, corn and black beans with olive oil and cumin-soooo good)

    Peeled, cut, boiled, and mashed 5 pounds of potatoes

    Trimmed, blanched and dried 2 pounds of haricots vert

    Roasted a tray full of almonds to top the beans

    Made a key lime pie including homemade graham cracker crust

    Shelled, split and broiled 5 lobster tails

    Made a double batch of gluten free vegan chocolate mousse (tasted AMAZING, can't wait to try it tomorrow)

    Finished wrapping gifts, put everything under the tree

    Called or texted everybody to confirm schedule tomorrow; my son unexpectedly has to work 3 hours longer than he thought so we'll have appetizers and cocktails for a bit longer than we originally planned

    Made a quick run to get a holiday tablecloth, put it in the wash to soften up

    Fielded a panicked phone call from my MIL whose dementia is advanced enough that she can't handle hosting Xmas Eve dinner anymore, but who was fuh-reaking out that she needed to go to the grocery store and buy...she couldn't remember that part. Sigh.

    Calmed down my panicked MIL an hour later when I stopped by and she was frantically tearing the house apart looking for a hundred dollar bill she had gotten as a gift for a grandchild and then couldn't find. We found it tucked into another gift she had already wrapped. Sigh.

    Tomorrow we'll get the house clean especially the patio which is where we'll eat and then get everything out for the meal.

    Hoping that by getting almost all the meal pre-cooked and/or set, I can relax with a glass of wine tomorrow and enjoy my holiday too.

    Merry Christmas and enjoy Nochebuena for those who partake :). For everyone else, hope tomorrow is amazing!

  • awm03
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Hope you check in later today to let us know how it all went, runninginplace. Wishing you a merry day!

  • live_wire_oak
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Merry Christmas! And thank goodness for the Chinese buffet! ;~)

  • bpath
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Sueb20, sounds like you live in the Great Lakes region? We had similar weather forecasts, I was worried about our guests, and all we got was a mist.

    We celebrate Christmas Eve.
    We had 24 because our 2-year break from hosting let us change our guest list and NOT invite the ones who always bring surprise guests lol! Today We realized it was quite manageable. We made the meat, and each family brought a side dish to serve all, already cooked and in a serving dish. Worked out great!

    Christmas Eve midday, DH convinced me to change our table setup, so we had to completely rearrange my workroom and hang a quilt over the hardworking bookcase, and set up the folding banquet table and two card tables. Typically I set tables up in the LR and foyer while people are dishing up, in addition to the DR table. This was easier, actually. I miscounted and DH and I squeezed in at the head of one table. Good thing we're married :)

    Between back troubles and little kids to get home to bed, There was no cleanup help. I like that, though: after the door closed for the last time, and DH headed up to lay down (poor back!) I donned my jeans and Christmas sweatshirt (three sheep in sombreros saying "fleece navidad"), put on my favorite Christmas tunes, and started clearing and washing. I still have the silver to do, and the meat pans are still sitting in the garage!

    Another last-minute change was to take bring Christmas Day over to my parents, instead of them getting over here again. It's only 15 minutes away, but with the weather supposed to the be nasty and they have trouble getting around, we gathered up our Christmas Brunch fixin's and headed over there. Brought them any leftovers guests left with us so they don't have to make supper tonight.

    Tonight, we made soup with leftover meat, polished off the dessert cake, and watched Elf. A perfect peaceful ending to a busy joyful time! And it never snowed a flake.

    Hope all had a fun time, with no busted ovens, pipes, or dishwashers. Thoughts go out to all who woke up to tornados!

  • kswl2
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    We had a wonderful Christmas Eve dinner that everybody liked! Celebrated one nephew's birthday with a gluten free cake SIl brought down from their home state--- it was actually a cake shaped mound of chocolate mousse and was just delicious. Christmas morning SIL made waffles and bacon for breakfast, which was really wonderful of her (and gluten free). I had made all food for Christmas dinner in advance except the turkey--- mashed potatoes, green beans amandine, green bean casserole for the diehards, two kinds of stuffing. All I had to do was cook the turkey ---used the Americas test kitchen method which was by far the BEST ever, even better than brining---- and assemble the pear /walnut/ sour cherry/ butter lettuce salads for the first course. Thankfully the vidalia onion dressing I put on those salads is gluten free and they were a hit as always. Everything I made in advance was stored in disposable foil pans, the kind with lids. While the turkey was "resting" and we had the salads the sides heated up and the timing, for once, was perfect . Two different wines served at each meal and champagne (martinellis sparkling apple juice for the underage) to toast the nephews birthday. Movies last night (we divided into three groups) and an ice cream sundae bar for our late night dessert.

    One last meal of scrambled eggs and honey baked ham and bagels this morning and they are all off back north. SIL and my mom were so helpful with cleanup that it was a breeze, and DD and her fiancé hand washed all the dishes after the Christmas Day meal. They are off this afternoon to Los Vegas for a few days and then to Arizona to see his family.

    I could not have asked for a better Christmas and should not have been so apprehensive :-) We were only missing DS1 who came in last weekend instead of this one, but who called several times and sent a wonderful edible arrangement of fresh fruit and chocolate that was MUCH appreciated. My mother was over the moon that we sang Christmas carols after supper, that each person with musical talent played their instrument for the assembled family, and that we had enough people for our annual Twelve Days of christmas rendition in which each person sings one day of the twelve.... Always with great comic results. I am feeling very, very thankful for my family.

  • bpath
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Kwsl, thank you for sharing! It sounds like a wonderful celebration :)

  • maire_cate
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    kswl - Your holiday sounds wildly successful. I'm curious thought - which America's Test Kitchen instructions did you follow? We also avoid brining because occasionally we end up with salty gravy.

    When we have a large turkey we always disassemble it before cooking - a la Julia Child. DH cuts off the legs and back, leaving the breast whole and then removes the bone from the thigh. He then ties the leg together before roasting and we use the back for making gravy. Before serving we arrange the breast on the platter with the legs along the side and it nearly resembles a whole turkey.

  • kswl2
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Maire Cate, I lied! It was The Kitchn, NOT the Test Kitchen recipe! I've used so many recipes for turkey from the Test Kitchen (am a subscriber to the site now and to Cooks Illustrated for years prior) that I automatically wrote test kitchen, sorry!! The recipe I used is linked below, it is both easier and tastier than the test kitchen methods I have used (brining, roasting on a bed of veggies, roasting for just a few hours, etc.)

    The Kitchn method is absolutely the easiest one I have ever used, and one of the best, if not the best. I had a fresh turkey of almost 15 pounds for ten meat eaters. It was rinsed inside and out, giblets and neck removed from cavity (the former in a bag, thankfully), and dried, then sprinkled all over with salt and coarse ground pepper. No stuffing was put in the turkey. The oven was preheated to 450.

    I poured two cups of Swanson's chicken broth in the bottom of a roasting pan with deep ridges on the bottom and set the turkey in breast up. I untied the legs per instructions. The bird went in the oven on the next to lowest rack setting and temp immediately turned down to 350 degrees. After an hour I basted it with the juices and tented the breast, which was already a beautiful golden brown. You are supposed to take the turkey out and close the oven door when basting, so I did that and basted it two more times about an hour apart.

    The turkey was ready after 16 min. per pound, I was timing it but there was also a pop up timer in the bird as well, and I used a meat thermometer to make sure it was done. I took the bird out and it rested for nearly an hour while the sides heated up and we had our first course. My SIL's husband (she is my brother's widow) carved and the meat--- every bit of it---- was moist and flavorful and delicious!

    Best of all, the pan drippings made fabulous gravy, which I made by combining unsalted butter and flour in a large, straight-sided skillet into a roux that I browned a bit instead of leaving white. I used it to thicken the pan juices (which already included broth) by adding the broth to the skillet. I had about three cups of broth/drippings, which contained rendered fat, so I made more roux than I would have for liquid without fats. After thickening the gravy I added about four ounces of half and half and two of those small containers of Knorr concentrated, home style chicken broth. They are about 2" x 1.5" and come in a four pack. This method has to be tweaked on site for the amount of fat in the drippings but makes absolutely delicious gravy.

    The meal WAS wildly successful, thank heavens, and we did not have a lot of turkey leftover as our young men (ages 13, 16, 22, and 25) ate like there was no tomorrow :-). But there will be enough leftovers for HK to make a turkey pie or two for the coming week, unless we eat it all in open faced sandwiches with that fabulous gravy before the day is out!

    Here is a link that might be useful: The Kitchn recipe for easy and delicious turkey

  • runninginplace
    Original Author
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Recap--pretty long, you're warned!

    Our holiday gathering turned out very well--in the end, according to the feedback I got we had an evening that was enjoyable, low key but festive. At one point my SIL told me how grateful she was to be included because "your family parties are so much fun." Even my MIL seemed very happy throughout the party. Funny moment came when her son (my BIL) was chatting about her being a Miami pioneer--she came here in 1924 when she was a year old. She asked him 'how old am I?' and was truly astounded when he said '91'. Maybe you had to be there but oh the look on her face...:).

    And as it turned out, for two of my sisters it was their only family Christmas gathering, one that otherwise wouldn't have happened due to some too-boring-to-repeat family dynamics w/my father and stepmother who did not host or join us this year. I think that is what makes me happiest; having my sisters, both of whom are single and have personal issues, end up alone on the holiday would have made me feel pretty terrible.

    So, the final menu was:

    Appetizers:

    Make ahead bean dip with tortilla chips
    Costco assorted pastry-based appetizers (just had to pop into
    oven for 10 minutes to heat)
    Cheese/crackers

    Dinner:

    Spring mix salad with raspberry vinaigrette dressing
    NY strip steaks cooked on the grill - assigned BIL and son that chore
    Make ahead broiled lobster tails*
    Make ahead mashed potatoes*
    Make ahead green beans*
    Yeast rolls*
    Shrimp ring (brought by a guest as appetizer but still frozen so we just stuck it on the buffet table along the salad :)

    *Reheated for dinner; so easy

    Desserts:

    Key lime pie
    Chocolate mousse
    Cheesecake*
    Cupcakes*
    Rum cake*
    Fudge*

    *Guest provided

    Even though the meal wasn't nearly as labor intensive as T'giving, a party for 15 is still a lot of work for the hostess...however, I was in a pretty relaxed mood. I accepted help when people offered, and otherwise kept the party going by doing whatever needed to be done.

    This year our Christmas tree was a beauty and I had picked up some new holiday decor including throw pillows and wreaths that fit my color schemes. Had my holiday plug-ins warmed up and fragrant, nice mellow holiday music on the computer. We were able to have dinner buffet style and eat on the patio since the weather cooperated and it was very pleasant outside. Got lots of compliments from everyone. When we opened gifts my choices were a hit, and that's always fun when things you pick make people happy. So everything flowed and now that it's all done I am glad I was able to put the evening together.

    However, next year I've asked my daughter to remind me--and I'll stick to this--that doing both Thanksgiving and Christmas at my house is more than I want to take on! I'll do one or the other, but not both again. It may be time for another sister to take up the hostess slack, or we may not do a big gathering...and that will have to be okay if it's the way life shakes out.

    Ann

  • kswl2
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Ann, congratulations on a holiday well planned and executed! It sounds like your guests were well fed and grateful to you for hosting and for the opportunity to be with their family.

    Agree about hosting both Thanksgiving and Christmas....I have done both for the past several years and I am about to lay that particular cross down :-)

    Yesterday I stayed in my pajamas and robe all day and did not do a damn thing!

  • ellendi
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Running, your menu looks amazing! I agree that both holidays are just too much. But, why not have everyone bring a dish?

  • awm03
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Fabulous, Ann. So glad your Christmas get together was a happy affair. You've earned a well-deserved break from cleaning, cooking, & organizing -- time to curl up with a good book & tune out the world!

    [Our cleaning/painting frenzy continues -- we're about 70% done with prep work on the main floor of our son's house. We did cut Christmas dinner short so we could get in some painting. Here's a picture: imagine all this with dingy ivory paint coated with years of cigarette smoke and grime.]

  • maire_cate
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Ann - I'm so happy you found your holiday spirit and that your dinner was such a success. What a menu ....and such an assortment of desserts. Yum.

    kswl - Thanks for linking the Kitchn instructions. I bookmarked it for the next turkey. I only make turkey 2 or 3 times a year and as a result I always wonder if I'm doing it right. A simple, fool proof recipe is exactly what I need. Although everyone thoroughly enjoyed the meat I actually prefer chicken to turkey - it's just a little hard to roast enough chickens to feed a family gathering and to be honest my favorite part of the meal is the stuffing!

  • lynninnewmexico
    9 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Ann, I'm glad that your gathering turned out so well. I was getting a bit worried for you as you definitely had some major challenges to deal with! This holiday season can really get to us in negative, Grinch-y ways at times. I know it does me! We host a large group every Christmas Day as well. The logistics of those last few days beforehand exhaust me and I find myself repeatedly wondering why I keep hosting. And then, by Christmas Night I know why. It's because I go out of my way to create a very special, old-fashioned Christmas Day that everyone enjoys and cherishes from year to year. Not everyone will do that. My best friend hosts our Thanksgivings, and hers are equally special. All of our families live in other parts of the country, far away, so we spend those holidays together. We are each other's New Mexico family. But, others who might take over my Christmas Day wouldn't bother . . . and that's why I keep hosting.
    In the meantime, besides our special Christmas Eve and Day traditions, December 26th has become our next favorite day of the holiday season. It's our carved-in-stone tradition on that First Day of Christmas, our Family Day, we entertain no one. That we go nowhere and nobody is invited here! We sleep in and spend the entire day in our pjs and/or sweats, together in our living room by the tree. We chat, read, nap, listen to Christmas music, play games, maybe watch a Christmas movie. But, no cooking, cleaning or work of any kind allowed. We eat delicious leftovers from Christmas Day for every meal . . . and on festive paper plates. And we recuperate from the hectic-ness (LOL)! We love it, and that's also what keeps me hosting . . . the knowledge that our December 26th is right around the corner!
    Lynn