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Healing energies needed

Posted by pesky1 (My Page) on
Sat, Oct 6, 12 at 21:39

My husband just found out that his best friend was found dead, likely an apparent suicide, this afternoon. We haven't got a lot of information, not being next of kin, we can't learn anything yet. He was estranged from his wife-and we don't have her current contact info either. I am absolutely numb at this moment.

We also learned today that DH's other good friend who has stage 4 cancer is now terminal, with only a very short time left.

This on top of not knowing a prognosis on his mom's cancer yet (we will learn if chemo has been effective on the 16th) is really taking a toll. Please send healing thoughts to my DH as he goes thru this very hard time.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Healing energies needed

Your husband must be hurting so much right now. Love and light being sent your way to you and your family.

I am so, so sorry.


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So sorry to hear about so much bad news for your DH/you at once. *sigh*


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What a terribly difficult time for you all. Healing energies to all of you. May your MIL have a good response too. c


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Wow, that's a a lot to bear. Sending good thoughts.


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I'm so sorry. That really is a lot at one time. Saying a prayer for you all.


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Oh Pesky, how awful. I hope your mind and heart can soon make sense of all this.

I understand the feeling of being hit from every direction. I've been through it recently, too. It's also a feeling of helplessness. All you can do is be the very best friend that you can be. Sending good thoughts your way.


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Thank you all. We cannot find out any information; nothing in the paper, his coworkers know nothing. I went to his house last night and his motorcycle was gone and a light on in the house...this is odd about the bike-that was his mode of transportation. I left a note for whomever comes over to call us.

DH is a wreck, alternating between anger and blaming himself. He feels that he should have known this was going to happen, he should have seen the signs. I think he was hoping that his buddy would be around when his other friend passes, and to be his shoulder to lean on for his mom.

I didn't sleep well last night, I'm still in shock, and not having ANY answers, no clear information, is awful.

DH says thank you for your kind thoughts-he knows you're a wonderful group for all your support over the years.


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Oh Pesky, how terrible. There are times it seems like the world has gone mad, that our world is suddenly spinning out of control, and the helplessness and vulnerability we feel is devastating. Be good to yourselves right now. ....


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Oh Pesky, how terrible. There are times it seems like the world has gone mad, that our world is suddenly spinning out of control, and the helplessness and vulnerability we feel is devastating. Be good to yourselves right now. ....


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Pesky; I'm so sorry. We've had a few years like this; I know it is not easy.
Please let us know how your MIL makes out.

I know your hub is hurting; but this directly affects you too; so prayers for you. You've been through so much this last year; who is holding you up? My FIL was hospitalized while we were at my dads viewing; so I didn't really have my hub to lean on. He was either working or running to another state to be there for his parents. We then lost my FIL 6 weeks after my dad; so my grief was thrown on the back burner.

I just hope that you also have support. ~Hugs


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So sorry you all are going through this. Sending comforting thoughts and prayers to you both.


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Wow, pesky...so difficult to deal with one of these, much less three.

This may sound strange, but I can offer this: another situation in which someone who had been very close friends with another person for years suddenly hung himself in a park. The survivor-friend was racked with guilt, just disabled by it. He kept saying he should have seen it coming, he should have relied on his instincts and named what he was seeing and encouraged/forced his friend into therapy or meds or whatever would have helped him beyond the crisis point until he could regain his even keel. But nobody wanted to talk about it, no one wanted to acknowledge what was happening, because the friend could be so jolly and entertaining at times that it was easy to forget the chasms in between. It left a scar that was so deep it took him a couple of years to come to terms with it.

This is a long way of saying that an album by my favorite songwriter, who is our age and, like a true poet, writing songs that relate to his experiences now, rather than trying to stay young and poppy, grew out of his dealing with the sudden suicide of his longtime good friend/band member. Even if you don't know the band already, the album was hailed as a painfully honest artistic masterpiece. Here are the lyrics to the first song...it never fails to make me cry. I hope it can help open some doors and give support at the same time. The entire album is called "Time on Earth". It's timeless.

(btw, after this album they made another album that started with a song about emerging from a long dark night and seeing that life still goes on, called "Saturday Sun")

Nobody Wants To

Down on the ocean floor
That's where I'm heading for
Hold on to a sinking stone
Until the worst is known

Nobody wants to think about it
Nobody wants to talk about it
Nobody protects you

They make it go away
Pretending that it's all okay
Broken pieces on the ground
And everyone's tiptoeing 'round

Nobody wants to think about it
Nobody wants to talk about it
No one protects you, yeah

Are we losing something?
We used to cry, we used to say why
For all I know I might not get home
Well, I found out if we opened it up
We could work this out

Nobody wants to think about it
Nobody wants to talk about it now

What you suspected all along
Everything he told you was wrong
And you can see it if you want
But nobody wants to

Here is a link that might be useful: the song itself; the whole album resonates...


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I can't leave you with this just this one song, the first on the album.

The *last* song on the album is called "People are like suns" and it's just as unbelievably wise and beautiful as the first song. It's more philosophical, with a sense of reflection, and broadens its focus out to life in general. It's so sadly gorgeous, and perhaps relates to more of what you and your family and friends are having to go through now...

People Are Like Suns

Sweet madness it must be wrong
What kind of fool imagines love
With all this going on
Stars burning in the empty sky
And the city is aflame
With a million lights
And they come and they go
In the blink of an eye
People are like suns
Science will enable us to hear
To be crystal clear
To make diamonds in the shifting sand
Better take all the love that you got in a single hand
And they come and they go
In the fullness of time
People are like suns
They are burning up inside
People are like suns
Breathing into life
All that's good in us
To saints become...
It can't be helped
Doesn't stop me thinking out loud
I could have done something
And they come and they go
And they come and they go
And they come and they go
People are like suns
People are like suns
People are like suns
They go out tonight
Set this town alight
All fade into white

Wishing you all strength and peace...

Here is a link that might be useful: incredible video made by a lover of the song


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Saying a prayer for you and your family.


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Wow, I'm really sorry for your loss and everything you are going through. You and yours are certainly in my prayers and thoughts.


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Pesky, I am so very sorry. Thinking of you and your DH, and wishing you peace.


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Pesky I'm so sorry all this is happening in your life and also to say that most people who are close to the person who took his own life will have the exact feelings you're husband is experiencing. It's the "what if I had " part of grief but let me say this. Years ago I watched a documentary on people who take their own lives and the summary was that, in almost all cases, trying to help wouldn't have made a difference. They interviewed people who had been found in time to get help and they all said the same thing. They would not have listened. The despair is so deep that they feel the world would be better off without them. None of us can mind read. You can live with a person and think you know how they're doing and then this happens. For a while he can beat himself up about it but, if it lasts, then he'd need some therapy as guilt can cause horrible depression. He's not guilty of anything, we all choose our own course. I'm sure his friend thought long and hard about it. God bless you and your DH.


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Pesky, I am sending prayers and positive energy. I am so sorry.


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I'm so sorry. From someone who is going through a lot all at one time as well, I can tell you this: there are moments when the grief is so overwhelming I feel like I can't breathe, but then I realize I am getting through it with the love of my family and friends. And with each passing day comes a little less pain and a little more peace. The "what ifs" are a natural part of grief. I have them myself. Accepting what you cannot change will bring peace, questioning it will eat you up inside. It is a difficult thing to do, but with your love and support, your DH will get there.


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I'm so sorry. From someone who is going through a lot all at one time as well, I can tell you this: there are moments when the grief is so overwhelming I feel like I can't breathe, but then I realize I am getting through it with the love of my family and friends. And with each passing day comes a little less pain and a little more peace. The "what ifs" are a natural part of grief. I have them myself. Accepting what you cannot change will bring peace, questioning it will eat you up inside. It is a difficult thing to do, but with your love and support, your DH will get there.


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Thank you all so very much. The shock is sinking in, and we're both still a bit shell-shocked. DH is starting to get angry-a healthy part of the grieving process.

He found out some more info today-his friend was well liked by his co-workers, so that is helping DH to feel a little better. We always want to know that our loved ones meant something to others.

Your kind words have really helped my DH deal with this. It was 8 years ago that he essentially lost his other best friend...that man had been senselessly attacked in a dispute over a parking spot, and he ended up on life support-he survived, but severely brain damaged and in a home. My DH feels like he's having bad luck with friends. But we keep putting one foot in front of the other and know that each and every day brings us closer to being able to breathe easier again.


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thanks for the update, what a hard time this must be, all the best of luck in going through this with your DH.


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Pesky, I am feeling for your family too. I have started going to a counselor, never been to one before, because of my mom's terminal illness (cancer), I feel I may lose it, when that time comes, so I am preparing myself. Maybe your DH might benefit by just talking to someone like that. It has helped me already knowing I can go somewhere and cry to someone that doesn't even know my family.


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