Do you live alone or do you have a significant other? If you have people in the kitchen that you don't want, then you need to make a plan with your better half before the party starts. Make it their responsibility to corral people into another room. I think everyone does just naturally gravitate towards the kitchen and, if I were a guest, it would make me feel a bit weird that the hostess was all by herself in the kitchen and would feel the need to help or at least keep her company. I don't mind if someone comes in and chats; otherwise, I'd probably never see these people.

The rule in my house is that guests do not wash dishes and most everyone knows this by now. If someone offers, I tell them that they are my guest and I want them to relax and enjoy the party. I also say that when I'm a guest in their home, that turnabout is fair play and that I get to skate on KP. (And, I do!) It's always worked out very well.

Well, you can let them load the dw and then after they leave, take the stuff out and wash it by hand...

I know when I entertain, I do some clean up in between dinner and dessert just to make room to spread stuff out and get the coffee and tea going, and the ladies always join me to be helpful...since they help clear the table, they end up in the kitchen. Mostly they talk while I work. One GF started loading the dishwasher and I asked her not to...I explained that DH is under the illusion that women don't know how to load the DW, and I don't want to disabuse him of that fact!

With that in mind, we designed our kitchen so the island divides the work side from the visiting side and that has helped a lot.

Otherwise, if you plan ahead, then plan work ahead for the guests to do to help you clean up...have one dish out the dessert or get the coffee orders or get the cream and sugar going, etc....things you don't mind having help with. The other thing I find helpful is to move everyone out of the DR and into the library, or in the summer, out on the deck, so they get a sense of this is where we're going to be now...not in the kitchen.

While mtnrd's suggestion is an interesting one, I am simply not comfortable with having a stranger in the house doing work like that....I'd end up hanging out in the kitchen watching them like a hawk. If I had someone on a regular basis and was familiar with their work, I suppose I'd be more comfortable, but for just an evening with friends, nuh-uh.

Number one: you cannot ever keep guests out of/around the kitchen. Not possible. If before dinner, while still working, I used say ....firmly, but with a smile.....don't talk to me...I can't concentrate! Anyone who doesn't understand has done little hosting. Some do need to be told more then once. It helps to keep the appetizers and drinks in another area.
For a large group at the table , DH and I clear and serve dessert and coffee . At the very end, I allow one or two guests to help clear quickly. No one is allowed in the kitchen after this. I wait till guests have left to clean up. All our friends do it this way, when there's no service help . We do have one family member who "cannot bear the mess", and gets right into cleaning. It spoils the party.

Close and lock the door? JK Some people can't seem to understand why anyone would want to be alone in the kitchen. I'm like you - leave me alone while I'm cooking. Just tell people you need to concentrate on what you're doing and please go hang out with the other guests. Get DH or someone else to corral anyone who insists on staying in the kitchen.

Agree with others - don't do dishes while the guests are there. It makes some people feel guilty if you are doing them without help so, of course, they help. DH will sometimes do the dishes while my family is still here - to get away from them. lol I tell them that's his contribution, since I did all the cooking, and to leave him alone .

I also will add that sometimes I escape to the kitchen when at parties. The other rooms maybe too are noisy and I just need a break from the people in the living room. The kitchen is always more relaxed. I like to mingle at parties instead of just being in one spot. So consider letting your guests wander.

In my house one of the reasons everyone go in the kitchen is the view of the backyard. If I told people, I can't talk now, I think they would stay and look out the window!

It's also for this reason, I prefer to entertain with at least 6 of us instead of just one other couple...they keep each other company while I'm in the kitchen doing things.

I think you need to have a discussion with your friends telling them that you prefer to do all your party prep work alone in the kitchen.

My friends all do clean up midway through. Like Annie, it gives the women a chance to socialize together and gives us all a bit of exercise before dessert.

I never mind my friends loading the dishwasher, they often do a much better job than I do!

I try to keep things simple. Appetizers are made ahead, so friends can help carry things out. Dinners are not complicated, again make ahead recipes that can just be popped in the oven. I then have to just tend to one or two veggies in the stove.

I don't think it's possible to keep people out of the kitchen so I don't even try. However, I set up drinks and snacks in the breakfast room and that tends to keep people out of the actual cooking area.

As for clean-up, I usually set aside a big pot with soapy water and tell people to put their silverware in that pot. I'm always careful to count the silverware before the trash gets taken out. I also ask people to just set their plates in the sink without rinsing or scraping them. I try to be by the sink when the dirty dishes are arriving so that I can help keep things going to the right spot. Other than putting leftover food away, I make no attempt to clean up and tell guests that I'd much rather spend time with them as I can always clean up the next day.

I'm another who prefers to clean my kitchen myself. My close friends and family tease me about being obsessive about how the dishwasher is loaded. So what? I never complain that I'm not getting help so what's the big deal? :)

I've tried postponing cleanup...once. We had a large party that was mostly outside, and when I came in the house my DS and SIL were almost done cleaning. It was a wonderful thought, but not for me. It made me crazy that things weren't put away correctly, dishes weren't properly cleaned before going in the dishwasher (our DW isn't the best, so rinsing must be thorough), and left overs weren't handled the way I wanted. I know they meant well, but it really just felt like more work for me. Know your audience!

I guess my advice to OP would be to let your guests know how you feel about help in the kitchen. Even if it becomes a joke among friends, who cares, as long as it keeps them out! Good luck. I feel your pain ;)

That tape that says "Crime Scene Do Not Enter"???

Ditto what amj said!!!

I don't ever plan to wash dishes and clean up while we have guests, but if I try and just relax and socialize, I will find some well meaning guest in my kitchen, helping themselves to the dishes and packaging up leftovers. At one event, I was trying to relax in another room and found a guest cleaning up and wadding up my linens to throw in the trash.

Personally, I think it's rude to spend time away from guests cleaning up, other than clearing off the dirty dishes from the table or putting away perishables. But I think it's equally rude for guests to insist on "helping" after you've politely declined. I swear my MIL and I once almost got into an argument over the damn dishes.

Maybe I should just use paper tablecoths, styro plates and plasticware?

When we have large party groups or more than four (including DH and me) for a sit down dinner I always have help to serve and clean up. After the meal we move to the library, patio (or now, the new lower level!) for coffee or tea and sometimes I have the dessert course there if we are serving small pick up desserts. We use nice monogrammed paper napkins and people can serve themselves. And while we are doing that, the kitchen and dining room are cleaned up and ready for people to wander back in if there's anything else on the agenda.

We don't entertain often but I do host our family holiday parties. For me, cleaning during the party is required since we have a galley kitchen and there literally isn't space to stack/store 20+ dirty dishes, glasses, silverware, dessert dishes, coffee cups, serving pieces, pots and pans. My pet peeve is folks 'helping' me by bringing EVERYTHING in from the table. At some point we, again literally, have to tell them to stop because there is not one. more. inch. of space left on the counters and sink. My stepmother is egregious about this; she's a bossy type A know-it-all person who won't take no/stop/please leave for an answer. I've at least gotten to practice my polite spine on her to tell her to get out of my damn kitchen. And my sisters include a couple who have no common sense; I too have had to rescue grandma's antique linen napkins from the trash where sis has helpfully tossed them.

And, as people who generally go to bed and get up early, staying up till 1-2 am washing dishes and putting things away, after working for days preparing and hosting...well, not fun.

However, I also don't like missing the party because I'm so busy running it! Hiring help isn't an option for us; the only help I have is a twice/monthly housekeeper and she is home having her own party on holidays.

This T'giving I may try loading the dishwasher and starting it then leaving what's left to sit. My husband, who stubbornly refuses to believe a DW is a useful kitchen appliance, will wash dishes endlessly--I seriously think it's a self-soothing behavior for him. So he'll probably wander in and start on the dead soldiers in there, which is ok too since that still accomplishes my plan for world domination by sitting around cackling with my sisters after dinner :).

Dishes can be part of the issue too as I have holiday plates that I use from MIL that are definitely not DW-safe, so it means handwashing.

I did lend my good flatware to my GF for her holiday gathering of about 40 people...the "teens" who helped cleaned up actually threw out some of my flatware! She rescued all but one spoon. That and throwing away linens, I don't get. That's definitely not the kind of help you need!

But often at dinner parties, the cleaning up from entree, getting ready for dessert phase is when ladies commune in the kitchen and the men stay at the DR table...it does allow for some more intimate and meaningful conversation than would otherwise take place in the larger group. And I find that they really want to help as a way to show appreciation for hosting the party. So sometimes, it's more gracious to accept that gift.

Once the party is over though, DH and I get to work and it doesn't usually take us very long to clean things up...we work well together like a well-oiled machine.

I would like to come to the aid of those put upon posters by offering up another suggestion. Invite me, and I will lead the way to slothfulness for your poor, misguided guests. I never ever help! And never allow guests too!

I will bring an ever so lovely hostess gift, arrive 7 minutes late ( who doesn't need a few extra minutes) and leave as soon as I see your DHs first stifled yawn. But clean up? No worries there! None at all! Sure, I was raised to make a half hearted inquiry, but you and I both know that I didnt come dressed to scrape gravy off your china, for goodness sakes!

Once your other guests see me in repose post-repast, they will rethink their silly ways and you can have the dirty sink water and overflowing trash all to yourself!

First come, first serve, I think I'm going to have a full dance card!

On holidays we don't have help, but guests are usually relatives, and they are sensible enough to at least ask how dishes and glassware are to be washed before taking a hand in the kitchen. Anyway, my 81 year old mother is usually in the kitchen ordering people around and telling them what can and can't go in the dishwasher. If we have a lot of people we use those anonymous maker buffet dishes that could probably be washed in sand, and if we have a many more than that (one Thanksgiving we had 48) I use Chinet disposables and plastic cups and throw it all away. I realize that's not an eco-friendly solution :-(

Mtn, you're welcome for dinner any time! You can even be on time, come giftless and talk about George Bush.....just don't come EARLY!

This post was edited by kswl on Tue, Oct 28, 14 at 7:58

I call dibs on mtnrdredux!

Me too, I don't have an answer but I too hate people helping and reposing guests would make me feel like I have served them well.

I would never load the dw while I had guests, I prefer to stack things neatly in my purposely deep sink, make sure the counters are clear and leave to enjoy the guests - by myself this takes 3 minutes tops. Loading the dw can wait until everyone is gone.

Perhaps I'll invest in some of that crime scene tape.

Re milling guests, I'd try to find a task for them to do. People like to help and they want to be with you, so let them arrange the olives on a plate, or put napkins out, or fill water glasses, or dig out the trivets in the china cabinet.

I have no problems directing clean up. People really do want to be helpful, so let them and guide them as cheerfully as possible. Clean up time with guests can be a good time at the party, a chance to interact in a personal way.

This post was edited by awm03 on Tue, Oct 28, 14 at 8:57

Make sure everyone has a drink in one or both hands, that will stop them trying to help, lol. The crime scene tape is a witty solution for pushy guests who like to "take over " in someone else's kitchen. They don't get very far with that game in my kitchen when HK is at the helm. She will march anyone and everyone right back out, very nicely but unmistakably. And they're usually happy because she has given them a little treat to eat, like soothing a a fussy child or puppy, lol! She is 67.... She's retired from cleaning and now just comes to cook and iron and keep us organized. At parties she supervises her granddaughters.....we will have to stop entertaining when she can't do that any longer, I guess :-(

And I found that it seems at some point after dinner, the ladies go to the kitchen and the men go to the living room (often around a tv set and a football game or something similar).

It just seems the natural course ;)

"I would never load the dw while I had guests, I prefer to stack things neatly in my purposely deep sink, make sure the counters are clear and leave to enjoy the guests - by myself this takes 3 minutes tops. Loading the dw can wait until everyone is gone."

That is also what I do. To those that offer to help, I just thank them but no, thank you. Clean-up will wait. I have no desire to hire someone to come in and clean up, we are like Annie and her husband, we have no problem doing it ourselves after guests have left. I clean-up as I cook so it's no big deal to handle the dishes, etc. afterwards.

As for those who insist on coming to the kitchen - I agree with you on that. I prefer to handle the kitchen tasks alone or perhaps DH or one friend (or my sister if it's a family event) to help me. I might ask someone to do drinks, etc., but I do prefer to have the kitchen (mostly) to myself. I generally have no problem in steering people to another room to re-group. Our sunroom is set up more like a den/keeping room and is near our kitchen, and people (especially the ladies), seem to gravitate towards that area. And the outside areas if weather is permitting. TV is off when we have guests and housed in closed armoire, which seems conducive to more gender mixed groups rather than the ladies/men off to themselves.

I feel your pain. Sorta, kinda. Ok, not really because my "dinner parties" are usually a bunch of grandkids and paper plates; my kitchen, living room, dining room, and family room are . . . all one big room; and my heirloom silver is stuffed away in a box somewhere and never ever used. Lol.

I will say this: parties are no fun if you are making yourself crazy and miserable, so maybe look for some alternative kinds of events -- potlucks or bbqs or progressive parties or just dessert or aperitifs, If you insist on hosting those same kinds of events with a big dinner, then develop strategies in advance for coping. Many good suggestions above. Here's another: Enlist ONE guest as a helper with food and dishes that takes direction well.

Also, respectfully, you need to relax about people in the kitchen -- guests always, always gravitate there. Not sure why, but it's inevitable so bow gracefully as much as you can. Do what you can to have fun and de-stress, otherwise parties are not worth it!

My suggestions are:

Silverware, have a special dishpan and get one of those helpers to fill it with the silverware, maybe give them a small spatula to scrape the food off if any in to the trash can.

Gold rimmed plates, I would set a second dishpan out and get the other helper busy with scraping with the silverware person in to the trash.

Tell them they are being very helpful and that plan on hand washing these special items after everyone leaves and you would rather enjoy time chatting now and worry about the dishes later.

For the people in the way, having a one butt kitchen I know this very well, ask the person most in the way to help you keep the kitchen work space people free so you don't accidentally burn anyone (assuming you are using the oven) Giving them a task should help you not have to worry and be in the zone better. If they just want to chat, make sure you have a place for them to be that is out of your way, like the other side of an island/ etc

The only person I have a problem with is my SIL. She once cleared the table of the creamer pitcher while people were still having coffee. How helpful. Now I have to go back into the kitchen and get it again. And it wasn't put back in the fridge or dumped and put in the dw, it was just on the counter. Why couldn't it stay on the table where people were using it?

I've told her that I don't want help and I will never offer it at her house. She still persisted for years. Now she brings her iPad and plays candy crush before and after eating so she's not a problem any more.

When the meal is at her house she cleans and fusses and never sits with the guests. It's very awkward and we all feel like we're imposing, but she claims she likes to host. She even vacuums the DR rug once everyone leaves that room. We're all in the LR, talking loudly over the sound of the vacuum. So we all take that as our clue to leave and she asks why is everyone leaving already. Because clearly we're in your way.

I have a large kitchen island with 5 seats. I like when people plant themselves there, we can chat and they're not in my way during prep or clean up.

This is what I do.

In between main and dessert, i ask people to pass their dirty plates to my end of the table.

As soon as there is space in front of their place settings I plunk down a carafe of coffee and the suger/cream etc and ask them to dispense the beverage and take a breather and relax while I clear and get the dessert ready to bring in. Then while I am loading what goes into the dishwasher and setting aside for later the non dw items, they are busy serving each other and taking a breather.

As soon as I'm done, I bring in dessert, join everyone for coffee and dessert. And these dishes stay there until after everyone has gone.

Just my way of keeping them put and smoothly flowing from main to dessert and coffee.

"I will bring an ever so lovely hostess gift, arrive 7 minutes late ( who doesn't need a few extra minutes) and leave as soon as I see your DHs first stifled yawn. But clean up? No worries there! None at all! Sure, I was raised to make a half hearted inquiry, but you and I both know that I didnt come dressed to scrape gravy off your china, for goodness sakes! "

OK, best post in this discussion right there!!!

As for the stacking neatly, I'm guessing this might be folks who are hosting small gatherings? As I mentioned once you get 20-30 people at say a Thanksgiving party, you've got some serious dirty dishes/pots etc action going.

Love Canadian's idea and also the pan for silverware to soak. Both would be good ways to corral mess and also manage people's stampede into the kitchen. It is true, everyone ends up in there. Part of my frustration is that as mentioned ours is a galley kitchen--there simply is not space for people to even stand comfortably, much less sit down.

I do have my system down for set up, serving etc and like Annie, my husband and I are a very good breakdown and cleaning team. We've always got the house back to normal before bedtime after a family gathering which is nice. My MIL talks about her parents having parties and leaving the mess till the next morning (parents were drinkers so I suspect it was more a case of them passing out) or leaving her as a 12-year old to wash dishes till 2-3 am(!).

Anyway, the funniest OCD hostess tale has to be someone vacuuming *during* the party! That one had me in stitches, I can just imagine guests yelling over the noise of the hostess going at her carpets in the next room. Too funny.

Our friends had a birthday party for their daughter (3rd birthday, I think). They were sweeping cake crumbs off the floor under the table....while kids were still eating cake. I understand then need to contain the mess before it is tracked through the house, but c'mon! The kids were still eating!

I think that there are some people who just cannot sit by, that is what they DO. My MIL is one of those women, she views that as her job and does not go to bed with dishes undone. Period. However, she is also not meticulous about things such as crystal, china and silver. To her, those things are just more work. Since DH and I have 4 kids too, in her eyes, paper plates are the perfect solution. When she visits I just step aside, eat off the paper plates (although we are really not fans) and tell myself my kitchen will be my own again in just a few days. Since they are afraid of winter weather, it is a very rare occasion when they visit during the holidays so I can still set my table nicely.

My family, on the other hand, are more than happy to come over, let me do the cooking and leave. Those who are inclined to offer to help are dissuaded with assurances that DH will take care of the china if I still have to work that evening. Sometimes we get to the china immediately. Sometimes we get to it over the course of the weekend.

I try to have almost everything done before people show up and try to have something caffeinated in my hands until the last minute stuff needs to be done, but if not, our kitchen has a pass through where people can stand and talk if need be or just watch. If I need quiet/concentration, I plead a case of mommy brain for that part.

I think it's time for paper/throw away tableware if your guests are that much of a bother.

Maybe put up a dog gate in front of the kitchen door to block entry with a DO NOT ENTER sign.

Well after reading this post I am hanging my head in shame. I swear to not wash dishes with my guests still there.

My biggest nightmare involves my crystal. Many years ago we invited my DH's boss (he owned the company) and wife over for dinner. She insisted on helping me clear the table and she picked two Waterford goblets up in one hand and broke one of them. I was heartsick and she was more so. She insisted on replacing it for me and I kept insisting no because frankly I didn't want her knowing how much it was. I figured they would think DH wouldn't need a raise next time around :) We had three young children so my crystal was purchased a goblet at a time over years.

I am picky about my crystal, china, and flatware so I do it myself but I always did a good bit of it while my guests enjoyed each other's company. This year I am changing my ways, I will enjoy everyone's company and do all of it later!

I think guests in the kitchen is the norm, and you're probably going to have a hard time keeping them out. We have friends who keep the doors to theirs closed during certain parties. I just try to have as much done as humanly possible before guests arrive.

I was taught it was rude to clean up while guests are still there (unless you have hired help). To me, it's a big sign that the evening is over, and it's time for guests to go home. When people ask if they can help, I tell them that DH and I have clean up down to a science, and we'll get it done in no time later. I will stack dishes in the kitchen, drop the silverware in the sink, and put away anything that might spoil while I'm in the kitchen getting dessert ready. We generally leave the dessert dishes on the table, and everyone takes their drink (or they get a new one) and we head to another part of the house.

"Maybe put up a dog gate in front of the kitchen door to block entry with a DO NOT ENTER sign."

Lol! I'm thinking the crime scene tape is another good idea for people with pushy guests.

I hate it when people stack my good china (I had one of my mom's plates chipped that way). I'm not even keen on stacking dirty stoneware (food gets on the unglazed bottom rim). I have a "1-butt" work aisle in my kitchen, a large 2-level island in the middle so if people won't just leave plates on the table, I ask they put them (not stacked, with silverware left on the plate) on the island so that I can scrape/load DW/put silver in the dishpan to wash later. I try to get people to move to the family room (larger than LR which DD calls "the TV room") seating and have coffee or just visit until I can get the table cleared, then it's their choice whether to go back in the DR for dessert or eat in the family room.

Of course I haven't had more than 8 people at a time. My mom serves (strange to say "hosts" when it's just siblings) up to 10 at the holidays, and 14 during the summer, but we use paper plates then (except for Christmas dinner). Especially since my siblings and their families are staying with them, and eating constantly, she just stocks up on paper plates so that she's not washing dishes continuously. But when we do use china, I have to tell my family to leave some things on the table rather than trying to fit them all on her counter, I'll just bring things in (put away leftovers first, then give her the empty serving pieces, the place settings go in last) as she works her way through scraping/rinsing/loading. They want to bring their place settings in immediately, and then go back to clear the serving pieces, which works when there are only 4-6 of us, but her sink area gets too crowded with more place settings than that, and she doesn't have time to clear space before I get leftovers packed up.

I often have to tell my family to just leave plates on the table after dinner if I have clean dishes in the DW that I need to put away first. Sometimes if I'm canning I'll run it late in the afternoon and it will be too hot/wet to unload before dinner.

I am genuinely grateful for the help of guests who stack dishes and carry them to the kitchen. However I tell them all firmly but with a big smile that our rule is no washing dishes until our guests leave. I tell them that DH and I challenge ourselves to have everything done by the time our guests arrive home. This is the truth and it seems to make everyone feel better that we are not slaving over the clean up long after they are comfortably home.

At 'big' gatherings, meaning more than the 5 of us, my MIL and SIL use plastic utensils. Which is fine but then they hand wash them to use again. The largest gathering is 9 people so I don't understand why they don't use their regular utensils and put them in the dw. Surely they have 8 dinner forks and one of us can use a salad fork. They actually create more work for themselves. It doesn't really matter to me, I'm on the record with "I won't help at your house" but it does make me have to bite my tongue when they complain about how much work it was to host us.

My mother has this poem posted in her kitchen -- and she means it!

Stay Out of My Kitchen

By Susan Sawyer

Please stay away from my kitchen
From my dishwashing, cooking and such;
You were kind to have offered to pitch in
But thanks, no, thank you so much!
Please don`t think me ungracious
When I ask that you leave me alone;
For my kitchen`s not any too spacious
And my routine is strictly my own.
Tell you what:
You stay out of my kitchen
With its sodden, hot, lackluster lures-
When you`re here, stay out of my kitchen
And I promise to stay out of yours!

You guys are too funny!

Perhaps I do need to lighten up. And perhaps I can save the fine china and silver for smaller parties. The large dishpan idea is brilliant!

I don't mean to sound so cranky, and I do enjoy entertaining, it's just that one thing that really bugs me. I just want to relax and enjoy the company, and I want my guests to relax and enjoy the company, rather than everyone being so anal about the cleanup. Can't we all just sit and have coffee and eat some pie?

I also have a galley kitchen, which is part of the problem. There's a small bar at the end (furthest from the business end) do you think it would help or hurt to add some bar stools there? People could be close enough to chat, but planted out of the way. Yes or no?

It works out great for me to have people seated at my island and out of the work area. I say try some stools and see how it goes.

People will enjoy having access to you while you prep or do a basic cleanup and probably be grateful they aren't expected to help. Because I don't want help when I'm hosting, unless I ASK for it, and I have no desire to help others, unless they ASK for it, I assume most helpers are doing it because it seems like they should, not they really want to. They want to pull up a chair, have a drink, and chat with the hostess.

Can't we all just sit and have coffee and eat some pie?

That WILL be the end result IF YOU lead by example.

I have kind of the opposite problem.

That being of what to do when I am a guest and everyone IS helping to clean up.

I have very bad skin allergies and frankly can only use 1 kind of dish soap without gloves or being bothered by fragrance (7th Generation Free and Clear, which is fantastic stuff). So I can't really wash anything without risking a few days of badly cracked and itchy skin.

So I try to do things like the trash, put away condiments, etc. But I am always trying to not draw attention my issues.

But the fact remains that I wont even wash my hands with standard liquid soap. (I need bar soap without the preservatives in liquid soaps) To reassure any germaphobes, I use copious amounts of hot running water, lots of rubbing, and no soap on a daily basis and I am quite used to this when I am out in public, at work, etc. But really I am uncomfortable handling food without being able to wash my hands first with soap. So I try not to do that at your house. (at home of course I have a bar of soap at every sink--no problem).

I don't like fragranced candles, scented dish soap, your towels covered with fabric softener and scented laundry soap, and all of it together makes my a bit on edge with the itchies.

At my mom's and MILs (and at work before lunch and to wash up after) I keep a bottle of the 7th Generation dish soap under the sink so I can help out when it's just family.

Whatever happened to coffee in the living room? Whatever happened to manners?

I gave up on expecting people to know what to do. Now I just bully them. My very nice neighbors are terrified to come into my house. One picks up her wine glass and sets it down over and over again, nervously eyeing the upholstery. She looks like Hyacinth Bucket's skittish neighbor right before she drops her teacup.

I try to be polite. At first. But people don't speak hint anymore. I'll say, "Let me get those throw pillows out of your way." If that doesn't work, I'll try, "Let me make you some more room." After that, it's, "Get your G.D. greasy head off the %#&@ Schumacher!"

Believe it or not, there are a few people who still have a hard time picking up a clue. One sister in law comes from a country where women do all the cooking, and she can't sit still in the kitchen. She actually reaches over and rearranges the food on the cutting board while I'm working. I had to raise the chef's knife a good two feet in the air and bring it down with a loud but carelessly aimed whack before she decided she'd rather keep her digits and scurried back to the table.

Ok - I'm the odd man out. In my family and with my friends, we all pitch in and clean up after dinner. I try to be super organized before a dinner party so the dishwasher is empty and the appetizer and dinner dishes can go in there after we eat. The kitchen gets straighten up, pots soaking, and then we sit down for dessert.

I host Thanksgiving and we average 40 people. 4 years ago I switched to nice paper plates (or as nice as paper plates can get) but I still use glasses, silverware and cloth table clothes. The cleaning up doesn't bother me but I think I'm done with the cooking.

As much as I love using a DW every day, I do miss the holiday clean-ups with my sisters - one scraping, one washing, one drying, and one putting away - all the time chatting away about our kids. It was work but it was a lot of fun.

Our kitchen is in the middle of the house so thereâÂÂs no way you can keep people out. I take the island stools away for big parties and I have no problem telling people to move. And we have thought about getting the yellow crime tape to keep people away from the sink and the stove!

I'm wondering if wanting help or not in the kitchen is a generational thing? My mom insists on no help after a big family meal. The kitchen will be stacked with dirty dishes to the ceiling and she refuses any help from me, my sister or anyone else. Once, my son started cleaning up and she had a conniption!

On the other hand, my sister and I will completely clean our kitchens with guests helping. It's usually a fun, rowdy time with lots of chatter and laughter. I keep plenty of plastic containers and bags with handles so that guests can self-serve their take home food, which easily clears dishes for washing. I'll have the auxiliary refrigerator cleared out for guests take-home food in case they stay late.

The more people that help, the faster it's done, and the party doesn't miss a beat.

juliekcmo,
Would you feel better about not helping if you made the announcement "I see there are enough helpers so I'll just get out of the way"? That would acknowledge that you see others helping, you're not just ignoring the situation, and it's under control.

But I don't think you need to feel badly or explain your allergy issues. You're a guest, not the help. Too many cleaners/helpers are as bad as too many cooks - making the kitchen crowded, getting in each other's way, and, based on the many comments above, are annoying to the hostess as they mishandle her stuff.

Hhireno

Guessing feel somewhat guilty because when we have friends over, they usually help me straighten up at the end of the night (which I do appreciate). So I feel bad not reciprocating.

Guess that's self centered since my friends are aware of my allergies.

I love the 'thought' of others helping w/cleanup, but actually doing it is another matter. I also have dishes/SS that isn't dishwasher safe. Having had to pay for repairs because of an over stuffed disposal as well as the sink hose being used to the point the cabinet 'floor' below the sink was filled with sitting water, didn't make me too happy either. It wasn't discovered until two days later, and left my 2 year old cabinet floor warped. Finding utencils, pot/pans, serving pieces, that haven't been properly washed is another PITA. I'm way too fussy to 'allow' someone to do what is supposed to be a chore, but I secretly don't mind doing any of it, even after cooking the entire meal!

Since DD wants to host this Thanksgiving in her new home I'm off the hook, but she doesn't mind me in HER kitchen! lol

If it makes things any easier to bear....I realize as I approach 50 that it is not easy to see close up as well as when younger unless wearing reading glasses.

Most people who need reading glasses to read, don't wear them when doing dishes.

That IMHO is why when others help wash and dry the dishes and silver wear, the "quality control" sometimes is lacking.

Now if somebody wants to DRY as I'm washing the family silver, that's fine with me!

Magdalena, I am not sure about the generational thing. I would wonder if it is a generational thing that it has to get done right then instead of saying that it is okay to sit down and enjoy each other and if the dishes sit a bit, it will not be the end of the world. To me, as long as the food is put away in a timely manner, the dishes can wait.