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2ajsmama

How old is too old to trick or treat?

2ajsmama
9 years ago

My DD (10) is out now with her dad, DS (15) was hiding at the end of the driveway, he had brought our candy bowl out and a Bluetooth speaker, he was going to sound a scream when anyone (not real little kids) took candy. He just came back in - I had several packets of Halloween-shaped bracelets, some pixie sticks and skull rings for the little kids, and 3 (small, 12 oz or so, for about 2lbs total) bags of fun-sized chocolate bars in the bowl for anyone whose parents allowed them (some with nuts).

He said the only group that stopped by so far are some teen girls (his age, not all live in our neighborhood) and there is 1 package of bracelets and 4 pieces of candy left! It's starting to rain but he was so mad at the thought of the teens not leaving anything for the little kids that he's taking the bowl back out and "hunting them down" to get some back. I don't know how much luck he'll have, maybe he can get the plastic jewelry back. I've got some goodie bags in the attic, can start putting some cookies in them.

He hasn't gone out for a 2-3 years now, don't you think 15 or 16 is too old for these girls to go door-to-door? And don't people teach their kids manners and sharing any more???

Comments (37)

  • Fun2BHere
    9 years ago

    I think as long as you can get yourself from door to door, you are allowed to go trick-or-treating. However, I agree that greediness should not be rewarded. It's not just teenagers who have the problem either. I've had young, but not so young as to not understand manners, children grab for all they could get when I offered a bowl of full-sized candy bars. I learned my lesson. Now, I drop the candy into their bag rather than offering the bowl.

    Of course, now I live where we rarely see a trick-or-treater. In fact, at this house, I usually have quarters on hand instead of candy because quarters don't get old or add inches to my hips...lol.

  • 2ajsmama
    Original Author
    9 years ago

    I told him he could escort his sister, the neighbors would offer him candy too (and he does like his sweets). He refused, thought it would be more fun to try to scare the older kids like he did last year (same girls?). We don't usually get anybody either, last year he said it was 1 little kid and the older girls (separately). I told him everybody passing by would grab candy if he put it out by the mailbox, and I certainly wouldn't just leave it b/c I know something like this would happen. I guess he didn't actually see them taking it, could just see they approached.

    But he's very upset - told me he was going to go vent by splitting some wood. I said no, not in the dark and in the rain. So now he's up in his room, doesn't even want to hand out goodies to the little kids (he helped me put stickers and bracelets and Oreos in goody bags). I met a group out on the road when I drove out to pick up DH and DD, the parents told me they'd come down, they saw DS and know what happened and that he was livid then.

    DH doesn't know why he's so upset over candy, I told him DS is upset over the injustice and greed. When he was little, we always told him 1 thing from each house even when he was offered more, and the last couple of years we allowed him to go off by himself or with his younger boy cousins who live nearby, I suppose he held to that.

    In 2 years he will be in college - he needs to learn that this is the way some people are, guard himself against it if he has to, and not get so upset about it. Though I still get upset about it (but just complain/vent to other people, I don't want to hit something).

  • joaniepoanie
    9 years ago

    Deleted.......not sure how 3 posts happened...sorry!

    This post was edited by joaniepoanie on Fri, Oct 31, 14 at 23:17

  • joaniepoanie
    9 years ago

    Delete duplicate...sorry...don't know how 3 posts happened!

    This post was edited by joaniepoanie on Fri, Oct 31, 14 at 23:15

  • joaniepoanie
    9 years ago

    Delete duplicate post

    This post was edited by joaniepoanie on Fri, Oct 31, 14 at 23:13

  • cyn427 (z. 7, N. VA)
    9 years ago

    I think it is always a mistake to leave the bowl of candy out. It is an invitation to kids to empty it! Handing it out to our neighbor kids tonight, I told them to take a few and they would have cleaned me out even as I was watching! Ha. Next year, maybe you and your son could hand the candy out together. I would definitely try to encourage him to not react so strongly to this. Irritating? Sure. Little more than that though. Worth being livid over? Not so much.

    Edited to add: I also think you should have refused to let him head out to try to get it back. To me, it makes absolutely no sense to send a very angry teen out after other teens, or anyone for that matter. That is a prescription for danger.

    This post was edited by cyn427 on Fri, Oct 31, 14 at 21:29

  • 2ajsmama
    Original Author
    9 years ago

    I didn't think of that - if it had been boys I would have said no. But DS was just going to give the girls a piece of his mind and shame them into giving things back. Guess it's a good thing he didn't catch up to them. Next year I'll just have him at the door to hand put candy if anyone comes. After the rush to find something else to refill the bowl, nobody came down not even the neighbor who said she would.

  • neetsiepie
    9 years ago

    I get a range up to about 16-most in my neighborhood are around 13 I think. We get large groups of little ones and their parents, and then small clusters of 2 or 3 older ones. The older ones generally come later.

    We always put the candy into the kids' bags, dont let them take it themselves. I also don't make up bags ahead of time as I'm never sure how many kids we'll get. This year the weather held well (we always seem to get rain on Halloween) and it wasn't too cold. The new sidewalk out front helped up the numbers, and all the kids with parents, the parents just had to comment on our landscape redo. I was really tickled when my last two trick or treaters, a couple of boys around 16 enthusiastically commented on the yard make over. They were also very polite about the candy I gave them, so it was quite pleasurable.

  • jan_in_wisconsin
    9 years ago

    I'm sorry your son worked hard to create some fun for the kids, and this happened. It's understandable that he was disappointed. Still, the extent of his reaction seems disproportionate to the situation.

    My son is 13 and on the autism spectrum. When he said he wanted to go trick-or-treating this year, I was thrilled. He usually avoids anything social, and his sensory issues often get in the way of him having a great time, such as the feeling of wearing certain things and masks, etc. Just going to the door and saying "trick-or-treat" takes a certain amount of courage.

    Certainly, there is no excuse for the rude behavior you mentioned, but I hope people don't judge the kids participating negatively because of their age or size. That is not the cause of rude behavior. Kids of all ages, sizes, and developmental ability should be able to participate, with good manners, of course.

  • arcy_gw
    9 years ago

    "kids of all ages" I think that is the issue--what constitutes "kid"? Opinions differ WIDELY on this. I think the amount of young people who are a bit over the usual age for T/T, and scour neighborhoods are few. As stated if the candy giver LIKES the T/Trs all is good. It really isn't about the age it is about the feelings towards particular groups. I have always been a tish annoyed by kids from outside our neighborhood that come by. For a few years we had a "had to see" haunted house in the neighborhood. This attracted many many cars and "outsiders". Now that things are quieted down (two groups last night, 3 kids in all) I miss it. I have never liked cars (people who haul kids all over town) out and about on Halloween--seems dangerous to the walkers. I am as annoyed by the families who all troop around leaving no one at home to pass out candy--how is that fair fair?!! We live in an area where the lots are all 2+acres so it takes a lot of walking for little bang--my kids and DH walked by a lot of dark houses only to see the entire family out and about. :(
    Bottom line it is once a year. I LOVED my years of going door to door and I want kids today to have that fun too so if it means accepting that there are some greedier than the average out there--well I am willing to pay that price. MOST of the time these kids squeeze one/two years extra out of their childhood. Is that really so awful? It is always our choice to shut off the lights, bring in the Jack-o-lantern and call it a night when you are ready to be done.

  • 2ajsmama
    Original Author
    9 years ago

    I'm sorry, I was the one who thought the kids were "too old" to TorT. I too was upset that they didn't leave anything for the younger kids. Though I think I would look askance at any teen that old that came to my door, b/c I didn't go out at that age, except to escort my younger siblings (as I suggested to DS he do). Yes, I dressed up most years (part of the fun) and would accept candy when offered but didn't carry a sack and didn't go to the door, but hung back and let my little brother and sister go up by themselves (of course we only went to people we knew well). It was DS's decision years ago to stop TorTing. He's always been very serious and older than his years, though he has a dry sense of humor and actually can get a little goofy with people he knows well. We used to think he was on the autism spectrum too, both our kids have sensory issues, he had some physical development issues (mainly vestibular), DD has more tactile issues.

    The parents in our neighborhood take the little kids walking around, and no one comes down our very long and dark driveway. I did tell DS that putting the bowl out by the mailbox (on a stand) would mean more people would take candy, I didn't warn him to watch and tell people to "just take one" b/c he was hiding to play his prank. And frankly, I didn't expect the first group to clean him out. I expected that the older kids would be out later than the families with little ones.

    He did apologize this morning for over-reacting, and I told him that when he went out today door-to-door taking wreath orders (we've been here 7 years and many neighbors are regular customers for the BSA fundraiser) that he could take the goody bags with him and give them to the houses with little kids.

    Long before we had kids, our first home was a condo by the highway and I swear they bussed the kids in! We had the end unit so had 2 doors and people would come to both - we did have to turn off the lights and call it a night at a certain point every year, even with handing out the candy ourselves instead of letting the kids reach in the bowl, we would run out.

  • jan_in_wisconsin
    9 years ago

    Maybe I'm in the minority, but I don't mind even high school kids trick-or-treating. It's fun for them to costume up and hang out with friends too. I saw some teens dressed as the Jackson 5 last night trick-or-treating, and they were having a ball. I don't see this as demonstrating greed or ruining anything for anyone else. And as far as whether or not they're from our neighborhood or not, I don't mind either way. Insiders, outsiders, they're all welcome. I leave a bowl of candy on the porch, since no one is home, but there is always some left when we get home. Maybe some kids take too much, but most don't.

  • 2ajsmama
    Original Author
    9 years ago

    Boy, this really started a debate, and I guess I'm in the minority! I just figure that at 15 or 16, it's acting a bit childish to go out TorTing. But I suppose that while adults throw parties for their friends to celebrate this holiday (which is getting to be a big deal in this country), teens don't have as many options. So OK, dressing up and going out as a group is something fun to do, if you don't have someplace to go. Who wants to sit at home and hand out candy to the little kids, or escort your younger siblings?

    But it IS greedy to take almost everything in the bowl, when it's right after dinner/work and the bowl is full and you know there are little kids in the neighborhood coming out later (there aren't many teens in our neighborhood, which is how DS knew some of the girls had to be friends of one of our neighbors). But there are a lot (relatively speaking, we have a lot of empty nesters) of kids under 10. Including siblings of the teen girls in the neighborhood.

  • allison0704
    9 years ago

    Same thing happened to DD2. She took DGS to another neighborhood (where his school is located) to TOT. Came home, candy still all there. They went to a couple of neighbor's houses and were back in their driveway. She hears three teenage boys saying they were going to get all the candy and laughing about it. She was actually afraid to tell them to put back since her 3yo was with her and they might retaliate. Then they catcalled her! She did say "I bet your parents didn't raise you to talk like that!" to them. :D

    It is extremely rude and discouraging there are so many teenagers taking all of the candy, bracelets, etc. No manners whatsoever.

  • maddielee
    9 years ago

    We had over 100 trick or treaters last night. Surprised us because only one other house on our long block had welcoming lights on. Our neighborhood has aged out, the children that once filled our street have grown up.

    The weather was beautiful so we were able to sit out front to greet the kids.

    We were pleased with how polite the majority of kids (including teens) were. And it seemed like more wore costumes then in the past few years.

    I don't mind when the teens come.

    ML

  • outsideplaying_gw
    9 years ago

    We've lived in a rural area for 16 years now so no trick or treaters here. But when we lived in town we saw a decline in numbers over the years, but always had a few older kids we wondered about. I too think kids were brought in from outside neighborhoods. I know they weren't from our street but then we lived on a very short cul-de-sac. A couple of years, the same group of older boys came by twice. I called them out but they didn't care. We always had miniature candy bars and always handed out candy rather than let the kids help themselves.

    One year, fairly late in the evening, our DD brought our DGD by and we then took her to a nearby friend's home. We were only gone about 20 minutes, but long enough for our pumpkin to be smashed while we were gone. Even though we turned off the porch light, guess someone was unhappy we didn't answer the door!

  • 2ajsmama
    Original Author
    9 years ago

    We just counted so that we can hand out goody bags today - counting the 2 toddlers, there are 14 kids under 12 in the neighborhood, and most are under 8. 2 girls 14 or 15, 1 boy (whose sister just went off to college) DS's age (15-16). I don't know how many girls were in the group last night, and if they included a couple that are closer to DD's age (10-12) but it's not fair that they didn't leave anything for the dozen other kids who were out with their parents last night.

    I'm dropping off goody bags to the houses who don't normally order wreathes when I go to return the neighbor's umbrella and bring some jams for an event tonight to another neighbor at the far end of the street. DS will take the rest. I made up a couple of bags with just Oreos for the toddlers.

    Maybe next year I won't even bother to buy candy - no one comes down to the house, and I won't set out a bowl at the end of the driveway again.

  • cyn427 (z. 7, N. VA)
    9 years ago

    Time to let it go. I wouldn't even give out goody bags today. Your son will have a tough time letting it go if you can't. If they wouldn't have come down your drive way anyway, they probably didn't feel they were missing anything anyway. While you dwell on it and worry about the rudeness, everyone else has likely moved on. As long as your kiddoes aren't rude and learn resilience you will be fine!

    If you want them to come next year, maybe put out battery operated lights in paper bags on your driveway to entice them to come to the house.

    This post was edited by cyn427 on Sat, Nov 1, 14 at 11:25

  • teacats
    9 years ago

    Also posted photos on the other side :)

    We had more than 250 trick-or-treaters last night -- LOTS of kids of all ages -- dressed in costumes -- and EVERYBODY (including parents) thanked us -- and everybody had a great time! :)

    We just adore the wee ones in their costumes toddling along with their families .... the costumes are so creative!

    So -- to answer the question -- T-or-Ters comes in all ages! :)

    Flocks of parents/grandparents/friends/neighbours with kids of all sizes ..... so nice to see! :)

  • joaniepoanie
    9 years ago

    I totally messed up my original post..but I think it's ok for high schoolers to T or T......let them be kids and have fun as long as possible....they will be adults soon enough and far longer.

    I always put candy in the bags, never offered the bowl for kids to take.

  • ellendi
    9 years ago

    My two DD's went trick or treating through high school. This surprised me, but at the high school the kids were encouraged to dress up and perform little skits for the other kids in the class,then those who grew up in our town went back to their kindergarten teachers class and performed the skits for this teacher's class.

    I would never leave a bowl of candy unattended. I made goodie bags for 80 kids and all were used. Then, I went to letting kids pick out two pieces of candy from a bowl. I quickly saw why I did not like this system and then started making more goody bags.

    I did have one rude group of boys but for the most part everybody was very polite and friendly.

    But , one of my tiny ghost decorations was stolen. This was very disappointing to me.

    My neighborhood also attracts kids out of the area because it is contained and easy to trick-or-treat in. I really don't mind as long as everybody is respectful.

    In years past I found trick-or-treating a lot more fun when kids came to the door that I recognized ,friends of my daughters. I am actually thinking of maybe not doing it next year because it really isn't fun for me.

  • gail618
    9 years ago

    I wouldn't give out the goodie bags today either. What happened is too bad but shouldn't be that big of a deal and doesn't surprise me at all. -- I usually stay home to answer the door but if I did go out, leaving a bowl of candy at the door, I would almost half-expect that a bunch of kids might empty it out. It's rude, but get a bunch of teenage boys together and they get like that sometimes. I think your son got more upset than would be expected -- I agree with cyn that by continuing on with this today, you are confirming to him that it was a BIG DEAL.

  • rich69b
    9 years ago

    We didn't have many trick-or-treaters last night, probably because it was drizzling on and off. And we live in SoCal, people are afraid of cold and rain, LOL. And maybe there weren't that many young kids in our subdivision ( we just moved.) We still have left-over candy, and we had the lights on till after 9pm. Anyhoo, we had lots of teen-age trick-or-treaters, and they were all in costumes. And I don't mind teenagers taking part in that.

    What struck me as odd is this mom with her kid. The kid was in costume, and the mom was wearing a scrubs costume (doctor/nurse?) I gave the kid his candy, and the mom opened her own bag waiting for her share! I gave her a few pieces of candy, but I was so dumbfounded! I even looked behind her to see if there was a younger child that she was getting the chocolate for, and there was only the dad. Weird! SMH

  • runninginplace
    9 years ago

    I'm with Cyn-let it go and to be honest, I would be much more concerned about your teenage son wanting to stalk other kids to punish them for taking too many treats than I would be about teenagers being thoughtless. His reaction is WAY over the top. In fact, I thought it seemed a bit odd for him to set up a speaker to try to frighten people in the first place.

    Also agree it's completely unnecessary and also over the top for mom to be handing out goody bags today. Much less counting how many kids are eligible on your street(!).

    I think both mom and son need to take a step back and work on regaining some perspective here :).

    Ann

  • justgotabme
    9 years ago

    Though my hubby and I decided to stop "celebrating" Halloween when we moved to the big bad city, when our children were three and five, I feel that as long as the "children" behave themselves, any school age child would have been acceptable at our home.
    This was a time when the news casters were telling everyone how to look through their children's candy in good lighting before allowing them to eat anything for fear of razor or other horrible things being added to it.

    As a child there were rules about trick or treating.
    1. You did't go to any home without the porch light on.
    2. You smiled and happily said Trick or Treat at each home.
    3. You held your bag open for the candy to placed inside and you didn't request anything other than what you were given, even if there was another candy bar you liked better than the one given.
    4. You always, always said thank you.
    5. You respected others property.

    If all those rules were taught and followed today, I see no reason there should be an age limit other than still being of school age. Which is usually topping out at seventeen.
    That being said, I do think once children are in junior high or older that they'd find traditional trick or treating boring and want to do something else with their friends.

  • mary_lu_gw
    9 years ago

    I usually put the candy into each bag for the children. But this year our numbers were down, and as I had so much candy, I just started holding out the bowl for the kids to pick what they wanted. All of the kids, both young and older, only took one item. In fact toward the end of the evening I encouraged them to take more than one. One little girl even asked, after I had told her to take several pieces, was it ok to take 2 pieces? Without fail all said thank you. Some of the older kids who came to our door did a fantastic job of "dressing up" makeup, etc. I really enjoyed both the young and older!

  • melsouth
    9 years ago

    We had no trick or treaters at our house.
    Too rural/remote.
    My town friends tell me they rarely see anyone over 12 going door to door.
    Although, there was the one year that some guy in his forties went trick or treating.
    No costume. No kids. Just him.

  • bpath
    9 years ago

    When I walked my kids around, I would put out a bowl and a cute little sign saying to take 1 or 2, or whatever. They did! Except one year, we were on our way out when I heard some boys take the whole bowl. I flew out the door, they stopped short of the end of the walkway and sheepishly put it back. I was especially surprised because we KNOW them!

    My sons quit going out after 8th grade, but this year DS wanted to dress up as a ghoul and have a "haunted porch", I think he missed the TorT! Sadly, it was not only cold and windy, but there was a young-kids party nearby and he looked too scary, so I had him hold off till the older kids came 'round. But by then it was misty, too, so the goblins stayed in. I

    I don't mind the older kids, as long as they dress up with at least a bit of effort or creativity and SAY Trick or Treat! We had two dancers about 14yrs, very sparkly. When I admired them, they said they had a dance too. It was cute, definitely earned them extra treats!

  • justgotabme
    9 years ago

    melsouth Maybe the forty year old man without a costume was stoned and ran out of muchies at home. LOL
    Just adding, I don't know that from personal experience. :^D

  • cyn427 (z. 7, N. VA)
    9 years ago

    Funny. :)

  • Boopadaboo
    9 years ago

    it is funny, but I think I would have been concerned about them being a thief or worse. especially now :(

    Here is a link that might be useful: Halloween robbery

  • tibbrix
    9 years ago

    I don't have a problem with age so much as I do with the trick-or-treaters who don't bother to get into a costume and seem to just think it's free-candy night.

  • neetsiepie
    9 years ago

    I always look for the parents when kids come up-sometimes the parent will be at the door with them, but other times standing out on the sidewalk. (I give the parents a treat if they come to the door) but this year I found a lot of unsupervised young kids-like under 10 young and that made me a bit worried. And I always get worried when I see young girls out after dark. One set of young girls were dressed as flappers, one was bare shouldered and I asked her if she had a sweater-she must have been freezing!

    I always try to talk to the kids who come, I'm surprised at how chatty some are. And I have yet to have a snotty kid-once in a while I won't get a thank you (and they're usually the ones with a parent right there) but I've always been pleasantly surprised by the young people. I just wish more would say "Trick or Treat!" when I open the door.

  • MagdalenaLee
    9 years ago

    Tibbrix, it kinda is "free candy night," no?

    I live in a college town and had a group of college kids dressed as hipsters. They had on tight, rolled up pants, beards, glasses and scarves. I thought it was pretty cute but still only gave them one tootsie roll each. My neighbor said she gave them a hand full of fast food ketchup and soy sauce packets. Genius.

  • Sueb20
    9 years ago

    Tibb, I'm with you -- if a high schooler is going to TorT, at least put on a decent costume. And show up before 9:00 pm. In our neighborhood, it's pretty much over by 8:30. It annoys me that we finally turn off the light and a group of teenagers in regular clothes and maybe a funny hat are ringing the bell.

    My 8th grader would have loved to TorT this year, but our middle kid's college planned family/parents weekend this weekend! Gah. So we had to drive 5 hours to NY instead of participating in Halloween. Bummer. I actually enjoy Halloween and this is the first year in probably 19 years that I haven't taken at least one kid out for TorT. Guess that era is done! If DD goes next year, I am quite sure I won't be invited along.

  • violetwest
    9 years ago

    teens are fine, as long as they are in costume. Sometimes I get teens who aren't in costume asking for candy -- I give it, but I always say something about it.

    I make everyone say trick or treat before they get candy, and I drop a couple of pieces in each bag myself.

    Don't leave a bowl out unless you are not home, and in that case, you can't control who takes what.

    This year, for the first time ever, I underbought and ran out.

  • tibbrix
    9 years ago

    Anyone who shows up for candy not in a costume gets a bruised apple. IF they can't bother putting a costume together, I can't bother going to the store to buy them candy.

    Harrumph.