You've got to be kidding me? A problem with showering with a pre-k child? Your DH has an unnatural hang up and needs to get over it. It does stem from some puritanical sensibility and has no place in a healthy family environment.

I have been nude in front of my mom and sister for my whole life. Even now, when we vacation together and share a room or go shopping together and share a dressing room. No big deal!

I guess my take about this is more about the nudity and being comfortable in your own skin. My daughters are college age now but they come into our large bathroom to primp when I am showering. One would have no problems with me seeing her naked but the other is more modest.

Anyway, what i wanted to relate was a story from a mission trip I went on a few years ago. The kids were all of high school age. This was the first trip that I went on with the church youth. I found it upsetting that all the girls put swimsuits on in a bathroom stall to then go "shower". How do you get parts clean when they are covered? One mother was very upset and vocal that "those girls from Vincennes shower naked" and she felt that someone should talk to them about this. They were all athletes who had done this for years, were comfortable with their bodies that weren't all trim, and thought it was weird to shower with clothes on.

A few years later it was the same story. One day my group got back to where we were staying early and I took off to the showers to beat the crowd. I forgot to take a swimsuit with me and the showers were on the other side of the school. I apologized to another girl but got in the shower naked. She said "oh that's okay, I see my mom naked" Her mother was on the trip so i knew we were of similar build and the daughter wouldn't be traumatized by seeing my middle-aged body naked. It felt weird that I needed to apologize for taking a shower naked. Really?

I am of the age where showers after gym were required. I feel that much of this privacy is part of the body image issue that youth have today. Perhaps if they saw others and realized there is a large range of "normal" they wouldn't have so many body image issues. Just my 2 cents worth.

I do agree with others that the problem may be your husbands reaction and not the showering issue.

I keep coming back to this because I feel so strongly that this poster and child are being bullied by him. I think compromise when there are strong feelings is an appropriate response, however this man is having a temper tantrum to get his way and his daughter is hiding something that is completely reasonable (showering with mom) from him to avoid his temper. Mom owes no one an apology and should NOT compromise simply because he's being a bully; daughter should not be afraid of his response. If mom stops simply because he's acting so poorly, what is the next thing he'll try to bully her into getting his way?

OK First my husband doesn't have anger issues I guess I need to explain that his slamming of doors in no different than what I and my daughter seems to do just living normally. He is just a very careful door closer so it seems like slamming coming from him. We didn't argue about it we both calmly stated our points and said we'd talk more later, but from his "door slamming" I knew he was really upset.

As for time management - we had plenty of time to get it done with separate baths until we had to sit and wait for traffic to clear after an accident (not a common occurrence here so couldn't have planned for it) and there was no way we could miss cleaning up since it we were muddy from soccer. We had to be ready when people came over to pick us up.

Yep it was for the convenience of me and I agree I didn't use good judgment there. Although she often asks if she can and I always say only when we don't have time for separate baths.

As you can see in my original post I didn't like that she got the idea to lie, although we haven't taught her that. Seems like it is something she's started to pick up at pre-school and we are trying to teach her that saying what you did will be much better than if you lie as the consequences will be much harsher. I used the same response to her then and I never lied to my husband about it.

Yes my husband freaks out if she comes into the bathroom if he is unclothed. She comes out crying as he yells for her to get out sort of in a freaked out voice like he got scared. I try to make sure we don't have an accident like that with telling her to wait until Daddy comes out.

Frankly this is really the only item we have issues with is him freaking out about nudity. Yes he does not like her to be in the bathroom and me be partially clothed or getting dressed. He does not want her to see me naked. I don't want to make a big deal of it, which she is now demonstrating she is picking up on that.

I should have realized this was going to be an issue when she was a baby and I was holding her and walked into the bathroom and he freaked out and told me to get out and to not bring her into the bathroom when he was naked. I was actually flabbergasted and I have since respected his feelings on that and at this age I do think she would be too old to see him naked. Just a baby though seemed a bit too much for me.

BTW I should note my husband doesn't get raging mad or angry or any of that in general so my idea of blowing his top and being angry and slamming doors may be on a much lower scale than others think of, but for him they are unusual.

I could have sworn I posted on this but I don't see it. Apologies if it's a duplicate.

I imagine the poster knows that it's not ideal to break ranks with her husband on any issue involving children, and that, if her husband feels strongly about an issue and she does not she should think about picking her battles. Those are broader issues and not the one's the OP asked about, so I think it is a little unfair to address them as if the OP did not know these aspects of the story showcased suboptimal behavior by both adults. I bet the OP knows that, and we have all had our moments, so let's not dwell on that unless asked.

My three children all have different feelings about nudity, their own and others. I have always heard that the time to start covering up, is when(ever) they start to show some discomfort. As simple as that.

So, conventional wisdom would say, to answer your question --- at whatever age they chose to stop.

Ditto what Mt. said . . .

Well since I started the post and provided way more information - maybe I could get some ideas on how to start this talk with him and come to a good compromise to avoid my daughter being one of the ones that hide in the stall and all scared to show one bit in a public shower. I would prefer her to end up somewhere in the middle.

I just want him to stop freaking out about nudity around her and I will if he concedes to some things about it concede to him about the shower thing. She seems like she's not too far off on the age there. However I am not willing to concede to him on her not seeing any nudity of the same sex as her. I do want her to be comfortable in a locker room or at camp as she will likely attend that.

BTW I'm very big on modesty in general with her. Ie if she wears a dress or a skirt she has to wear bicycle shorts underneath and a thin shirt she has to wear a cami underneath.

I want to teach modesty, but don't want her to feel like she has to hide her body in a shower or getting dressed setting with other women.

I'm afraid the way my husband looks at nudity is just a bit over the top for the realities of life and may cause some kind of backfire later.

Well, I would certainly let some time pass and I would, in the interim, acceded to his preferences.

Then I would have a very private, matter of fact calm discussion. I would want to know if he thinks his own feelings and behavior around nudity are optimal, or if he recognizes that it may be extreme and may cause issues for your daughter. If he can concede that he has an "issue", then you have a way forward to discuss a middle ground. If he does not feel that his own behavior is off, then I think you are pretty much stuck unless it is important enough for you to seek counselling over --- perhaps if it has any other implications for the two of you.

Like most other issues, people believe that the way things were done in their family of origin is the right way. Those raised with nudity in the home think it's perfectly fine. Those who weren't consider it odd. It does t make the former morally superior nor the latter lacking. It merely defines both groups as products of their environments. I do find it interesting that the story about Lyfia's husband's reaction to an infant seeing him unclothed is brought out so late in the discussion.

And since someone brought it up already--- this is, to some extent, a class issue. People who share bedrooms and bathrooms are far more likely to see nudity because of the close proximity. Again, no moral judgment, just a fact.

kswl - what is so interesting about it being brought out so late in the discussion - I mean it doesn't really matter for the age question.

It to me has more to do with that it is a pretty ingrained thing in him and I would like input on how we navigate to come to a reasonable understanding that would be somewhere in between what I grew up with in Europe and what DH beliefs are. I'm not saying one is more wrong than the other, but I'd like to end up somewhere in between so we both feel like the compromise is a good one that we can both agree with.

I don't expect him to believe in my philosophy there, but I also don't think it is fair that we go all the way with his philosophy so a compromise would be ok with me. It does appear we are on complete opposite ends.

My DH had to share rooms/bathrooms more than I did growing up so not necessarily an issue there, but I did grow up in Europe so there is that portion of it.

I'm 100% with Terriks and Cyn on this. Is a little convenience on your part worth arguing with your hubby in front of your daughter. Her wanting to hang her towel where Daddy won't see is a flashing neon sign to me say "Stop it now!".

I think this would be a great time to working on the concept of closed doors and knocking. I think all kids need to learn when they see a closed door they should knock before entering. I think it teaches kids respect. One of my kids has trouble with the concept of knock and then wait to be invited to enter but I do hope he will learn that. Dh also needs to develop the habit of locking the bathroom door if he is in a state of dishabille.

If he overreacts in the future to her seeing him, I would address the issue then. For your daughter, over the year there will be teachable moments when you guys can talk about nudity and modesty. She will also likely pick up on your Dh's discomfort and she can take the information from the 2 of you and find her own comfort level. I think sometimes the comfort level is determined also by personality type and there is really not a whole lot you can do to influence that.

I disagree that it is a class issue, as mentioned above. If anything, those at the higher end of the class scale might be more educated and exposed to more research on the benefits of a healthy body image for children and adults. Most of the mothers staging breastfeeding sit ins also tend to fall at the higher end of the class scale.

I asked my sister about this because her 9yo son has become very modest. Her pediatrician said that there is no age "rule" but to always follow your child's ques. When her son started to focus on her breasts at around age 5, she stopped being nude in front of him. When he started to show modesty, she allowed him to bathe and dress on his own.

I don't think this is a modesty or respect issue. If you DH has a problem with his infant daughter seeing him nude - I think anyone can agree that he has issues.

Perhaps you could discuss different scenarios with him to see how he would feel about them. Showering in gym class, sleepovers, swimsuit changing at the swimming pool, etc. Explain to him your cultural upbringing and views on nudity and ask him about his. Ask him what he feels will be the consequences of his child being exposed to her nude mother.

It sounds to me that you could end up having a conversation with your DH where you can really learn something from/about one another on a philosophical level.

This post was edited by kellyeng on Tue, Oct 15, 13 at 14:15

Do you feel like your daughter needs to shower or bathe every day? It really isn't necessary, or necessarily good for children's skin to bathe every day. They don't produce the same amount of natural oils as adults and need time to replenish before those oils are stripped away.
Of course if they are dirty or really sweaty you will probably want to bathe them more often.

And I think that the husband's issue with nudity (and a man that freaks out over being nude in the presence of his infant daughter does have an issue with nudity) should be kept separate from this particular decision. I would respect his feelings, and help him work out his issues separately.

So many issues here.

Your DH, having been raised in a strict Puritan environment may associate nudity with promiscuity and so want to protect his daughter. While this is understandable, it's not a valid conclusion.

However, I think the main question you need to think about, and discuss with your DH, is "do you want your daughter to grow up with Puritan repressive ideas or do you want her to be more naturally comfortable with her body". The former may lead to a less happy life for your daughter as I expect there are more people in counseling who have grown up in repressive environments than those who have not.

My comfort level with nudity changed greatly over the 3 years we lived in Europe and on our return I found the North American attitudes toward body image less healthy than the European or my previous attitudes. After checking out the communal women`s shower room in a large Oslo camp ground I went for my first shower wearing a bikini and felt like an idiot in front of about a dozen other women who were as nude as the day they were born. Needless to say, when I went for subsequent showers I wore nothing and no one noticed me at all! Should explain that one hung one`s clothes in an outer room and walked into the shower room sans clothing and showered at separate shower heads around the room.

I don't think it's you that is out of line but whether your DH can see another POV may be difficult for him.

Not to answer, but to ask for clarification. So is the issue the showering, or you both being naked/partially dressed ?

Let's face the fact that by you not showering together, your daughter will still need assistance with bathing at her age and will be undressed in front of you. Not much can be done about this. My kids are old enough now that I can't remember what age they can successfully manage bathing without you being right there, but I seem to remember it being about 1st grade.

So is the issue that DH thinks that DD should be able to manage showering or bathing by herself? If this is the issue, then he may need some information about child development.

Or is he concerned that she is being harmed or made uncomfortable by seeing you without clothes in the context of bathing? If this is the issue, then explore why he thinks this is the case.

I don't think being comfortable with one's body requires that people hang around nude together. There is nothing wrong with modesty and I agree with Mitchdesj that our bare bodies are naturally a very personal and intimate thing. I don't quite get the idea that nakedness should be a shared activity.

Now as far as showering with children, I am not aware of people doing this or think it's required in order for someone to grow up with healthy attitudes about their body or sex. I don't think seeing one's parents naked on occasion is a bad thing, as they need to be educated. But unhealthy attitudes come from the idea that sex is dirty or bad, not that our bodies in and of themselves are private. Privacy or modesty does not mean something to be ashamed of.

I think modesty is a good thing and a good lesson for children. There is far too much promiscuity, and lack of modesty, going on and I have to wonder if your husband is concerned about things like that. Children should also be taught boundaries, so they don't fall victim to predators. Or young girls prey to teenage boys.

This post was edited by snookums2 on Wed, Oct 16, 13 at 0:35

It isn't all or nothing. And my family does not share my openness. It wasn't the way I was raised, rather the way I chose to raise my children.

If course I looked for and respected privacy clues but we are talking about a very young child here, whose father is freaking out (slamming doors??!!) over a Mother bathing her DD when time is in a pinch.

I don't have a problem with the OP suspending showers with DD as long as Dad will make time to supervise his DD taking a shower his way, making sure she is getting clean, under his (removed) supervision.

I would just turn over the job of bathing to him. He obviously feels strongly about the issue and feels she isn't doing it right. Let him do it then. End of argument.

Actually he doesn't have an issue with us seeing her naked, more her seeing us naked.

He is the one that is bathing her usually because of how in the past I had a lot more work evening meetings and the routine works for us. She generally needs a bath during the summer and we are in the south so sweaty and getting dirty is a daily thing here unless she doesn't go outside.

I think we need to have a talk at a time when neither of us are on the defensive. It isn't fully clear to me what the issue is and I've not been able to pinpoint it in the past as he isn't very open to discussing it at all. Hard to find a time too when he isn't too tired to discuss and our daughter is sleeping. He gets up really early for work and is so worn out on the weekend. A Sunday evening might work best. I do tend to get more responses via e-mail than direct talking as he doesn't get his defenses up in the same way then. Just don't feel this is an e-mail topic.

I think "Now is the time....."

"I do tend to get more responses via e-mail than direct talking as he doesn't get his defenses up in the same way then. Just don't feel this is an e-mail topic."

Lydia, each time you drop a bomb into the discussion the nature of the problem changes profoundly.

I agree. You have some very very serious communication issues with your DH.

I don't think I have serious communication issues with my DH, just hard to discuss something with somebody that is half asleep and the last thing they want to do is talk if you have to talk about something that you disagree about. IMO doesn't work well on me either and I probably would be a whole lot less pleasant than my DH is about it.

DH is a really mellow and easy going guy and I would be more the hot head in comparison, but I'm still very mellow and easy going too, he just is more so. But try to talk to me when all I want to do is sleep and I will have my defenses up too. Doesn't matter what it is, I'm not really going to want to discuss anything whether it is what's for dinner next evening or something more important. Maybe others are different. I shouldn't even have brought up the e-mail since that is not what we should do. Just will have to wait until a Sunday night when we are both home.

I may be out of the norm on this but I think this is a perfect e-mail topic, at least to start. E-mail may allow him to grapple with some things privately. If there is an is issue that needs to be addressed, address it, but there is no reason why all of the discussion has to be face to face, especially if face to face means it just continues to be punted down the road.

~It isn't fully clear to me what the issue is and I've not been able to pinpoint it in the past as he isn't very open to discussing it at all.

There is the time and tiredness issue, but then there is this, which to me sounds like clear avoidance. You can't solve a problem when you don't know what the problem is. IMHO, your husband sounds like he views the naked adult body as a strictly sexual object, and he understandably doesn't want your daughter viewing anything of a sexual nature. As for wanting her to learn modesty as some have mentioned, I don't think the level of emotion matches that scenario, whereas sex can be a very emotional subject.There almost seems to be an element of shame in the naked body in his reactions. And fear of talking about his feelings.

The little I know about when a partner won't talk is that they don't feel they have a safe environment to express their feelings. Maybe their partner gets angry or ridicules their feelings. It's a very effective way to shut them up. Counseling can help you learn how to establish that safe environment. I've been the partner afraid to talk out of threats of divorce--his way or the highway. I never had the safe environment in that marriage, and he had me convinced that my feelings were "wrong". I took the highway after 25 years, and I have found a safe environment in my second marriage. So I can tell you it's very freeing when you can safely talk about your feelings about anything, and it leads to real intimacy between partners.

Tish - you may be out of the norm, but I think you are a wise woman. I agree with you and it may open the channels for more face-to-face communication. That said, I don't feel comfortable giving the OP marriage advice, or assuming things about her marriage and/or husband.

Lyfia, I'm sorry you and DH have taken a bit of a pummeling here....if you want to have this discussion with him, I suggest you take a ride in the car or go out to dinner. Most men don't like to "talk" the way we women do. If I try to bring up a serious topic at home DH is easily distracted....grabs the remote, goes to get a snack, etc. but in the car or at dinner they are a captive audience!

There's no right or wrong here....just different ideas based on how each of you were raised. I think with a calm, uninterrupted discussion, you can reach a compromise you can both live with.

I agree people are reading an awful lot into this.

I don't see any pummeling, just some armchair psychiatry and advice. If she wanted to avoid that, she could have just asked the simple question "At what age should your same-sex child stop showering with you?" Then take all the numerical answers, divide by the number of respondents, and there you have it--the ideal age to stop showering with your kid.

May....not many people offered a concrete age at which to stop but instead pointed to the husbands door slamming, his Puritanical views, her doing it merely for convenience, their seemingly poor communication, etc as evidenced by Lyfia's having to come back repeatedly to explain herself and defend DH. I felt sorry she had to do that is all.

Yes, they did delve deeper, because she provided much more information than what was needed if all she was looking for was a simple answer. His behavior could have been left out of it, and there would be no further explanation needed.

I don't know why people always have to apologize for how other people respond or correct their posts. If the thread bothers lyfia, she can speak up and stop the thread. Maybe she's finding some value or insight in hearing other women's opinions. That was the spirit of my posts.

But there was no reason for such strong statements and assumptions about her dh or their marriage. Even suggesting serious issues and counseling, for both. Those are highly personal and critical judgments, and with so little information or individual insight. I don't think it's particularly useful, as the OP would know if there was anything going on there better than anyone else. That is so over the top for anything she was trying to describe.

Everyone has different views and feelings about nudity and privacy. No one is any better for wanting to dance around naked than the next guy who prefers to cover up. And I don't believe for one minute that everyone else or their relationships are so perfect.

You know, in Europe, people are also known for not being afraid of expressing their emotions. They let it out and get over it. That's healthier, and more natural, than we stuffed up Americans.

"I don't know why people always have to apologize for how other people respond or correct their posts."

Because it's emotionally supportive to the other person when harsh things are said.

This post was edited by snookums2 on Wed, Oct 16, 13 at 22:10

"You know, in Europe, people are also known for not being afraid of expressing their emotions. They let it out and get over it. That's healthier, and more natural, than we stuffed up Americans."

That's a very wide---and in my experience, unfounded ---generalization. Millions of people in dozens of European countries are not really "known" for anything.

I will say, his thread has been interesting!

'Arm chair Psychiatrists'. Well said.

That is exactly what we are here. Maybe more opinionated than the Doctot you pay... And we all know that you get what you pay for and free advice is just that... Still I trust the people here. I hope when I need help, you don't spare me from your truths. I love hearing different perspectives.
It takes a Village sometimes.

Suggesting counseling to learn how to communicate is hardly over the top. I don't view counseling as a bad thing or something to be embarrassed about. I have not been to counseling, but my husband has in his first marriage, and he really learned great communication skills and how to be a supportive partner. It's something my ex-husband and I were unable to figure out on our own in 25 years of marriage.

"Yes my husband freaks out if she comes into the bathroom if he is unclothed. She comes out crying as he yells for her to get out sort of in a freaked out voice like he got scared."

Serious issue.

"I should have realized this was going to be an issue when she was a baby and I was holding her and walked into the bathroom and he freaked out and told me to get out and to not bring her into the bathroom when he was naked."

Serious issue.

My daughter is 19 now, so I'll just share what we did.

My late husband usually had bath duties, as I was home with her all day, and he wanted to have time for bonding. I have such precious pics I'll cherish forever. :)

When we wanted to save time, she showered with me, up until around 6 yrs old. After that, she bathed or showered alone, and I would help her wash her hair.

Trying to think back, I'm pretty sure my husband wasn't nude around her after the age of three. No concrete reason, just how it evolved naturally.

I have zero memories of my own parents nude bodies, and I'm glad for that. :-D

We lived in Europe for a time, and although the views regarding sex seemed more open (sex stores in the airports, for example), I don't recall nudity issues as being any different than ours.

I see both your sides here, and I'm sure you can come to a good compromise. :)

I've got my big girl pants on and have been around here long enough to see how things go and wouldn't post if it would bother me. Just trying to diffuse the taking the wrong turn early with my responses. I really appreciate the discussion though no matter the point of view and maybe at some point it would help somebody else. I like hearing different view points as it may or may not apply and if not I may be learning something new.

Do I think there is an issue with the points may_flower highlighted - yes there must be some underlying issue there and maybe it is Puritan as mentioned, but do I think it is serious - no and others may think it is or doesn't think it is an issue at all. With our daughter growing older and I don't think she needs to see him naked either at this point in her life I'm not sure it is even something that needs work on. What I mean is does it hurt him - I don't think it does and does that part hurt me - not really. I don't understand it, but I do think it plays into his views so I'd like to understand better and see if we can come to a compromise in general when it comes to our daughter.

What I feel needs work on is to come to a reasonable compromise between us on and how to handle nudity with our daughter without transferring his fear of nudity.

I appreciate the advice given on how to talk to him as well. Maybe e-mail isn't such a bad idea. I'm just afraid the written word could be interpreted the wrong way.

On another note about communicating and showing why e-mail works good for me is to remind my husband about stuff that he says I never told him. He's always been either tuning out what I'm saying or just forgetting. I think it is forgetting honestly because I can see when I remind him and describes the details of when it happened a flicker of recognition and this past few days I was talking about a business trip I'm going on soon and informed him of back in August both in person and by e-mail. He clearly believes I haven't said a word about it until this week. With the e-mail I do have a record of telling him and can easily just forward it to him again.

I wouldn't say Europeans are better at communicate. I really think that depends on the personality of the people. I know both kinds.

I have two daughters 9 and 10 and we share one bathroom. Nudity just isn't a big deal - we'll run around naked in the morning - unless someone is using the toilet the bathroom door is wide open and its a zoo with everyone getting ready. I'll still occasionally jump in the shower with them to help wash their hair. Maybe they'll be more modest once puberty hits but likely not since they've grown up this way. Important distinction is that its just us girls.

Here is a slant worthy of consideration. The divorce rate is such it is not unlikely this young girl will one day have a step father. Look up the incidence of abuse by boy friends/step fathers. It is a safety measure to teach children we do not get naked--even for "FAMILY". You can call it puritan. I call it safe guarding. Adult convenience should not be how we decide how to parent!!

I think you are saying that if a child were to walk around naked, it would tempt her stepfather or another male into abusing her. (Fathers abuse too.) Men don't suddenly become abusers because they see a naked child. It's a perversion that goes far deeper than that. I doubt it would matter to a man predisposed to abuse whether the child was naked or clothed in a burqa.

However, the problem isn't the father seeing the daughter naked. It's the daughter seeing either parent naked. I think many would agree that there is an age when children should not see their opposite-sex parent naked.

This post was edited by may_flowers on Fri, Oct 18, 13 at 11:41

I have three boys and I don't believe I was naked around them after they were 2-3. I don't remember my husband running around naked with them either.

I am assuming you only have one bathroom? I've always felt in marriage and life you need to pick your battles, and quite honestly, I think everyone is making way too much out of this whole issue. I don't personally see an issue with him being against her seeing him naked, and I think she's old enough to shower by herself. Since this is an issue for DH, then I'd stop doing it. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it with your daughter telling her Daddy thinks it's wrong etc.

If it's once in a blue moon that you have to shower together, then fine, but it sounds like it happens more often than that and that's why he's made an issue out of it.

I'd tell your daughter that's she's a big girl now, and she can shower all by herself, you'll be in the bathroom if she needs help and leave it at that.

Call me a prude, but I don't think it's necessary for kids and parents to be nude around each other. I don't think it will create a sexually stunted child to have personal modesty and be private about bathing. I also am not a huge fan of pubic showering with boys or girls. I know it was humiliating for my sons to shower after practices because they weren't as developed as the other boys their age and they felt very uncomfortable.

I reread your post and you indicated she has her own bathroom, so I guess I'd add to my earlier post - if you both need to shower at the same time, why doesn't she shower in her bath and you in yours?

If she needs supervision, he can help her if you need to shower too.

My sons began showering by themselves when they were around 3 or so. I'd stick my head in every now and then to make sure they were soaping up, and not just playing around.

I think she is a pre-schooler, which I think is too young to shower or bathe without supervision. I can't remember exactly, but 7 or 8 sounds more plausible for kids being able to do it completely on their own.

As for convenience---what parent hasn't done things out of convenience now and then....pick up a pizza rather than cook, have the kids watch a movie in order to get something done, etc...I dont think it is a big deal she is showering with her young daughter once in a while to save time.

I showered with my daughter until around age 3 or 4 once in a while for the fun of it - just to cuddle in the water and wash each other's hair. I think we stopped naturally, when she began to make comments or ask questions about the differences in our bodies. It's not that big of a deal. I can't believe how much the OP has been pummeled with this question. Yeah her husband is over reacting to the situation but it sounds like she will handle it. To suggest that they are in marriage trouble or that it's very possible her marriage may not last? Way over the top in my opinion. She has handled the comments on this thread WAY better than I would have. Now I'M probably gonna get pummeled...

lyfia - I'm not surprised because you are a 'calm in the face of a storm' kind of person, but you have shown amazing restraint and composure throughout this thread. You're a good mom. You and your DH will work this through.

We Joanie's think alike!

We sure do!

I should clarify it is not a common thing. Only happens when pressed for time and DH isn't available to help (99% that has been he is not home). Otherwise he helps and it is non issue.

Thanks ladies - I think to be on message board where there are many strangers is both a good and a bad thing. I view it as it is the best possible for getting a lot of varied views and opinions and with that there will be some that may or may not apply or I'll agree or disagree with.

Some people are better at writing and some are better at reading and with the written word there can be many different interpretations too. I'm wordy and often provide more info than I really need or should so with that I know there will be varied responses and how I perceive the written word comes based on my experiences and others with different experiences will read it differently, which is why some discussions on here I think can get heated at times.