Well, different strokes.... My kids were born in the 80's...I could have found out but chose not to. It's one of the few great surprises in life!

Nowadays, they not only know the sex, they schedule the birth. My niece just did this. She was due early October but scheduled the birth for Sept. 27. The hospital turned her away because they were too busy with natural births and would call her if they had time...they called her late the next day and she went in and was induced and the baby was born Sept. 29.

I suppose it makes sense for working moms and is convenient, but again...one of the other few great surprises along with baby's gender....what day will they enter the world? Knowing the sex and picking the day seems anti-climactic to me.

I don't get this statement "So, if you love the idea of surprise, I'd suggest keeping it a secret ( yes, this requires a lie) to all but your immediate family."

What would be kept secret. We decided we wanted it to be a surprise so we didn't know what we were having. I like the old traditional of planning for both. I think knowing this would likely be our only child we wanted to at least think for another 7-8 months like we had either. Didn't do anything different about bonding at all.

I guess it really depends on your personality if you are the kind that wants to know or if you like to be surprised. My BFF could not wait to find out and my MIL really wanted to know, but DH and I really liked thinking about either.

We chose to not know and it was a lovely surprise. I agree one of the big surprises of life. We had no trouble talking about "the baby" and it fun thinking of boy and girl names. There is also an issue of cultural biases. In some cultures, there is an overwhelming preference for boys and if the old biddies found out if you were having a girl or a boy they could either overwhelm you with attention or deflate your balloon pretty easily. It only works if the mom and dad truly don't know.. otherwise one or the other will give it away.

I think I am starting to get used to knowing the gender. Sometimes the name is still kept a secret.
I also had my babies in the 80's.
We were surprised with my first daughter, but knew with my second. I didn't tell the names for either until they were born.

I wanted a boy first then for the 2nd a girl, I had surprises both times and I got what I was wishing for. But that was 36 years ago, lolâ¦

My son and his wife kept the 2nd one a secret: for their first one, they were in Korea, and told the ultrasound technician they didn't want to know the gender, they wanted it to be a surprise: he turned towards them halfway through the ultrasound and said : "Surprise, it's a boy !"
I guess he misunderstood them, language barrierâ¦.

DD and her wife wanted to know the sex right away, it's a girl !! expected January 1st.

Knowing wasn't possible in my days of yore, but for my grands...oh the fun of knowing and planning for, especially the nursery!

My husband and I knew the gender of both our babies in advance, but with the second child we chose to tell everyone we didn't know. The reason was exactly what martinca said - the knowing and planning for, especially the nursery.

Because it was baby#2, I had a nursery already set up for #1 that was unisex. I had enough unisex clothes, etc. I love my mom and she is precious to me and I appreciate her more than I can say. But she was so very excited and said over and over again, "If we knew this was a girl we could paint the room pink. If this was a girl we could redecorate in pink. If this was a girl we could look for ..........." I was exhausted. My husband was working long hours, we had moved into a house that needed a lot of work, my toddler I already had was very active, and my pregnancy came after a miscarraige. I....was....exhausted. I didn't want my nursery pink, I didn't want my nursery redecorated, I didn't want to shop for pink. Like I said, I adore my mom, but simply explaining and telling her no would not have worked. She would have tried to do as she pleased anyway with the nursery and the planning and I was just too tired to argue, too tired to explain over and over and over and over again.

I did, however, name my daughter after my mom.

So my thoughts are whatever works for the parents is fine by me. Find out or don't, tell or don't.

Lygia: "I don't get this statement "So, if you love the idea of surprise, I'd suggest keeping it a secret ( yes, this requires a lie) to all but your immediate family."What would be kept secret. ".
My suggestion was for those who wanted to be able to announce " Its a girl!" , as their surprise to the world at large, yet not keep gender a secret from themselves or their parents...... Heaven forfend the future grandparents not know! :)
Mitch...too funny, though not at the time, maybe.
Ellendi, I like not telling the name! Makes a nice announcement, and eliminates possible rude rections: " Sassafras? Are you really naming her that?!!"
GWlolo, yes, the ignorant bias in some cultures is the root of so much evil, it's frightening .

Whoa daisyinga! Better make a couple of things clear to defend my good 'mama' name! Firstly, my daughter and her DH planned from the first to know. And.........." but for my grands...oh the fun of knowing and planning for, especially the nursery!" I was planning for the nursery at MY house. With working parents , we were lucky ( all of us ) to live nearby and grands at our house daily. We've always said, " doesn't take a village, it takes a family".
They were always with ones who loved them. Well, that went way o.t., but now ya know :>)

If mom and dad know...not telling others comes off negatively for those not being told. Is that really how ya want to begin this child's life with bad feelings? I would not go looking and I would not NEED to know. If I did know-I would share.

If the parents wish to be the only ones who know the gender of their child, they get to choose if they want to share it or not.

Who knows? Maybe they feel like its the one thing they have control of. Perhaps they don't want helpful peeps suggesting names, decor etc.

ML (grandmother who liked not knowing for sure...made the birth day more special)

My husband wanted to know the gender of our kids, but I didn't. I considered it to be one of life's best surprises. I also heard stories of the wrong gender being reported. Yes, I know this is rare but I figured that it would be my luck to plan for one sex and then get the other!

Our first was a surprise. I felt guilty about not "letting" DH find out with the first, so when I was pregnant with our second I asked the doctor to write the gender on a piece of paper and I gave it to him, only after he promised to not tell anyone. I knew if he told anyone it would get back to me. My doctor said that she didn't have a single patient who did this and had the secret kept. But I didn't know what I was having until he was born. (Kudos to DH for respecting my wishes! Or should I be worried that he is so good at keeping secrets from me....? lol)

We did find out the sex of our third who was just born 3 months ago. The older boys were so eager to know if they were getting a brother or a sister. Also, I was so tired of people telling me what they thought I was having based on how I looked I found it easier to just say, "It's a boy".

Grand-MIL told me with #2 that it must be a girl because my rear was getting really wide. On particularly rough days my MIL would tell me it must be a girl because the girls steal their mom's good looks. Nope, it was a boy, but thanks for the compliments! :)

I always kept names that we were considering a secret. With #1 I told someone a name that I really liked and she said, "Yuck, I don't like that name." Not that someone else's opinion matters, but that stung me. I never mentioned a possible name again!

I have four kids and didn't find out the sex of any of them in advance. My first was a girl and my second a boy, so it killed my practical, hates surprises mother not to know by the time I got to number three (boy). Since I already had all my baby gear and handmedown clothes for both sexes, I didn't feel the need to prepare for number three. With my last, a girl, I admit at times I thought it would be nice to find out because I was holding onto all my boy/girl clothing and could have donated whatever things I wouldn't need. However, I really liked making that phone call to our family and friends announcing the sex/name of the baby. The downside was, having to come up with boy/girl names each time...by #4 it was hard! She came almost 2 weeks early (on my way home from Target!) and had no name until an hour after her birth. :)

My siblings and dH's siblings all found out except for his one sister who was pregnant with twins. She ended up with boy/girl twins which was a fun surprise. While I don't really care what other people do, I do feel it's a little boring to get that phone call from those who've already told you not only the gender, but also the name ahead of time, especially if they have a scheduled due date too!

I knew the gender of all our babies long before an ultrasound could have told me though in those days they were too fuzzy to tell much of anything. I also knew the gender of every sister and sister in laws baby for some reason. I never got it wrong. After our youngest was born I just stopped knowing until our daughter was pregnant. I've not predicted our nieces baby too.
In this day and age of super clear ultrasound "photos" I find it odd that anyone would want to be surprised as it's so much easier knowing before decorating and buying clothing. As for planning the babies birth date? I think that's just plain wrong. Unless a baby is way past due, mine were 12 and 13 days late (our first was still born at 24 weeks) and though it was very hard waiting that long past when they were expected I trusted that the good Lord knew what he was doing. They both weighed 9# 1/2oz and were 21" and 22.5" long.
This is our granddaughter born at 37 weeks. The inset pictures was a special ultrasound they had taken at 31 weeks.

With our first one, we wanted to be surprised. We were thrilled to get a boy. There are so few surprises in life and we just wanted to roll with it. With our 2nd one, we lost him at 23 weeks and did not know his gender. I wanted to know so badly when he was being born, and didn't find out until he arrived. So with our 3rd, we wanted to know. We were so afraid of losing him too, so we found out ASAP. Had some problems in the pregnancy but he arrived full term and named! With our 4th, we didn't want to know. I wanted a girl soooooo bad, and prayed for one believe it or not. But still wanted to be surprised - partially for the thrill of it but also, deep down inside, I knew she was our last child. I was afraid I would be sad if I found out she was a boy and I didn't want to feel that way. I knew I would be thrilled either way at the birth. So we opted to not find out. However, my Dr. said that she was probably a "he". He said the heartbeat was slower like my sons, and the likelihood of having another boy after 3 boys was quite high, I think 80%. So we planned on a boy. She was supposed to be "Bradley Phillip". She arrived, all female and we had no name picked out. So after I got over my shock that she was a girl, we named her "Hope". She is everything I hoped for and never thought I'd get.
Sorry if this is too much info, but once I get started sometimes I can't shut up.

There was an email at work today for an upcoming baby shower for a gal. They know the sex and have already named the fetus. Apparently even have a tentative due date.

I don't know why, but it really bugs me for some reason. I guess it's almost superstitious to me-I did not know the sex of any of mine-the Dr. thought my 2nd was a boy based on heartbeat, and we really wanted a boy, but deep, deep down I wanted another girl. Turned out it was a girl and I was over the moon with happiness. 3rd child I was sure it was going to be another girl, and I, too, literally prayed to God, but I wanted a boy that time. And that is what I was blessed with.

My girls names were picked in advance-the first changed a month before she was born, and we already had a boy name in mind. 2nd child, I knew her name when the first one was just 3 weeks old-I told my then husband that if we had a 2nd child, and it was a girl, that that would be the name. We couldn't decide on a boys name, so I think that is why I really hoped for another girl-I HAD to have that name! As to my son-he was not named for almost 3 days. I could not chose a name-and my husband and I were seperated at the time, I couldn't reach him by phone and didn't want to name our son without his input. I loved the name Eric, but he really hated it-so I chose the name we originally picked when pregnant with our first-was not my 1st choice, but since the hospital was pushing me for a name, and I couldn't reach my husband, I went with it. Oddly enough, a few years later when he had a child with his new wife, they named that child Eric.

So back to the OT-I prefer keeping the gender a surprise.

Joanie38, yours was the very best reason I've ever heard for not wanting to know: ".......deep down inside, I knew she was our last child. I was afraid I would be sad if I found out she was a boy and I didn't want to feel that way. I knew I would be thrilled either way at the birth. So we opted to not find out.
Your story touched me.......lovely ending!

Joanie--I'm so sorry you lost your son...I think a lot of parents at one point or another want a specific gender but won't admit to it. I wanted ALL girls, having had 3 older brothers....but got boy, girl, boy. Might have had a 4th had they been able to guarantee a girl because I wanted my daughter to have the sister I never did....but the truth is once they are here you can't imagine anything different than what you got!

Pesky--bless your heart....I can't imagine being separated with 2 kids and having a 3rd on your own. Kudos to you!

Joanie38 I'm so sorry for the loss of your little boy. I've never known anyone that lost a baby so close to the same time we did. It was so horrible because most people acted like it didn't happen, as if she weren't real. But she was real. At the time I felt even my hubby didn't think of her as real either. Later I learned he was trying to be strong for me. Maybe that's what others were doing.

Joaniepoanie, I never cared about gender at all. It took me three years to get pregnant, with one miscarriage along the way, so I was just happy to be having a baby at all. It did not matter with the gender. I never really thought about it with my second child, but felt completely blessed to have a boy - not because it gave us one of each gender, but b/c the night I went into labor, FIL had a heart attack. We got the phone call at 10pm and I went into labor shortly thereafter. Had my son seven hours later, FIL's first grandson and namesake. Dh flew home the next day to be with FIL for open heart surgery. Sadly, FIL passed away 7 weeks later, after we flew out there to let him see our 20m/o dd and his 5 week old grandson for the first and last time. So in that sense, I was glad that we had a boy but prior to delivery, I did not care at all. After we had #3, a boy, my oldest was praying for a baby sister with #4. I didn't care either way again, I was actually more concerned with having a healthy baby - I had this funny sensation throughout the pregnancy that I'd been so blessed with three healthy kids, that I wasn't going to be so fortunate with #4 so I was more focused on the baby's health, than gender. Dd's prayers were answered, and she got a baby sister, a healthy one thankfully. Perhaps if I hadn't had one of each gender initially, then I might have felt differently.

Funny story. One of my best friends had three girls. She and her husband decided that they'd have one more, in hopes that maybe it would be a boy, but since they "knew" girls, would be fine with another girl. She ended up pregnant with twins, identical twins....GIRLS! So five girls for them. And while I'm sure they had moments of thinking it might be nice to have a son, I know they feel very blessed with their family of girls!

Five girls, that sounds like a lot of fun!

Originally, with my first, I thought it would be nice to be surprised. Then a colleague said "but your Dr. will know, do you want him to know more than you do about your own baby"? That piqued my interest.

So we found out the gender for all three. The younger two, our girls, were only 54 weeks apart. NOTE: do not believe anyone (including an OB-GYN) who tells you that you cannot get pregnant while you are nursing.

One argument I have heard against finding out the gender, that I thought made sense. It was in an article about new techniques to try to conceive a specific gender. One person said, that when people want a certain gender, what they really want is something more. They are envisioning an entire persona, eg they don't just want a boy, they want a baseball player. Interesting.

It's fascinating to read everyone's reasoning and really, everyone is right . . . It's whichever way works best for you. For me, I wanted to know for both our kids. But, our first was a private adoption and his birth mother didn't want to know, and so of course, we respected her wishes. We got our son but would have been thrilled with either. Ten years later, pregnant for the very first time . . . and being told that this would have to be my last because I'd never live through another pregnancy, I definitely wanted to know as soon as possible if I was having a girl or a boy. I would have loved either, but very much wanted a girl. That December, we were delighted to find out that I was expecting a girl that following May. Her name, my very favorite since I was a kid, was already a given: Emily Elizabeth . . . and, no, she was not named for the girl in the Clifford books (LOL). I got to create the baby girl nursery of my dreams for her, and was so glad that I could. White wood crib with a canopy custom designed by me to coordinate with all the other sweet things in her nursery. I especially had such fun picking out the special artwork for it. Heck, I've been a passionate decorator since I was 4 years old! There was no way I was going to pass up the chance to create one final special nursery, boy or girl!

But, as I said, neither way is wrong. What is right is whichever way makes you the parents happy. Knowing ahead of time was just right for us.
Lynn

Mtn....that's interesting.....I never thought of any of my kids in terms of what they would be---fireman, ballerina, etc..and really had no preference as long as they were happy.....don't ask me where it came from, but even when I was younger I wanted a red-headed daughter...and don't ask me how but I sort of got one. Her hair looks brown as an adult, but it has a lot of copper highlights, especially in the sun, and it was lighter and a lot more coppery when she was young...I almost nick-named her Ginger...she cringes now when she hears that.

I think it's pretty normal and natural if you are having more than one to want one of each gender.....

I had my two girls as a young mom, during the years when Ultrasounds were not reliable to determine gender. As a matter of fact I didn't even have an US with my first. So, they were both surprises (gender I mean).

As an older mom having my twins I had several amniocentesis. Girls tend to be more hardy and I wanted to know the gender anyway. I found out early that they were boys.

The surprises were no different than the non-surprises. If I could have known the gender with the first two, I don't know if I would have or not.

We just had our first grandchild a year ago. Dd and husband definitely wanted to know and shared it with all of us. If she had chosen not to, I would have respected her decision.

Well, to put it into context, my personality is such that I sometimes have to skip to the end of a book just so I can get some sleep. It has also only been within the last few years that I have been able to refrain from peeking at my presents early.

We did find out for all 4 but, it was more to confirm what I already knew. I had a hunch with all of them and I was right. Child number 4 was not planned and I found out I was pregnant as we were waiting for the permit on a house we had just had designed. I did not want any more surprises or chaos if at all possible so it was pretty essential to learn at that time. My other 2 boys were April and May birthdays and the youngest was born in November so we had to shop for clothes. If I were to have another baby (and I won't) the birth would be planned too as #4 was born in the car on the way to the hospital.

Mtn, my OB didn't even know the sex of any of my babies. With my first three, I only had one u/s around 10 weeks. He didn't even have a machine in his office - I had to go to a radiologist to get my u/s for each of them. Oops, take that back, with my oldest, I had morning sickness so badly that I was hospitalized at 10 weeks. They did an u/s there to determine if I might be having twins. I did have a second u/s with my last b/c my measurements weren't reflecting what they should for my due date, so they wanted to check if I had excessive amniotic fluid or if I might, again, be pregnant with twins. Again, that time, I had to go to a separate office. I suppose with that last one, maybe the tech put it in the notes from the u/s what I was having, but with my first three, the u/s were too early for my OB to even tell what I was having.

Joaniepoanie, ITA that it's perfectly normal and natural to want one of each. I have a friend who has 12 (maybe she's up to 13 now, but I lost track) kids. Her oldest is a girl. She then had seven boys in a row. While she is a devout Catholic and follows the rhythm method, when she finally had another girl as her 9th child, friends thought maybe she was done. She had at least two more girls after that, but not sure with the last one or two. When I mentioned her to my mom, and that she actually taught a class about the rhythm method for our church, my mother said that surely she must have scared people into using birth control if they thought they might end up like her with 12 kids and preaching the rhythm method LOL.

We used the rhythm method (not for religious reasons but health and preferences) and we don't have 12 or 13 kids! The best thing is there is a great iphone app for it!

All I know is that I have 2 boys and can't imagine having anything else. I love them beyond anything I ever imagined.

fourkids.....my mom used to say she had 4 "rhythm kids"...lol....she and dad were Catholic and married in 1946...it was the only option available then, but she got pregnant the first month they were married and had 4 kids in 5 years...then she would joke later when we were all older that when she finally realized what was causing her to get pregnant she bought twin beds..ha ha! True, I'm the youngest and I never remember anything but twin beds in their room. They were one of the happiest married couples I ever saw.

You know, that's funny, my parents had twin beds, too. My goodness, can you imagine that now? I can't!

What era did that stop? The 80s maybe.

I really dont get it.

Thank you for good thoughts for me about the loss of my son. I know what you mean justgotbme about others reactions. Everyone made me so angry back then. Most people could say nothing right to me. They either completely avoided the fact that I actually gave birth to a son, who looked exactly like his brother and buried him. Labor and delivery was painful, my milk came in, the whole thing - as it does with all births only I didn't have my sweet baby. I finally felt better about everyone else's inadequate responses to me when I just chalked it up to their stupidity. How can you be mad at someone who is ignorant, right? It helped me to reframe things in my mind about it all. I'm sorry for your loss too. :(
And tish - You had your last one in the car? I cannot imagine. I know of one other person that this very thing happened to...they got stopped by a train on the way to the hospital, evidently a long train.

I can't imagine not sleeping in the same bed as my hubby. Well when he's home anyway. I love hearing his purr. It's comforting.

LOL, my parents didn't have twin beds, but I remember my grandparents having them!

I didn't need the rhythm method - we knew we wanted at least four kids, and after the length of time it took for me to get pregnant and sustain a pregnancy the first time, we never used anything again. My closest spaced kids are 20 months apart, then the rest are almost exactly 2 years. Everyone thinks we planned it that way, but truthfully, we didn't use any preventative measures nor was I tracking my cycles. It just sort of happened that way. However, after my fourth, I knew *I* was done - dh was hoping for at least one more but four kids in less than 6 years was enough for me.

The woman with 12 kids...when I was pregnant with #4, she was pregnant with #6. Her oldest was only a year older than mine, so she was having her 6th in 7 years. I couldn't wrap my mind around that as I was nearing the end of my pregnancy and beginning to wonder if I was nuts having four kids so close in age. So when she continued on to have six more kids after I was done, yikes! And honestly, she might have had a 13th - I've seriously lost track at this point. And if you could see her - you'd be amazed. She is gorgeous and always manages to look beautiful even after all those kids.

Sorry I missed your post Joanie38. Even having experienced this myself it's hard to find the right words to say to others in the same situation. I do know how real it is so I know to acknowledge their loss. I don't think that's something you can ever understand unless you've been there or are kind hearted like our sister in law was. She sent us flowers right away. We did get sympathy cards from some family members too. This was thirty three years ago. Now I believe they make cards for the loss of a baby in this way.

Joanie38--I'm sorry that I missed your post about your little boy. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine losing a baby like that.

Justgottobe--to you as well.

Lol, on the twin beds. Hate to tell you folks this but my dh and I usually end up separate by morning. He snores like an old horse. When I finally realized that the only way I was ever going to feel human was for him to have his own room to go to. I know he needs a sleep study and hopefully soon he will actually do it.

I miss having him around, but not enough to be chronically sleep deprived.

Thank you Red.
As for sleeping with one that snores I'm sure I'd feel differently if my hubby snored like an old horse. Though I'm not sure I can say I've ever heard an old, or young, horse snore I imagine it's unpleasant. My hubby was one of the first 100 registered Polysomnographic Technologists in the world, so I've heard all about those tests. I highly recommend encouraging your hubby to get tested so you both can sleep better.

Thanks JoanieP. It was not an easy decision to leave my husband when I was 8 mos pregnant, but it had to be done. Even more difficult was to give birth to the son we wanted so badly and having the knowledge that my husband was likely in his mistresses bed when I gave birth. Worked out in the end-I ended up with full custody of those 3 babies, and he ended up getting dumped by the mistress as well as his wife.

Well Joanie, I had a history of somewhat fast labors so it was not entirely unexpected. Thankfully we had a steam cleaner. My doctor had told me beforehand that the fast ones are usually easy. Now, when I ever drive under a certain billboard we tell my son, hey, that is where you were born! The funny thing about is I am one who wanted an epidural and I only managed to get it with the first, the last 3 were all natural.

Pesky....looks like your ex could have invented the line "karma's a B*&%h!" LOL.

Hats off to you for taking it on alone...I can't even imagine. I hope life has treated you well since..you certainly deserve it!