She is a buffoon.

I'm sorry she made you feel bad.

If she has any character, she will realize what a jerk she is and apologize.

I always let things like this make me feel bad too.

That girl is a classless stupid idiot.

I am so tired of stereotyping...but more tired of ignorance.

I am older than you, I think (66) and I am Jewish. I have been hearing and seeing more stereotypical, ignorant comments recently than ever in my life (including here).

Life is too short to let an idiot make you feel bad. I know that's easier said than done.

From your posts, I know you are a really nice person. I am sorry you encountered such a dog's mother. (I apologize to dogs).

She may have meant the comment to be humorous, without realizing that it could be insulting and offensive. I am not defending her. I am just remembering how I was at that age: I had no concept of how I would feel later in life when I, too, would be older, and would sometimes make quips that were not intended to be hurtful, but that I now realize were thoughtless and immature. You and I are about the same age so I can empathize with you, and we can't deny the reality that we are getting old. But don't dwell on what that young woman said. Trust me: I doubt it was her intent to be hurtful, and she didn't think any more about it 10 seconds later. As Ben Franklin said: "Life's Tragedy is that we get old to soon and wise too late." With luck, that young woman will some day be wiser.

I would have taken it as a compliment.

" I don't think I look like my grandmas 50 years ago, who both were shapeless, wore house dresses, and rarely left the block. One had fluffy cottony white hair and the other a braid wrapped around her head. They both came to America alone and worked a raised families."

It's possible to accept the description as a compliment. The women you described above were likely very loved, right? It's unfortunate that being compared to these strong, hard working women is seen as a negative.

Oh, it is okay!! It seems that you were able to *sound* like their idea of a Jewish grandmother, and you actually *are* a Jewish grandmother -- it is not that you look like the stereotypical Jewish woman of 100 years ago!

My father was Jewish, but my mother not -- and I have always resembled my mother -- but when I was in London (age 29 and athletic) and touring the Kensington Palace, I was astonished to have a security guard remark to me -- out of the blue -- "You are Jewish, aren't you?". There was something about me that fit his stereotype, although I don't know what!

I love hearing New York accents. I miss them and Jersey accents. I live in the deep South now and I'm sure I sound funny to people with my PA accent. My mom always said to consider the source when someone hurt my feelings. She probably had no idea it would hurt your feelings. I'm proud of who I am. You should be too.

I would venture that she said it in jest and it was not meant as an insult. To her, a young person, you are an older, grandmotherly woman....even if you feel 18 in your head.

I agree, we do not look like our grandmothers did at the same age...maybe it has to do with better healthcare, less stress(the Depression), better standards of living, etc.

I would just brush it off. I had a minor surgical procedure this week. The anesthesiologist, probably in his early 30's but with a baby face, looked like Doogie Howser to me and I'm sure I looked like an old lady to him, even though I'm 62 but am often told I look younger.

Is this just a voice over or are you shown in the presentation? If voice only, the maturity of your voice and the accent is what led them to choose you.

Life's way too short to let her get to you.

My New Yorker mother tried to defy nature by wanting me, a little Texas girl, to pronouce lots of words as she did. And my family scattered in PA and NY cracked up hearing my Texas drawl, asking me repeatedly to repeat myself. Me, I just thought they were all hard of hearing!

Rosie, now in Sugar Hill, GA

As we get older, our idea of what is old gets older! When I was in my twenties and someone passed away who was 70, I wouldn't give it a thought. Now, I would think they were way too young to die.

Why did this comment strike a cord in you? No matter how youthful our appearance, we are still viewed as old grandma's to the younger set.

I am 60. I've decided to embrace getting older. A year and a half ago, I had unexpected major surgery. Things could have gone differently, so i am extremely happy to have celebrated this milestone birthday.

Although I am a senior I still have a pretty full head of bushy -- but completely gray -- hair. When I got on a bus recently, the 40-ish bus driver took one look at me and said: "Einstein." I took it as a compliment.

I don't see anything bad about being old, Jewish, or a grandma. Sounds like a great combination of wisdom, heritage, & experience to me!

That was pretty tacky of her but it's hard to know what she meant.

But it's not all that bad. Today's grandma IS enormously different from the grandma of 50 years ago. You and she are thinking of women with entirely different roles in life. Maybe she didn't think there was anything wrong with being a grandma. Cuz there isn't!

This is something I've heard which may be appropriate here:

"Never attribute to malice that which can be explained by stupidity."

I expect most of us do not look as "Grandmotherly" as women our age did 50-100 years ago. I never dressed as my DM did even back when I was a SAHM. She wore cotton house dresses and an apron (this was from my first memories in the 1940's) and I wore jeans/capris/shorts and t-necks/t-shirts/shells around the house. Have never worn an apron.

Other people can have all the stereotypes in their mind they want, it has nothing to do with who I, or any of us, really are. Please do not feel bad about this needless comment.

I would let it go. After all, you and your colleagues were laughing about it earlier. What reason were you planning to give her before she answered your question as she did? I think I would try to take it as a compliment-maybe your voice reminds her of someone special.

It's ok that the comment would make you feel badâ¦..I would too. But then, I would also have felt bad about the bus driver looking at me and say "Einstein"

Sarcasm is so cutting.

Life's too short to not approach it with a sense of humor. If you don't, you will be old before your time!

While we may look like us to us, to youngsters, we look like grandmothers because today's grandmothers look far more youthful than our own grandmothers did. So her image of a grandmother is not yours.

I was talking to a young gal yesterday and she stunned me when she told me she was 40... Then I realized there were nearly 2 decades between us. So my definition of what was young has changed, as I'm sure her definition of what is old has also changed.

It's all relative.

Aside to ellendi, I'm glad you made your milestone too...you look fabulous!

I am a well endowed female with very short hair. I can't tell you how many times I've been called sir. I have a medium range voice. Not sqeaky soprano, but I'm no baritone either. I just push my chest up and say hay! I'm a lady. My husband has even been called Mam. I don't think they even look at us when we talk at the gas station. They are just too busy.

My mother was a grandmother at 53, so one doesn't have to be "old" to be a grandma!

However, I am 50 now and still get annoyed when people call me "ma'am" so I know what it's like to be sensitive about age-related labels/names. I also want people to fall over in shock when they find out how old I am (you know, because I think I look 35) and I'm insulted when that doesn't happen. Not really. Well, sort of.

I'm not sure what you'd say if you confronted her? I have a feeling (not knowing her, of course) that she didn't say it to be mean. She probably thought she was being funny. It probably would have been better if she just said "Jewish grandmother" and not "old Jewish grandmother."

For sure it's a stupid comment, she's probably kicking herself for having said it. Or she's clueless.

You did ask her a question and she answered frankly what she thought the reason was
( stupidly without thinking how hurtful it could be for you to hear that, even if it's not true )

I understand how you feel, I've heard comments that hurt me in the past and you pretend it's ok but it's not.

jizzie-
I didn't interpret the Einstein comment to be sarcastic...just amusing. I find that it's best to not invest too much energy into ambiguous comments from strangers: if I don't assume the worst, I'm less stressed out.

I think it is just a generation thing. My kids 18 & 21 think DH and I are "old" at 49 & 53. I bet this girl was in her twenties.

The jewish part probably related more to the accent and way of speaking, I'm guessing???

As already said you do look at things different at different ages. Also people age very differently. Many people now look very good into their 80's others look terrible at 50.

A funny facebook photo recently showed woman perhaps in her 80's parking in a handicapped spot with her Nissan GTR. If unfamiliar with that car, it does 0-60 in 2.9 seconds. Which says its all in the attitude. I bet she is one fun gramma!

Don't take it seriously.

The reason my colleagues laugh that I was asked to read the document is that I have been playfully teased about my Bronx accent. But the document is a letter written in the forties by a woman from Flushing, New York. So it was perfect and I did it in one take. The young woman who called me an old Jewish Grandma is probably clueless and I will not say anything to her. Sueb20 is right. Jewish Grandma would have been better.
Actually she came to help me with a computer problem the next day and we both acted like everything was fine. She is clueless.
Thanks for all the kind messages.
Laura

One person. One comment. Why bother?

Don't take it personally! Really, it's a nothing. Old is a state of health to me. I know eighty year olds who are full of life and have not slowed down one bit. Fully functional and leading normal lives. And I know forty five year olds with no teeth, heavy, and barely living.

However, to almost everyone under forty, everyone over fifty is old. Old, old, old! One foot in the grave!

I watched this Dr. Phil recently (a rerun) about this late sixty year old grandma who looked great, acted young, and was dating a 28 year old. It was inspirational in a lot of ways. The audience was cheering her on.

And, it is ok to be old (whatever that is). To not feel 25. To be who you are at the moment, whatever that is. Thankfully, the world is not filled with 18 year olds....

And every single day is a gift from God.

Sorry, but you ARE an old Jewish grandma, and I"m not sure why you'd be offended by someone saying so. There is nothing wrong, and a lot right, with being old, Jewish, and a grandma.

Now, if she had said, "Because we need a dowdy blah, blah, blahâ¦", I'd understand your extrapolating from that that she thinks you dress like and old dowdy matron.

I suspect she meant it fondly.

It was a thoughtless comment, but please don't let it bother you so much! I do hope she thought about it afterwards and realized how rude that was.

I agree, that the "grandmas" of today are much more youthful...that is the nature of life, I think. People tend to take more care of themselves and their health, I think, which could be part of it. My mom's mom was 39 when she had my mom, and my mom had me @ 25...which means my grandma was probably about 70 at the age I can first remember her. And yep, she wore a house dress and had false teeth, and seemed quite old to me. My mom is 70 now and does not seem that "old" to me.

I'm 45 and frequently get carded, even in restaurants. I don't think I look that young- it's just that I wear tee shirts and jeans, I think.

The funny thing is that my SIL and I share the same birthday, only she is ten years younger and my brother is five years younger than me. So last year I happened to be at their home on our birthday. My 10 year old nephew was absolutely shocked to find out that I was younger than both his parents. LOL. It's great to be the beloved "cool aunt"!! I think my nephew just assumed his parents were older because they were, well, his parents.

Oh, and sixty, I suspect your accent is one of the most treasured in all the US-it is so quintessentially American and represents to many so many admirable attributes that we associate with New Yorkers!

Agree with Tibbrix -- if you are offended, doesn't it have at least as much to do with your own stereotypes of what is meant by older, Jewish or a grandmother or how you are afraid of being seen? She didn't say anything negative. The frumpy, snowy braid, ancient images, etc. came from pictures in your mind. From a younger person's perspective, any grandmother is old. Older than her. Yeah, she could have left that part off, but I am younger than you, no grandchildren and no married kids, but I hear "old" from teens on occasion and especially from younger children. It's all in your perspective.

I somewhat agree with Tibbrix and lascatx that you bring your own stereotypes to the table, but I also feel the young gal's choice of words was poor, but likely said in haste without thinking through how it might be interpreted..
If it's a voice only document, then only auditory cues come across.
Instead of old, she could have said experienced or authoritative.
Instead of Jewish, she could have said educated or authoritative.
Instead of Grandma she could have said experienced, sincere and caring.

The facility obviously thought your voice brought desirable qualities. Perhaps your New York accent was direct, confident or loud. There are a host of idiosyncrasies that could be read into it. Just enjoy the fact you were chosen and chalk her comment up to youth.

I'm not defending the girl either, I'm guessing she was trying to be funny and she did it wrong. However, just like you KNOW you don't look like your grandma, this girl has likely only seen granny's that look like you or like what granny's look like today, no black lace up shoes, dowdy clothing, cottony white hair.

Forget the episode, not worth another second if your time

Aww, I'm sorry it made you feel bad!

I've not read all the comments but here is my 2cents

The operative word here is "record"; as in voice, yes?

So this young woman thinks you have the voice of an "old Jewish grandma". That's all. The voice. Not the housedress. Not the rolled down stockings and men's shoes. Not a mustache. Not a creaky walk. And not that there are not many wonderful, beloved grandmas out there with all of that, but that is not how you see yourself or who you are today.

An older, ethnic voice is all. Does this surprise or dismay you? I don't think it seems so bad, or precludes a very different image then the grandmas of yore.

Thank you mtn, That's how I will think of it from now on. Just my voice. I am proud of my recording. My book group met at the exhibition. Several are grandmothers. Everyone laughed and applauded. I did a good job and that really is all that matters.

sixtyohno,,,I just "liked" your last post :-)

I think the key is the use of the word old. That is the word that anyone with half a brain would know has negative connotation. It might not make sense that the word should be offensive, but in today's world, old is not equated with knowledge or experience or anything positive. It is a negative term. I don't think it was meant to be hurtful, but it was a stupid thing to say.......
I highly agree with luckygal who said never attribute to malice that which can be explained by stupidity.

I'm missing something. I thought that you were asked to do a RECORDING of your voice, in all of it's rich, Bronx glory. It's the same as any actor being asked to do a voiceover for an animated film.

They needed a Jewish grandmother's voice. You weren't asked do make the recording because of your looks. Sounds like great fun and an honor.

rhizo-
What you're missing is the OP having a reaction to a young woman referring to here as an old Jewish grandmother. If the young woman making the statement had referred to her as a Jewish grandmother, I think her reaction to the comment would have been different.

"I don't see anything bad about being old, Jewish, or a grandma. Sounds like a great combination of wisdom, heritage, & experience to me!"

I agree with awm03.

You might not like thinking of yourself as older, but it was a compliment! What could be a more comforting image? You asked, and she gave you an honest hearty answer. The madness must end!

Thank you all for your wonderful comments. Just to clarify- I was asked to record because the letter that I read was written by a New Yorker and I do sound like the Bronx. Jewish doesn't mean NY. Nor does old mean NY.
My co-worker is not a New Yorker. I looked at her Facebook page and there was her grandma. She is considerably older than me. Her body is not defined and she is supported on 2 sides by family. So maybe my co-worker thinks old New York Jewish Grandmas wear jeans and boots and have lots of curly hair and fun jewelry, drive a fast car, and is respected enough to record a letter in a major exhibition, like me So now I will think of it as a compliment. I feel good. Thank you all for helping me think this through.
Laura

I say God bless those dear grandmothers. We should all have their guts and strengths and sheer loveliness.