I don't have personal experience really, except that I have a friend whose daughter started cutting in 9th grade (I think, or maybe 8th). Just when her parents had gotten to the point where they might have the freedom to leave their kids home alone and have a date night without a sitter, they found themselves having to stay home every night because their daughter couldn't be alone. They also locked up all the sharp objects but their daughter would find ways to cut, even at school. After lots and lots of therapy, in-patient and out-patient programs (this girl also has/had an eating disorder), their daughter is now a freshman in college, living in the dorms but only about 10 min. from home, and seems to be doing well.

I know of one person whose daughter does this but no info on what they do about it. What is causing this big problem in kids today? The person I know adopted their daughter from Russia and someone else's daughter from Russia was a head banger. So I thought this self injury had something to with their background as orphans. But what is causing this in other kids?

While I know someone personally who was doing this to herself, I don't want to give too much detail since this is a public board. What I can share is that she was doing it very high up on her thigh so that her parents could not see it while she was dressed, nor did she need to wear extra clothing to hide it. She hadn't been doing it very long when her parents were made aware of it by a concerned classmate who told a school counselor. Her mom shared it in strict confidence with me as the counselor told her NOT to tell anyone as sometimes parents then worry about their own girls and try to limit their friendships for fear their own girls might start doing it. The mom immediately found a counselor for her dd and therapy really helped her. By the time the mom broke down in tears on the phone with me unburdening herself, her dd had already stopped, but was still seeing a therapist.

While I can't remember why she turned to this, I do know that the therapist suggest she find another way to relieve stress and emotional hurt. She took up running. She's now almost obsessive about running, but in a good way. I'm not sure how my friend dealt with it at home - was she allowed to close her door? stay home alone? etc. I don't know. I do know that she said she was always worried when she was taking a shower, etc. Her cuts were also small - more like scratches, as I think she hadn't quite crossed the line into full blown self-mutilation.

I wish I could offer you more advice, but I haven't really talked much about it with my friend since her initial unburdening to me. I figured she'd tell me what she wanted me to know and share with me if she felt like she needed to get it off her chest, since she told me she hadn't told another person, except for her dh, and wasn't planning on sharing it with anyone, mainly out of respect for her dd's privacy. If her dd knew that others knew this about her, it would have really hindered her treatment. I wasn't even able to discuss it with my dd since they are friends (I believe my dd knew about it to some extent and we did talk about the subject in general as one of her other friends had already fallen victim to it, but I never told her I knew about this particular friend).

Gibby, to answer your question about what causes it...with this particular girl, she was being bullied by some former friends and was also having some academic struggles. She's a bit impulsive and while I'm not sure if she was drawn to it by the other friend who was doing it, I think she may have acted impulsively the first time, and for whatever reason, liked how it made her feel.

It doesn't help that social media, youtube, etc make finding out about these types of things pretty easy. I hope your friend's dd is able to get the help she needs. I think the best thing your friends can do is find a professional who has experience with this and make sure their dd gets therapy.

What little I know so far: the school guidance counselor and a social worker I spoke to both said it's a big problem but I don't know why; my friends have heard about 5 other kids in her grade, which is 8th grade; there are websites that explain how to do it and not get caught, they cover any visible marks with makeup.

It breaks my heart that this is happening, to any of these famlies, and not just the one I know.

Oh my gosh how sad hhireno! My advise would be to get her to a therapist that is trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help the young lady learn to think differently before cutting herself.

Here is a link that might be useful: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy explained

Be sure of this ~
She is not suicidal ..
She is not doing it for attention...

Cutting is a diversion ..
The physical act of cutting, especially the pain ,makes her feel better.
She needs an outlet. Something that will take her outside herself.
Friends other than schoolmates.
Karate
Weight lifting
Boxing
Gymnastics
Bowling
Acting is a good one.
Church youth groups that meet often.
If they choose therapy for her a peer group (out of town) may be as good a an individual therapist.
She will over come~ The sad part is the physical scars she will always have.

This post was edited by forboystoo on Fri, Oct 25, 13 at 19:29

I vote for sending her to a Good Psychiatrist. Start with the best. We had very little luck with Therapists with Derek. The Psychiatrist was the best choice we made.

I will pass along the idea to get her involved in an activity that allows her to express herself in a healthy way.

I appreciate all the suggestions.

I work with many teens who are recovering cutters. I would not be as confidant that a cutter is not suicidal. The issue is often self esteem. That can be dealt with through counseling, activities as suggested as well as just someone to talk to, under stand, and show the cutter she is loved.

I work with many teens who are recovering cutters. I would not be as confidant that a cutter is not suicidal. The issue is often self esteem. That can be dealt with through counseling, activities as suggested as well as just someone to talk to, under stand, and show the cutter she is loved.

When you self-cut your intent is not to die.
No one can be confident that a self-cutter will not become suicidal
but generally they should be treated a bit differently.

On the flip side a person who cuts attempting suicide,
maybe failing many times ,
does not make them a self-cutter.

I also work with many teens who cut themselves. It is indeed a common problem and peer influence that this is a legitimate way to handle stress is strong. I knew cutters 30 years ago, so while it is more common now, it is not a recent phenomenon.

In contrast to what others have said, I would say that you cannot generalize and say any individual cutter is not cutting for attention--several of my clients absolutely do cut for attention.

For some, it is a way to externalize and draw attention to the problems they are having (social problems, adoption/grief issues, etc) which might go unnoticed by even attentive parents, because parents are not privy to all of the child's experiences or feelings, and kids may resist discussing things openly that they fear will hurt parents (e.g. adoption issues, social failure).

For others, it is a way to punish/get a reaction from parents who otherwise are too involved in their own emotional/behavioral chaos to focus on the child's needs. The child's need for attention is natural and healthy, but the parents do not provide it and desperate measures are the result.

The triggers for cutting, the timing of how/when the child reveals his or her episodes of cutting, and the degree of injury are all clues that can help a therapist figure out what is motivating the behavior.

In any case, CBT and DBT are most often the treatments of choice, with or without anti-anxiety or anti-depressant meds as desired by the child and/or parents.

Many parents fear the behavior that will go on indefinitely, and for some teens it does, but the majority are able to transfer the impulse toward other outlets once the underlying problems are being addressed.

As an earlier poster stated, it is also not safe to assume a cutter is not suicidal. True that they are not trying to die by cutting, but the depression and anxiety underlying the behavior are risk factors for suicide which may well be carried out by other means, e.g. pills, hanging, and driving into walls, to mention just three of the methods lethal to teens in our service area this school year.

When I was in my very early teens, my parents divorced. This was before it was common and there were no supports or peers to turn to, in addition I lived with my father who was not really emotionally responsive. I started to cut myself and I would say that it was partly to deal with stress and partly to get the attention I was craving.

There seem to be two approaches to kids that are wanting attention. One is to ignore the behaviour (because they are just doing it to get attention) and the other is to give them huge amounts of attention in a positive way. As a teacher, I find the giving kids attention rather than ignoring works best. With my own teenager, I find she is typical teen in that she won't talk if I press her, but if I just make myself available without pressure, she eventually shares or just enjoys the time together. If she's reading or watching tv, I'll just go sit next to her. Sometimes we just read side by side, but often it ends up leading to conversation. I mention this only because I know families are so busy these days that it can be really hard to make time to give that slow and quiet attention to kids, especially teens who really seem to send out signals that it is the last thing that want.

Edited to add link to New Yorker cartoon.

Here is a link that might be useful: I need love cartoon

This post was edited by daisychain01 on Sat, Oct 26, 13 at 9:28

I knew I could count on this community to provide valuable information and insight to me. Thank you.