LGBT Children
I am not new here but since my screen name is traceable, I figured I needed to create a new account just for this topic, because it isn't my privacy at stake.
Last year, my daughter "came out" to me. She did it in a very nonchalant way, just mentioned that they had been talking about gay marriage in school, and would I care if she married a girl?
I told her I wouldn't care, and did she want to? She said there was a girl at school that she liked. Her close friends and cousins know.
We didn't talk about it much since then, because there wasn't much to talk about. I told her only that she was too young (she was 11) to have romantic relationships with anyone.
She has been bringing it up again lately in other ways. For example, she has analyzed characters in books to figure out if they are gay or not. (The book is very popular and analyzed on message boards.) When we were at the library today, she said she couldn't find any LGBT books. But, when I said that they likely did-- we'd just have to search for them-- she said that she didn't actually want any, but was surprised not to see any.
Recently she was telling me about a movie they saw in school, and that her (male) friend probably liked it when the (males) took off their shirts. This bothered me-- bothered me that she is thinking about what her friend (who may be gay) does or doesn't like. In other words, that she seems very focused on this. I warned her that if she said that to her friend, it could be considered bullying, but she said they all joke like that with each other . . .and I think he knows she likes girls.
She also got her hair cut quite short. She used to have it long, down her back. First I thought she wanted it short to keep herself from picking at it (which is an obsession with her . . .I've looked it up and know it's a "thing" but she's not pulling it out anymore . . .my husband says to let it go and not take her to the doctor about it). But, I think maybe it's not just because of that. Maybe she doesn't want to look so feminine. I guess I worry that life will be harder the further she moves away from what a stereotypical female looks like, which is dumb of me, but I'm being honest here.
Now, I have raised her always qualifying my future things about marriage with things like, if you get married (so as not to imply that she must) or whomever (whoever?) you marry-- man or woman, etc. So, in that respect, I am relieved because she never had it in her head that this is wrong from our family's point of view.
Last night, I was researching this, and found out that the population of women who describe themselves as lesbian is 1%. ONE PERCENT. I am shocked. It will be like finding a needle in a haystack for the dating/marriage scene for her, unless she builds her life around her sexual identity.
I am worried for her, and I hate that I am worried for her. She is not always the easiest person to get along with. She is extremely intelligent and knows it. She has a disdain for average and typical. She is impatient with people and introverted. How is she going to find someone when she is already so picky?
I am sort of mourning the loss of her childhood. I don't think any parent wants to stop and think about their child's sexuality, but I feel I have to now, and she is still so young. She has always been very mature for her age and I feel like this is happening so fast. I don't want to think about what she's thinking.
I comfort myself with the idea that somewhere out there, there is a nice young girl who will somehow connect with my daughter (when they are both out of college and employed!!!) and it will all work out.
Words of wisdom? My husband doesn't think this is a big deal, but I'm always the one to get resources for people, so if I need to take action or whatever, it's up to me. And, I thought she just accepted herself since she was nonchalant to begin with, but the fact that she has been bringing it up more makes me have to think about this more.
And, of course, I am terrified and saddened by people who would consider how she feels to be evil or sinning, or whatever. Very, very sad. I suppose we will eventually find out who our real friends are when she gets older and public about this.
This is all so jumbled. Please be kind in your responses, because it's my child we are talking about here. :)
patty_cakes
Annie Deighnaugh
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