It was totally inappropriate for the old man to speak to you in that manner and you have every right to be upset.
But he may have had Alzheimers, or been taking medication which affected him, there are so many reasons other than flat out rudeness that he may have done what he did.
I'm sorry you had to go through that horrible experience.

Forget it. Normal, in sync with reality men don't make comments like that no matter what you look like. ( I don't know, btw, and it's irrelevant).

Tomorrow is a new day! Move on!

I agree that it is very upsetting, but keep in mind that it may not have been intentional. My father-in-law has dementia and has frequently said inappropriate things. This behavior is not uncommon with dementia and Alzheimers. I can't begin to tell you how embarrasing it is when I take him somewhere. Most people understand once I explain (and profusely apologize). My grandfather also displayed the behavior after suffering a stroke. No filter whatsoever! The doctor's called it Sexual Dysinibition (sp?). Anti-depressants can help.

I've come to the conclusion some elderly folks feel a sense of freedom to say whatever they want as they get older.....it's just unfiltered and blunt....and sometimes inappropriate. If it were me, I'd consider the source and take it with a grain of salt and then realize that at some point in my old age I may say something inappropriate (intentional or not) and need to be cut a little slack.

I have a neighbor who is 80ish and had a stroke. Every once in awhile he will say something totally inappropriate. He was not like that before the stroke.

Anyway, congrats on the nice rack!

....which just goes to show you that perfectly nice people sometimes make questionable comments, lol.

Let it go.

Despite it being "this day and age", sexist remarks are still the norm, even in places supposedly full of decorum like the senate. Sen Gillibrand's new book reveals some of these quotes from her colleagues:

âÂÂGood thing youâÂÂre working out, because you wouldnâÂÂt want to get porky!âÂÂ

an unidentified Southern congressman once held her arm while walking her down the chamberâÂÂs center aisle, and said, âÂÂYou know, Kirsten, youâÂÂre even pretty when youâÂÂre fat.âÂÂ

Gillibrand reveals that one male Senator, after she lost about 50 pounds, came up behind her and gave her waist a squeeze. âÂÂDonâÂÂt lose too much weight now," he told her. "I like my girls chubby.âÂÂ

You can't do anything about it now so let it go and chalk it up to senility. My mother once blurted out something about me at a family party thoroughly embarrassing me....I knew it was not intentional and that she wasn't being mean... I blamed it on her age.

joanie, you reminded me of a very embarrassing incident. DH's cousin's wedding, the bride's Mom, whose hair was very thin, told my MIL that she would be wearing her "Barbara Bush wig". Now MIL was blind and hard of hearing. So there we are sitting in this small church, everyone gets very quiet as the ceremony is about to begin. The son walks the bride's Mom down the aisle and she sits in the first pew. My MIL says to me in a loud, clear voice, "Is that X in her Barbara Bush wig?" and I reply quietly, "Yes, she looks very nice." And she says, "What?" So I repeat it a little louder. She responds even louder, "Yes but is she wearing that wig!" So what could I do? I respond, Yes!! I knew I should've packed some duck tape with me....

LOL, kswl. How do you know I am perfectly nice?

Annie, my mom is 97 and really hard of hearing. I can't tell you how many times we've been somewhere and she will say something judgmental so that everyone in the room can hear her. I know she has no idea that she is so loud. I am constantly shushing her, to which she responds "WHAT"??

Does Barbara Bush wear a wig? That's too funny.

Pesky

It might be worthwhile just thinking about what to do if by some chance you run into him again. He may not remember you in which case bring up the incident would be pointless.
He may try a similar conversation so you would have to decide how you might handle a replay of the previous incident.
Or, most difficult, he may remember, realize his words were inappropriate and offer embarrassed apologies. Perhaps the latter could be met with a gracious response, especially if he seems genuinely upset.

Yes it was inappropriate, but having seen my paternal grandfather and now my mother go downhill I'd say he doesn't even realize what he's doing and his young self would be totally embarrassed.

I would just let it go.

I have been around long enough to know, dedtired! :-) you're a good egg.

You're exempted from the rules when you're really young and really old.

My niece brought this home from first grade:

Today, a guy grabs my wifeâÂÂs boobs and even stuck his face in them! She usually handles these things with no help from me, but she thought it was cute and none of us had even been drinking. I canâÂÂt believe it.

My niece, a homemaker, and her husband, a Japanese doctoral student, came to visit and take in the local Nine Inch Nails concert. They brought this guy with them. After getting married on our lawn a few years ago, they moved to Indiana. They had been anxiously expecting this guy for nearly a year and he shows up last April when I first met him. They go off to the concert and leave him with us!

This guy has never worked a day in his life, does nothing but eat, sleep, laugh, cry and fart. HeâÂÂs almost always got a bottle in his hands. My sister-in-law jokingly called him a âÂÂfat little tickâ which everyone thought funny except my niece who feigns indignance every time we repeat it.

IâÂÂve tried talking to him, but all he does is smile and laugh. He seems oblivious and in his own little world.

What really gets me is my family is crazy about this guy, especially my niece and her husband. He can do no wrong. If you go to the mall with him, women stop and make over him. ItâÂÂs driving me nuts.

HereâÂÂs his picture, so you can keep your wife and daughters safe:

What an adorable little charmer!!!

So funny! He's such a cutie!

What an adorable photo! Love your sense of humor, Treb!

I'd say forget it and don't take it personally.
A few years ago an elderly man came up to me in a grocery store and told me a joke with sexual overtones. Right after he told the joke he took off.
A couple of weeks later, the same thing happened. This time I followed him to see where he went.
It turned out that he and his wife were shopping, and he went to see his wife.
I talked to the wife and she explained that her DH had dementia and did all kinds of "crazy" things.
She was the care giver and had no choice than to bring him along to the store.
She was mortified by his behavior and apologized all over the place. I told her I understood the situation.
I'm so glad I did not take any overt action, that lady had enough problems.

I recall a very upsetting time....when a woman came up to me when I was in my early 20s and asked me when the baby was due! Mind you I was not overweight at all at the time. My mother was with me and calmed me down by saying the woman was not in her right mind. I don't know if she was or not, but to this day I still remember how upsetting it was. Of course now, I think I'd be flattered if someone thought I was young enough that that could even be a possibility!

Then there was the time I was walking down the street by myself in Boston...I was probably 17 at the time... and a big young African American male stopped me in the street and said, "Hey Mama, you got something I want." I looked at him and said, hold out your hand. He did, and since I happened to be eating M&Ms at the time I poured some out into his hand. He looks at me and says, "That's not what I meant." I said, "Too bad...that's all you're going to get!" and then I walked off.

I find it interesting that so many assume it's an old guy with dementia and not just a creepy old guy. Maybe I've read too many recent Huff Post pieces about women and street harassment so that I assume creepy old guy who has probably been a creepy guy before he was even old. And gotten away with it for plenty of reasons, one being women are encouraged to just smile and be nice and not make a scene.

Sadly, I don't know that there is a quick way to determine which type of old guy he was. Sadly, it is too late to respond. But you have every right to feel offended.

Maybe the best plan for the future is to sternly say that's inappropriate when a comment that offends you is made. If it's dementia or creepiness, it's still inappropriate.

I understand we need to be compassionate to dementia patients, and maybe more so their families, but does that mean we give them a free pass to say and do anything without limits?

"I understand we need to be compassionate to dementia patients, and maybe more so their families, but does that mean we give them a free pass to say and do anything without limits?"

Yes, pretty much (violence excluded), unless you advocate drugging them into a catatonic state.

No, cyn, of course I don't mean drugging them into a catatonic state. I don't know why you have to be so extreme. My question was an honest inquiry. Do they never have limits? We can't say "that's inappropriate" to a behavior?

It was once explained to me that dementia patients are reverting back to their unfiltered childlike behaviors. But just as we would tell a 2 yo "don't hit others" or "don't touch your private areas when in public" you could try to set limits for someone with dementia. I don't have any dementia patients in my life so I don't know how it's handled and that's why I ask.

And to bring it back to the original situation, do we all have to grin and bear it any time an elderly person does something rude or inappropriate because they *might* have dementia?

HH-you hit it on the head for me there. It WAS creepy-not dementia, old age related inappropriate comments-but creepy, dirty old man creepy.

It really brought some PTSD issues for me. And I guess since I deal with so much of the public, every day, I encounter some really mean, really ugly older people. Of course, I also encounter lovely people too-and the occasional dementia folk. But this encounter was of the he's on old perv encounter. I've had more than my share of sexual harrassment all my life, and this was very reminiscent of that. I know a now dead old man who while in his 60's and 70's was a child molester. He used to tell very inappropriate jokes at parties, but everyone just laughed it off as him just being a slightly inappropriate old guy. This was in the 70's so times were a little different, but it still doesn't change the MO. That was the vibe I got off this guy.

Love the note and the cute baby ! The story of the freeloader was hilarious ! I was buying it all the way through-you got me ! LOL ! I'm a caregiver. When the lady I'm caring for now first met with me she said as her greeting, "Oh, another tub of lard". And since then, much, much more... Sheesh !

Hh, what I was trying to say is that it really doesn't work with dementia patients to explain how something is not appropriate and I guess it surprised me that you thought it would. Children are able to remember and learn. Their brains are creating connections, not losing them. Dementia patients have lost (or are losing) that ability. The two are not comparable. The older person may not even remember being corrected two minutes after it happens.

My take on this is to be kinder than necessary.

This post was edited by cyn427 on Sun, Sep 14, 14 at 18:32

pesky1, why didn't you say that in your OP?

How much more helpful it is to make it a teachable moment for those of us without experience than to make snarky comments:

Children are able to remember and learn. Their brains are creating connections, not losing them. Dementia patients have lost (or are losing) that ability. The older person may not even remember being corrected two minutes after it happens. My take on this is to be kinder than necessary.

Thank you.

Honestly some people are either suffering from dementia, delusions or are just plain idiots. For example I had a patient ask me when I was "due." I am 120 lbs. and my stomach is as flat as a board but I politely told him I was not pregnant. To which he insisted I was and put me at 5 months along. I realized he was not delusional but trying to get a rise out of me. So I let it go. Sad what people will say and do to get attention.

"And to bring it back to the original situation, do we all have to grin and bear it any time an elderly person does something rude or inappropriate because they *might* have dementia?"

It certainly makes a huge difference whether something inappropriate was done intentionally and with awareness or not.
How you choose to respond both internally and externally is up to you.
The OP, who I have to thank for this thread, has allowed us to examine how we might feel in just such situations.

Pesky-
Oh my!
As a guy here, I'm pretty embarrassed! That old dude's behavior makes us all look bad.

However...some people are fairly "forward", & and choose to give respectful compliments in a somewhat "brazen/humorous" manner! I could MAYBE see myself saying that to a Woman IF I kind of knew her...AND done with an honest slight smile & maybe a wink...;-)

Faron

pesky, You were right to be offended. I'm in the same boat as you. I'll add to all that's been said, some people are just sure you've heard so many comments, you'll give one more a pass. That's my explanation coming from the same boat.

I was enranged, inflammed! at you Trebuchet! And then I guffawed. You really had me going :)

Years ago my boss(who was gay)was coming in the door as I was leaving, looked down at my boobs and said, 'Trish, you sure are perky'! If he wouldn't have been gay, I may have reacted differently, but I just laughed. Guess it depends who says it sometimes.